A Honeymooners Mothers Day: - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Frank Gannucci · 05-07-2026, 07:10 AM

A Honeymooners Mothers Day:

(The Kramdens are complaining loudly in their hotel room in Miami Beach.)

Ralph (yells): “ALICE, WE ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE DINNER WITH THAT MOM OF YOURS ON MOTHER’S DAY! ME AND NORTON ARE GONNA SHOOT POOL.”

Alice (yells): “OH YES YOU WILL RALPH. I AM SICK OF THIS BATTLE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. WE ARE GONNA CELEBRATE MOTHER’S DAY WITH MY MOM.”

Ralph (yells): “YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME OVER MY DEAD BODY.”

Alice (yells): “I CANNOT DO THAT. I AM NOT A MOUNTAIN CLIMBER.”

Ralph: “Alice, I’m tired of yelling. Let’s settle this now. I am going out with Norton and we will play pool in Miami Beach for the first time. It will be right next to the Jackie Gleason Theater.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Alice: “No you won’t Ralph.”

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: “Hiya folks. I am here to settle this.”

Ralph: “With what Norton?”

Ed: “This you wrote many years ago.”

(He gives it to Ralph.)

Ralph (reading): “‘Dear Mom, I just thought I'd write and tell you this. A mother-in-law is the most criticized, the most misunderstood and the most defenseless of all women. The average woman must be clever enough to know when to speak, but a mother-in-law must know when to keep silent. She must be very wise; wise enough sometimes to withhold advice, although she knows the answer to the problem. A mother-in-law must sit on the fence between her own child and the child by marriage, and somehow she must keep a balance. She must lean backwards until her spine aches, or else she is accused of being partial, and she isn't permitted the luxury of hurt feelings or tears. If a person could put themselves in their mother-in-law's place, weigh her in the balance, and be completely fair, they'd nominate her for the Presidency of the United States, and she'd be the first woman to make it.’” (Not reading): “Well I’m sorry Alice. I’ll go with you and have dinner with your mom.”

Ed: “I understand Ralph.”

Alice: “It’s ok Ralph.”

Ralph (to Alice): “Baby, you’re the greatest.”

(They hug and kiss.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “I just want to wish all the moms, a Happy Mother’s Day and the Miami Beach Mother’s Days are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

05-07-2026, 07:10 AM	#1
Frank Gannucci Member Forum Star Join Date: Mar 05, 2007 Posts: 15,891	A Honeymooners Mothers Day: A Honeymooners Mothers Day: (The Kramdens are complaining loudly in their hotel room in Miami Beach.) Ralph (yells): “ALICE, WE ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE DINNER WITH THAT MOM OF YOURS ON MOTHER’S DAY! ME AND NORTON ARE GONNA SHOOT POOL.” Alice (yells): “OH YES YOU WILL RALPH. I AM SICK OF THIS BATTLE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. WE ARE GONNA CELEBRATE MOTHER’S DAY WITH MY MOM.” Ralph (yells): “YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME OVER MY DEAD BODY.” Alice (yells): “I CANNOT DO THAT. I AM NOT A MOUNTAIN CLIMBER.” Ralph: “Alice, I’m tired of yelling. Let’s settle this now. I am going out with Norton and we will play pool in Miami Beach for the first time. It will be right next to the Jackie Gleason Theater.” (Crowd cheers.) Alice: “No you won’t Ralph.” (Ed comes down.) Ed: “Hiya folks. I am here to settle this.” Ralph: “With what Norton?” Ed: “This you wrote many years ago.” (He gives it to Ralph.) Ralph (reading): “‘Dear Mom, I just thought I'd write and tell you this. A mother-in-law is the most criticized, the most misunderstood and the most defenseless of all women. The average woman must be clever enough to know when to speak, but a mother-in-law must know when to keep silent. She must be very wise; wise enough sometimes to withhold advice, although she knows the answer to the problem. A mother-in-law must sit on the fence between her own child and the child by marriage, and somehow she must keep a balance. She must lean backwards until her spine aches, or else she is accused of being partial, and she isn't permitted the luxury of hurt feelings or tears. If a person could put themselves in their mother-in-law's place, weigh her in the balance, and be completely fair, they'd nominate her for the Presidency of the United States, and she'd be the first woman to make it.’” (Not reading): “Well I’m sorry Alice. I’ll go with you and have dinner with your mom.” Ed: “I understand Ralph.” Alice: “It’s ok Ralph.” Ralph (to Alice): “Baby, you’re the greatest.” (They hug and kiss.) (Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.) Jackie: “I just want to wish all the moms, a Happy Mother’s Day and the Miami Beach Mother’s Days are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!” (Crowd cheers.)