A Honeymooners Presidents Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

A Honeymooners Presidents Day:

(Ralph & Ed are going costume shopping for The Raccoon Presidents Day play. Ralph is going as George Washington while Ed is Abraham Lincoln.)

Ralph: “This is gonna be some play Norton.”

Ed: “Ralph, are you sure that that costume can fit you? Are you sure you memorized your lines?”

Ralph: “So, you are saying that I’m too fat for this costume and have a bad memory. Why don’t you come on out and say it?”

Ed: “I don’t have to. you just did.”

Ralph: “You are a riot Norton. Alice said the same thing. I will prove you two wrong just like I always have. I am just like Jackie Gleason. I have a photographic memory.”

Ed: “And you have his build too.”

Ralph: “Ooooh, you are gonna get it.”

(It’s the night of the play. Alice is with Trixie in the crowd.)

Alice: “Ralph is unreasonable. I told him that that costume is too small and he needed to rehearse but he won’t listen.”

Trixie: “Best thing to do is to relax and watch him fall.”

(Ralph gets on stage and not only does he get stage freight, he forgets his lines and has a wardrobe malfunction to the point where he is nude but we don’t see it. The curtain closes. The girls greet him backstage.)

Head Raccoon (yells): “BROTHER KRAMDEN, YOU ARE OUT OF THE RACCOONS.”

Alice: “What do you have to say for yourself Ralph?”

Ralph: “Are you finished with the ‘I told you sos. Are you done with those?’ Oooooh…”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Time to introduce the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers as Jean Kean comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Audrey comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage.)

Jackie: “In case you are wondering, I was not nude. Good night everyone.”

(Crowd cheers.)