Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Vacation At Fred's Landing" '54/"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

[Frank Gannucci]

Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Vacation At Fred's Landing" ('54) & "Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

Episode #83
TV: Half-hour (edited.)
VCR: Attached to "Teamwork Beats The Clock."
DVD: Attached to "Cupid" & Jackie Gleason's Honeybloopers Volume 2. On the Remastered Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Hair-Raising Tale”, “Box Top Kid”, “Two Men On A Horse”, “Box Top Kid” & “”Goodbye Aunt Ethel.”
Air Date: Sat. 6/19/54

"Vacation At Fred's Landing" ('54):

Alice comes home and Trixie follows her home. Alice says she had a rough day. She couldn't get the key to her apartment so she put down the groceries that she had in her hand and went down to the landlord and landlady. She complained about how her husband doesn't pick up the garbage that she usually puts by her front door. The landlord who just came in says: "What are you talking about? I picked up your garbage (Alice's groceries) right now." Alice had to run down to the garbage truck to get her groceries. What humiliation!

Alice and Trixie talk about the fun time they are going to have in Atlantic City and what things that they are going to do. Ralph comes home with stuff for the trip. Trixie leaves just as Ralph reveals his new fishing attire. Why? Because Ralph reveals that they are going to Fred's Landing. A place that is right near Lake Pookamoonshine (sp?). Alice wants to go to Atlantic City. Ralph: "Atlantic City? What type of place is that for a vacation?" Let's see. Atlantic City is a very popular and great place in southern New Jersey where there are a lot of hotels, casinos and beaches. A place where people can have a whole lot of fun. Fred's Landing is a place where people camp and fish and that's it. If I was a fisherman or not, I would go to Atlantic City not Fred's Landing. Ralph reveals the "great romantic story" that Fred's Landing is attached to. A boy and a woman loved each other but they were on enemy teams. They both got killed and got buried with their arms around each other.

Alice wants to go to Atlantic City. She says she has had enough hard work to do around the house (cooking, cleaning etc.) She needs a vacation. Ralph says he has worked hard in his life too. He drives a bus all day and sees things like Central Park every day. He needs a vacation.

Ed Norton comes down in his sewer attire and says he is ready for the trip. Ralph says that he is ready for wading in the water. Ed says that he does that every day in the sewer so it won't be new to him. He reveals a very funny story about one time when he went fishing but he couldn't catch anything because since it was dark out, he didn't know he was fishing in a place that didn't even have water and fish. Ha! Ed plans on telling Trixie that they are going to Fred's Landing because he will say that Atlantic City is closed for the summer. Oh boy! Can you imagine how much money Atlantic City would lose if they closed for the summer? What a dumb move that would be. Ed leaves. Alice says that she doesn't want to go to Fred's Landing. Ralph: "All right. Stay home." Alice: "I wouldn't give you the satisfaction!"

On Vacation Day 1, Ralph and Ed have to push the car because the car is having engine trouble. The background in this scene is so not real. You can tell it's a fake background. Ralph and Ed try to fix the car by Ed getting behind the driver seat while Ralph fumbles with the engine. This is a funny scene as Ed accidentally "electrocutes" Ralph. After a number of mishaps, Ralph starts yelling at Ed. Ralph: "You were just trying to help me? You almost electrocuted me. Why don't you help me out some more? Why don't you run me over with the car?" Ed: "The car won't start." Ha! Everyone thinks that they are lost. Ed says no. Ed: "You see this black dot here? That's New York City. That is where we started from. Then we go through the Lincoln Tunnel. This black dot here is Jersey City. This black dot is Bayonne" Ralph: "Bayonne is moving and that's an ant." Ed: "Well, let's follow the ant. He looks like he knows where he is going." They eventually met a man who helps out by fixing the car. He fixes the engine. Then he leaves. Ralph and Ed go back in the car to start up the engine. The engine isn't fixed at all. Ralph and E wind up having to push the car again as Ed starts to sing: "Give me the road to..." Ralph (yells to Ed): "SHUT UP!"

At Fred's Landing, Trixie and Alice are very tired of having to cook and do all the other things that Ralph and Ed tell them to do while they go out fishing. I would love to see a fishing scene with Ralph and Ed. Ralph and Ed come back with this "big" catch that Ralph had a tug-of-war with. The "big" fish is very small. Ralph: "He lost weight during the fight." Sure Ralph. Ralph and Ed want to get some sleep before dinner. Ralph (to the girls): "You don't know how hard it is to fish. That's work. You two are lucky to have nothing to do around here." Ralph and Ed go into their respective tents which are very small. Alice (to Ralph): "One of these days, pow right in the kisser." Ralph: "What did you say Alice?" Alice: "Nothing." Question: How could Ralph not hear Alice when Alice is a few feet from him? Alice and Trixie cook up a plan to get Ralph and Ed to leave here. Another question: How could Ralph an Ed not hear of Alice and Trixie's plan when they are a few feet from them? Ralph and Ed must go to sleep very fast. Alice blows smoke in Ralph's tent. Ralph wakes up. Alice says to Ralph that she is cooking. Ralph: "Watch out! I'm not on the menu." Alice "falls" over Ralph's feet and in the process pours water over Ralph's legs. That doesn't work. Alice: "Look out Trixie! There's a snake!" Ralph wakes up. Alice: "You must have scared the snake away. They would make another reference to Fred's Landing and a snake being in a tent in "The Worry Wart." Ralph: "First you try to drown me, and then cook me, now you want me to go back in there with a snake?" Boy, Ralph is overreacting. Alice: "We are living like the Indians did." Ralph: "Well, if this is how the Indians lived, now wonder they are the vanishing race." Ha!

Alice and Trixie leave as Ralph and Ed say they are miserable here too. Ed: "Let's leave before the girls get back." Ralph concocts a plan to get them to leave here. There is a bear skin rug in the lodge that Ralph will use to scare the girls into leaving.

A "bear" comes near Ed and Ed thinks that it is Ralph. It is so obvious that the "bear" is not a real one. Ralph is behind Ed and sees the bear. Ralph tells Ed that he is not the bear that is in front of him. Ed is afraid. The girls see the "bear" and get scared. Ralph says that they are leaving and apologizes to Alice for dragging her here. Alice says: "We still have a lot of time to see Atlantic City!" They hug and kiss.

Episode #84
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Pickles" & "Cold."
DVD: Attached to "My Fair Landlord", "Cold", "Halloween Party" & "Lost Job." On the Remastered Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Game Called On Account of Marriage”, “Love Letter” (’54), “People’s Choice” & “Battle of The Sexes.”
Air Date: Sat. 9/25/54

"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

In 1986, for the reboot of the Honeymooners comic book series, this storyline was used for the first story of the first issue of the rebooted comic book series and it was printed in color (unlike the other lost episode storyline, "A Little Man Who Wasn't There", which was printed in B&W.)

Alice is cleaning the floor when Trixie comes in. Trixie gets told not to step on the floor so Trixie has to do her best not to get the floor dirty. According to her, it's like she is playing Potsie. Trixie asks Alice for shoes for Ed. Ed wants them to be yellow because they will go great with his Bermuda shorts. Alice doesn't have any. After this, Trixie leaves. Ralph comes in with the news. Alice tells him to stay on the paper not once, not twice, but three times. Ralph gets upset and says he will never tell Alice what happened to him today. This lasts for a few seconds when Ralph says: "You got to ask me what happened to me today." Ralph tells Alice that he is going to be on the Choosy Chew Symphony Hour and he is going to be interviewed by the Choosy Chew Roving Reporter about how he likes Choosy Chew Candy (something he has never tasted before). Every week the roving reporter asks a different type of person like a railroad conductor etc. Ralph is getting paid $100 for this. I wonder if that money would be increased if something like this was being done today. As Ralph is explaining the news, his thermos bottle almost rolls of the table causing Ralph to catch it before it falls off. I wonder if that was in the script.

Ralph rehearses his speech and says the parts that he put in, which is: "Yummy-yum-yum!" Alice doesn't like that part as well as the other part of the speech Ralph put in which is: "It's goody-good-candy!" Ralph goes into the bedroom just as Ed comes in with shorts on and loud socks which causes Alice to scream. When I saw this episode on WPIX, I thought that Alice screamed about the fact that Ed was wearing shorts and loud socks. When I saw this episode on tape, I found out that in the beginning (before Ralph came in), Trixie asked Alice for yellow shoes. So now Ed is also wearing yellow shoes. With all of that, why is that enough to scare Alice? Ralph comes in, sees Ed, and says that Ed is nuts for wearing that. Ed leaves but comes back when girls outside of the apartment look at Ed and scream when they see him. Ed: "The neighborhood isn't ready for this yet." Ralph: "They will never be ready for that."

Ralph explains the good news to Ed about him being on the Choosy Chew Symphony Hour. He rehearses his speech but has a lot of trouble so Ed helps out by reading the reporter's script. That doesn't help. Ed tries to study the reporter's script. Ralph explains that he has to know his script and Ed doesn't have to study anything Considering that the reporter's script is shorter, he says Ralph should memorize the reporter's script so he will have less to learn. Ralph of course probably thinks that Ed is dumb for saying that. Ralph rehearses the script himself but Ed thinks the "yummy-yum-yum!" part is funny and he would like to meet the guy who wrote that. Ralph kicks him out after that.

The night before of the show, Ralph gets a bad toothache so he wears something around his head to protect the tooth. He makes so much commotion that McGarrity from upstairs tells him to shut up. Ralph yells to McGarrity for that comment. Ed comes down and Ralph explains that he has a toothache. Ralph: "Why do you think I have this thing on for?" Ed: "I thought you was going to be a bunny rabbit on that TV show tomorrow." Ha! Alice says that since Ralph is afraid to go to the dentist, Dr. Durgeom, how is he going to go on the show? Ed offers buy giving him a drink that he thought was going to cure his pain but gives him the hiccups instead. So Ed gives him some water. Ralph drinks it. Ralph (yells): "OW! THE WATER IS COLD!" Ed (yells): "THE WATER WAS FOR YOUR HIC-CUPS, NOT YOUR TOOTH." Ed devises a plan to get rid of Ralph's tooth. He will tie one string on Ralph's tooth and tie the other end around a door knob and when he closes the door, the tooth will come out. Alice doesn't want any part of it. Ed does his plan, but it doesn't work, as the door knob falls out. Ralph now has a door knob hanging out of his mouth. Ed thinks of another similar plan. Only difference is the other end of the string will be on the back end of his car. Ralph: "You are an idiot." Ed: "Maybe I am an idiot, but I don't have a door knob hanging out of my mouth." This whole scene was shown on NBC's TV's Funniest Friends and Neighbors in 1995. Ed leaves. Ralph complains about the toothache more and says that a Choosy Chew will increase the pain. McGarrity (from upstairs, yells): "GIVE HIM A CHOOSY CHEW!" Ralph goes to the window and asks McGarrity who's late with the rent, who leaves his garbage outside in the hall etc and a lot of people shout with this answer: "RALPH KRAMDEN!"

The next day at the dentist, Ed accompanies Ralph. Ralph says that there is no pain, but to no avail. Ed tries to help Ralph too, but it doesn't work. The dentist wants to pull Ralph's tooth out and to do so, he puts some pain killer on the tooth to temporarily get rid of the pain. The dentist steps out for a moment, so Ralph grabs that pain killer and scrams. To make up for it, he gives the dentist's secretary $5. Yeah, he ain't robbing the dentist's office. The secretary explains to Dr. Durgeom what Ralph did. Dr. Durgeom: "What Ralph plans to do won't do him any good. In order for that pain killer to work properly, it must be refrigerated." D'oh! This is going to be a big surprise for Ralph.

The night just before the TV show, Ralph is rehearsing his lines with the Choosy Chew Roving Reporter and the show's director. It occurs to me that for anybody to rehearse this type of scene, it would be hard if they were reading the script, showing each food separately, holding the lunch box and biting into the Choosy Chew. When Ralph mentions the "yummy-yum-yum!" part, the director says he wants to see the guy who wrote that in his office on Monday. Ralph, of course doesn't mention that it was him and when he read the "it's goody-good-candy!" part, the director says nothing. The show is starting to start and Alice wishes Ralph good luck. She leaves. Ralph puts the pain killer on. He probably didn't tell Alice what he did. The show starts. When the show starts, you can see old CBS camera with their trademark logo on them. When the show goes to the Choosy Chew Roving Reporter part, at first it's a bad camera angle. Just watch this scene and you will know what I am talking about. But, that error disappears within seconds. Ralph, nervously, tries to open the door but he can't get in so the Roving Reporter (played by George Petrie by the way), opens it for him. Ralph messes up his lines a bit. (This was in the original script of this Honeymooners episode). As Ralph is reading his lines, a cue card lady helps Ralph by giving him the cue cards to read. Ralph says to the reporter that for lunch, he eats a slice of cake and some other foods. All of those foods combined would make a very big lunch. (This was in the original script of this Honeymooners episode). When Ralph bites into the Choosy Chew Candy Bar, the fun begins. Ralph walks all over the set, disrupting the Choosy Chew Orchestra, while screaming in pain: "OW! MY TOOTH! MY TOOTH! MY TOOTH!"

When you watch this episode on TV, the dentist scene is cut completely. That to me doesn't make any sense. It's like when Ralph bites into the candy during the last scene, anybody can say: "Why is Ralph screaming in pain when that medicine he took was supposed to work?" Also, during the last scenes, Jackie forgot which side of his mouth his character is supposed to have the toothache.

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.

[Frank Gannucci]

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