Honeymooners Christmas episodes & more: (Part 2):

[Frank Gannucci]

The episode Honeymooners Christmas Special 1982 Play on Youtube Review:

TV: Highly unlikely this will ever be shown on TV.

VHS & DVD: Highly unlikely this will be ever be shown on VHS/DVD.

To watch it, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE-xJ0ljgaA

Um,...all I can say is that it is different. I certainly hope that the upcoming Boradway play that hopefully opens in 2017 is A LOT better than this. For the longest time, I never knew that this existed. Basically, this looks like it was filmed on a home movie camera but it wasn’t as the closing credits indicate. This is basically a high school play and you can tell it is especially during the intro. The main people in the play are Dennis Larkin as Ralph Kramden, Ron Lebrechi as Ed Norton, Laura Kenyon as Alice Kramden & Julie J Hafner as Trixie Norton.

The play opens up with Trixie & Alice in the Kramden apartment. I should point out that the audio is a little hard to hear. The boys are both being elected Raccoon of The Year. Alice: “You know how competitive Ralph can be.” Trixie helps Alice open the window since Ralph hates fish. The girls “open the window.” (In reality, the window in this play isn’t real.) Trixie says that since the boys are getting the award together that they should be given a gift. Alice agrees. Alice remembers the fact that Ralph won $25 a long time ago and he probably forgot it so she will use that money. Alice: “How about getting those matching bowling balls.” Trixie: “Those are for husband and wife.” Alice (with a smile): “Well…” The crowd and the girls laugh for obvious reasons. Trixie leaves just as Ralph comes home. The crowd cheers just like they did on the series.

Ralph goes down to eat his dinner and he tells Alice about the $25 he won months ago that Alice was talking about. Ralph says that him and Ed instead of making a speech when they are given the Raccoon of The Year award, they will dance the Nutcracker Suite. Alice laughs because she says that Ralph can’t skate and why would he need the $25 for that. Ralph says that he needs it for the skating. Alice: “What part are you going to play, the Sugarplum Fairy?” Ralph is upset. Ralph: “I need the $25 for the costume.” Alice says that the last time Ralph skated, he threw his back out.

Ed comes down and the crowd cheers just like they did on the show. Ralph: “It is all settled Alice. Me & Norton are going to dance the Nutcracker Suite on roller skates.” Ed: “Would you mind running that by me again?” Ed thinks that the idea is dumb and laughs. Ralph: “Go ahead and laugh. I know you are just jealous Alice because I thought of it. Alice: “You are not going to skate and you certainly are not going to fit in any tutu.” Ed: “You got to admit Alice. The boys at the lodge will get a kick out of it.” Ralph: “I will make the ballet steps. You get us going on those skates Norton. Alice will give us the $25 so we can rent the costumes. Trixie yells at Ed to come upstairs since his dinner is getting cold. Ed dances a little bit of the Nutcracker Suite (complete with music in the background), takes some of Ralph’s food and leaves.

Some “guy” (a woman dressed as a man) named Wilie Lump Lump does a live fake commercial for a fake product called the Lamoo Color Comb. Willie plugs the commercial just as the set changers get ready for the next scene. I guess the director wanted people in the audience to have that feel like they are watching a TV show being taped in the 50s with “live commercials” much like the director of I Love Lucy Live On Stage did.

The next scene opens up with Ralph dressed in an undershirt and pants held up by suspenders. He gets the record player ready so him and Ed can rehearse. It’s an old-fashioned one with a handle. The “Nutcracker Suite” starts playing. Ralph starts rehearsing the dance. Ed comes down, dances the Nutcracker Suite and accidentally knocks Ralph down while Ralph is dancing. The music on the record stops. Ralph gets upset. Ed said that he was just practicing. Ed tries to get Ralph off the floor. Ed: “When I say: ‘Heave!’, we ‘Ho!’” That doesn’t work. This is similar to the final seconds of the roller rink scene in “Young At Heart.” Ralph gets up by himself. Ed says that he brought along a female wig. Neither of them wants to wear it. Ralph says he won’t wear it because this dance requires a lot of leaping, spinning etc. Ralph: “The star has to leap into the arms of her hero. You can’t expect me to leap into your arms.” I can just picture Ralph being so stupid to think that he will leap into ED’s arms but he doesn’t say that here. Ed wears the wig.

He than puts on the record. Ballerina music plays as they rehearse the dance. Ed doesn’t pay attention to Ralph’s instructions as he does his own dances which are not the same as Ralph’s. Ralph, upset, puts on the wig AND his Raccoon cap. They put their caps over their hearts and pay tribute to their brother Raccoons. They put their caps on and rehearse. I’m sure if a person who saw this and knew nothing about this show, would assume that Ralph & Ed may be gay or bisexual. Ralph actually goes behind the very visable curtain. Ed pulls him back on the set. I wonder what was up with that. The girls come in. Ralph: “One word out of you Alice, Bang! Zoom!”
Some “guy” (a woman dressed as a man) named Wilie Lump Lump does a live fake commercial for a “new invention” called…wait for it…Duz detergent. Another fake item. He plugs the product with a bunch of people dressed as Duz detergents.

The next scene is up. Ralph comes out with the same outfit as before except he is also wearing a tutu. I didn’t know that they made tutus in XXXL. Ed comes out in his usual Ed Norton attire plus a tutu. The Head Raccoon is played by a kid. No, I am not joking. He is standing behind a table. An woman in a white dress (whose names I couldn’t comprehend perhaps due to the low audio) walks around. Someone takes a picture. I wonder if they were from the play’s audience. The head Raccoon announces Ralph & Ed as the Raccoon of The Year. Ed takes the award much to Ralph’s chagrin. Ralph & Ed come up. We are supposed to believe that they are wearing roller skates. Why am I saying this? Read on. Ed makes a speech. Ralph: “Make it short Norton.” Seconds later, Ralph takes the award out of Ed’s hands like a selfish kid. Ralph than says that him & Ed are going to dance the Nutcracker Suite in lieu of a speech. Ralph asks that the stage be cleared so they can dance. Ralph: “Music Maestro.” The “Nutcracker Suite” plays. Ralph & Ed dance. During the dance, they partially go out the very visable curtain on the right. What is up with that? At the end of the dance, Ralph gets whipped and “via roller skates”, goes through the black curtain and we hear him falling.

Some “guy” (a woman dressed as a man) named Willie Lump Lump does a live fake commercial for a fake product called the Luckily-Split Denture Cream. Willie plugs the fake product in hilarious fashion with the help of a kid dressed like a man. A stage crew member is shown visably laughing as well as Willie.

The next scene opens up with all of them coming into the Kramden kitchen. The girls cheek kiss each other when they enter for some reason. Everyone (except for Ralph) is laughing because of Ralph falling. Ralph needs help getting his coat off because he is in so much pain. Alice helps out. Ed reveals that Ralph fell on Brother Wilcox. Trixie says that Ralph didn’t fall on Brother Wilcox. He landed on Teddy Oberman’s wife Blue Bon. Ralph wants to sit down. Alice: “You are the one who wanted roller skates. No one made you do it.” Ralph: “One of these days Alice, BANG! ZOOM!” Ralph is upset that he fell down in front of everyone. A few seconds later, he lightens up and laughs at what Ralph & Ed did. So does everyone else. Ralph: “I learned something tonight. It was like being kids again. He remembers during Xmas time, he found a pencil box and turned it into a beautiful jewelry chest for Alice’s mom. Huh? He remembers a few other Xmas related things that happened. Ralph: “That is what memories are all about. Giving something to someone even if they don’t give it to you. That is the secret to staying young.” Alice: “I don’t mind growing old as long as it is with you.” Ralph: “BABY, YOU’RE THE GREATEST.” The couples hug their respective significant others. This last scene is similar to the last scene of “Young At Heart.” A door knock is heard. Santa Claus enters with a bunch of kids and the woman in a white dress from the previous scene as “Deck The Halls” starts playing for a few seconds. They all bow to the crowd as “The Honeymooners” theme plays. The lights turn off than come back on as each member of the cast goes up front in center and Jule J Hafner says: “Merry Christmas!” Dennis says: “Happy New Year!” The credits roll. What is interesting in the credit roll is that they say that Santa Claus plays himself. (No, I am not joking.) The credits also say that it was filmed live from the basement of the 46th Street Theatre, below the stage of NINE the Musical, Christmas 1982. I did some research and found out NINE the Musical was played exclusively in New York during the time that this Honeymooners play was being filmed. I hope that they didn’t play at the same time that NINE the Musical was being played.

Credit I believe goes to the old Bill 'Mooners Archive, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Box Set booklet Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Yahoo! Groups You’re A Riot! & amazon.com.

Honeymooners Christmas episodes & more: (Part 2):

Episode #227
TV: Has not been seen on TV since its original airdate.
DVD: Attached to “Honeymooning Behind The Scenes” (a Jean Kean interview.)
Air Date: Sat. 12/10/78

"Honeymooners XMas Special":

I attempted to do a review of this episode in August 2004, but since at that time the last time I saw it was in 1998 at the Museum of TV & Radio (now Paley Center For The Media), I relied completely on my memory and needless to say, my review was poor. I now have this episode in my possession and here is the review. The synopsis of this episode for some reason is not on honeymooners.net.

Unlike the past specials, this one was filmed in Superstar Theater in the Resorts National Hotel on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. The opening of this episode is similar to the other specials as well as the Color Honeymooners but the footage they use is a person zooming in on the Atlantic City boardwalk from the ocean. Eileen Heckart guest stars.

The Kramden apartment has some Christmas decorations in it as Alice brings in a skinny Christmas tree. Trixie comes in. Alice said that she didn't want Ralph to pick it out because he always waits until the last minute hoping to get one cheap. That is why last year; he got the tree on Jan. 10. Alice is going to put the tree into the bedroom to keep cool since according to her, it's colder in there than it is outside. She does. Ed comes down with his usual sewer outfit. Ralph comes home and combs his mustache. Ralph has had a bad day. On his very first stop, an old lady comes on the bus and her false teeth fall right into his change pocket. Tomorrow, it won't be much better since he is driving a school bus. I guess that Ralph got demoted from being Traffic Manager (since he was going to be promoted to one according to the end of "Honeymooners Christmas Carol." Trixie forgot to get Ed his dinner, so she asks what he wants from the store. His choices are nothing but frozen foods. Ed: "Here's a woman risking frostbite just to feed me." Ed doesn't know what he wants to eat. Trixie: "Do you want me to surprise you?" Ed: "Yeah, don't come back." Ed shows his Christmas bonus check which is $418.79. Ralph's eyes light up. The girls leave to go to the store. Ralph reveals his plan to Ed. Ralph: "I'm going to be a millionaire." How many times have we heard THAT before? Ralph: "I am going to give you an opportunity to invest in the greatest plan that I have ever had in my life." Ed: "What's the plan?" Ralph: "I can't tell you. You will have to trust me." Ed: "How much will it cost me?" Ralph: "$418.79." Ed claims that he lost the check. Ralph: "Look in your hat." Ed says that he can't give him the money because Trix will hit him. Ralph says that he was an only child (despite the fact that in previous episodes, he revealed that he has siblings.) He was a lonely child and he always wanted a little brother to play with. Ralph: "A little brother that he could beat up every now and then so I can put a band-aid on him." He said that since he doesn't have a little brother, he would have an imaginary brother and he would wonder what he would be like. He would depend on him. Ed asks what he looked like. Ralph: He looks exactly like you." Ed is touched and he says that he loves Ralph like a brother. Ralph: "Since we missed a lot of games in our childhood, we are going to play one right now. The game: Hand Over The Check." Ed "looks" for the check. He gives the "check" to Ralph. Ed: "As your imaginary brother, here's an imaginary check." Ha ha. Ed says that he will not give Ralph the check. Ralph is mad. He says that it was true that he had an imaginary brother, that he used to play games with him and that he looked like Ricardo Montelban. Ed: "Maybe he will give you the check." A knock on the door is heard. It's Alice's mother (played by Eileen Heckart.) She looks like a different person…again. As usual, they have a fight. Alice's mom says that she has given them the bureau, the table and the icebox. Ralph: "Yeah and twenty years ago, you gave me a headache." They go back and forth arguing. Alice's Mom: "Where's Alice, the person that I said thirty years ago that you are marrying Ralph over my dead body." Ralph: "That's another promise that you didn't keep." Alice's Mom said that Ralph didn't even give Ralph a child. Alice's Mom: "The only person around here that looks pregnant is you." Alice's Mom wants to give Alice her dad's three month social security check. Now they are arguing over Alice's Dad. Alice's Mom doesn't want Ralph to forget to give Alice the check. Ralph: "Should I tie a string around my finger?" Alice's Mom: "Tie a rope around your neck." She leaves. Ralph forgets about doing his idea, but then changes his mind when he remembers that he is holding Alice's Dad's three month social security check. Ed finally gives Ralph his check. Since they are "brothers", Ed asks if they can go over to the schoolyard and play Potsie.

The next day, Trixie comes in. Alice has some news. She went to the bank to get some money and the banker told her that the account was closed. Ralph went to the bank this morning and cleared out their entire life savings which was $248. Trixie: "There goes your condo in Florida." Trixie says that Ed handed over his entire big paycheck for one of Ralph's crazy ideas. Alice's Mother comes by. Alice: "I feel awful." Alice's Mom: "Good. I hope its morning sickness." Alice says that she is upset at Ralph. After Alice's Mom asks Alice if Ralph gave Alice her dad's three month social security check. Alice says no. Ed comes in. Trixie is upset at Ed. Alice: "Are you alone?" Ed: "I am never alone as long as I got my big brother." Alice: "Well, in about 10 minutes, you will be an only child." Ralph comes home and says that he took all of his & Alice's life savings, took Alice's Dad's social security check, Ed's paycheck, cashed his own paycheck, his Raccoon pension fund, and borrowed from his insurance. He did that because he wanted to invest in the greatest idea he ever had. He said that he used the money to buy lottery tickets. Ed: "And you thought that Ralph was crazy. He is as sane as I am." There's more. Ralph asks Ed to help him remove the bureau. They try to lift it. You can tell that Jackie and Art are not making any effort to move it, yet somehow Ralph screams in pain from trying to "lift" it the first time since Ed didn't do his part. They try it to "lift" it two more times. It is too heavy. So, Ed takes the two top drawers and puts them on TOP of the dresser to make it easier to move and somehow that works. It is almost the scene thing that they did in "A Woman's Work Is Never Done." They move the bureau so Ralph can get another bag of lottery tickets that he bought. Those lottery tickets look awful big for lottery tickets and somehow I doubt that all that money could have really be used to buy all those lottery tickets since there looks to be less than 100 of them. Ralph: "The top prize is $1 million. That pales in comparison to some of the top lottery prizes today. Ralph: "Name me someone else that could make a million dollars in one day." Alice: "Seattle Slew." Ed: "Are you comparing Ralph to a horse?" Alice: "Only part of a horse." I think I know which part. Ralph is going to tell them an amazing story. Ralph: "Four weeks ago, FOUR weeks ago, my bus breaks down in front of a gypsy tea room. When I go inside there to make a phone call to the depot, I look through the beaded curtains, I see an old gypsy lady reading tea leaves. When I get the dime out of my pocket to make the call (remember back then pay phone calls were a little bit less in New York than they are now), my rabbit's foot falls on the floor. She picks it up, presses it to her lips and mumbles something. I said: `What are you doing with my rabbit's foot?' She says: `I am putting a blessing on it.' You will have good fortune for the rest of your life. As I am making the phone call, she starts to read my palm. She says: `Happiness is on the way. You money line is very strong and your lucky number keeps popping up all the time.' I said: "What is my lucky number?' She said: `That is a buck extra.' I gave her the buck. She says: `Your lucky number is 4. I think nothing of it at the time. I go back to the depot and Garrity says to me that they are switching me to the FOURTH avenue line. I have never driven the fourth avenue line. I am going along the run. The first stop is FOURTH Street. FOUR men got on the bus and they didn't get off until FORTY-FOURTH Street. I go back to the depot. It is exactly FOUR o' clock. I wanted to give it one more test. I go back to the gypsy tea room and there is a cop there padlocking the door. I said: `Where is the gypsy lady?' He said: `We evicted her FOUR hours ago. She hadn't paid her rent in FOUR months.'" Ralph says that every one of those tickets has the number 4 on it someplace. Alice: "Your number is 4 all right Ralph because soon a little wagon is going to pull up around here. It will have FOUR bells on it. The there is going to be FOUR knocks on this door. We are going to open it. There is going to be FOUR men in white. They are going to grab you by the arms and legs and say those FOUR magic words Ralph. Just FOUR words. `AND AWAY WE GO!'" Alice says that it might be a good idea to have Ralph's head examined. Ralph says that he will have it examined anywhere but no one will find anything in there.

Later that night, Alice is getting the cot ready so Ralph can sleep on it. Alice's Mother is staying with them because Ralph got her so upset so Ralph has to sleep in the kitchen. That is why she is staying? Ralph says that he left his lucky rabbit's foot in the bathroom where Alice's Mom is in right now. Ralph is so concerned with her mom and Alice's Irish wishes. I guess that Alice's family is Irish. Ralph: "Your mother is putting an Irish wish on my rabbit's foot. Alice goes into the bedroom. Alice's Mom comes out with her beauty cream on and scares Ralph. Alice's Mom: "Here is your rabbit's foot Ralph and you know what you can do with it." She leaves. Ralph puts his rabbit's foot on the table. Ed comes down using the fire escape to stay with Ralph after being locked out by Trixie on the fire escape. She got him there by using a clever ruse. She said: "Ed, go out there and water the flowers." Ed, being stupid, says yes then realizes that you don't water flowers in the wintertime and remembers that they have no flowers. Ralph is going to go to bed by lying down on the cot in his bus uniform since according to him; he can't get his pajamas (although right now he could if he wanted to). Ed keeps Ralph awake by asking Ralph for some mustard on the sandwich that he (Ed) brought down. Then it is ketchup, then ketchup. Ralph asks if there is anything more that he wants. Ed says that the sandwich is perfect. Ralph tries to go to sleep. Now Ed is asking for a drink. Ralph (yells): "PUT DOWN THAT SANDWICH AND GET IN THIS BED." Ed does and both of them are trying to go to sleep on the same cot…without any covers. Ed can't sleep, so he tries counting sheep. He counts loudly. Ralph gets upset and orders Ed to get out of the bed. Ralph asks Ed how he gets to sleep upstairs. Ed says that Trixie always rubs his back. Ralph rubs his back. Ed says that when Trixie rubs his back, she always sings their song. Ed: "The song is: `Last Time We Were In Paris." That is how we met. We didn't meet in Paris though, but in Newark. Last time we were in Paris reminds me that we met in Newark." One of the precise locations that Ed claimed that he met Trixie for the first time was at a burlesque show. I doubt that Newark had any burlesque shows in its existence because I used to live in Northern New Jersey. Ralph: "That reminds me of my song: `Help Me Make It Through The Night." Ralph says that he will rub Ed's back and sing to him, but if he ever tells anyone at the Raccoon Lodge about this, he will kill him. Considering that in a previous episode (or two), the Nortons & Kramdens visited Paris, how could "Last Time We Were In Paris" be their song? Ralph tries to sing "Last Time We Were In Paris." Alice's mother sees him singing that song to Ed and rubbing his back. She gets the wrong idea. Alice's Mom: "I am calling Anita Bryant tomorrow morning." Remember, back then homosexuality on TV was more controversial than it is today. Ralph: "Everyone is against me. All I have left is my rabbit's foot." Ralph then discovers that Ed accidentally ate it when he sat down to eat his sandwich. Realistically, how could that happen?

Time for the middle commercial break bumper.

The next day, Ed comes in with a bottle of champagne. He puts the bottle into a bowl. Ralph comes out with his radio. After Ralph wins the money, he will move to Park Avenue and rub elbows with the big shots. Alice comes out with a suitcase. Her mom is leaving and so is Alice. Alice is leaving too to think things over and she might not come back. Ralph blames Alice's mother for Alice leaving him. Ralph says that he doesn't want the money for himself. He wants it for her. With a million dollars, they can go on a second Honeymoon to Atlantic City. If this episode was done in Miami Beach, you know Ralph would have said Miami Beach and not Atlantic City. According to Ralph, they will check into the finest room they have, the room that has a window that overlooks the platform where Daisy the Diving Horse jumps over. Ralph: "You are also going to have that wart removed from the back of your knee." Alice's Mom: "That is a beauty spot. I have two of them. One on my knee and one where only my husband has seen." Ralph: "If he has seen it, there must be a wart under the table at Kelly's Saloon." Ed plugs in the radio and Ralph turns up the volume. Nothing is working. Ed unplugs it and looks at the back of the radio. Ed: "You got to push that wire into that slot there and hold your finger on it." Ralph does that while Ed plugs the radio in. Cue Ralph being "electrocuted" now. While Ralph is being "electrocuted", a loud sound is heard. I don't think that could have come from that radio. Ralph, of course, is too stupid let go of the radio so Ed unplugs the radio. Ed asks Trixie to bring down his radio. Ed's radio is shaped like a cat. According to Ralph, he has never been this nervous. What about the episode (or two) in which he was locked inside of a haunted castle as well as some other experiences? Ralph wishes he has had his lucky rabbit's foot. So does Ed. Ralph goes into the bedroom.

Later on, Ralph comes out. Trixie comes down with the radio. Ralph selfishly says: "Gimme that radio." Trixie is upset at Ralph for being so mean. Ed: "Watch it Ralph. That radio costs me $15." The "cat radio" doesn't even look like a real cat. It looks like a radio that a little kid would have. Ralph: "How do you turn her on?" Ed: "Usually I bite her ear." The audience laughs. Ralph: "Not Trixie. The cat." The left eye turns on the radio and controls the volume. The right eye is the station tuner. I should mention that on this cat radio, there is no way to tell what station the radio is on just by looking at it (maybe unless you look at it from the side in which the camera is not on.) To get police calls, you twist her whiskers. To get soft wave music, you raise or her tale up or down or simply turn it to the left. Ed turns on the radio. Music plays in such a fashion that you can tell that it is not coming from the radio. They get the station that airs the Christmas Lottery Program. The announcer is Johnny Olsen. Johnny: "I will announce the names of the three top winners. Will you spin the giant tumbler penny?" Today, the lottery hosts use a machine (I am not sure what it is called) that puffs magic balls out. Those magic balls have numbers on them. Johnny: "The winner of the million dollars is Mr. Ralph Krausmeyer." Ralph is upset. Johnny says that Ralph Krausmeyer's numbers were basically all fives except for one which was a zero. Johnny: "The winner of the $500,000 prize is Mr. Pete Mountgovern of Gnome, Alaska." In reality, I don't think that lottery programs will have winners that live that far, far away. I think that all lottery programs would have winners who live in the area that the program is broadcasting in and I don't think any lottery program was ever heard or show nationally. Johnny: "The winner of the $100,000 prize Merry Nolan of Ocean Port, New Jersey." Ralph is upset because he thinks that he didn't win anything. Trixie leaves with the cat as the music from the radio blares loudly. The girls & Ed also think that Ralph has lost. Alice's Mom calls Ralph a bum and goes into the bedroom. Trixie comes down with the good news. Ralph did win something. He won sixth prize which is $1500. Ralph and Ed are happy. How could Ralph have won sixth prize if Trixie just left the room mere seconds ago? Ralph: "This is the first time Alice that I have ever seen you speechless with joy." She looks upset to me. Ralph is going to take everyone to the Hong Kong Gardens for Chinese food. The Nortons are happy as they leave with the champagne and radio. Alice's Mom comes out. She calls Ralph her favorite son-in-law. She claims that she didn't hear anything and she was thinking over how mean she has been. She then says what she wants from the Hong Kong Gardens. She tells Alice to make sure that Ralph bundles up so he wouldn't catch a cold and then leaves. Ralph: "She is not a bad skate at that. Everyone loves a winner." Alice: "You won $1500. How mush did it cost you?" Ralph adds up the costs. The cost is $1499.88." So he won 12 cents. Ralph is still happy that he won at least something and calls himself a winner. Alice thinks that he is a loser because he lost all the trust of his friends. She remembers all the bad things Ralph did in order to get the extra 12 cents like taking Ed's paycheck and making sure Ed doesn't get any money from it as well as cashing in her dad's social security check, borrowing from their insurance money etc. Alice sits down. Ralph walks around. Time for the usual "I'm sorry Alice" bit as unique music plays in the background. He says that he does everything wrong but he does it for Alice. Ralph: "If I promise NEVER to do any more crazy things, will you stay with me?" Alice says: "I must be crazy too Ralph because I still love you." Ralph: "Baby, you're the greatest." They hug and kiss. That was a fitting way to end the last official episode (although Ralph did do a crazy scheme in The Honeymooners movie in 2005 where he attempted to get money to get a train out of the sewer so him & Ed can make money giving tours of New York.)

Time for the curtain call. Jackie steps out in front of a gray curtain. He has his usual curtain call "coffee" cup with him. Jackie: "How sweet it is. I used to go to Atlantic City for salt water taffy cut to fit the kisser but right now he is coming to Atlantic City for the friendship. It is the greatest." He then introduces a "young woman" who is working with them for the first (and eventually only time) named Eileen Heckart. I guess Jackie wanted to be nice when introducing her. He then introduces the main cast. As he is doing it, I think you can see that Jackie's cup was empty. After Jackie introduces the main cast, he says "Good night."

During the credit roll, Johnny says: "This is Johnny Olsen saying: `Merry Christmas from The Honeymooners.' Then the ABC announcer plugs an ABC show. He then says that "Frosty's Winter Wonderland", a Nester the long-eared Christmas guppy special is going to be "shown" on Wednesday. Announcer: “Now stay tuned for `The Gathering' on the Sunday Night Movie." I didn't know that ABC aired Frosty the Snowman specials.

Episode #225
TV: This episode has not been scene since its original airdate.
DVD: Attached to “Honeymooning Behind The Scenes” (a Jean Kean interview.)
Air Date: Sat. 11/28/77

"Honeymooners XMas Carol":

This episode starts with Ralph Kramden entering the Gotham Bus Company locker room. I guess that the company changed its name back to the Gotham Bus Company since it was called the Madison Avenue Bus Company in "To Whomever It May Concern." The locker room sure looks different than it was during the Lost & Classic 39 episodes. The locker room is decorated with Christmas decorations. A big crash is heard from outside. All the drivers that were in the locker room go out to see what the big crash was. Ralph comes in. Ralph says hello to Pop Parker, the custodian. Rod asks what that big crash that he just heard was. Ralph says that when he was parking, he backed into a sign that said: "Our bus drivers are the most careful bus drivers in the world." Ralph doesn't care. He will be spending seven days in Miami, Florida. He is staying at his brother-in-law's condo. Rod says that he is retiring in three months and he will be moving down to Miami. He leaves and sings “Moon Over Miami.” Ralph opens his locker, combs his moustache and utters that controversial line: "Frankly sweetheart, I don't give a (darn)." He didn't say darn, but I think you know what he said. Ed comes down. Ralph: "When you see the mistletoe around here, don't give me a kiss. Anita Brant may be in the area." Ed is giving Trixie a silver-plated cocktail shaker for Christmas. He got that prize for winning the highest score playing pinball. Ed: "When you shake it, it plays 'Cocktails For Two.'" Ed shakes it, but all that is heard is a gunshot and a whistle. Ed: "It's the Spike Jones version." Ed gives Ralph a present too. It's one ear plug that he can take while swimming. According to Ed, Ralph won't need the other plug since only one ear will be underwater. Mr. Marshall (played by Gale Gordon who gets a round of applause from the audience) comes in. Ralph introduces Ed to Mr. Marshall. Mr. Marshall is looking for someone with theatrical experience to direct "A Christmas Carol." Mr. Marshall's wife is putting on a play for charity. The charity: To feed all the stray cats in the city. Mr. Marshall: "She has a motto for it. `Make a kitty cat Merry at Christmas.'" Ralph: "Your wife must be a splendid woman." Mr. Marshall: "Oooh, she is indeeeed." Ed: "Out of all the times that I went to Macy's at Christmas time, not once did I see a cat sitting on Santa's knee." Mr. Marshall: "Does he (Ed) work for us?" Ralph: "No." Mr. Marshall: "Good. I once had a secretary like him. Her name was Lucy. A real screwball." That was an inside joke because Gale and Lucille Ball were co-stars on a TV show in which Lucy played Gale's secretary. (I think you might know what show I am referring to.) According to Mr. Marshall, Jim Guild did the play last year, but he is unavailable because he married Mr. Marshall's daughter and they are on vacation in France. Mr. Marshall then asks Ralph to think of a person who could direct the play. He leaves to talk to Pop Parker. Ralph thinks that the guy who directs that play will be a lucky man. Ralph: "Take Jim Guild. He was a bus driver. Than after he directed the play, he became a traffic manager and then voile (meaning voila) he gets married to Mr. Marshall's daughter." Ralph volunteers to direct the play. Ed: "I have theatrical experience. I was in the Navy with Jerry Vale." What about the time (or times) that he appeared with Ralph for the Halsey Theater Amateur Contest (that was won by Alice & Trixie)? Ralph asks Ed to tell Mr. Marshall that Ralph will direct the play because he is too modest. Ralph, too modest? Mr. Marshall comes in and gets the news that Ralph will direct the play. Ralph says that he was in a play once. Ed says that he has theatrical experience, he played UNDER Broadway. Ralph: "Ed played in the UNDERGROUND Theater. If I am not qualified, may this building fall down on me." Ralph looks up to see if the building will fall down on him. Mr. Marshall's favorite play is "A Christmas Carol" because he finds Scrooge such a lovable character. Mr. Marshall says that the play will go on Dec. 24 and wishes Ralph good luck. He leaves. A play on Christmas Eve? Ed hides his present to Trixie in Ralph's locker. Ed finds out that Ralph has the dates December 21-28 are circled on Ralph's calendar. Ralph: "That is when I & Alice are going to Miami…Norton; I can't take her on that vacation." Ralph says that he also can't tell Mr. Marshall that he can't do the play. Ralph is now in a quandary. Mr. Marshall comes back in with the news that his wife is so happy that Ralph will direct the play. Ralph said that he might not be able to do the play. Mr. Marshall: "Did you lie to me? I don't like liars. I don't like them at all." After finding out that Mr. Marshall fired Pop Parker, Ralph decides to take on the responsibility of director, but he will need help. Ralph: "Ed can't help me. He doesn't know anything about theater." Ed: "I can help you." Mr. Marshall: "Good. You will be the director." He leaves. Ralph blames Ed for the spot that he is in. Ed tells Ralph to look on the bright side and tell Alice the good news if he directs the play. One of the pieces of good news is that he (Ralph) could marry the boss' daughter. Ed leaves.

At 3am. Ralph is arguing with Alice in the bedroom. Alice is steamed that she is not going to Miami and has been steamed ever since Ralph came home with the news. Ralph comes out in LOUD pajamas. The pajamas have different colored stripes on them. Alice follows. It might be nighttime, but outside it looks like daylight. Ralph is going to sleep in the kitchen because he can't sleep with Alice hollering at him. Alice: "I will stop hollering when you tell your boss that you can't direct that play because you are taking your wife to Florida." Ralph: "I can't do that. It's for charity." Alice: "Some charity: `Make a kitty cat Merry at Christmas.' I will take a cat to Miami with me and when he gets back, he will be the only cat with a sun tan." Ralph gets out the cot as Alice says that Ralph is allergic to cats. Ralph: "I can't tell the boss that I can't direct the play because I promised him." Alice: "Who is number 1 in your life, your boss or me?" Ralph: "At 3am, that is an unfair question." Alice (yells): "ANSWER ME!" A voice is heard saying (yells): "ANSWER HER KRAMDEN SO WE CAN GET OUR SLEEP." Ralph identifies the person as McGarrity even though his voice sounds different. I guess that the guy changed his last name from McGarrity to Garrity to McGarrity again. Ralph (yells): "WHY AREN'T YOU OUT CELEBRATING MCGARRITY? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IT IS NATIONAL MUSKATELL WEEK?" Ralph & Alice continue arguing. Ralph goes to open the cot. He can't open it. He tries to open it; a sound effect that doesn't look like it would come from a cot is heard and hurts his finger. Almost like the times that he tried to open the cot in "Alice's Aunt Ethel", "Goodbye Aunt Ethel" & "Battle of The Sexes." Alice asks Ralph if he hurt himself. She thought that he did when he heard him screaming. Ralph: "If I can open that cot, I will go to sleep." Alice opens it for him with no problem. Ralph: "Let me sleep." Alice: "Not until you promise to take me to Miami Ralph." Ralph: "After I get that promotion, we will visit France and Greece, we will dance on the tables in Spain, we will wade in the Roman fountains and on our way home in our rented yacht, we will hop scotch to the Caribbean." Alice: "I don't need to visit Greece to see the ruins. I live in one in Brooklyn. I already dance on the tables every time a cockroach comes across this floor. I don't need to wade in the Roman fountains. I can do that every time the plumbing is backed up in the bathroom. Ralph says that after all the places that they will visit; they will visit the number 1 tourist attraction in America which is Billy Kotter's Gas Station. Alice: "I don't have to go there either. I have a full tank right here." She pokes at Ralph's stomach. Ralph tries to go to sleep on the cot but he makes the cot lopsided and falls down. Ralph orders Alice to set the alarm. She does do all right. She sets it so it will ring right about now. Alice: "Okay. Round 2. When are you going to take me to Miami?" Ed comes down. He heard the arguing. He has cameras with him because he figures that the police will come down here and he would send the pictures to the Daily News. Ed vows to settle their argument by going to the window, opening up and yelling for all those in favor of Alice to say "I" and for all those in favor of Ralph to say "I." A lot of people say "I" for Alice while only a “cat” meows after Ed yells: "ALL THOSE IN FAVOR OF RALPH, SAY: `I!'" Ralph tries to kick Ed out, but Ed doesn't leave. After Ed asks Alice to hear her side, he sits down on Ralph's cot which causes it to be lopsided and causes Ralph to fall down. Alice: "I want to go to Miami so I can see my sister in her condo." Ed: "Do you know that they are turning this building into a condo? I saw a sign." Alice: "Ed, they are just repainting a sign that has been there for 10 years and it doesn't say `condo.' It says: `Condemned." Alice doesn't want to fight anymore. She is just disappointed. She thought that after 25 years, a bond of trust and understanding had been made. She would like to have thought that after Ralph's boss asked him to be the director, Ralph would say that he would think about it and ask her first. She would have never stood in his way. But when he came in that door tonight with the news, she knew that for the first time, her marriage lacked the substance to hold it together. Alice looks like she is almost ready to cry. Alice: "The sensitivity, trust and love. It is very sad to discover that after 25 years." Ralph promises that after he directs that play, he would take Alice on the best vacation that she has ever had. He puts it down in writing with Ed writing it. Ralph signs it. Ed says that he will have it notarized since he's a Notary Republic. Ed asks for $2 because that is the fee that he charges. Ralph says no and he and Alice go to the bedroom. Ed grabs a chicken leg and attempts to sit on the cot, but his sitting down on it makes it lopsided and he falls down. Ralph comes out. Ed: "My pound of flesh (referring perhaps to the chicken leg.)"

The next day, Alice is ironing part of her costume for the play. Trixie comes down. Alice said that Ralph bribed her to be in the play and she accepted. Ed Norton is the assistant director. Ralph was not satisfied with Charles Dickens' original version of the play, so he re-wrote it. Oh boy! Alice: "This may be a bigger blow with our relations to England than the Revolutionary War." Ed comes out wearing pants, for whatever reason; look to be very thick in the quad area but not anywhere else. Ralph comes out with a VERY LOUD outfit and with an assgot on which looks like a VERY BIG tie. In the play, Ralph plays Daddy Cratchett, Alice plays Mother Cratchett, Trixie plays the Cratchett's 13-year-old daughter and Ed plays Tiny Tim. Ed starts singing: "Tip Toe Through The Tulips." Ralph: "Not THAT Tiny Tim." Ed also plays the villain, Scrooge. Ed remembers that Tiny Tim walked with a limp. He asks Ralph what kind of limping he wants. According to wkipedia.org, Art Carney suffered a gun shot in I think World War II which caused him to walk with a slight limp for the rest of his life. For the longest time, I never noticed it. Ralph asks for a little bit of that Pappy McKoy limp with a little dash of a Frankenstein limp. Ralph sets the scene. The Cratchett's are very poor and so is their house, almost like the Kramden house. A man comes in with posters advertising the play. Man: "I don't need a tip. Just looking at you and Ed is good enough. Ha ha." He leaves. Alice (reading the poster): "'Ralph Kramden presents A Christmas Carol starring, directed and produced by Ralph Kramden.'" Ralph: "Mooreritee (sp?) (sp?) The Undertaker paid for the posters and during the play, I am going to give him a plug and I am going to do this with all the stores that helped me out. Mooreritee (sp?) the Undertaker has got a new place called the New-Frills Funeral." Alice looks at the script and notices that one of the plugs is Manicotti (as in Mrs. Manicotti). Ralph: "Mrs. Manicotti helped me out and I promised I would do a plug one of the restaurants that her son manages." Alice & Trixie read the plug which constitutes them singing: "Hold the pickles/hold the lettuce/special orders, don't upset us/just as we let it have it your way." An old Burger King jingle. Two men come in with a big tub of corn flakes. Ralph says that they will be spray painted to look like snowflakes. "Just like in the movies" according to Ralph. Ralph: "Then we get a great big net. Don't you say it Alice. We put the corn flakes in the net, hang the net over the stage and when the snow scene comes, we tug on a rope and the snow flakes gently fall down from heaven." Gee, Ralph believes that the "snowflakes" will fall down just like in the movies with his way of releasing them? How stupid is Ralph? Ralph claims that he is a genius. Ralph assigns Alice & Trixie to spray the flakes. Alice says no and they won't be in his stupid play. They quit. Mr. Marshall comes in. Mr. Marshall: "Who are these charming ladies?" Ralph introduces them. Mr. Marshall hopes that they will be in the play because he thinks that such beauty deserves to be on stage. Mr. Marshall says that Ralph's efforts to be rewarded and says that he will give the wives each a present. He leaves. The girls now want to be in. Ralph & Ed will go upstairs to work on the script. They leave. The girls get the spray cans ready. Alice wants to pull a practical joke on Ralph. So she calls Ralph to come on down. Both girls get on opposite sides of the door and when the door opens, they spray…Mr. Marshall who came in with presents for the girls. He is not pleased and neither are the girls.

It's play night. Mr. Marshall tells the audience what they are about to see. The curtain rises. Carolers sing: "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen." As they are singing, the town crier (played by Johnny Olsen) says: "Six o' clock and all is well." This message is brought to you by Mooreritee (sp?) the Undertaker. Mooreritee (sp?) says take advantage of my year-end clearance. Go now and save. GO ON DOWN." Johnny says "ON DOWN" the same way as he did when he was an announcer on a certain CBS game show that is still shown even after 35 years at 11am Eastern (I think you know what game show I am referring to). At the Cratchett household, Mother Cratchett (Alice with a brunette wig) comes out to sweep the front steps. It is supposed to be cold out and she is not even wearing a coat. The daughter comes out, also with no coat. The daughter is complaining about them being poor and what will happen if they can't pay the rent (that being Scrooge will evict them). Daddy Cratchett and Tiny Tim come by. Tiny Tim "limps" but you can tell that the limp is not real. Daddy Cratchett said that his solution to their money problems didn't work. Ralph: "Our lousy horse ran 3rd AT COLDER (sp?) RACE TRACK. OPEN EVERY DAY." Ralph says that he and Tiny Tim haven't eaten in two days. Ralph (yells): "SO WE STOPPED AT FATCHUMATA MOTZERONNI'S PIZZERIA." Mother said that they didn't have any money. Daddy said that they went to a gentleman and asked for a bite because they didn't have one in two days, so the man bit them. Daddy: "It smells like snow." Tim: "It smells more like corn flakes to me." A picture from this scene is in "The Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book. They all go inside to start a fire. The daughter opens the window and sees Mr. Scrooge. Tim says that he can't see him so Daddy yells: "DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU CAN'T SEE HIM?" Ed finally remembers that he is also Scrooge. Daddy (as the camera veers to the left, yells): "HERE COMES MR. SCROOGE NOW. MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. SCROOGE." Scrooge comes out with the same limp as Tim. Scrooge: "Sorry Ralph. Christmas: Bah humbug. I came to evict everyone. Everybody out." He also plugs the "Scrooge Eviction Company." He yells at them to get out. They all do, except for Tim for obvious reasons. Scrooge: "Where's the kid? Come on out Tiny Tim?" Daddy (yells): "WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S NOT COMING OUT? I KNOW YOU ARE EVICTING EVRYONE MR. SCROOGE." Scrooge goes in to get Tiny Tim. We see a person helping Ed changing his costume on stage. Tiny Tim & Scrooge have a "fight." As Scrooge & Tim talk to Ralph though the window, Ed off course gets the costumes mixed up. Scrooge finally gets "Tiny Tim." (Actually, "Tiny Tim" during this moment was a stuffed-up dummy.) This is all very funny. I should note that the "house" is very small. It's about the size of a bathroom. Daddy: "You certainly have spunk Tiny Tim." He throws the dummy back in. The "real" Tiny Tim comes out. During Tim's fight with Scrooge inside, Tim picked his pocket and found money. Mom: "It won't be proper to keep that money. Daddy: "Remember moral righteousness." (to the crowd, yells): "HE IS THE SECOND DOG IN THE THIRD RACE AT THE MIAMI KENNEL CLUB." The town crier comes out. Town Crier: "Seven o' clock and all is well." Wasn't it six o' clock a few minutes ago? Town Crier: "Time for the 7pm weather report. There's a 20% chance of snow. This report brought to you by the Landmark Bank at Fort Lauderdale." Ralph Kramden got help for his local play from people who are far away as Florida? Daddy: "It certainly looks like snow…I said it certainly looks like snow." Ed (yells): "RALPH WANTS THE SNOW." Ralph is upset. In hilarious fashion, the "snow" falls…like a thud. Snow falling down like a thud doesn't look believable. The snow doesn't look like the corn flakes that Ralph shown everyone earlier. The scene ends. Considerating how much of the play that is shown in this episode, how much sense does the ending of this scene make for a good ending of a Christmas play?

After the play while everyone is on the set, Ralph says that the play was a big smash. Everyone is happy. Mr. Marshall comes out with his wife and her cat. Mr. Marshall and his wife thank Ralph. Ralph is rewarded by getting Mr. Marshall's wife's pregnant cat. Mrs. Marshall: "Phyllis, my cat may have as much as eight cats." The Marshalls leave. Ralph is not pleased. Ralph apologizes to Alice for what he did. Mr. Marshall comes back. He forgot to give Ralph the news that Ralph has finally been promoted to Traffic Manager. Ralph: "All my life, I have never done anything right. Why now?" Alice: "It's Christmas time Ralph." Ralph: "Baby, you're the greatest." Everyone kisses their respective spouses.

During the credit roll, the ABC announcer plugs an ABC show, the special, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town", ABC News Close-up. "The Class That Went To War" and an NFL football game that features Buffalo vs. Oakland.

Episode #182 (Syndicated episode #10)
TV: One hour long musical
DVD: Attached to "King of The Castle" & "Movies Are Better Than Ever."
Lost Episode Title: "Santa & The Bookies."
Air Date: Sat. 12/17/66

"Run, Santa, Run":

The June Taylor Dancers dance and sing to a song called "It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year." After that, they leave. Ralph & Ed are having lunch outside. Ed has a table for him to eat on with a tall candle. Ed shows his napkin which has an "N" on it. Ralph: "What does the 'N' stand for, nut?" Ed: "No, the 'N' stands for napkin." Gee how clever. Ralph is upset that Alice hasn't been giving him good lunches lately, so Ed gives him a turkey leg for him to eat. Ralph is about to eat it when Ed tells him that that turkey leg was with him when he was down in the sewer. Ralph says that Alice has been acting strange. He says that he has been having tuna fish and he also mentions that she has been going to the supermarket early. Ed: "Maybe she wants to go on the picket line and get interviewed by Roger Mudd." Ralph says that she wants to get bargains, so that's why she goes to the supermarket early. Ralph & Ed then sing: "A Woman's A Curious Creature."

Alice is busy knitting clothes for some baby. Trixie comes in with a turkey leg that Ed brought for lunch. She brought it for Ralph, just in case he has to eat tuna fish again. Alice reveals her temporary job she has just so she can save enough money for Christmas (hence the reason she has been going to the "supermarket early".) She won't tell Ralph because Ralph will make her quit no matter how hard the job is. It's the principle of the thing to him. She did and said the same exact thing in "Expectant Father" too. Alice hurts her back so Trixie says she will make sure Alice go sees a doctor.

Ralph comes home and is upset that he has to have tuna fish again. Alice says that it isn't. She gives him the turkey leg. Ralph is happy until he finds out that it was left over from Ed's lunch. He wanders why that he couldn't have a hot meal. Ralph: "Don't you ever cook? Do you know what our gas bill was last time? 48 cents." Alice says that she is sorry, but she has been so busy. Ralph wonders why she ahs been putting on her best dress and going to the supermarket early. Alice says that she is going on a husband/wife picket line and going to be interviewed by Walter Cronkite. Ralph says that she isn't being interviewed by Walter but by Roger Mudd. Alice: "Don't cross-examine me." Alice goes into the bedroom. When Ed comes down, he asks Ralph if he can hide Trixie's Christmas present in the Kramdens' apartment, Ralph says yes and sticks the present in the bureau drawer -- where Alice has hidden the baby clothes. A moment later, when Norton tells Ralph that Trixie has made a doctor's appointment for Alice, Ralph is sure that Alice is pregnant. Now Ralph is remorseful for yelling at Alice. Alice comes in. Ralph: "Oh sugar-dumpling puss." Alice says that Ralph was right he deserves a hot meal. Ralph is acting all nice because he thinks that Alice is pregnant. Alice doesn't know what to make of it. Ralph: "When can we expect the happy occasion? Alice: "After I go to the butcher’s and get you two lamb chops." Ralph: "Did you hear that? It's going to be twins." Alice leaves, saying that she is going to get Ralph two lamb chops. Ralph only wants one because two are too heavy. She leaves. Ralph: "That son of mine is going to get things that I didn't have. He's going to have an education." He decides he has to make some more money in a hurry so that his future son can go to college. He needs so extra money for the kid. Ed: "I have some money that is owed to me and when I get it, it's just as good as yours." Ralph: "You're a good pal Norton. Who owes you?" Ed: "You do." Gee, that really helps Ralph. Ed finds some jobs that Ralph can do to earn extra money for the kid. One of them requires chemical engineering and it is in South America. Ralph says to forget about that job because he doesn't want to go to South America. Ed finally finds a job for Ralph, a street Santa. Ralph tells Ed that he is going to be his elf. Ralph & Ed sing "Father of the Year" in which Ralph says that his son will graduate from college in 1989. Also while they are singing, Jackie & Art walk off the set and walk back on.

The next day outside in New York, the June Taylor Dancers sing and dance to a song called "Christmas Shopping." After that, they leave. The people who wrote the ad arrive. They are bookmakers, Lenny & Sidney. Ralph comes with his Santa outfit and the people identify themselves as Mr. Smith and Mr. Smith. Ralph and Ed begin their first day on the job. An old lady comes by. When she puts down her bet with the money, Ralph says that she doesn't have to do that. Lady: "I want 'Rocking Chair' for $2." Ralph still doesn't know what she meant. A person comes by and puts his money in the pot. Ralph says he will get that back many fold. Man: "I should. It's 20 to 1." Ed: "What are you talking about? It's half-past six." He leaves. A policeman comes by and puts his money in (thinking that what Ralph and Ed are dong something good.) When Ralph says to the police officer to put in his slip (everyone else put in their slips). The policeman sees what's really going on and sends Ralph and Ed to jail, thinking that they are the bookies they are looking for.

In the police station, a group of people (along with Ralph & Ed) show up and stand for their mug shots. Ralph & Ed try to explain their innocence. Crook: "Don't do this to Santa." The other crooks, Ralph & Ed sing: "Don't Put Santa In Prison." After the song, Ralph explains to the police officer that his wife is pregnant and he was just trying to make just as much money for the baby. Alice comes by and Ralph tells her that he was making extra money for their future baby. Alice says that she is not pregnant. Ed says that maybe Trixie is pregnant. Ed: "Are you with Elf?" Trixie: "No, I'm with Nincompoop." Now Ralph and Ed are in bigger trouble. When Ed says that the two Mr. Smiths are going to come by their street corner and collect the money soon, Ralph hatches a plan so the police can catch the real bad guys.

Later on, the police say that they are going to hide from the crooks and also instruct Ralph & Ed to wait until the two "Mr. Smiths" and when they come, they are to ring the bell so they can catch them. The two "Mr. Smiths" come but the bell doesn't sound so Ralph & Ed yell "DING DONG! DING DONG!" The two "Mr. Smiths" don't know why they are yelling "DING DONG!" The police come and catch them.

It looks like Ralph will have a Merry Christmas after all. Alice asks why Ralph thought she was having a baby. Ralph says that he found baby clothes, so Alice reveals the fact that she got a temporary job so she can get enough money to get Ralph's present, a rocking chair. Ed: "How do you like that? She's Knuckles Grogan." The Kramdens & Nortons sing "It's A Happy Time of The Year" as people dance in the background.

At the curtain call, Jackie introduces the cast (I'm sure this was edited by AmericanLife, now Youtoo America.) Because of that, we never found out who played the two "Mr. Smiths." (The audience clapped when they saw them for the first time.)

Episode #123 (Syndicated episode #13)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Young At Heart." On some tapes, it is attached to the “I Love Lucy” episode entitled “I Love Lucy Xmas Special” as well as then-lost footage of the characters celebrating Christmas at the end of the episode entitled “The Fur Coat.” This release has the title “TV Christmas Present.” On some tapes, it is attached to episodes #13-18 of the Classic 39. On some tapes, it is attached to "Something Fishy."
Laserdisc: Attached to “TV or Not TV”, “Funny Money”, “The Golfer”, “Better Living Through TV”, “Brother Ralph”, “Pal O’ Mine”, “A Woman’s Work Is Never Done”, “Something Fishy”, “The Worry Wart”, “The Sleepwalker”, “Hello Mom”, “The Deciding Vote” & “Man From Space.” On some discs it is attached to the “I Love Lucy” episode entitled “I Love Lucy Xmas Special” as well as then-lost footage of the characters celebrating Christmas at the end of the episode entitled “The Fur Coat.” This release has the title “TV Christmas Present.”
DVD: Attached to episodes #9 - 16 of the classic 39, On the HD Blu-Ray set, it is attached to the same episodes plus another version of "Hello Mom" with the original sponsor materials. On some discs it is attached to the “I Love Lucy” episode entitled “I Love Lucy Xmas Special” as well as not-seen-in-syndication footage of the characters celebrating Christmas at the end of the episode entitled “The Fur Coat.” This release has the title “TV Christmas Present.” On the Honeymooners Christmas Laughter DVD, it is attached to "TV or Not TV", "The Golfer", "Better Living Through TV", "The Man From Space" & "The $99,000 Answer."
Air Date: Sat. 12/24/55

In 2023 & 2024 this episode was colorized on YouTube. Here’s the link for the 2024 job: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OwRSRu...9vbmVycw%3D%3D

"'Twas The Night Before XMas":

To see the script for this episode, click here: http://www.springfieldspringfield.co...episode=s04e13

Alice is wrapping a Christmas present as Christmas music is being played. She hides her present which is a gift for Ralph. She finally decides to hide it under the ice box. Trixie comes by and the two of them talk about Christmas. Trixie says Ed gave her an orange juice squeezer in which you squeeze the orange on top of Napoleon’s head and the juice squirts out of his ears. The same gift that he got her in "Honeymooners Christmas Party." Trixie leaves. Ralph comes home with a Christmas present. He decides to hide it in the ice box but spots Alice seeing him in the act. She says she put his present under there. Ralph says that they are acting like two kids. Ralph wants to know what Alice gave him. Alice won't reveal the contents and suspects that Ralph would un-wrap it when she goes upstairs. Ralph says to not worry and that he will wait until Christmas. Alice fools Ralph by indicating that she left and sure enough she spots Ralph trying to get his gift. Alice: "Looks like Mommy will have to hide your present somewhere else. It looks like I can't trust you Ralph." Ralph: "You're the one who can't be trusted. You said that you were going upstairs." Alice hides Ralph's present on the top shelf of the closet. Ralph and Alice decorate the tree. Ralph says that she can tell him where the gift is and he won't get it. Alice tells him where it is and when Alice leaves, Ralph goes to get it...and gets his finger caught in a mousetrap. Ha! Ralph: "Okay, two can play at that game." He puts a mousetrap where he hid Alice's gift (which is under the icebox.) Ralph decorates the tree as Ed Norton comes down. Ed: "Merry Christmas Eve Ralph." They exchange presents. Ed gave Ralph spats while Ralph gave Ed a tie. Ralph: "Why did you give me spats for?" Ed's response is that Ralph isn't the easiest person to shop for since Ralph has everything.

Ralph says he got Alice a gift and that it's under the ice box. Ed goes under there and pulls out the pan that is always under there and assumes that that's the gift. Alice comes down and Ed presents her with the gift that he thinks Ralph got her. Ralph corrects Ed and begins to take the gift out...and gets his finger caught in the mousetrap. Ed assumes that that is the gift. Ralph says that the gift is a matchbox containing of 2000 matchsticks glued together. The same gift he got her in "Anniversary Gift." Ralph says that he was told the gift came from the Emperor's palace in Japan. When a friend comes down and exchanges presents with Alice, Alice gets the same exact gift. The actor that played the friend made a blooper in her line when she says: The gift I gave to you was nothing. I feel embarrassed after the gift I gave you.” The friend leaves. Ralph is screwed.

Ralph is all upset as Ed decorates the tree. Ralph talks about his problem as far as not being able to get Alice a gift. Ed suggests putting a sticker on the gift that says: "Don't open until Christmas" and to give it to Alice on the day after Christmas. That way, Ralph will have a whole year to give her a present. A dumb idea and Ralph says so. Uncle Leo comes in and the studio audience applauds for him. He gives Ralph a gift certificate for him and Alice. He leaves. Ralph gets a scheme. He will use the gift certificate to buy Alice a present. He hatches a plan that will allow him to give Alice a present and for Alice to think that Uncle Leo didn't give them anything. It's a typical Ralph idea. Alice comes home and says that he saw someone that she knew on the way up. Ralph thinks that it was Uncle Leo and gives the gift certificate. Alice: "A $25 gift certificate from Tommy Mullins?" Ralph: "Tommy? I thought you meant Uncle Leo." Alice: "Was he here?" Looks like Ralph foiled his own plan. Ralph: "Yes, he was here." Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph gets another idea. He will hock his bowling ball to give Alice a new gift. Gee, Ralph is really thinking of Alice here.

Christmas morning, Alice is making breakfast as Ralph likes his new slippers from Alice's mother. They open their presents and to Ralph's chagrin, he finds out that Alice gave him a new bowling ball bag. Ralph says that they can't figure out if the ball will fit. Ralph explains the whole story about what he did and what he did as far as hocking the ball. He said Alice will like her new gift. Alice says that it's beautiful and it's the best present she has ever gotten. It's an orange juice squeezer in which you squeeze the orange on Napoleon’s head and the juice squirts out of his ears.

Ralph says this to Alice. Ralph: "You know something sweetheart? Christmas is...well it's about the best time of the whole year. You walk down the streets even weeks before Christmas comes and there are lights hanging up - red ones and green ones. Sometimes there's snow. Everybody's hustling someplace. But they don't hustle around Christmas time like they usually do. You know, they're a little friendlier. They bump into you and they laugh and say 'Pardon me, Merry Christmas'. Especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home - you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringing, kids are singing, and the snow is coming down and boy, what a pleasure it is to think that you got someplace to go to and the place you’re going to has someone in it that you really love. Someone that you're nuts about. Merry Christmas!"

And so the show ends...or does it? Jackie stops the curtain from closing and says this: "Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, we usually don't step out of character, but tonight I think that it's proper that Mr. and Mrs. Kramden and Mr. Mrs. Norton wish everybody a Merry Christmas. Would you come in here Norton?"

(The Nortons come out.)

Jackie: "There they are."

(Everyone bows to the crowd's applause.)

Wow, everyone steps out of character at the end of this episode. This type of thing would later be seen in syndication at the end of most of the Color Honeymooners episodes.

[Frank Gannucci]

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[Frank Gannucci]

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[Frank Gannucci]

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[Frank Gannucci]

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