Out of the mouths of rock critics

[Steve M.]

Some famous and infamous put-downs from various rock critics:

"None of the three stooges in Emerson, Lake and Palmer have a commitment to either classical music or rock and roll. They'll plunder Bach, Bernstein and Berry with equal nonchalance and equal misunderstanding." - Jimmy Guterman and Owen O'Donnell from their book "The Worst Rock and Roll Records of All Time"

"The lyrics recall the liberal fantasy of rock concert as Nuremberg rally, equating sex with victimization in a display of male supremacism that glints with humor only at its cruelest--song titles like "Room Service" and "Ladies in Waiting." In this context, the band's refusal to bare the faces that lie beneath the clown makeup becomes ominous, which may be just what they intend, though for the worst of reasons. You know damn well that if they didn't have both eyes on maximum commerciality they'd call themselves Blow Job." - Robert Christgau on Kiss' Dressed to Kill album

"The worst band in all creation." - Dave Marsh on the Grateful Dead

"If this band makes it, I'm going to have to commit suicide." - Rolling Stone's Melissa Mills on Uriah Heep's debut album

"[W]hat's really interesting is not that such narcissistic slop should get recorded, but what must be going on in the minds of the people who support it in such amazing numbers. Gall, nerve and ego have never been far from great rock & roll. Yet there's a thin but crucial line between those qualities and what it takes to fill arenas today: sheer self-aggrandizement on the most puerile level. If these are the champions, gimme the cripples." - Lester Bangs on Styx's Pieces of Eight album

"[Journey's] Escape is less a testament to talent than the times. Candy bars and the dollar aren’t all that’s shrinking these days. The latest victim of inflation is the value of a Number One album. When heavy-metal light-weights like Journey start swinging from the chart tops after years on the road (you know, the old Speedwagon Come Alive shtick), there are usually at least two hummable reasons. But once you get past the single ["Who's Crying Now'] here, it’s tough to fathom why either the band or its new LP is riding such a hot streak. Journey could be any bunch of fluff-brained sessioneers with a singer who sounds like a eunuch under assault from the thrashings of a West Coast-style identi-riffer." Deborah Frost of Rolling Stone

"Oh, no. Contained within these grooves are twelve convincing arguments against the capitalist system." Paul Gambaccini on The Archies' Greatest Hits. (This is the entire review.)

"Why did I expect this album to be blank on both sides?" J.D. Considine on The Best of Kansas. (Again, this is the entire review.)

[Steve M.]

More put-downs!

"These guys are as stupid as their most pretentious fans." - Robert Christgau on Emerson, Lake and Palmer

"[America is] one of those soft-rock bands of the seventies that couldn't even work up enough energy to be mellow." - Jimmy Guterman and Owen O'Donnell

"The music can't redeem the lyrics–not only because such dehumanization is irredeemable, but also because the music is lame. Indeed, the Knack are the most nefarious sort of hacks. They're terribly competent and they have a seemingly inexhaustible storehouse of clichés... the Knack's greatest achievement is to make hard-rock clichés sound completely gutless... Fieger's puling vocals suggest that, for him, the ultimate agony would be to imagine that somewhere in the world there exists a woman who might find him sexually unattractive. Compared to Doug Fieger, Rod Stewart is a paragon of sexual humility." - Dave Marsh on the Knack's second album

"Paul McCartney makes lovely boutique tapes, resolute upon being as inconsequential as the Carpenters which in itself may be as much a reaction to John's opposite excesses as a simple case of vacuity. You could hardly call him burnt out--Band on the Run was, in its rather vapid way, a masterful album. Muzak's finest hour. Of course he is about as committed to the notion of subject matter as Hanna-Barbera, and his cuteness can be incredibly annoying at times." - Lester Bangs

[biffbronson]

Thanks for posting those. Such abysmal critics. They're dissed some of my favorite bands, in fact E L P's "From the Beginning" ranks among my all-time favorite songs, if not #1.

I think my brother had one of Dave Marsh's books of record reviews, lots of bad takes in there for sure. IIRC he rated Led Zeppelin's albums quite low.

[Penny Lane]

"[America is] one of those soft-rock bands of the seventies that couldn't even work up enough energy to be mellow." - Jimmy Guterman and Owen O'Donnell

Idjits!

[Steve M.]

Originally Posted by biffbronson

Thanks for posting those. Such abysmal critics. They're dissed some of my favorite bands, in fact E L P's "From the Beginning" ranks among my all-time favorite songs, if not #1.

I think my brother had one of Dave Marsh's books of record reviews, lots of bad takes in there for sure. IIRC he rated Led Zeppelin's albums quite low.

You're welcome - more to come!

I don't know if Marsh rated Led Zeppelin low, but I know that in the Rolling Stone Record Guide's first two editions - which Marsh edited - Billy Altman rated Zep highly.

I've always had a beef with guys like Marsh for constantly bashing Rush and also dismissing other AOR acts for being narcissistic, yet Marsh has consistently praised Madonna, saying that her music is "good, except when it's great." He once intimated that people who hate her are white male elitist who are prejudiced against her for being a female performer and against her audience for being predominantly female, nonwhite, and gay - it can't possibly be for the music! He's constantly attacked fans for propping up performers he doesn't like, yet he takes umbrage at anyone who would throw the records of his favorite acts in the garbage can.

Oh yeah, he's constantly praising rap and even tried to rename rock and roll "rock and rap." Christgau is slightly more broadminded.

[Steve M.]

"We are happy to report that over ninety percent of everything the Grateful Dead have recorded is diffuse, bombastic, self-indulgent, and emotionally dishonest . . .. We've had the misfortune of seeing them twice in concert, once in high school when we were smking pop, and again in college after we stopped. Guess which time we thought they were better." - Jimmy Guterman and Owen O'Donnell

"Truthfully, there simply isn't very much about [the Grateful Dead] that's impressive, except the devotion of its fans to a mythology created in Haight-Ashbury and now sustained in junior high schools across America." - Dave Marsh

"[Marsh] sure tells it like it is [about the Dead], and pretty it ain't." - Bill Shapiro

[Steve M.]

Because I know you all love Dave Marsh!

"For any rock music fan opposed to cultural hegemony or self-righteous sanctimony, it's difficult to resist gloating over the fact that U2's Pop album and its ongoing U.S. tour have bombed. The tour's most noteworthy emblem is a gigantic stage prop in the shape of a lemon, and that could not be more perfect. Billboard's most recent album chart doesn't even rank Pop among its top 200 albums . . .. Watching pop-culture bombast on the scale of U2 collapse beneath its own pretension and arrogance is indeed rewarding."

"Consumers who turn to rock bands do so precisely for what they cannot find at Kmart. It's not that rock fans automatically reject crass commercialism -- millions of Kiss and Bon Jovi fans prove otherwise -- but at least that music is supposed to be self-generated crass commercialism."

Both of this quotes are from a 1997 column he wrote about corporate and commercial arrogance. Here's the link so that I don't take anything out of context:

https://www.miaminewtimes.com/music/...nd-bum-6360325

[Steve M.]

And then there was Alan Niester, whose pointless negative appraisal of Rush accused them of putting out a "pointless" archival LP!

[ABlairican Pie]

It's hard to know who music critics want us to like. It's like they don't want us to like anyone at all!

I have heard for decades the criticisms over Geddy Lee's voice in Rush. In 1977, when I first discovered Rush and they became one of my top three favorite bands in my rock "epiphany", I always thought Geddy Lee's voice was unique and impressive. As was the music. Alex Lifeson was one of my influences on guitar.

[Steve M.]

Originally Posted by ABlairican Pie

It's hard to know who music critics want us to like. It's like they don't want us to like anyone at all!

I have heard for decades the criticisms over Geddy Lee's voice in Rush. In 1977, when I first discovered Rush and they became one of my top three favorite bands in my rock "epiphany", I always thought Geddy Lee's voice was unique and impressive. As was the music. Alex Lifeson was one of my influences on guitar.

Dave Marsh wants us to like hip-hop/R&B; he never heard a rap record he didn't like. Also, he constantly defends his fellow native Michigander Madonna, calling her "undervalued" and saying that not for all the slut-shaming against her, her 1980s singles would be regarded as among the best records of the decade.



Marsh seems to go by the rule that, the whiter it is, the worse it is. And thus explains his quote - "Groups as hapless as the Grateful Dead and Emerson, Lake and Palmer and Edie Brickell & New Bohemians are part of the rock and soul continuum. There's no denying it; believe me, I've tried hard enough."

[Steve M.]

And there's this Marsh review of this LP:

"Two million people bought this album, which proves that P.T. Barnum was right and that euthanasia may have untapped possibilities."

[Steve M.]

And then there's Dave Marsh's appraisal of Queen:

"Queen isn't here just to entertain. This group has come to make it clear exactly who is superior and who is inferior. Its anthem, 'We Will Rock You', is a marching order: you will not rock us, we will rock you. Indeed, Queen may be the first truly fascist rock band."

[Steve M.]

Dave Marsh on the Doors:

"Is this the most overrated group in rock history? Only a truly terminal case of arrested adolescence can hold out against such a judgment for very long."

[biffbronson]

I honestly don't know how a rock fan could listen to "Tom Sawyer" or "Spirit of Radio" by Rush and not like what he / she is hearing. Not only has their music been highly influential, there's no doubt it will endure -- as has that of The Doors and so many other talented bands.

[Steve M.]

Originally Posted by biffbronson

I honestly don't know how a rock fan could listen to "Tom Sawyer" or "Spirit of Radio" by Rush and not like what he / she is hearing. Not only has their music been highly influential, there's no doubt it will endure -- as has that of The Doors and so many other talented bands.

Alan Niester wrote the Rush reviews for the first edition of the Rolling Stone Record Guide; John Swenson wrote them for the second edition, and he was much kinder to the trio. He called "The Spirit of Radio" excellent and "Jacob's Ladder" a beautiful song, and he gave 2112, Permanent Waves and Moving Pictures four stars out of five. I assume that Marsh, a classic Rush-hater, assigned Swenson the Rush reviews thinking he was simpatico with Marsh about Rush. Boy, Marsh must have been red-faced!