The Big Happy Family - Episode 2: Woman’s Work

[TVLegend]

CAST:

Penny Lane - Doris Haney Carson
Chad22 - William “Billy” Carson
Wawwie - Andrea Shelton
IllinoisTVFan - Shirley Haney
Child Actor - Kyle Carson
Child Actress - Willow Carson

GUEST CAST:

Child Actress #2 - Abby
JoAnna Garcia Swisher - Kim
_______________________________________________

*At Andrea’s house, Billy is shown sitting at the kitchen table, eating some apple pie while Andrea is cleaning up*

Billy: Honey, this apple pie is FIRE! You did your thing with the food as usual.

Andrea: Thanks, baby. Anything to feed my man.

Billy: Heh.

Andrea: You know why that apple pie is fire?

*Billy shakes his head*

Billy: Why?

Andrea: It’s because of my secret ingredient.

Billy: Oh, really?

*Billy gets up*

Billy: Well, then. What’s your secret ingredient?

*Billy approaches Andrea and wraps his arms around her waist*

Billy: Extra nutmeg? Extra sugar?

*Billy gives Andrea a kiss on her neck and Andrea giggles*

Andrea: No, extra apples.

*Billy and Andrea laugh. Billy starts licking Andrea on the shoulder and gives her a couple kisses on the lips*

Billy: Andrea, we still buddies, right?

Andrea: Of course…buddy.

Billy: Well, why the hell am I so close to you?

Andrea: Oh, Billy, relax. There’s nothing wrong with two people getting along with each other.

Billy: Well, I guess not.

Andrea: Now, come on and give me all the kisses in the whole wide world…buddy.

Billy: Oh, I love it when you talk dirty to me, sweet cheeks!

*Andrea laughs. Billy and Andrea start making out when Andrea’s daughter, Abby walks in with AirPods in her ears. She’s listening to music*

Abby (disgusted): Ugh! Go get a room.

*Billy and Andrea realize that Abby’s in the room and they quit making out with each other*

Andrea: Why don’t you go to your room, young lady? I was handling business privately with my…

*Andrea turns and looks at Billy*

Andrea (awkwardly): …Buddy.

Abby (disgusted): Oh, please. I know you two are having sex.

*Billy and Andrea gasp*

Abby (disgusted): Besides, I was just getting a snack.

*Abby gets out a box of Pop Tarts, grabs a pack out the box, and puts the box back up before heading back to her room*

Andrea (singing and dancing with AirPods in her ears): I just wanna rock, body-ody, yeah! Shawty got that body-ody, ah, ah!

Billy: Anyway, now that Abby’s out the room…you know what would make this apple pie even BETTER?

*Billy returns to the kitchen table*

Andrea: Angel face, not tonight! My head hurts a little!

Billy: That would go great with my apple pie too, but that’s not what I was talking about. I was talking about some ice cream.

Andrea: Oh. Well, they got cookies ‘n cream ice cream in the freezer. You could help yourself to it.

Billy: Oh, boy! That’s my favorite!

*Andrea continues cleaning and this confuses Billy*

Billy (confused): Well…ain’t you going to get it?

*Andrea nods her head*

Andrea: Oh, yeah, baby. Sure thing.

*Andrea gets the cookies ‘n cream ice cream out of the freezer and hands it to Billy so he can get some*

Billy: I’d like some coffee too, if you don’t mind.

Andrea: You want me to make you coffee now?

Billy: Well, duh. I didn’t think it was gonna make itself. Now, get to work. Make a move! I don’t wanna miss the previews.

Andrea: Alright, alright.

*Andrea begins to make Billy some coffee when the cordless house phone rings*

Billy: The phone’s ringing.

*Andrea smacks her lips*

Andrea (sarcastically): Oh, how convenient.

*Andrea goes and answers the phone*

Andrea (on the phone): Hello? Hey.

Billy: Who is it?

Andrea (on the phone): It’s your mama. She wants to talk to you.

Billy: Tell her I’m eating.

Andrea (on the phone): Billy’s eating right now. Mm-hmm. Umm, Billy, your mama said that if you don’t come get the phone right now, she’s gonna make you anorexic. It’s urgent, apparently.

*Billy sighs*

Billy: Oh, my god.

*Billy gets up and takes the phone*

Billy (on the phone): Hey, mama.

*Billy nods his head*

Billy (on the phone): Uh…yeah. Light on the starch. You know this. Oh, and don’t forget to put the crease in my jeans. Okay. Alright. Love you too. Alright. Bye bye.

*Billy hangs up and puts the phone back before getting back to sitting down and eating his pie and ice cream*

Andrea (shocked): Billy, I didn’t know your mama STILL irons your clothes.

Billy: Well, why didn’t you? Obviously it’s gotta get done.

Andrea: Well, why can’t you do that?

Billy: Because I have a mama.

*Billy laughs*

Billy: Why can’t I do that…sweet cheeks, you are funny.

Andrea: What’s so funny about what I said?

Billy: Andrea, baby, we both know that ironing is strictly woman’s work.

*Andrea gasps*

Andrea: Excuse me?

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Yeah.

Andrea: Well, I’m curious. Just what else is “woman’s work” to you?

*Billy shrugs his shoulders*

Billy: Anything that’s NOT considered man’s work. Now, while you’re flapping your gums, I’d like a beer.

Andrea: I don’t think you’ll need one. The coffee’s ready.

Billy: Well, aren’t you gonna bring it to me?

Andrea: Are your legs broke?

*Billy shakes his head*

Billy: No.

Andrea: Well, do you want em to be, William Carson?

Billy: Ya know, pardon my French, but you’re really starting to piss me off now.

*Andrea gasps*

Billy: You must be reading that “101 Idiotic Ways To Be Alone and Miserable” book. Now, I’m not asking you, I’m telling you to get to fixing that coffee, ‘cause that is woman’s work. And that’s that.

Andrea (angrily): Listen up, jackass! If you don’t want to be wearing this hot coffee, I suggest you watch your tone and your mouth when you’re speaking to me. Also, I suggest you save the ignorant ass comments for someone else.

Billy: Andrea, can you please zip it and get my coffee? You’re gonna make us late!

Andrea (annoyed): No, YOU’RE gonna make us late. I don’t even feel like going to some silly movie anymore, Billy.

Billy: But, baby, you’re DRIVING!!!

Andrea (annoyed): Read my lips, Billy. I’M NOT GOING.

*Billy gets up and approaches Andrea*

Billy: Come on, sweet cheeks. Chill out. Be cool.

*Billy starts kissing Andrea on her shoulder before Andrea pushes him away in anger*

Andrea (angrily): Don’t kiss me!

Billy: Baby! Why you acting so strange?! You love it when I show you some love!

Andrea (angrily): Oh, that is so typical! All you see me as is your slave and your f*ck buddy! You are sick!

Billy: But, baby! You being my slave and my f*ck buddy is why I’m so attracted to you in the first place!

*Andrea rolls her eyes*

Billy: Look, I promise, sweetie. I swear. We can get busy during the movie this time. There, ya happy?

*Andrea smacks her lips*

Andrea (angrily): Shut up, you dirty minded dummy!

Billy (aggravated): So…this is what I get for trying to show my woman a good time!

Andrea: Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Billy (aggravated): Ya know what? I’m starting to realize that I’m not wanted here anymore. So I’ll leave and let you cool off and get all that pro women gibberish out your head!

*Andrea rolls her eyes*

Andrea: Whatever, ya bastard.

Billy: Oh, you’re so hot when you debate me. I hope you cool off soon, my little sexy lover.

Andrea (angrily): Get out!

*Billy leaves out the house before coming back a couple seconds later*

Billy: Could you at least give me a ride home?

Andrea: Billy, your mama’s house is just across the street.

Billy: I know that…but it’s a woman’s duty to drive her man home.

*Andrea slams the door in Billy’s face*

CUT TO: Opening Credits


*Doris and Shirley are shown sitting in the living room. Doris is sitting in the armchair and Shirley is sitting on the couch. Her eyes are glued to the TV*

Shirley: Oh, look, Doris. Your favorite part’s on. That crazy woman is gonna go in that building right after she just got plastic surgery to look like Sadie. Then she’s gonna do that little wicked laugh she always does. Watch.

*Doris remains silent*

Shirley (noticing that Doris isn’t responding): Doris? Doris?

*Shirley turns and looks at Doris, who is then shown fast asleep*

Shirley: Well, I guess she can’t watch.

*Shirley wakes Doris up*

Shirley: Doris.

Doris (drowsy): Huh?

Shirley: Go get in the bed, hon.

*Doris yawns*

Doris: I ain’t sleepy. I was just resting my eyes.

Shirley (skeptical): Mm-hmm.

*Doris looks at her watch*

Doris: Besides, it’s only 7:06. I don’t go to bed ‘til 11:30 at night. And I’m waiting on Billy to come in.

Shirley: Ain’t he and Andrea going to see a movie?

Doris: Unfortunately.

*A couple of seconds later, Billy comes in*

Shirley: Well, hey, Billy.

Doris: Hey, baby.

Billy: Hey, mama. Hey, Aunt Shirley.

Doris: I got your clothes all ironed and stuff.

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Alright.

*Billy heads to his room before Doris’ voice stops him*

Doris: Well, what happened? I thought you and Andrea was going to the movies.

Billy: There was a change in plans, mama.

Doris (curious): Well, why? Was it an emergency? Did something important come up and Andrea couldn’t go with you no more?

Billy (aggravated): I don’t wanna talk about it, mama! Why don’t you leave well enough alone?!

Doris: William Carson, I asked you a question! Now, you better answer me!

*Billy sighs*

Billy: Fine. I was just laying down a few simple, reasonable laws, and Andrea didn’t like em. So now, we’re not going anywhere tonight.

Doris: And just what laws was you laying down?

Billy: All I told her was that it is a woman’s duty to iron, and cook, and bake things, and things like that. I swear.

Doris: Oh, so that’s all you said.

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Yeah, that’s all I said. But no, Little Miss Perfect had to get all offended and soft. What a airhead.

Doris (angrily): Boy, have you lost your damn mind?! Honestly, I should beat you silly myself!

Billy (confused): What did I do?

Doris (angrily): You behaved like a total moron and a jackass!

Billy: Oh, please don’t tell me you’re on Andrea’s side now.

Doris (angrily): You better be glad I’m not on your backside!

*Doris gets up in anger*

Doris (angrily): What were you thinking?! Have you no brain?! Have you no intelligence?! Have you no damned balls, you pantywaist?!

*Billy and Shirley gasp in shock*

Doris (angrily): Ya know, I never thought I’d say this about the dumb, useless, blonde bimbo, but I don’t blame Andrea for not wanting to go to the movies with you no more!

Billy (annoyed): Mama, you know good and well that no straight man cooks, cleans, bakes, or fixes food! Women were made out for that!

Doris (angrily): That is the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard!

Billy (annoyed): Well, fine, mama! I take that one back. But it’s a proven fact that women only belong in two places: the kitchen and the bedroom, mama. The kitchen and the bedroom. Yes, sir.

Doris (angrily): And HOW can you be so sure?

Billy (annoyed): Mama, if my buddy, Gavin Luce was here, he’d be on MY side. Remember that. MY side.

Doris (angrily): Well, Billy, that says little! Gavin ain’t got no car, he rides the little short bus wherever he needs to go! What has gotten into you?! I certainly didn’t raise you like this!

Billy (annoyed): Mama, you cooked and cleaned and tidied up like a slave all the time when us kids was growing up!

Doris (angrily): Maybe so, but you gotta realize that your daddy never ONCE asked me to be his slave! Sure, he was hell on earth! And yes, I did used to catch him sitting on the toilet, reading his nasty magazines with women that had syrup smeared all over their body! And yes, we did fight and fuss, hell, he beat me one or two times before my mama gave me a pistol for our first wedding anniversary! But that man never asked me to get on my hands and knees and clean the floor up with my hands and my tongue! He never forced me to stand over a hot stove so that I wouldn’t catch a whipping like I was Frederick Douglass! Out of all my children, you are the WORST right now! Tony’s living the life in California, he barely comes and visits, Clara’s driving her husband away right now with her nagging and bitching! Dana is a total mess! She stays in a garbage can for a house with her stupid husband and her demon seed kids! But you disgust me! You were birthed by a woman, and you want one to cater to you even though you don’t deserve it!

*Billy sarcastically gives Doris a round of applause*

Billy (sarcastically): Well, well, well. What an inspiring speech. Go on, Joyce Meyer! Go on and preach it!

Doris (angrily): Shut up, you lamebrain! I ain’t finished! I wonder what your idea of a real woman is! Is it someone that greets her man at the door with a big smile and polishes off a cool can of beer just for him?! Is it someone that sleeps it up on the countertop at night while her hubby is sleeping in HIS bed?! Is it someone that stays at home all day, looking after the kids and singing songs that were left in the 1800s?!

Billy (annoyed): Oh, whatever, mama. I don’t even know why I’m discussing this with you.

Doris (angrily): Neither do I.

Billy (annoyed): What do you think, Aunt Shirley? Go on and tell mama that’s she acting crazy right now.

Shirley: Well, no offense to you, nephew, but you are CUCKOO! What on earth have you been smoking?!

Billy (annoyed): That’s it. I’ve had it. You two silly feminists can sit here and babble, but I’m going to my room, where I can get some peace and quiet.

Doris (angrily): Billy, if you want some peace and quiet in here, all you gotta do is shut up!

*Billy rolls his eyes and leaves out of the room before coming back a couple seconds later*

Billy: Mama, can you read me a bedtime story while I’m in my room? It’s woman’s work.

*Doris smacks her lips. The next day, Andrea and her friend, Kim are shown sitting in the living room at Andrea’s house*

Kim: So, talk to me, girl. Did you and Billy have a good time last night?

Andrea: I had an okay time last night. I don’t know about Billy.

Kim (confused): Well, why not?

Andrea: We ended up NOT going to the movies, Kim.

Kim: Well, why not? What happened?

Andrea: We had a little argument and I told him that I wasn’t going anymore. Kim, what kind of moron expects a woman to wait on him hand and foot?

Kim: The kind that aren’t six feet under.

Andrea: Well, I know Andy doesn’t treat you like a vacuum cleaner.

*Kim nods her head*

Kim: You do have a point. But, that’s because I trained him, Andrea.

Andrea: Trained him?

*Kim nods her head*

Kim: Yes. And you need to do the same with Billy. Andrea, you were single for three months before you started seeing Billy. That’s serious for a slut like you.

*Andrea shrugs her shoulders*

Kim: Look, hear me out. Men mean well, but they’re really just little pathetic lumps of clay. They gotta be molded.

Andrea: You molded Andy?

Kim: Damn straight. And works out for the best in the long run.

Andrea: Well, I suppose you right.

Kim: I know I’m right, Andrea. Anyways, I got a question.

Andrea: What is it?

Kim: Do you dig the way my Andy dresses?

Andrea: Oh, of course. I think he dresses nice.

Kim: Well, that’s because I taught him to.

*Kim laughs*

Kim: Before that, the poor soul had to fend for himself. He looked like a lost puppy wrapped in newspaper.

*Andrea laughs*

Kim: Andrea, my point is, you gotta work things out with your guy. Work it out with him.

Andrea: Well, wouldn’t it be a little easier to just…throw him out of a moving vehicle?

*Kim laughs*

Kim: Andrea, work it out, hon. Ya know what? I got a idea.

Andrea (curious): What?

Kim: How about the next time Billy wants you to do something for him, just say no?

Andrea: Well, why? My mama always told me to take care of my man and make him feel at home.

Kim: Andrea, that can’t possibly be true. A woman would have to be without a man to tell her daughter something like that. Andrea, look. Just quit playing nice. That’s the reason why Billy is starting to treat you like dirt.

Andrea: Kim, when do I EVER play nice?

*Kim purposely knocks over a basket sitting on the coffee table*

Kim: Oops. Could you pick that up for me? I don’t feel like getting it. I shouldn’t even have to, anyways. I’m just company.

Andrea: Well, sure.

*Andrea is about to pick the basket up off the floor before Kim stops her and gets it herself*

Kim: See? That’s what I mean.

Andrea (confused): Kim, what the hell are you talking about?

Kim: I should have just gotten it myself instead of asking you. I’m the one that knocked it down.

Andrea: Well, Kim, I was just trying to be-

Kim: Nice! That’s exactly what I mean. You’re being TOO nice to Billy. You’re letting him walk over you and mess with your mind.

Andrea: Well, just what am I supposed to do? Treat Billy the way he’s been treating me?

Kim: Exactly! Treat him like a…slimy, pitiful, sorry son of a bitch, and then, he will know his place, and then, he will know better than to try and control you.

*Andrea nods her head*

Andrea: Oh. I like that idea.

Kim: I knew you would!

Andrea: I like it a lot.

*Kim gives Andrea a high five*

Kim: That’s my girl!

*The next day, at Doris’ house, Kyle is shown looking out the window while Willow is sitting on the couch on her iPad when Doris walks in*

Kyle: Grandma, can I go over to Andrea’s house?

Doris: Well, what’s at Andrea’s house?

*Doris takes a seat in the armchair when Shirley comes downstairs and enters the living room*

Shirley: Oh, he just wants to stalk that little girl over there.

*Kyle shakes his head*

Kyle (embarrassed): N-n-n-n-n-n-n-no, I don’t. Th-th-th-th-that’s not true. And besides, she’s not just a little girl. She got a name. Her name’s Abby. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but that’s not true. I don’t like her. Like at all.

Doris: Kyle, you’ve got a little crush?! I thought you didn’t like girls!

*Kyle shakes his head*

Kyle (embarrassed): N-n-n-n-no, I don’t like girls. You right. I don’t…like em.

Doris: Thank God, ‘cause I would be just devastated if you had a crush on the daughter of a dirty whore.

Willow: Ooh, Kyle’s got a crush! I’m telling daddy!

Kyle (annoyed): Oh, shut up, you slow little 6 year old. Anyway, grandma, can I go to Andrea’s house?

Doris: Well, I guess that’s fine by me.

*Kyle grabs his jacket and puts it on and heads out the door before being stopped by Doris’ voice*

Doris: Hey, boy.

*Kyle turns and looks at Doris*

Doris: If that Andrea tries to give you something that smells or tastes funny, don’t fall for her act. And if she tries to get you to go in her bedroom with her, punch her right in her tatas and run off.

*Kyle nods his head*

Kyle: Yes, ma’am.

Doris: Alright, sweetie. Bye.

Kyle: Bye.

*Kyle heads out the door. Seconds later, Kyle is shown knocking on Andrea’s door. Abby then opens the door to find Kyle standing there*

Abby: Oh…hey, Kyle.

Kyle: Hey, Abby.

Abby: What’s good?

Kyle: You-I mean…nothing much.

Abby (confused): Uh-huh. Anyway, you wanna come in or something?

*Kyle nods his head*

Kyle: Yeah.

*Kyle enters the house and Abby closes the door behind him. Kyle then goes into the living room and falls on the couch. Abby sits next to him*

Kyle: You don’t mind if I sit down, huh?

*Abby shakes her head*

Abby: No, not really.

*Abby gets on her phone*

Kyle: So…what ya doing?

Abby: I’m just watching YouTube right now.

*Kyle nods his head*

Kyle: Oh, okay. I like watching YouTube. But, then again, I do like watching you a little more, baby.

Abby (confused): Bro, what?

*Kyle quickly shakes his head*

Kyle (embarrassed): Nothing. Anyway, Abby, since our parents seem to be dating or whatever, I think we should get to know each other better. Ya know what I mean?

Abby (confused): Uhh…okay.

Kyle: So…let’s talk bout you. Do you play any sports?

*Abby shakes her head*

Abby: Not really. But I kinda feel bad about that, ‘cause apparently, I did not inherit my athletic skills from my mom, like at all.

Kyle: Oh, okay. Well…sorry to hear that.

*Abby nods her head*

Kyle (under his breath): Yes, baby! Yes! I’m gonna get her Snapchat today!

Abby (confused): What?

*Kyle shakes his head*

Kyle (embarrassed): Nothing. So, Abby…

Abby: That’s my name.

Kyle: How old are you?

Abby: I’m 12.

*Kyle nods his head*

Kyle: I can deal with that.

Abby: Well, yeah, obviously, you’re gonna have to.

Kyle: I’m 13. My birthday’s December 18th.

Abby: Oh, okay. Well, happy belated birthday.

Kyle: Thank you. Maybe you can be my belated birthday cake.

Abby (confused): What the hell?!

*Kyle gasps in shock*

Kyle (embarrassed): Uh, nothing. I was just thinking bout stuff.

*Kyle slaps himself in the face in embarrassment*

Kyle: Don’t go there, Kyle! Don’t go there!

Abby (confused): You good?

*Kyle nods his head*

Kyle: Oh, yeah. I’m good. Anyway…do you watch soap operas? Like The Young and the Restless or The Bold and The Beautiful or General Hospital?

Abby (confused): Uhh…no. Don’t old ladies watch that? The f*ck?

Kyle (uncomfortable): Umm, Abby, does Andrea know you’re cussing?

Abby: No. Why should she? This ain’t the 1970s.

*Kyle sighs*

Kyle (under his breath): Maybe she’s not the girl for me.

Abby (confused): What the hell do you keep whispering about?!

Kyle (embarrassed): Oh, nothing. Just nothing.

Abby: Oh, okay.

Kyle (under his breath): I think I might’ve just peed myself.

*Kyle wraps his arms around Abby*

Kyle: We’re buddies, right, Abby?

*Abby shrugs her shoulders*

Abby: I guess. I don’t freaking know.

Kyle: Well, in that case, maybe we should do buddy stuff, like our parents do. They do buddy stuff. But we’d do…safe buddy stuff. You know, shake hands, hug…and maybe even kiss.

*Abby nods her head*

Abby: Oh, I get it.

Kyle: I knew you’d get it.

Abby: I get that you’re a crazy ass little weirdo who likes me even though I don’t like you back.

Kyle (shocked yet embarrassed): What?!

Abby: Get the hell away from me. In fact, get the hell out. We will NEVER, EVER be boyfriend and girlfriend. You’re a loser. Go find you a loser girlfriend who’s hard on the eyes, just like you.

*Kyle gets up from the couch in anger*

Kyle (angrily): Now, just wait a minute, Crabby Abby! You should be glad that someone actually likes your ugly self! Liked, actually. I don’t like you any more! I don’t like this kinda attitude! Besides, my daddy said I can’t hear swear words! And I’m more mature and just better than you can ever be! I’m leaving. Bye bye.

Abby: Bye. And don’t EVER come back neither.

*Kyle starts to leave before turning around and coming back a couple of seconds later*

Kyle: Oh, and by the way, go find this…

*Kyle sticks his middle finger at Abby before leaving out. Abby gasps in shock and rolls her eyes. A few days later, Andrea is shown sitting in the backyard, on her phone while sipping on some lemonade when Billy makes his way there and approaches her*

Billy: Hey, buddy.

Andrea: Well, Angel face, you’re late.

Billy: Well, that’s because mama refused to iron my clothes, so I had to do em myself. The nerve of her!

Andrea (sarcastically): Oh, how will you ever survive?

*Andrea rolls her eyes*

Billy: Well, I thought we was having supper.

Andrea: Oh, we are, baby.

Billy: Uhh…well why don’t I smell any food?

Andrea: Because you’re taking me out to eat.

Billy: WHAT?!

*Andrea nods her head*

Andrea: Yeah. Ya see, taking a woman out to eat is man’s work.

Billy: Well, I sure didn’t know nothing about that.

*Billy notices that Andrea is drinking lemonade*

Billy: Is that lemonade you’re drinking?

*Andrea nods her head*

Andrea: Yeah, baby.

Billy: Well, I’d like some myself.

Andrea: Oh, sure thing. There’s some in the kitchen just for YOU to fix.

*Andrea hands Billy her glass*

Andrea: There. Get me some more when you go and get yours.

Billy (confused): Andrea, what the hell has gotten into you?!

Andrea: What do you mean, Billy?

Billy (confused): Well, why are you ordering me to do stuff? I don’t like this!

Andrea: Well, that makes two of us.

*Billy smacks his lips*

Billy: Andrea, you need to chill out.

Andrea: And so do you, mister!

*Andrea gets up*

Andrea: Let me make something perfectly clear, Billy. I’m not your maid, your cook, nor your servant. And I wish you wouldn’t treat me like I am.

Billy: Andrea, what are you talking about? I treat you the same way I treat my own mama.

Andrea: Well, maybe you need to treat the evil old biddy better too. Look, Billy. A relationship is by give and take. You should know this.

Billy: Oh, I don’t like this. You’re starting to sound like my ex-wife and every other woman I’ve been with. So…I guess you don’t wanna be with me no more.

Andrea: No one said we had to end things, Billy. We can work on us, step by step.

Billy: Well, can you PLEASE work on us for me? It’s woman’s work.

*Andrea rolls her eyes while Billy laughs*

Billy: I was just kidding, baby.

Andrea: Look, Billy, if you think we’re worth it, then let’s fix this. I don’t want us to break up over something silly.

*Billy shakes his head*

Billy: I don’t think we’re worth it.

Andrea: Well…okay. I respect your decision.

*Billy approaches Andrea and gives her a kiss on the lips*

Billy: I KNOW we’re worth it.

Andrea: Aww!

*Billy wraps his arms around Andrea’s waist*

Billy: Oh, I’m so sorry that I was acting like such a jerk, Missy.

Andrea: It’s alright.

Billy: You don’t mind if I call you Missy, huh?

*Andrea shakes her head*

Andrea (happy): No. Not at all.

*Billy starts kissing Andrea on her shoulders and on her neck*

Andrea: Oh, screw going out to eat, let’s go inside and get it on!

Billy: Oh, boy! I’m getting my old buddy back!

Andrea: You sure are, buddy! Now, come on!

*Andrea leads Billy into the house before Billy stops her*

Billy: Uh-uh. I can’t wait that long, baby! Let’s go in the garage. It’s closer.

Andrea: THE GARAGE?!

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Yeah. Just come on. It’s alright. Let’s just…

*Billy kisses Andrea on the shoulder*

Billy: …Go in the garage, ya know what I mean? I think it would be…

*Billy kisses Andrea on the shoulder again*

Billy: …Best for us. We could make some REAL mean memories in the garage. Think about it, baby. Think about all the buddy stuff we could be doing in there.

*Andrea shakes her head*

Billy: Come on, baby, please! Just this one time!

Andrea: Oh, quit your damn begging.

*Andrea takes Billy to the garage*

Billy (excited): Oh, boy! I’m getting some booty.

*Billy slaps Andrea on the butt*

Andrea: Billy, mind your manners!

*Billy laughs. He and Andrea then go into the garage and close the door behind them*

Andrea (a couple seconds later): Oh, god! Oh, heaven on earth! Billy…that WAS great!

*A week later, Doris is shown knocking on Andrea’s door with a plate in her hand. A couple of seconds later, Abby comes to the door*

Abby: Well, hey, Miss Doris.

Doris (strangely excited): Hey, Abb-Abb! How you doing?

Abby (somewhat puzzled): I’m doing alright…I guess.

Doris (strangely excited): Good, hon. That’s nice to hear. Well, look, I just came over to apologize for my grandson, Kyle’s behavior. I just don’t know what got into him. But he’s real sorry for how he acted.

Abby: Okay…that’s all?

Doris (strangely excited): Well, not quite. Actually, I thought I’d give you a pleasant peace offering.

Abby: A peace offering?

*Doris nods her head*

Doris (strangely excited): Yeah, sweetie.

Abby: Well, what do you mean by that?

Doris (strangely excited): I mean what I said. I thought I’d give you a pleasant peace offering. Ya see, I heard that you were cussing at my grandson and you called him a loser and you said something about him being ugly and all them bad things, but between you and me…I don’t really care about all that. I just want all this bad blood between you and him to be put to an end. So, looks like I got the situation handled once and for all.

*Abby slowly nods her head*

Abby: Yeah, looks like it.

Doris (strangely excited): But yeah, I came here to apologize on Kyle’s behalf, and to give you this peace offering.

*Doris hands the plate to Abby*

Doris (strangely excited): There you go, sweetie. Enjoy.

Abby (confused): Uh, what’s in this plate?

Doris (strangely excited): Oh, it’s some of my delicious pound cake. Yep. I spent all day baking that cake, just for you. So…enjoy. And remember, that pound cake’s for YOU, and NO ONE else. So, eat it all up like a happy little girl. Just eat your heart out…literally. Don’t give ANY of it to NOBODY…well, expect your mama, she can have a little piece here and there. But just eat it all, you’re gonna feel like you’re walking on clouds. Eat it all at once, and you just might be doing that sooner than you expect, actually.

Abby (annoyed): Uh, are you done talking stupid, old lady?

*Doris nods her head*

Doris (strangely excited): Oh, yeah. I’m done alright. My work here is done. Well, bye bye. Take care of yourself. I sure took care of you.

Abby: Alright. You take care of yourself too.

Doris (strangely excited): I’ll do that.

*Abby closes the door*

Doris (strangely excited): …You daughter of a bitch.

*Doris walks off. Inside Andrea’s house, Abby is then shown entering the living room, where Andrea is shown standing there*

Abby: Mama, that old lady across the street gave me a gift.

Andrea: A gift?

*Abby nods her head*

Abby: Yeah. She gave me a piece of pound cake. She said she baked it herself.

*Andrea quickly shakes her head*

Andrea: Uh-uh. Throw that away.

Abby: You want some, mama?

Andrea: No. Now hurry up and throw that away like I said.

Abby: But, mama, that old lady said that it was my gift! And it was meant just for me.

Andrea: Abby, you don’t know what’s in there.

Abby: Mama, that harmless old lady wouldn’t poison me.

Andrea: Well, in that case, dig in.

*Andrea leaves the room while Abby has a confused yet curious look on her face*


CLOSING CREDITS…

THE END

[Wawwie]

Billy's brain is back in the middle ages.

[TVLegend]

Originally Posted by Wawwie

Billy's brain is back in the middle ages.

LOL. Just wait until you see the rest. I’ll give you a hint: Someone living in Doris’ house will fall head over hills in love with someone that lives in the neighborhood.

Well, we all know one thing for sure, Billy sure loves him some Andrea. He was licking her shoulders and kissing all on her neck and sh*t while the daughter was right in the room.

Speaking of Andrea, it looks like she isn’t all that bad or trampy in this episode. I’d love to hear your overall opinion on what went down at Andrea’s house and who was in the right.

[Wawwie]

Originally Posted by TVLegend

LOL. Just wait until you see the rest. I’ll give you a hint: Someone living in Doris’ house will fall head over hills in love with someone that lives in the neighborhood.

Well, we all know one thing for sure, Billy sure loves him some Andrea. He was licking her shoulders and kissing all on her neck and sh*t while the daughter was right in the room.

Speaking of Andrea, it looks like she isn’t all that bad or trampy in this episode. I’d love to hear your overall opinion on what went down at Andrea’s house and who was in the right.

I liked Andrea a lot more in this episode. I thought she was pretty good in this one. Even Doris sided with her.

[TVLegend]

Originally Posted by Wawwie

I liked Andrea a lot more in this episode. I thought she was pretty good in this one. Even Doris sided with her.

I guess you didn’t like it that much when she was sneaking into Doris’ house and getting freaky with her “buddy”, Billy late at night until the morning.

Any thoughts on Andrea’s daughter, Abby so far?