A Shatner Thanksgiving

[TVLegend]

CAST:

TVFactFan - Solomon Shatner
Wawwie - Nina Shatner
robyrob - Robbie Shatner
opus - Hayden Shatner
MA - Mackenzie Shatner
Melissa Claire Egan - Angela Shatner
Child Actor - Owen Shatner
Child Actress - Kenley Shatner
IllinoisTVFan - Meggie Gibson

GUEST CAST:

robyrob dressed up as a busty old lady - Aweena Shatner
Dolly Parton - Cousin Nadine
___________________________________________________

*As we open, Aweena is shown standing over the stove in the kitchen, cooking and stirring a pot while singing the theme song to Cheers*

Aweena (singing): Sometimes you wanna go…where everybody knows your name! And they’re always glad you came! Hey! You wanna be where you can see! Our troubles are all the same! You wanna be where everybody knows your name! Hey!

*Nina enters the kitchen and approaches Aweena in confusion*

Nina (confused): Miss Shatner, what are you doing here?

Aweena: Well, can’t you say hello, missy?

*Nina sighs*

Nina: Hello, Miss-

Aweena (angrily): I don’t wanna hear it!

*Nina sighs*

Nina: What are you up to in here?

Aweena: You probably won’t hardly know what I’m talking about, but for your information, I am cooking.

Nina: Miss Shatner, I can cook, okay?

Aweena: And you lie as well, okay?

*Nina sighs*

Nina: Miss Shatner, to be honest, your cooking isn’t needed. I already bought some nice wings from the store to just quickly pop into the microwave.

Aweena: Oh, you still fooling with that microwave junk, huh?

Nina: Miss Shatner, it’s NOT junk.

Aweena: And just who the hell are you, Thomas Edison? Back in my day, we didn’t need no microwaves. We heated our foods over the stove.

Nina: Well, I am sorry that I can not be like the cavemen.

Aweena (angrily): AND JUST WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO-

*Aweena sighs*

Aweena (under her breath, talking to herself): Take it easy, Aweena. This ain’t good for your health.

*Aweena nervously chuckles*

Aweena: Nina, girl, you were just about to make my blood pressure raise higher than the Mississippi River. Don’t make me get on you.

Nina: Anyway, Miss Shatner, Solomon doesn’t have a problem with the microwave wings.

Aweena: Well, that’s because you always hushing my baby up with them gaudy looking dresses. I swear, he never keeps his eyes in his plate on a count of you getting all hot and bothered like a horny hyena in heat.

*Nina rolls her eyes*

Nina (offended): Miss Shatner, that is it! I have had it up to here with your mean spirited insults! Now what is it that I can do to gain your approval?!

Aweena (angrily): First of all, you can lose your damn self righteous attitude before you lose your damn teeth! I don’t like that at all! Watch your mouth before I…

*Aweena randomly starts to imitate a bunch of wild karate moves which intimidates Nina*

Aweena (angrily): …Beat ya silly! Secondly, it wouldn’t hurt for you to feed my son and this family overall some better food instead of whatever the hell kinda microwave mess you concoct! Now, I gotta go the casino before it gets too late, so watch that food. It’s the early Thanksgiving dinner. Don’t thank me.

Nina: Hold on. Thanksgiving dinner?

*Aweena nods her head*

Aweena: That’s what I said, huh? Look, don’t eat that tonight, no. Save that for Thanksgiving Day.

Nina: Miss Shatner, I am already cooking for Thanks-

Aweena (angrily): WHAT DID I SAY?!

*Nina sighs*

Aweena: Now, I gotta go. Tell Solomon and Robbie and the grandkids I said hello. As for you, you can go to hell for all I care.

*Nina rolls her eyes as Aweena grabs her purse from off the counter*

Aweena: Lord, Nina, ya got my sugar all up and thing, ya know I’m on that insulin. You know I’m a “diabetical”.

*Nina stands and looks at Aweena in awe as she leaves out of the kitchen before turning around and coming back*

Aweena: Hey, don’t just stand there! Get your butt to watching the food, ya microwaving moron.

*Aweena leaves out of the kitchen again. Later, the whole family is shown sitting at the dinner table eating dinner*

Solomon: Baby, supper is great! You did your thing with the food as usual.

Nina: Why, thank you, Solomon. But it wasn’t me who cooked it. It was your mother.

Solomon: My mother?

*Nina nods her head*

Nina: Oh, yeah. She came by earlier, cooking and singing, talking about this was supposed to be some Thanksgiving meal.

Solomon: Nina, that is simply disrespectful.

Nina: What?

Solomon: How dare you disrespect the legacy of mama’s meals?!

*Nina rolls her eyes*

Solomon: Don’t you know that her food is better saved on Thanksgiving?

Nina: God, you are such a mama’s boy!

Solomon: I am not!

Nina: Well, what do you think, Robbie? Do you think that your mama’s food should be saved for a holiday when I’m already cooking something for said holiday?

Robbie: No comment.

Nina: What?

Robbie: I said no comment, Nina. I have no opinion on the matter.

Nina: Well, why not?

Solomon: Because Robbie and his family are eating MAMA’S meal in MY house…for free-LOL.

Robbie: Now, Solomon, you know you love us eating here for supper.

Solomon: The hell I do. Why can’t you get your wife to cook?

Angela: Ya know what, Robbie? Your brother’s right. Maybe we should stop coming over here for dinner and start making our own food to eat. Tomorrow, baked yogurt on a cracker will be on the menu. It’s your favorite, right, honey?

Robbie (talking to Solomon): And that’s exactly why we come here for supper.

Angela: What?

*Robbie shakes his head*

Robbie: Nothing, dear.

Owen: Man, I LOVE grandma’s Thanksgiving supper.

Solomon: So do I. So pass me that piece of chicken-LOL.

*Solomon grabs a piece of fried chicken from Owen’s plate and stuffs it in his mouth*

Nina (annoyed): Solomon!

Solomon: What? I’m eating for two: Myself…and my stomach.

Hayden: Lemme get some chicken, Owen.

*Hayden grabs a piece of fried chicken from Owen’s plate before Solomon angrily slaps his hand*

Solomon (angrily): Hey, boy! Mind your manners!

*Solomon takes the piece of chicken from Hayden’s hand and stuffs it in his mouth as well*

Solomon (talking to Hayden): You need to get you some college dorm, ‘cause that’s where you belong.

Nina: Don’t worry, Owen. There’s plenty more where that came from.

*The doorbell rings*

Robbie: Owen, go get the door.

*Owen gets up and walks up to the door*

Robbie: Ask who it is.

Owen (loudly): Who it is?!

Meggie (standing on the other side of the door): It’s Miss Meggie, baby.

*Owen opens the door to find Meggie standing there*

Meggie: Thank you.

*Owen returns to his seat*

Nina: Hey, Meggie!

Meggie: Hey, Nina!

*Meggie approaches everyone at the dinner table*

Hayden: What’s up, Miss Meg?

*Meggie shakes her head*

Meggie: Nothing much, Hayden.

*Meggie turns and looks at Kenley*

Meggie: Hi there, Kenley.

Kenley: Hi.

Mackenzie: Hey, Miss Meggie.

Meggie: Hey, Mackenzie. Robbie. Angela.

Robbie: Meggie.

Angela: Hi there.

Solomon: Bye, Meggie.

Meggie: Shut up, Solomon.

Solomon: Meggie, why are you here?

Meggie: I’m checking on my dear friend and bestie, Nina.

Solomon: My wife’s fine.

Meggie: Obviously she isn’t if she’s still having suppers with YOU.

*Solomon rolls his eyes*

Solomon: Ya know, ya need to check on me.

Meggie: For what?

Solomon: Your ugly face just damaged my eyesight-LOL.

Meggie (offended): Be quiet, you waste of skin. Anyway, Nina, dinner smells GREAT.

Solomon: Good thing you ain’t staying to have none-LOL.

*Meggie ignores Solomon*

Meggie: I mean, I could go back home and heat up some canned soup, if I’m not invited.

Solomon: Believe me, you’re not. You have a house. Goodbye.

Meggie: I’m talking to Nina, Solomon the Simpleton!

*Solomon smacks his lips in aggravation*

Nina: You could stay, Meggie.

Meggie: Thanks, love.

*Meggie sits down next to Solomon*

Solomon: Don’t sit next to me!

*Meggie rolls her eyes and gets up. A few days later, which happens to be the day before Thanksgiving, Nina and Meggie are shown sitting in the living room talking*

Meggie: Mm-hmm. Rosetta Goodman thought that her man was spending all that time at work when he was cheating on her with a young lady, who turned out to be a young man.

Nina (shocked): Huh?!

*Meggie nods her head*

Meggie: Yeah. And to get back at him, she slept with their son.

Nina (disgusted): Eww!

Meggie: I know, right?

Nina (disgusted): Anyway, moving on…

*Meggie laughs*

Nina: Are you coming over here for Thanksgiving tomorrow, Meggie?

*Meggie shakes her head*

Meggie: Oh, I don’t think so.

Nina: Aw, I so wanted you over here. Is your family having something special this year?

*Meggie nods her head*

Meggie: Yeah. My Uncle Purvis is having the entire Gibson clan over at his house this year.

Nina: Oh, well that sounds nice.

Meggie: Not too nice. The old fool doesn’t even have a house. He lives in a homeless shelter. But, mama begged and begged for me to go and bring her, so anything to oblige, I guess.

*The doorbell rings*

Nina: I’ll get it.

*Nina goes and answers the door. At the door when she opens it is Aweena and Cousin Nadine. Cousin Nadine is holding a box filled with pots and pans in it while Aweena is holding bags in her hands and wearing a fur coat*

Aweena: Happy Holidays, my dumb turkeys!

*Nina sighs*

Aweena (angrily): Well, hell, don’t just stand there! Take the damn bags!

*Aweena angrily hands the bags to Nina and enters the house*

Aweena: Come on in here, Nadine.

*Nadine enters the house and closes the door behind her*

Aweena: Everybody, this here is my Cousin Nadine.

Cousin Nadine (under her breath, talking to Aweena): You wasn’t lying after all, Aweena. Your daughter-in-law’s thighs sure are thick.

*Nadine goes into the kitchen to put the pots and pans down while Nina sighs on aggravation. Nina then puts the bags down on the couch*

Nina: Ya know, Miss Shatner, what I can’t fathom is WHY you’re here.

Aweena: I’ll tell ya why I’m here.

*Aweena enters the living room and approaches Nina*

Aweena: I knew you’d serve my very own Thanksgiving dinner for supper as soon as it finished cooking, so I came prepared with more, ‘cause you’re not about to kill my boy with that low-down, no-good, poisonous food you cook. I don’t know what the boy sees in you!

Nina: Alright, Miss Shatner. Just forget I said anything.

Aweena (hysterical): Good lord, ya got my pressure all up, Nina! Don’t make me fight you on this good Thanksgiving Eve!

*Nina rolls her eyes*

Nina: Miss Shatner, I am cooking for Thanksgiving, so you can take all of this back.

*Cousin Nadine returns after putting the pots and pans down*

Aweena: Look, you! You don’t tell me what I can and can’t do! I won’t hear of it anyway! Me and Nadine are cooking, and that’s final! We are cooking sweet potatoes, cornbread, beans, fried chicken, creamed corn, peas, roast, meatloaf, and the list goes on! We also doing a family favorite dessert: pumpkin pie!

Cousin Nadine: We sure are!

*Meggie gets up and approaches Aweena*

Meggie: Oh, that sounds absolutely DELICIOUS! I’m so glad you two came by.

*Meggie touches Aweena’s face with her hands*

Cousin Nadine: Oh, she seems lovely, doesn’t she, Aweena?

*Aweena nods her head*

Aweena: She sure does. Speaking of, can you do me a favor, Meggie?

Meggie: Sure. What is it, Miss Shatner?

Aweena: Please don’t put your hands on me no more, honey.

*Aweena nervously chuckles*

Aweena: Anyway, ya know, it’s never too late for you and my Solomon.

*Nina rolls her eyes*

Meggie: Umm…with all due respect, Miss Shatner, that’s not gonna happen. Like EVER.

Aweena (angrily): WHAT?! DID YOU JUST TELL ME NO TO MY FACE?!

*Meggie shakes her head*

Meggie (nervously): No, ma’am.

Aweena (angrily): You must’ve been speaking to someone else, ‘cause you don’t…

*Aweena randomly runs around the living room in anger before coming back*

Aweena (angrily): …Tell me no!

*Aweena nervously chuckles*

Aweena: I’m sorry, that was my blood pressure getting the best of me. I like you a lot, but don’t EVER get smart with me again, ya got that?

*Meggie nods her head*

Meggie: Yes, ma’am.

Aweena: ‘Cause you’re not too old to have a vase broken over your head.

*Aweena holds her head and imitates someone’s head being hurt*

Aweena (pretending as if her head’s hurting): Ooh, my head is killing me!

*Meggie has an embarrassed look on her face*

Aweena: Come on, Nadine. Let’s take these bags into the kitchen and get to cooking.

*Cousin Nadine helps Aweena take the bags from off the couch and the two head into the kitchen. Later, Aweena and Cousin Nadine are both shown whipping sweet potatoes in a bowl while Nina and Meggie are sitting on the couch snapping beans*

Cousin Nadine: Ya know, Aweena, you always were better than me when it came down to sweet potatoes.

Aweena: Hold on, Nadine. Hold on.

*Aweena clears her throat*

Aweena (talking to Nina): You still playing in them damn beans, dingbat?!

*Nina gets up from the couch and walks to the other side of the room in anger*

Nina (under her breath): I am getting so damn sick of that old bitch.

Aweena (angrily): WHAT WAS THAT?! You better be lucky I’m on insulin ‘cause if you was around me back in the day I’d KILL you!!!

*Aweena picks up one of the armchairs and throws it, aiming at Nina despite missing as Nina screams in horror*

Aweena: Anyway, what ya got so far, Nadine?

Cousin Nadine: Did you just ask me what I got so far?

*Aweena nods her head*

Aweena: Sure did.

Cousin Nadine: Well, let’s see…

*Cousin Nadine clears her throat*

Cousin Nadine (singing): I got beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes, Lamb, rams, hogs, dogs! Beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes, chicken, turkeys, rabbit!

Aweena and Nadine (singing, in unison): You name it!

*Meggie decides to join in*

Aweena, Nadine, and Meggie (singing, in unison): You name it! You name it!

*Nina decides to join in*

Aweena, Cousin Nadine, Nina, and Meggie (singing, in unison): You name it!

*Everybody stops singing and stares at Nina*

Nina (singing and dancing at the same time): Hey! You name it! You name it! Hey! I got tomatoes, chicken, potatoes…

*Nina stops and turns around after noticing that no one’s singing with her anymore. She quickly gets embarrassed*

Aweena (ignoring Nina): Ya know, Meggie, you got such a pretty voice. It’s a shame that we couldn’t here you over Nina caterwauling.

*Meggie nods her head*

Meggie: Yeah, she does have a tendency to make everything about her.

Aweena: Yeah. She sounded like a dying cat.

*Aweena and Meggie laugh in unison as Nina gasps*

Aweena: But anyway, I’d like to hear your singing voice clearly, without Nina singing over you, love.

Meggie: Well, okay. I’ll give it a go.

*Meggie clears her throat*

Meggie (singing): I got beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes, Lamb, rams, hogs, dogs!

Cousin Nadine (singing): Beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes, chicken, Turkeys, rabbit!

Meggie (singing): You name it!

Cousin Nadine (singing): You name it!

Meggie (singing): You name it!

Cousin Nadine (singing): You name it!

*Aweena starts dancing and kicking her legs out in enjoyment as Meggie and Cousin Nadine continue singing*

Meggie (singing): You name it!

Cousin Nadine (singing): You name it!

Meggie (singing): You name it!

Cousin Nadine (singing): You name it!

Meggie (singing): You name it!

Cousin Nadine (singing): You name it!

*Aweena attempts to do a backflip on the couch and ends up falling off head first and hurting herself*

Cousin Nadine (concerned): Aweena?

Meggie (concerned): Miss Shatner, you alright?

*Aweena nods her head*

Aweena: Oh, yeah.

*Aweena suddenly passes out. The next day, which is Thanksgiving, everyone is shown finishing dinner except for Solomon who is noticeably absent. Meggie then enters the house and closes the door behind her*

Meggie: Hey, everybody.

*Meggie approaches everyone at the dinner table*

Nina: Oh, hey, Meggie. I thought you were at your Uncle Purvis’.

*Meggie shakes her head*

Meggie: No. It turns out they wouldn’t allow mama’s Fatmobile in the building so we had to go back home. Where’s Solomon?

Nina: He’s bringing Miss Shatner back home.

Meggie: Oh, I had lots of fun with that old gal. She’s a hoot.

Nina: You don’t know the half of it.

Robbie: Yeah, all mama seemed to talk about was Meggie having such a great voice and Nina’s being as remarkable as roadkill.

Nina: Would you like something to eat, Meggie?

*Meggie shakes her head*

Meggie: No, I’m good.

*Meggie takes a seat at the dinner table anyway*

Meggie: Well, fine. If you insist.

*Meggie giggles*

Robbie: Meggie.

Angela: Again.

Owen: For.

Kenley: Supper.

Mackenzie: As usual.

Hayden: Nothing’s changed.

*Meggie giggles*

Meggie: Happy Thanksgiving.


THE END

[MA]

Thank you for including me in the story.

[stevea]

Fun story. I always enjoy the cranky old ladies.

[TVLegend]

Originally Posted by MA

Thank you for including me in the story.

You’re welcome.

[TVLegend]

Originally Posted by stevea

Fun story. I always enjoy the cranky old ladies.

What’s your opinion on the way Aweena treats Nina and Solomon and Meggie’s “rivalry”?

[Dude111]

Thank you Capt Kirk

[stevea]

If I recall correctly Aweena treats Nina like dirt and Meggie, an old bud.

[TVLegend]

Originally Posted by stevea

If I recall correctly Aweena treats Nina like dirt and Meggie, an old bud.

Yeah, she really does. Maybe she just hasn’t accepted her “baby boy” having another special woman in his life after all this time.

[Wawwie]

This was really good. I LOLed most when Aweena was calling Nina a hyena in heat and when she was imitating the karate moves.

[TVLegend]

Originally Posted by Wawwie

This was really good. I LOLed most when Aweena was calling Nina a hyena in heat and when she was imitating the karate moves.

What did you think about Aweena constantly insulting Nina and Solomon and Meggie’s “feuding”? I’m also curious about what other parts do you consider to be LOL moments?

[Wawwie]

Originally Posted by TVLegend

What did you think about Aweena constantly insulting Nina and Solomon and Meggie’s “feuding”? I’m also curious about what other parts do you consider to be LOL moments?

Aweena sure did interfere a lot.

I also thought the insults between Meggie and Solomon were funny!