Livin’ The Life - Season 1 Episode 1: The Pilot: Michael’s 40th Birthday

[TVLegend]

WARNING: This might take a while to read through.


Scene 1 - Int. Michael’s Apartment - Living Room - Morning

*Michael’s maid, Vera is sitting on the couch, watching TV, when Michael enters the room, with a big smile on his face*

Michael: Vera, do you know what today is?

*Vera turns and looks at Michael*

Vera: A day god made?

Michael: No, silly. Guess again.

Vera: God didn’t make this day?

Michael (frustrated): Vera, just guess again!

Vera: Is it a bad day?

Michael: No, not for me.

Vera: I’m talking ‘bout for me. Really, Michael. Do you think I deserve to look up in your face this early in the mornin’?

Michael: Oh, shut up. It’s my birthday, clown.

Vera: Oh, okay.

*Vera turns around and goes back to watching TV*

Michael: That’s all you have to say? Okay? You think that’s gon’ cut it? Vera, today is my birthday.

Vera: Michael, have I given any indication that I give a damn?

Michael: No, but apparently you must want me to put my foot up yo’ butt.

Vera: I wish you would. I’d hurt you so bad, instead of dialin’ 9-1-1, you’d dial 9-1-9.

Michael: Whatever. I ain’t got time for yo’ foolishness. I’m hungry. Where’s my breakfast?

*Vera turns to Michael*

Vera: Yo’ breakfast?

Michael: Uh, yeah.

Vera: I don’t know.

Michael: What do you mean you don’t know?

Vera: Michael, I didn’t cook you no breakfast.

*Michael laughs in disbelief*

Michael (talking about Vera): I know she didn’t just say what I thought she said.

Vera: Yes, she did.

Michael: So you mean to tell me that instead of bein’ in that kitchen, cookin’ like you was supposed to, you sittin’ out here, on my good couch, watchin’ TV, and just chillin’?! Well, this is great! But at the same time, I guess I shouldn’t expect too much from a woman.

*Vera emerges from the couch and approaches Michael*

Vera (infuriated): Now, just what the hell is that supposed to mean?!

Michael: Like I said, I guess I shouldn’t expect too much from a woman, meanin’ that sometimes ya’ll females can be real stupid and useless.

Vera: Oh, yeah? Well, keep on bein’ sexist and ignorant. See where it’s gon’ get you.

*Vera sits back down on the couch*

Michael: Well, first of all, Sista’ Soldier, I ain’t bein’ sexist and ignorant. I just got common sense, unlike somebody I know.

Vera: Okay. Keep it up, and I’m gon’ put you sixteen feet underground.

Michael: That’s six feet underground, Vera.

Vera: I know, but whenever I go to see you at the church cemetery, I’m gon’ be so mad, I’ll stomp you down ten more feet.

CUT TO: Opening Credits


Scene 2 - Int. Michael’s Apartment - Living Room - Later On

*Michael is on the phone with his mom, while Vera is cleaning in the living room*

Michael (on the phone): Thank you, mama. No, I haven’t gotten another job yet. Because I haven’t. Mama, will you shut up about the damn job?! It’s my birthday, and I got more on my mind than some job!

*Michael sucks his teeth in aggravation*

Michael (on the phone): Fine, mama. I’m sorry for raisin’ my voice at you. There. Ya’ happy, ma’am? Well, I don’t care if you happy no more. Because I ain’t. Yes, ma’am. I still collect “them dumbass DVDS.” Well, maybe I like my DVDS. Mama, do you got somethin’ else to talk about other than DVDS? You too, mama! You too!

*Michael’s mom abruptly hangs up*

Michael (on the phone): Hello? Mama?!

*Michael gets off of the phone*

Michael (under his breath): Old biddy.

*The doorbell rings*

Michael: Vera, go answer the door.

Vera: Does it look like all I do is answer doors?

Michael: No, it looks like you wanna get dismissed from your maid job. Now go answer the door.

Vera: But the door didn’t ask me nothin’.

Michael (angrily): Vera.

*Vera opens the door, to find Michael’s uncle, Everette at the door, with a bag in his hand*

Everette: Well, hello there, ma’am.

Vera: Hello, sir. Come in.

*Everette enters the apartment to find Michael standing next to the couch*

Michael: Uncle Everette!

Everette: Michael!

*Everette approaches Michael and gives him a pound hug*

Everette: Happy Birthday, my birthday boy!

*While Michael and Everette are greeting each other, Vera sits on the couch*

Everette: Well, look at you. You ain’t changed one bit…sadly.

Michael: And I see you still got jokes, Unc.

*Michael and Everette start laughing in unison, until Everette stops laughing and Michael does the same once he sees his uncle*

Michael: Wow, man. I didn’t think you’d come.

Everette: Well, of course I’d come down here, for my nephew’s 40th birthday.

Michael: Now, Uncle Everette. Quit lyin’. You know I haven’t seen my 30th birthday yet.

Everette: Well, I saw it. And it was 10 years ago.

*Everette and Vera start laughing in unison*

Vera: I told him he should start lookin’ in the mirror, or better yet, in the psychiatrist’s office.

Michael: Shut up. Say, Uncle Everette. I been meanin’ to ask you. Are you still in the weldin’ business?

Everette: Yup. I’ve been a welder, for what, over 35 years now.

Michael: Hmm. No offense, but what you need to do is quit that weldin’ stuff in San Diego and come back home, here in Atlanta, for good.

Everette: Oh, believe me, Michael. I ain’t leavin’ San Diego or weldin’ anytime soon. I’m 81 years old, and frankly, it’s a blessin’ to even be able to still get outta’ the house at my age.

Michael: I know. Uh, speakin’ of, Uncle Everette. Do you plan on comin’ to the party?

Everette: The party?

Michael: Yeah. My birthday party.

*Everette shakes his head*

Everette: Oh, no, Michael. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m gon’ be able to stay around that long. Besides, it’s best that I head for San Diego so I don’t have to see ya’ mama.

Michael: For what? Uncle Everette, mama’s your sister.

Everette: I know, but I don’t think she gon’ be too happy to see me after the last time I came down here.

Michael: Well, I wouldn’t be too happy to see you either if you broke into my house.

Everette: Yeah. Oh, I forgot to ask you. You still into that dumb DVD stuff, huh?

Michael (offended): Yeah.

Everette: Well, since you love to be a nerd when it comes to them DVDS and TV facts or whatever, I thought I’d give these to you.

*Everette grabs some magazines out of the bag and hands them to Michael*

Michael: Uncle Everette!

Everette: I owed you, seein’ as I didn’t give you them magazines like I promised the last time I was in town four years ago.

Michael: Wow! This is hella awesome!

Vera: Lord, now you don’ started him up with that TV mess.

Everette: It turned out you was right, Michael. It took me almost the whole day yesterday to dig up those magazines from the basement and I found out that Good Times wasn’t a spinoff of Maude after all.

*Everette turns to Vera and shakes his head before turning back to Michael*

Michael: I knew it! I just knew it! I knew there was no way in hell that a black woman was gon’ go from cleaning up after a white woman to livin’ in the ghetto. Just…wow! Thanks, man!

Everette: You welcome, neph. Enjoy. I gotta’ go, but I want you to know that I hope you have a happy birthday. And remember, just ‘cause you don’t wanna be 40 don’t mean you still ain’t 40.

*Vera opens the door for Everette*

Michael: Bye, Uncle Everette.

Everette: Bye.

*Once Everette leaves out, Vera closes the door*

Vera: Well, Michael. I gotta’ say, your Uncle Everette’s one humorous man.

Everette: Yeah. And you’re one humorous looking man.

*Vera rolls her eyes*

Vera (under her breath): Ugly ass bastard.

CUT TO: Scene 3


Scene 3 - Int. Michael’s Apartment - Living Room - Afternoon

*Michael is sitting on the couch when the doorbell rings*

Michael (sarcastically): Well, you ain’t gotta’ strain yourself to open the door, Vera! I’ll…get it.

*Michael opens the door, to find his mom standing there*

Michael: Well, hey, mama!

Helen: Hey, baby!

*Michael kisses Helen on the cheek*

Michael: Lemme take ya’ coat and ya’ purse.

*Michael hangs Helen’s coat on the coatrack and puts her purse on the coffee table*

Michael: Come on in!

*Helen slowly enters the apartment and sits on the couch*

Michael: What’s the matter, mama?

Helen: Nothin’s the matter with me, except my feet hurtin’ like hell. And my stomach’s worryin’ me. And I got a little headache. But that’s all.

*Helen takes her shoes off*

Michael: You sure you don’t need nothin’?

Helen: Uh-uh. I’m good. I’ll just sit here in pain while I watch my son make a ass of himself.

*Michael rolls his eyes*

Michael: Do you mind layin’ off of me today, mama? ‘Cause today’s my birthday.

Helen (sarcastically): Oh, really? I didn’t know I had to go through 73 hours of labor for you to be born on this day.

*Vera enters the living room*

Vera: Well, hey, Miss Helen!

Helen: Hey, baby! How you?

Vera: I’m doin’ just fine. Thanks for askin’.

Michael: Vera, I hired you because I thought you was a real maid, not to talk to my mama.

Helen: Oh, Michael, shut up! You always tryin’ to pick on poor Hera.

Vera: My name’s Vera, ma’am.

Helen: Vera?

Vera: Yes.

Helen: Well, I always thought it was Hera. Hmm.

*The doorbell rings*

Michael: Go answer the door, Vera.

*Vera goes to answer the door*

Michael: Now mama, that should be my friends. Now I want you to be on your best behavior. And no embarrassin’ or makin’ fun of me.

*Vera opens the door, to find Sonny and the others standing. They all have gifts in their hands.*

Sonny: See, Arnie. I told you Nell Carter didn’t really die.

Vera: Michael! Ya’ special ass friends are here.

Michael: Don’t be dissin’ my DVD buddies. Come in, ya’ll.

*Sonny and the others enter the apartment. Sonny approaches Michael*

Sonny: Happy Birthday, Michael.

Michael: Thanks, Sonny.

*Christina approaches Michael*

Christina: Happy Birthday, Michael.

Michael: Thanks, Christina.

*La’Toya approaches Michael*

La’Toya: Happy Birthday, Michael.

Michael: Thanks, La’Toya.

*Arnie approaches Michael*

Arnie (in a deep, but yet flirtatious voice): Happy Birthday, Michael.

Michael: Uh, thank you…

Arnie (in a deep but yet flirtatious voice): Arnie.

Michael: Yeah, Arnie.

Arnie (in a deep, but yet flirtatious voice): Oh, Michael! I’ve always dreamed of wishing a big, strong, fine strapping man like yourself a happy birthday.

Michael: Okay, Arnie.

Arnie (in a deep, but yet flirtatious voice): Michael, how about after the party, you can come over to my place and get some extra birthday cake?

Michael: As, umm, interesting as that sounds, Arnie, I’m not into that gay sh*t.

Arnie (in a deep, but yet flirtatious voice): Fine, big fella, But just know that I’ll always…leave the door open, for you, Mr. Hunka Hunk.

*Arnie takes a seat on the couch next to Helen*

Helen: Don’t you sit next to me, you sweet ass weirdo!

Arnie: Yes, ma’am.

*Arnie immediately gets off of the couch*

Michael: Ya’ know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think that Arnie was gay.

Vera (sarcastically): You don’t have anything to worry about, Michael. I think it was just the tone of his voice that threw you off.

CUT TO: Scene 4


Scene 4 - Int. Michael’s Apartment - Living Room - Evening

*Everyone is shown dancing, Michael in particular, with the exception of Helen and Vera*

Everyone Else (in unison): Go, Michael! Go, Michael!

*While everyone is dancing, the doorbell rings, and Vera goes to answer. At the door when she opens it is Claretha, Rosetta, Elaine, and Josephine*

Josephine: Claretha, you sure this the right place?

Claretha: Of course it is, Auntie Jo. Well, hey there, baby! Can we come in?

Vera: Of course.

*Claretha, Rosetta, Elaine, and Josephine enter the apartment. Rosetta and Elaine walk around the apartment, while Josephine takes a seat on the couch next to Helen and Claretha decides to join in on the dancing, accidentally bumping into Michael*

Michael (annoyed): No, no.

*Michael stops dancing, along with Claretha. Michael approaches Vera, ticked off*

Michael: Vera, you let them in?!

Vera: You talkin’ ‘bout them four women?

Michael: Yeah.

Vera: Well, yeah, I did. You know ‘em?

Michael: Yes. They go to my church.

Vera: And?

Michael: They’re Christian churchgoers. And I ain’t been to church in over two years.

Vera: Damn. Imma’ pray for you, you nasty heathen.

Michael: I don’t know who told ‘em to come here except for maybe…mama.

*Michael approaches Helen, who’s talking to Josephine*

Michael: Mama, who told Claretha and Rosetta and Elaine and Auntie Josephine ‘bout this party?

Helen: I did.

Josephine: Lord, them heathens sure like to get angry.

Michael: Mama, come on. Let’s talk.

*Helen gets off of the couch and walks to the corner of the room with Michael*

Helen: What we gotta’ talk about?

Michael: Mama, how am I supposed to enjoy my 20th birthday with them here?!

Helen: Boy, you know damn well you 40!

Michael, That’s not the point, mama! The point is, there ain’t no way I’m gon’ be able to enjoy the big 4-O with Claretha, the four-time divorced bed hopper, who goes to bed with a man one day but goes to church with her ugly wigs Sunday, Rosetta, the one who searchin’ my apartment with Elaine, and Aunt Josephine, the one that would faint from fartin’.

Helen: Huh?!

Michael: Just go and sit back down on the couch!

*Helen goes back to sit on the couch but notices that Claretha has taken her spot. Claretha picks up the remote and turns on the TV*

Claretha: Ooh! Greasy chitlins, I don’t believe it! My favorite movie on: Madea’s Family Reunion!

Josephine: This the one where them prat boys mess with Madea?

*Claretha shakes her head*

Claretha: Uh-uh, Jo. This the one where Madea’s niece, Lisa, get beat on by her fiancé, Carlos. I just don’t get why they’d give a dark skinned man like him the name Carlos. Ooh, this is my favorite part! Madea ‘bout to whoop that little girl ass for bein’ nasty to her elders.

*Michael grabs the remote and turns the TV off*

Michael: Excuse me, but this is my house! And I really don’t remember askin’ you to turn my TV on!

Claretha (whispering to Josephine): Boy, is he one mean heathen.

CUT TO: Scene 5


Scene 5 - Int. Michael’s Apartment - Living Room - Later That Evening

*Michael is sitting on the couch, opening his gifts*

Michael (with a present in his hand): Oh, goodness, me! I so wonder what this gift could be.

Helen (annoyed): Michael, you gonna measure each gift or do you wanna shut up and open the damn thing?!

*Michael opens his gift and gaps in excitement*

Michael: Oh, my god! Miracles of miracles! I can’t believe it! Season 3 of Martin!

*Helen sucks her teeth in aggravation*

Helen (talking to Josephine): Now I know why I didn’t breast feed that boy too often when he was a baby.

*Josephine nods her head*

Arnie: I hope you like it. When I got it, I thought it was just so…you.

Michael: Arnie, I’m so happy, I could kiss you!

Arnie (excited): Please do.

Michael: Nevermind, I ain’t that happy.

*Helen picks up a clear plastic cup from off the floor and tries to get Michael’s attention so he can throw it away, but he’s too focused on watching Martin to pay attention*

Helen (frustrated): Michael! Michael! Michael, will you throw this damn thing away?! I know you hear me, boy!

*Michael happily begins to sing the theme song to Martin, which irritates his mom even more*

Helen: Hera, can you get that boy?

*Vera taps Michael on the shoulder but even that doesn’t work*

Michael: Ahh, damnit! Nobody wants to see that awful Sheneneh! At least I’m glad that ain’t Martin in drag.

Helen (talking to Josephine): Hell. I probably ain’t gon’ be speakin’ to that fool for over a month now.


CLOSING CREDITS…

THE END

[TVLegend]

So what does everyone think? I’d appreciate some feedback.

[TVLegend]

And by feedback I mean someone replying so I can know what I need to do to improve, make things better, etc. In other words, I’m looking for things like “I enjoyed it,” “it’s okay”, “it’s not my cup of tea”, “you could to this or that/I liked this but didn’t like that.”

Not trying to sound desperate or impatient, but obviously at least someone viewed this without replying.

[TVLegend]

So I guess NO ONE has seen that I’d like some FEEDBACK, or in other words, a REPLY …

[opus]

You're right, it's long. I read some of it. Michael has a weird relationship with his maid. I take it you were inspired by something like George Jefferson and Florence?

[TVLegend]

Originally Posted by opus

You're right, it's long. I read some of it. Michael has a weird relationship with his maid. I take it you were inspired by something like George Jefferson and Florence?

Yes, actually, I was inspired by George Jeff. and Florence. You should be seeing more of that “weirdness” throughout the episodes, LOL.

I’m considering having Valerie Bertinelli in the next episode (not literally, since this isn’t a “real” thing, but she’d represent a character). Michael would date Miss Bertinelli’s character, but after noticing she’s a bit older than him, he starts to feel uncomfortable, but at the same time is attracted to her.

[opus]

Originally Posted by TVLegend

Yes, actually, I was inspired by George Jeff. and Florence. You should be seeing more of that “weirdness” throughout the episodes, LOL.

I’m considering having Valerie Bertinelli in the next episode (not literally, since this isn’t a “real” thing, but she’d represent a character). Michael would date Miss Bertinelli’s character, but after noticing she’s a bit older than him, he starts to feel uncomfortable, but at the same time is attracted to her.

When I get a chance I'll come back and try to read what I didn't get to.

[stevea]

I loved it. I read the whole thing and thought it was great. Helen reminds me of Mother Jefferson. And of course Hera/Vera, Florence. I really liked the interplay between Michael and the church ladies, and the gay guy, Arnie.

A couple of things: Why would Uncle Everette visit all the way across the country just to wish Michael happy 40th and go, not seeing his sister? Or staying a few days for some other reason. And why a 40 year old guy living in an apt. would have a maid (but it's great that he does--the comedy is superb). Maybe you could work something in about him moving into a new, more expensive apt.--more room for his huge DVD collection.

Oh, speaking of that, also liked the DVD collector stuff, and the Good Times spinoff stuff.

[TVLegend]

Originally Posted by stevea

I loved it. I read the whole thing and thought it was great. Helen reminds me of Mother Jefferson. And of course Hera/Vera, Florence. I really liked the interplay between Michael and the church ladies, and the gay guy, Arnie.

Why, thank you, stevea. I was sure someone (besides me) was going to enjoy it. You should see more of Helen, since she’s a recurring character. By the way, I’m working on the second episode as we speak, so maybe I’ll be done at least by the end of the week, (although it might take a bit longer).

Originally Posted by stevea

A couple of things: Why would Uncle Everette visit all the way across the country just to wish Michael happy 40th and go, not seeing his sister? Or staying a few days for some other reason. And why a 40 year old guy living in an apt. would have a maid (but it's great that he does--the comedy is superb). Maybe you could work something in about him moving into a new, more expensive apt.--more room for his huge DVD collection.

Well, about Uncle Everette, I think I might have him return later on in the series. I didn’t explain what he did after he left the apartment, but I like to think he went to go hang out with a buddy (without telling anyone) for a bit before returning to San Diego. As for Michael living in the apartment, I didn’t give it much thought, I just figured the setup would be hilarious: Michael meeting his match with his no-nonsense maid.

Originally Posted by stevea

Oh, speaking of that, also liked the DVD collector stuff, and the Good Times spinoff stuff.

You will see more of that TV knowledge and DVD collector stuff as the series progresses. Michael is a “huge nerd” (as Uncle Everette would say) when it comes to those things, lol.

[stevea]

Maybe you could have Michael be pissed off that it took them 14 years to get all 5 seasons of the Wayans Bros. out on DVD. But now he has 'em all! So he's telling Arnie about the one where Shawn dreams he's part of the Evans family on Good Times. Arnie gives a loving look and says, "Let's sit down and watch that one together." Michael: Uh, maybe later. A lot later.
Etc.

[TVLegend]

Originally Posted by stevea

Maybe you could have Michael be pissed off that it took them 14 years to get all 5 seasons of the Wayans Bros. out on DVD. But now he has 'em all! So he's telling Arnie about the one where Shawn dreams he's part of the Evans family on Good Times. Arnie gives a loving look and says, "Let's sit down and watch that one together." Michael: Uh, maybe later. A lot later.
Etc.

[TVLegend]

I’m halfway done with episode two. It might be posted by Thursday.

[TVLegend]

Wow, I finished the second episode sooner than I expected. So soon that I’m about to post it, actually.

[TVLegend]

Just posted Episode 2. Please go check it out and give me your thoughts!

[Wawwie]

So I'm up to scene 4 so far but it's dinner time, so I'll have to get back to this later. I gotta tell you, TVLegend, this is really great stuff. You're very talented. I LOL'd quite a few times already. For some reason, I LOLed a lot when Michael called Vera an "old biddy" under his breath. But so far everything is great!