Wouldn't asking,"Where is the money now?" Cause resentment from the other Person? 😑 - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Janice Johnson · 02-07-2022, 04:00 AM

There was advice on how to deal with someone you know stole money from you. The Advice was something like,"Never say,"I know you stole my money and I want it back!" The Advice suggested asking,"Where is the money now?" Is the correct way to go.

I personally think asking,"Where is the money now?" Is the wrong way to go as that will lead to the Suspect/Thief being resentful of the Victim. I personally think saying something like," I could have sworn I had $50 in my purse. But I don't have it in my purse. I must have lost it in the house somewhere. Could you please help me find it?" Is the way to go. The Thief will most likely feel guilty and "Find," the money and give it back to you if you make a polite request like that rather than asking them where the money is now.

Janice Johnson · 02-18-2022, 03:37 AM

Bump.

GentlemanJim · 02-18-2022, 09:16 AM

I kind of have the same outlook on this as I do on people who fail to repay personal loans.

For that $20 you "forgot" to repay me, I learned a valuable lesson about you that I could not have learned any other way.

Plus, for that $20, I never have to listen to another sob story about why I should loan any more.

Janice Johnson · 02-18-2022, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GentlemanJim

I kind of have the same outlook on this as I do on people who fail to repay personal loans.

For that $20 you "forgot" to repay me, I learned a valuable lesson about you that I could not have learned any other way.

Plus, for that $20, I never have to listen to another sob story about why I should loan any more.

No, in this case, the person outright stole from you and you know they stole from you, not even a loan, just a straight up steal and you want the money back without straight up implying that they are a Thief.

GentlemanJim · 02-18-2022, 10:11 AM

I fully understood that. That's why I qualified my comment being "the same outlook".

If people steal from you, you'll go to jail trying to forcefully recover it. And if they felt like you "deserved" to be stolen from, they'll likely feel that way again. So your best bet is to just put distance between you.

I remember a fiance of mine,...one year my mom asked me "so, what did you buy with the $50 I sent in your birthday card? And I was like "what $50?"

So, I started counting my money in my wallet before leaving work....And I'd take like 6 20 dollar bills home with me, and leave the rest at work... the important thing being that I knew exactly what was in my wallet.
And then counting the next morning.

Sure enough, I had a consistent "leak" in my wallet.

Now, is that the kind of woman who I wanted to fix the relationship with? Or is it smarter to just cut them loose?

If someone thinks it's okay to steal from you, that is a sign that the relationship itself is seriously flawed. Better off just getting away from them.

I guess that I was lucky in the sense that I was making enough money that the actual dollar amounts were not the real pain in the matter. Each paycheck was sufficient that I could pay my monthly bills from one weeks pay, so "recovery" wasn't an issue.

I always felt as though cutting them loose was the ultimate punishment

Janice Johnson · 02-19-2022, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GentlemanJim

I fully understood that. That's why I qualified my comment being "the same outlook".

If people steal from you, you'll go to jail trying to forcefully recover it. And if they felt like you "deserved" to be stolen from, they'll likely feel that way again. So your best bet is to just put distance between you.

I remember a fiance of mine,...one year my mom asked me "so, what did you buy with the $50 I sent in your birthday card? And I was like "what $50?"

So, I started counting my money in my wallet before leaving work....And I'd take like 6 20 dollar bills home with me, and leave the rest at work... the important thing being that I knew exactly what was in my wallet.
And then counting the next morning.

Sure enough, I had a consistent "leak" in my wallet.

Now, is that the kind of woman who I wanted to fix the relationship with? Or is it smarter to just cut them loose?

If someone thinks it's okay to steal from you, that is a sign that the relationship itself is seriously flawed. Better off just getting away from them.

I guess that I was lucky in the sense that I was making enough money that the actual dollar amounts were not the real pain in the matter. Each paycheck was sufficient that I could pay my monthly bills from one weeks pay, so "recovery" wasn't an issue.

I always felt as though cutting them loose was the ultimate punishment

A guy said that he caught his Acquaintance stealing money from him and he confronted him and the Acquaintance had the sheer audacity to tell him something like,"You deserve to have me steal your money because you have everything and I have nothing!" Wow!

Janice Johnson · 02-24-2022, 11:59 PM

I remember someone saying something like,"I knew my Friend stole $500 from me. I had a feeling that money was already gone since she stole it. I gave her Multiple chances to confess by telling her every day for about 5 days," I lost $500 , and it's $500 that I owe to the Mafia! I'm in big trouble!" Finally on the 5th day she broke and confessed and admitted she stole it and spent it. To me, I was glad she confessed to the theft. I just wanted her to confess."

02-07-2022, 04:00 AM	#1
Janice Johnson Commercial Lover Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: May 30, 2003 Location: Miami, Florida Posts: 4,738	Wouldn't asking,"Where is the money now?" Cause resentment from the other Person? 😑 There was advice on how to deal with someone you know stole money from you. The Advice was something like,"Never say,"I know you stole my money and I want it back!" The Advice suggested asking,"Where is the money now?" Is the correct way to go. I personally think asking,"Where is the money now?" Is the wrong way to go as that will lead to the Suspect/Thief being resentful of the Victim. I personally think saying something like," I could have sworn I had $50 in my purse. But I don't have it in my purse. I must have lost it in the house somewhere. Could you please help me find it?" Is the way to go. The Thief will most likely feel guilty and "Find," the money and give it back to you if you make a polite request like that rather than asking them where the money is now.

02-18-2022, 09:16 AM	#3
GentlemanJim Concerns, Support, & Feedback Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 26, 2019 Location: The back country Posts: 5,443	I kind of have the same outlook on this as I do on people who fail to repay personal loans. For that $20 you "forgot" to repay me, I learned a valuable lesson about you that I could not have learned any other way. Plus, for that $20, I never have to listen to another sob story about why I should loan any more.
	__________________ On my word as a gentleman!

02-18-2022, 03:37 AM	#2
Janice Johnson Commercial Lover Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: May 30, 2003 Location: Miami, Florida Posts: 4,738	Bump.

02-18-2022, 10:11 AM	#5
GentlemanJim Concerns, Support, & Feedback Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 26, 2019 Location: The back country Posts: 5,443	I fully understood that. That's why I qualified my comment being "the same outlook". If people steal from you, you'll go to jail trying to forcefully recover it. And if they felt like you "deserved" to be stolen from, they'll likely feel that way again. So your best bet is to just put distance between you. I remember a fiance of mine,...one year my mom asked me "so, what did you buy with the $50 I sent in your birthday card? And I was like "what $50?" So, I started counting my money in my wallet before leaving work....And I'd take like 6 20 dollar bills home with me, and leave the rest at work... the important thing being that I knew exactly what was in my wallet. And then counting the next morning. Sure enough, I had a consistent "leak" in my wallet. Now, is that the kind of woman who I wanted to fix the relationship with? Or is it smarter to just cut them loose? If someone thinks it's okay to steal from you, that is a sign that the relationship itself is seriously flawed. Better off just getting away from them. I guess that I was lucky in the sense that I was making enough money that the actual dollar amounts were not the real pain in the matter. Each paycheck was sufficient that I could pay my monthly bills from one weeks pay, so "recovery" wasn't an issue. I always felt as though cutting them loose was the ultimate punishment

02-24-2022, 11:59 PM	#7
Janice Johnson Commercial Lover Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: May 30, 2003 Location: Miami, Florida Posts: 4,738	I remember someone saying something like,"I knew my Friend stole $500 from me. I had a feeling that money was already gone since she stole it. I gave her Multiple chances to confess by telling her every day for about 5 days," I lost $500 , and it's $500 that I owe to the Mafia! I'm in big trouble!" Finally on the 5th day she broke and confessed and admitted she stole it and spent it. To me, I was glad she confessed to the theft. I just wanted her to confess."