Tough Love - Using it on those You care about - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Caroline13 · 08-02-2021, 04:18 PM

I tried to use it with my sister and she heard me a little bit and that was it, she went back to her eating habits and she dealt with MS. She died 5 yrs ago and I believe had she kicked her food "habit, she could be alive. She listened to all her specialists and their drugs and she is gone at 68. She was addicted to sugars and carbs and these foods are a no no in so much health and MS for sure.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tough_love

Tough love is an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run.

I tried to use ToughLove on my father and his lifetime of alcohol and sent him a letter and my mother got it and tore it up, said she "didn't want to hurt his feelings"...she was not into ToughLove. She really had no clue. A tough marriage, thou.

Just feel like bringing this topic up here. Not to debate, please.

GentlemanJim · 08-02-2021, 05:12 PM

Personally, I feel that giving up all the foods you cherish, in order to "live right", is a fate worse than Death

If I keel over tomorrow, so long as my gut is full of red meat, my arteries full of real butter, and an $8 cigar in my hand, I'm sure that I'll die with a smile on my face.....what more can I ask?

Caroline13 · 08-02-2021, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GentlemanJim

Personally, I feel that giving up all the foods you cherish, in order to "live right", is a fate worse than Death

If I keel over tomorrow, so long as my gut is full of red meat, my arteries full of real butter, and an $8 cigar in my hand, I'm sure that I'll die with a smile on my face.....what more can I ask?

Your choices.

AKA · 08-02-2021, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caroline13

She listened to all her specialists and their drugs and she is gone at 68.

This thread, purportedly about “tough love,” seems more like a sneaky means of posting even more garbage anti-doctor, anti-pharmaceutical, pro-snake oil propaganda.

Some of us need our specialists and our drugs to y’know, live. Grapeseed oil won’t save you, but science might.

Caroline13 · 08-02-2021, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA

This thread, purportedly about “tough love,” seems more like a sneaky means of posting even more garbage anti-doctor, anti-pharmaceutical, pro-snake oil propaganda.

Some of us need our specialists and our drugs to y’know, live. Grapeseed oil won’t save you, but science might.

It's about the principles of ToughLove!!!! I'm talking about a couple family members in my life. Does not appeal to you , ignore. You know how that goes.

Dude111 · 08-02-2021, 05:57 PM

A good thread Carole!!!!!

GentlemanJim · 08-02-2021, 07:14 PM

I grew up with a guy who was a heavy boozer.
Everybody was always on his case, trying to make him feel bad for being irresponsible. He moved away to Texas, and about 8 years later I found myself driving through his little town, so I tracked him down through family contacts.

8 AM on a Saturday morning, coffee table full of empty bottles, and there he sat on the couch, already closing one eye to keep from seeing double.....with a wife and 5 kids. We had a nice little visit.

After a few hours his wife asked me "you've known him for years, what does it take to get him to take and keep a job?"

I looked at his 5 kids and told her "I think you've already got more work out of him than anyone thought he had in him"

Sometimes it's worthwhile to choose your battles carefully, not all wars want to be won. That's kind of the opposite side of the "tough love" coin. Sometimes it hurts to see people destroy themselves. BUT, if that's te only thing that makes them happy, what gives us the right to insist that they give it up?

Caroline13 · 08-02-2021, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GentlemanJim

I grew up with a guy who was a heavy boozer.
Everybody was always on his case, trying to make him feel bad for being irresponsible. He moved away to Texas, and about 8 years later I found myself driving through his little town, so I tracked him down through family contacts.

8 AM on a Saturday morning, coffee table full of empty bottles, and there he sat on the couch, already closing one eye to keep from seeing double.....with a wife and 5 kids. We had a nice little visit.

After a few hours his wife asked me "you've known him for years, what does it take to get him to take and keep a job?"

I looked at his 5 kids and told her "I think you've already got more work out of him than anyone thought he had in him"

Sometimes it's worthwhile to choose your battles carefully, not all wars want to be won. That's kind of the opposite side of the "tough love" coin. Sometimes it hurts to see people destroy themselves. BUT, if that's te only thing that makes them happy, what gives us the right to insist that they give it up?

My father was a functioning alcoholic, hardly ever missed work, but hurt a lot of people in our family, his wife, and we 3 kids.

He never smoked so I'm sure this saved his long lasting heart.

GentlemanJim · 08-02-2021, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caroline13

My father was a functioning alcoholic, hardly ever missed work, but hurt a lot of people in our family, his wife, and we 3 kids.

He never smoked so I'm sure this saved his long lasting heart.

The thing of it is, when they really don't see any need for "help", all efforts trying to help them are seen as a nuisance. "Why is everybody trying to ruin my fun?" is their perspective.

My dad died at 43 of a heart attack, his dad at 55, also a heart attack. My moms dad at 60 (heart attack). If ever there was someone who never expected to reach old age, that would be me. And from 1978 to 2004 I had about every bad habit there is, severe in some instances. Yet here I am at 63, with no apparent end in sight.

Perhaps I am a living embodiment of "whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"?

And, there really isn't a thing that anyone could have done during my self destructive era, that was gonna change me, I was too self assured that I had it all "right". Eventually, I just grew bored with it all, concluded that there were no horizons left to conquer, and decided to give reality a shot. lol.

Wawwie · 08-02-2021, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AKA

This thread, purportedly about “tough love,” seems more like a sneaky means of posting even more garbage anti-doctor, anti-pharmaceutical, pro-snake oil propaganda.

Some of us need our specialists and our drugs to y’know, live. Grapeseed oil won’t save you, but science might.

Yep, I bet you are 100% correct. Caroline is a sneak and this phony "tough love" thread is really her way of creating an anti-doctor, holistic weirdo thread. She's bored since she's been banned from the politics site. This is all she has so she has to come up with creative ways to MASK what she really wants to post about.

Caroline13 · 08-02-2021, 09:23 PM

Millions of stories out there, GJ, my son in law checked out at 55, decades of cigs and his booze, missed seeing his kids graduate high school, one grad college and the son in college now, once covid ever leaves, he'll finish. He was 1 of 5 boys and all are gone but 2, then my daughter ended up with the "gene" and close to death a couple times from opiod addiction. She had to end up in the gutter, lose her kids for some months to get her life back But she's back and HOPE she stays strong from here on out.

Caroline13 · 08-02-2021, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wawwie

Yep, I bet you are 100% correct. Caroline is a sneak and this phony "tough love" thread is really her way of creating an anti-doctor, holistic weirdo thread. She's bored since she's been banned from the politics site. This is all she has so she has to come up with creative ways to MASK what she really wants to post about.

You are 1000% incorrect...it's mostly about addiction as it's unfolding, and also nutrition. Foods that heal, and the foods than kill.

shotzette · 08-02-2021, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caroline13

It's about the principles of ToughLove!!!! I'm talking about a couple family members in my life. Does not appeal to you , ignore. You know how that goes.

No Caroline, it's your usual "I am the queen of all things healthy" nonsense. You were booted from the Politics Board and are trying to backdoor your agenda on this board. Only Dude is fooled by your little schemes.

Hollow · 08-02-2021, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GentlemanJim

The thing of it is, when they really don't see any need for "help", all efforts trying to help them are seen as a nuisance. "Why is everybody trying to ruin my fun?" is their perspective.

yep. that's exactly it.
i always had a number of people close to me with behavioral health problems, including addiction, that ran too deep for "tough love" to mean anything to them. maybe that's why i feel like there's no such thing. at least no such thing as it working. if gentle love doesn't do it, you're going to need to step away.

Caroline13 · 08-02-2021, 09:33 PM

I posted this ToughLove thread in 3 other forums and one person just posted....on the T.L. "shower them with love and kick their a$$ when needed" and of course the other groups have no comments like you folks..... unbelievable how others accept this info. And all those on the 3 forums know manner of posting info. They are open minded.

08-02-2021, 04:18 PM	#1
Caroline13 Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Jan 30, 2021 Location: So Calif Posts: 14,483	Tough Love - Using it on those You care about I tried to use it with my sister and she heard me a little bit and that was it, she went back to her eating habits and she dealt with MS. She died 5 yrs ago and I believe had she kicked her food "habit, she could be alive. She listened to all her specialists and their drugs and she is gone at 68. She was addicted to sugars and carbs and these foods are a no no in so much health and MS for sure. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tough_love Tough love is an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run. I tried to use ToughLove on my father and his lifetime of alcohol and sent him a letter and my mother got it and tore it up, said she "didn't want to hurt his feelings"...she was not into ToughLove. She really had no clue. A tough marriage, thou. Just feel like bringing this topic up here. Not to debate, please.
	__________________ Inexpensive Health Insurance = Grape Seed Extract Keep It Simple Last edited by Caroline13; 08-02-2021 at 06:11 PM.

08-02-2021, 05:12 PM	#2
GentlemanJim Concerns, Support, & Feedback Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 26, 2019 Location: The back country Posts: 5,443	Personally, I feel that giving up all the foods you cherish, in order to "live right", is a fate worse than Death If I keel over tomorrow, so long as my gut is full of red meat, my arteries full of real butter, and an $8 cigar in my hand, I'm sure that I'll die with a smile on my face.....what more can I ask?
	__________________ On my word as a gentleman!

08-02-2021, 05:57 PM	#6
Dude111 Forum Legend Join Date: Nov 05, 2013 Posts: 36,486	A good thread Carole!!!!!

08-02-2021, 07:14 PM	#7
GentlemanJim Concerns, Support, & Feedback Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 26, 2019 Location: The back country Posts: 5,443	I grew up with a guy who was a heavy boozer. Everybody was always on his case, trying to make him feel bad for being irresponsible. He moved away to Texas, and about 8 years later I found myself driving through his little town, so I tracked him down through family contacts. 8 AM on a Saturday morning, coffee table full of empty bottles, and there he sat on the couch, already closing one eye to keep from seeing double.....with a wife and 5 kids. We had a nice little visit. After a few hours his wife asked me "you've known him for years, what does it take to get him to take and keep a job?" I looked at his 5 kids and told her "I think you've already got more work out of him than anyone thought he had in him" Sometimes it's worthwhile to choose your battles carefully, not all wars want to be won. That's kind of the opposite side of the "tough love" coin. Sometimes it hurts to see people destroy themselves. BUT, if that's te only thing that makes them happy, what gives us the right to insist that they give it up?

08-02-2021, 09:23 PM	#11
Caroline13 Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Jan 30, 2021 Location: So Calif Posts: 14,483	Millions of stories out there, GJ, my son in law checked out at 55, decades of cigs and his booze, missed seeing his kids graduate high school, one grad college and the son in college now, once covid ever leaves, he'll finish. He was 1 of 5 boys and all are gone but 2, then my daughter ended up with the "gene" and close to death a couple times from opiod addiction. She had to end up in the gutter, lose her kids for some months to get her life back But she's back and HOPE she stays strong from here on out.

08-02-2021, 09:33 PM	#15
Caroline13 Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Jan 30, 2021 Location: So Calif Posts: 14,483	I posted this ToughLove thread in 3 other forums and one person just posted....on the T.L. "shower them with love and kick their a$$ when needed" and of course the other groups have no comments like you folks..... unbelievable how others accept this info. And all those on the 3 forums know manner of posting info. They are open minded.