Sitcom Family Feud...Warners vs Taylors (of "Home Improvement")

[MrCleveland]

Announcer: It's Time Once Again for Sitcom Family Feud! Now here's your host...The Ghost of Richard Dawson!

Richard Dawson enters.

Richard: Welcome once again to Sitcom Family Feud. Now back with us again...The Warners!

The Warners enter.

Richard: Hey Tony, how are things?

Tony: I fell last month, so how do you think I freakin' feel?

Richard: The same!

Tony: Oh shut up, Dick!

Richard: How Many Times Do I Have To Tell You I Hate That Name?

Tony: **** You!

Richard: You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Tony: Yes...but I did more than that with my mouth with other mothers!

Richard: I don't think I wanna know...next, we have Helen Warner...

Helen: Don't blame Tony...he gets that way a lot.

Richard: It seems you have to bring home the bacon now.

Helen: Yes...but I told Reverend Roberts about my dilemma and he makes sure I get some food for Tony.

Richard: Is he related to Oral Roberts.

Helen: Yes, but he doesn't want to reveal his first name.

Richard: I see...next we have Paul.

Paul: I now have to be at the house every Sunday...I might as well move back home...and I lost hours at my jobs...and my landlady threw some of my things away...

Richard: It sucks to be you, next we have Dustin...

Dustin: Don't mind Paul, he wants me fired from our radio show.

Richard: Why does he want to do that?

Dustin: Because I get on his nerves!

Paul: Shut Up!

Richard: Finally, we have Margaret...so I heard you had to put your cat Rita to sleep.

Margaret: Yes...she was a nice cat.

Richard: Why was she named Rita?

Margaret: because she was grey and white, like the cat Rita from Animaniacs.

Richard: I dunno what an Animaniacs is, but it sounds 90's...and speaking of which, from the TV Show Home Improvement...The Taylors!

The Taylors enter.

Richard: Now here's the bread-winner from The Taylors, Tim...you're also known as "The Tool Man".

Tim: That's right, I have a show called Tool Time, I'm the host, I use MORE POWER, I always eat my beans, and RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR!

Richard: I think I've seen the show...I really love that Al Guy.

Tim: UUH?

Richard: I think of him like Bob Vila.

Tim: Al? Oh yes...we ALL Love Al!

Richard: Next, we have graduate of Psychology from The University of Michigan...

Tony: (Off Camera) BOOOOO!

Richard: ...Jill Taylor! You deserve a hug...

Richard Hugs Jill

Jill: Thanks...I didn't realize you had an Ohioan on this show!

Tony: (Off Camera) Go Buckeyes!

Jill: Well...I am a graduate from The University of Michigan and I'm about to get a job in Chicago.

Richard: Sounds like you have it together. Next, we have the oldest son Bradley Michael Taylor.

Brad: Hello Richard, I play for the U.S. Men's team in soccer...we almost won the Gold Cup this year and we hope to be back in The World Cup in the year 2022.

Richard: It's in Qatar, isn't it?

Brad: Yep...I'm also gonna get married to Samantha Haynes real soon.

Richard: I wish you the best...next, we go to Randall Michael Taylor. I heard you went to Costa Rica for about a year.

Randy: Yep...I'm now a journalist in Chicago and I too may wanna settle-down with Lauren.

Richard: I wish for the best...and finally all dressed in black is Marcus Jason Taylor.

Mark: I just love Black...I also like Punk Rock and cooking...I even had a spot with Guy Fieri on his show. That was fun.

Richard: You also have a Black Belt in Karate.

Mark: Yep...I also teach Karate at a school just down my street. Detroit needs people who are self-defensive.

Richard: With that...let's play the feud!

Tim and Tony walk toward the main podium where Richard is at.

Richard: Okay, we surveyed 100 people and we got 7 answers up there...Name a type of Tool.

Tony Buzzes In.

Tony: The one I have in my pants!

Richard: Do I even wanna know?

Tony: Hey Timmy...maybe Markie may know that band Tool...

Tim: I think he does...

Richard: I dunno if it's up there, but...is it the tool that I won't mention?

BUZZ

Tony: WHAT?

Richard: I think they may mean a tool like a hammer, wrench, something like that...Tim...Name a type of Tool.

Tim: Since you mentioned one...A Hammer!

Richard: Okay...Show Me Hammer!

25 People Said "Hammer", It's the #1 Answer.

Richard: Okay Tim, will your family Pass or Play?

Tim: We're gonna Play! RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR!

Tony: And I Just Passed...I Had Beans Last Night...OOH...Smells Like Flint, Michigan!

Richard: Okay...let's get away from him...Jill...Name a type of Tool.

Jill: How about a wrench? Just Like (starts to sing) Amazing Wrench, How Sweet Thy Sound...

Richard: Careful...we may lose some viewers...okay, is wrench up there?

24 people said "wrench", it's the #2 answer

Richard: Okay Brad...Name a type of tool.

Brad: I'm gonna say...screwdriver.

Richard: Is there a screwdriver up there?

20 people said "Screwdriver", It's the #3 Answer

Richard: Randy...Name a type of Tool.

Randy: I'm gonna say...Ratchet.

Richard: Is a ratchet up there?

5 People said "Ratchet", It's the #6 Answer.

Richard: Mark...Name a type of tool.

Mark: I used this a few times...a saw!

Richard: You look like you would use a saw, so let's see...saw!

20 people said "Saw", It's the #4 answer.

Richard: We now go back to Tim...now...Name a Type of Tool....

Tim: A Binford Product That Does Everything...Heidi...Bring Me My Big Binford!

Heidi Walks-In with a Binford Tool

Heidi: Here You Go Tim.

Tim: Thank You Heidi!

Tony: (Off-Camera) Oh Heidi-Ho!

Heidi: You Wish...

Heidi walks-out.

Tim: Now This Is A Toll Everyone Should Have Because It Has...MORE POWER! RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR-RRR!

Richard: Give Me...Whatever That Thing Tim Has....

BUZZ

Tim: UUH?

Richard: I'm Sorry...But They Didn't Count That! Warners, do you have an answer for the steal?

The Warners debate whether a drill or awl should be the answer for the steal.

Paul bangs the gavel that he got from Harry Stone ofNight Court.

Paul: Can You Just Listen To Me For One Second...The answer is "Awl"!

Tony: What the **** is an awl?

Paul: It's like a screwdriver, but you use it if you wanna nail something like a picture.

Tony: I'm gonna say...a drill...I'll take the consequence!

Richard: A Drill...okay...is drill up there?

5 people said "Drill", It's the #5 answer.

Richard: Then...what was the final answer?

1 person said "Awl" It's the #7 answer

Richard: We now must say goodbye to the Taylors...

Jill: A Binford Tool...You're Pathetic!

Tim: Hey Tone...wanna go to Big Mike's after this?

Tony: I Don't Think So, Tim!

Richard: It's only because he's an Ohioan...now...who's gonna play Fast Money?

Everyone but Paul: Paul Is! Paul Is! Paul Is!

Paul walks toward Richard Dawson.

Paul: I have to do this every game!

Richard: Look...you have a chance to win $20,000...if you don't stump our judges. Now let's get 15 seconds up there!

:15 is seen.

Richard: The clock starts when I end the first question...Name a noisy bird...

Paul: A Puffin!

BUZZ

Richard: Name a place in the house...

Paul: The Mud Room!

BUZZ

Richard: Name an American Artist...

Paul: Maxfield Parrish!

BUZZ

Richard: Name a type of cheese...

Paul: Casu Marzu!

BUZZ

Richard: Name a type of tree.

Paul: Manchineel Tree!

BUZZ

Richard: Again...you stumped our judges, but I wouldn't feel that bad...you get to try again tomorrow as we play Sitcom Family Feud!

[MA]

Thank you MrCleveland.