8.6 Old Resolutions and New Year

[BeatleMoe]

CARLENE: This is so exciting! I can't believe all of us are here.
MARY JO: Yeah Julia, it sure was nice of you to have us all stay the night here on Christmas eve.
JULIA: Well, this house has been empty the past two Christmases.
ANTHONY: Well, Etienne and I think it was a marvelous idea.
DENISE: I love all these gifts.
SUZANNE: Well, I think it's a dumb idea! It looks really bad having a black excon and his parachute sleeping here!
MARY JO: That's paramour , not parachute Suzanne.
SUZANNE: Well, either way, she floated into his bed.
JULIA: Suzanne! You don't know the whole story anyway! Besides, Etienne is Anthony's wife now, so deal with it.
ETIENNE: Is she always this way?
ANTHONY: It's okay, we are all used to it.
CARLENE: Gosh, I haven't had this much fun in a long time.
DENISE: Where did Bernice go all of a sudden?
JULIA: I think she went back to bed.
SUZANNE: Year after year, she gives us stupid gifts!
MARY JO: I don't feel that Bernice's gifts are stupid, Suzanne, although I do feel that getting us into a free visit to her psychoanalist was odd.
CARLENE: Well, I think it was a sweet idea. You know, people think I kind of have a crazy bone in my head.
SUZANNE: Well, maybe that could be your family lives in Hee Haw country.
JULIA: Suzanne, spare her, please.
CARLENE: You know, Suzanne, I just like you.
SUZANNE: Why?
CARLENE: Well, I kind of went out of my way to get you this. (hands her an envelope)
SUZANNE: Well, you didn't have to give me anything. (Grinning)
MARY JO: What are you grinning about?
SUZANNE: Well, I know that when I get an envelope, it generally has money in it. (opens it up) What's this?
CARLENE: It's a plane ticket. I am flying out to St. Louis, and then I am meeting my family back home. We're going to Poplar Bluff.
To be continued

[BeatleMoe]

Scene is two days after Christmas...
JULIA: Boy, I am exhausted.
MARY JO: You have bad jet lag, don't you?
JULIA: I have never been to New York City before and I don't intend to go again!
MARY JO: How is old Payne doing anyway.
JULIA: He is doing quite well. It's just sad. He went back to New York to work out his marital problems, and Sylvia left anyway.
MARY JO: That's just too bad. I think Payne turned out to be a great boy.
DENISE: You know, I can relate to Payne very well.
JULIA: We know. You seemed to have Dear Johned my brother.
DENISE: You know that's not true.
JULIA: I know it's not, but I am in a state of denial anyway.
MARY JO: You didn't happen to bump into Allison up there did you?
JULIA: No, I stayed away from that part of town.
DENISE: Are we all still going to the Governor's house for New Year's Eve?
JULIA: Yes we are.
ANTHONY: Well, I am afraid that I am declining, Julia. Etienne and I would like to spend a quiet evening at home. Besides, when Etienne gets to drinking, she gets all wild. But seeing that she is pregnant, I don't want a child with a birth defect.
MARY JO: When are Carlene and Suzanne coming back?
JULIA: Their plane comes in at four p.m. New Year's Eve.
MARY JO: I still can't believe that Suzanne went with Carlene to visit Bud and Ionia Frazier of Poplar Bluff.
JULIA: I know she isn't having a good time.
DENISE: Julia, Suzanne is probably having a wonderful time.
JULIA: No she isn't. She called me when the flight got in and I quote, she said, "I am having a lovely time here on Walton's Mountain. I'll bring you back some moonshine."
DENISE: Oh.
MARY JO: The thought just occured to me. What are we going to do with Bernice on New Year's Eve?
JULIA: She's going with us.
DENISE: Aren't you afraid that she'll make a scene?
JULIA: Bernice will be on her best behavior. As long as she's not around the liquor.
Scene changes to the St. Louis airport New Year's Eve.
CARLENE: Suzanne, didn't you have a good time?
SUZANNE: (sarcastically) Yes, I did, Carlene. I had a wonderful time. I especially enjoyed it when your older brother Odell took a clump of yellow snow and chucked at my expensive fur coat while building a snowman.
CARLENE: Gosh, I hope the weather doesn't get bad. It's supposed to snow.
SUZANNE: It won't snow. I'm too rich and powerful to let that happen.
CARLENE: How did you end up meeting that man anyway?
SUZANNE: Well, I was in Japan, of course. He was originally Mother's date, but she came down with the flu, so I took over. I fell in love immediately.
CARLENE: With him?
SUZANNE: No! His money! He was a billionaire. He died on our wedding night, and I was left with all his money. I spent four years being poor, thanks to that loopy Reggie MacDawson stealing my money. I still get alimony checks from my other husbands. (notices Carlene has a book) What's that?
CARLENE: Well, it's the new romance novel by Dash Goff. I just love his work.
SUZANNE: Dash Goff?!
CARLENE: Oh my gosh, he was your third husband wasn't he?
SUZANNE: Yes he was.
CARLENE: This is so exciting! I just went to Poplar Bluff with a celebrity on my side! It's like that MTV show Fanatic.
SUZANNE: Oh please! I am not a celebrity, but it's awfully sweet of you to think of me as one.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ladies and Gentleman. I am sorry to inform you, but due to inclement weather, flight 569 to Atlanta will be postponed until further notice.
CARLENE: Oh no.
SUZANNE: Well, big woo! Now Julia is gonna be madder than hell because we aren't going to make the Governor's party. It will probably be stupid.
CARLENE: You know, Mama and Daddy got a picture of Julia with her head stuck in the bannister at the governor's mansion. Charlene had sent it.
SUZANNE: Actually, I sent it out to everyone I knew, because it was a funny gift. Well, I am going to call Julia.
Scene changes to Sugarbaker's...
DENISE: Well, I just got off the phone with Suzanne. Her and Carlene's flight has been grounded.
MARY JO: That surprises me. Missouri hasn't gotten that much snow in the last three years.
JULIA: Well then, I guess it's just the four of us going to the party tonight.
BERNICE: Well, I am ready to boogie down tonight.
JULIA: Now Bernice, we are going to try to be on our best behavior tonight.
BERNICE: Oh, blow it out your pie crust, sister! I am ready to mamba!
JULIA: I have a feeling this is going to be a long party.
End of part one.

[BonniesLilCutiePie]

Keep up the good work!

[BeatleMoe]

Part 2
Scene is at the governor's ball. Julia, Mary Jo, and Denise are sitting at a table.
DENISE: This is so extravagant. I have never been to a ball like this before.
MARY JO: Well, I do know that Julia has her connections.
JULIA: Thank you very much, Mary Jo.
MARY JO: This has been a weird holiday, I mean, my children didn't want to come home, and Suzanne and Carlene are trapped in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, and on top of that, we are sitting here at the biggest party of the year, and ten minutes into it, we have lost Bernice.
JULIA: This is a big party. Maybe Bernice has ran into some old friends.
MARY JO: Julia, we are Bernice's friends.
JULIA: Well, if you ladies excuse me, I need to speak with the governor. (she gets up to leave)
DENISE: Well Mary Jo, I hate sitting here without a man.
MARY JO: You hate being without a man? I am thirty-eight years old, and I haven't had a real man in five years!
DENISE: You know, I have realized that the Sugarbaker women have real good luck with men.
MARY JO: Well, Julia was with Reese for six years. She was married for twenty before that. Suzanne, I understand that in the time I have known her, has been married six times now. Three times before Japan, and three times since she's come home. You ever meet Allison? (shakes head no) Well, she's never been married.
DENISE: I just never saw any real reason why I married Clayton.
MARY JO: He's a schizo.
Scene transitions to Suzanne's house where Anthony and Etienne are having dinner.
ETIENNE: I just know that our babies are going to be professionals.
ANTHONY: Yeah baby, I hope they are great lawyers too.
ETIENNE: Oh, I ain't talking about professional lawyers. I meant professional dancers.
ANTHONY: Say what?
ETIENNE: Well, I just want them to follow in my successful footsteps.
ANTHONY: Excuse me, Etty, but I don't want our children becoming fandancers at the MGM Grand!
ETIENNE: Excuse me, but Anthony, dancers make as much as lawyers. You know I'm right because I am pregnant, and you won't fight with me!
ANTHONY: Let's just drop it. Baby, I want to spend a quiet evening here. (the sound of latin music comes from downstairs.)
ETIENNE: Well, it won't be that quiet if that wild maid don't shut up!
ANTHONY: Baby, Consuela's family rarely sees her. I'll go down and tell her to be quiet.
ETIENNE: Okay baby, but be careful. She scares me. I particularly don't think that it's cute on how she puts curses on things.
Scene transitions back to the ball...
MARY JO: Well I have never been so embarrassed in all of my life!
DENISE: I know.
JULIA: What happened to you two?
DENISE: Well, shortly after you left, Mary Jo and I were talking on how our love lives just stank, so we wanted to meet some men. Then, a couple of women came and sat down next to us.
MARY JO: We told them who we were, and what we did. And their interest was high.
DENISE: Before too long, we were being hit on an accountant and the judge of Fulton County!
JULIA: Well, you'll never guess what I found.
MARY JO: What?
JULIA: I went to see the governor, and I found Bernice and the governor making out!
DENISE: Are you sure?
JULIA: Yes Denise, I am positive. I know I am right when upon after the fact that Bernice turned to me and screamed uncontrollably to "back off sister" and that I was a Lebinese...
DENISE: Lebinese?
JULIA: I think she meant "lesbian". I have never been so embarrased.
DENISE: Well, all I can say is cheers to a new year.
Scene is at Sugarbaker's New Year's Day.
JULIA: Well, I am just glad to see that you and Carlene made it home, Suzanne.
SUZANNE: Well, the trip was actually fun, but that awful plane ride...
CARLENE: Suzanne says that she's gonna come home with me on Easter.
MARY JO: You are going back to Hee Haw?
SUZANNE: Don't call it that. Look, it took me a few days in the Northern South to realize that... realize that... Well, I have no moral to this story, but all and all, I had a good time. Just don't let my friends at Beaumont know about it.
BERNICE: Well, the governor and I have a hot date tonight. You know, if I put out for him, he's going to make me first lady of Georgia.
JULIA: I don't think so Bernice! You have really given Sugarbaker's a bad name with this.
SUZANNE: Oh come on now, Julia. This can't be the worst. Remember when she called you a hooker on tv?
BERNICE: Where's stuff at today?
JULIA: He's at home. Apparently, Anthony had asked Consuela to turn down the party downstairs, and she put a curse on he and Etienne that if they stepped out of the door, a wild boar will fall on top of one of them, knocking them unconscious and robbing them blind. This curse is only a temporary, three days.
BERNICE: Well, I'm just going to have to coax her out of there. They aren't right for each other. I know that I am the object of his lust.
SUZANNE: Oh please Bernice! If you were the object of Anthony's lust, you'd be carrying twins now.
MARY JO: I don't think that I would ever see the day that Suzanne would actually make sense of something.
End