It's A Wonder-Fonz Life

[Race's Girl]

Chapter 1- One Of Those Days

It was a typical summer afternoon at Arnold's Drive-In and Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli was standing by the jukebox as Richie Cunningham, Ralph Malph and Warren 'Potsie' Weber were talking about their ususal days.

"Art class was great today," Ralph said. "It was better than trying to stop your butt getting bigger, right, Pots?"

"Sure," Potsie said as he stuffed a mouth full of fries into his mouth. "But there's really not much of a challenge if we've got a substitute art teacher."

"That's a good point, Potsie," Richie said. "But we're in college now and I think Professor O'Callaghan's a better art teacher anyway."

Ralph and Potsie both knew Richie was right. Richie's girlfriend, Lori Beth Allen, arrived with some books under her arm.

"Hey, Rich," Lori Beth called as she walked over to Richie's booth. "Guess who's here."

"Hi, Lori Beth," Richie said. "Let's go."

Richie was about to stand up from his booth as Ralph and Potsie giggled at him being kissed by Lori Beth. Unfortunately, Ralph sped in front of Fonzie as he dashed to the bathroom and Potsie practically flew in front of him. Fonzie saw them both coming and tried to dodge them but he didn't see them and collided head first into the nearby jukebox.

CRASH!

"My jukebox." Al Delvecchio, the owner of Arnold's, said.

"Nice going, Fonz," said Potsie sarcastically. "You're in really big trouble now."

"It wasn't my fault, Gentlemen," Fonzie replied. "You were the ones charign' at me."

"Now look what you've done, Fonz." Richie said.

"Folks, it's just a jukebox." Fonzie replied getting up.

"No, to you, it's just a jukebox," Ralph shouted. "To us, it's a music box and an icon."

"Brother," Lori Beth said. "If you weren't such a klutz, Fonz, we won't be yelling at you right now."

"I am not a klutz," Fonzie yelled. "Malph and Weber were the ones who charged at me out of nowhere."

"Don't try to blame this on us, Fonz." Ralph said.

"Yeah," Potsie shouted. "You're the one who wrecked the jukebox and everything we stand for."

Fonzie didn't say anything more. He started to leave Arnold's and headed to the Cunningham home. He thought everyone at Arnold's were making a big deal over nothing. He didn't understand it.

Once Fonzie arrived at Casa de Cunningham, he saw Howard talking on the phone to someone.

"This'll put Cunningham Hardware on the damn map," Howard said. "Be sure to invest the $50 I put in."

"Hey, Mr C, what are you doin'?" Fonzie asked once Howard hung up the phone.

"Just a little investing," Howard replied. "And let me tell you, Fonzie, it's going to be bringing in the big money!"

"What did you do?"

"I invested in a hardware store down in Texas and if it takes off . . . ."

Fonzie got a look at what his best friend's father had been doing and what exactly he was getting into. It was a Texan hardware store, all right. But Fonzie happened to know that even if Texas had a hardware store, the townsfolk there would end up stealing the $50 Howard invested in it.

"How much did you put into this investment, Big H?" Fonzie asked.

"$50," Howard said shrugging. "They said I'll make it back. What should it matter to you, Fonzie?"

"Mr C, I hate to tell you this but that's just a con job. Remember? You wanted to invest in that thing last week and I told you not to? And I even told you not to earlier today."

"Fonzie, you've got to be thinking about things like this." Howard told his son's best friend.

Fonzie sighed. This time, he knew Howard wasn't going to listen to him when he tried to tell him something important. He picked up the phone and dialed the number Howard was talking to. When he got the person who sold the investment to Howard, he cancelled it.

"Yeah, cancel it," Fonzie said. "Mr C changed his mind about it, that's all."

"Oh well."

Fonzie didn't mean to be sneaky about this. He hoped Howard and Marion weren't going to be too angry about this but they would only lose that $50 if he kept the investment in this phony oil company. He went to sit on the couch and watched TV until Joanie and Marion had arrived in the Cunningham house with some bags of groceries.

"Oh, Arthur, I'm glad you're home," Marion said. "I need to take Joanie to the ice skating rink, she need to practice her swan glides."

"Shortcake's swan glides are perfect, Mrs C," Fonzie said. "I don't know why she insists on workin' on 'em."

"I wanna stay in top condition in case I ever go on to the Olympics, Fonz." Joanie replied.

"Okay," Fonzie said. "I'll put those groceries away, Mrs C."

"Thank you, Arthur." Marion told her son's best friend.

"Thanks, Fonz." Joanie told her brother's best friend.

Joanie and Marion had given the groceries to Fonzie as they were due to leave the house. Unfortunately, Fonzie didn't notice Howard coming downstairs and gasped as he saw Fonzie putting all of the grocery bags that Marion and Joanie had left on the Cunnimgham kitchen counter. It was then that Howard noticed. But a jar of marmalade crashed to the floor.

"What's going on?" Marion asked. "Joanie and I were just about to leave when I heard a crash! Is everything okay?"

"No, everything is not okay, Marion," Howard shouted feeling pretty frustrated. "Fonzie, who should be in his own apartment, just dropped a jar of marmalade on the floor!"

"Well . . . . . I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose, Dad," Joanie said. "It was an accident after all."

"Just look, you two, Fonzie dropped a damn jar of marmalade nad I want him to clean it up ASAP," Howard said before turning to Fonzie. "Good going, Fonzie. You just ruined our kitchen floor."

"Howard, it was just an accident," Marion repeated. "I think you're being a little rough on Arthur. He's Richard's best friend."

"I don't care if he's Richard's chiropractor," Howard said. "We only have to keep telling him not to do things and he does them anyway."

"Daddy, he didn't know any better!" Joanie said.

"Well, I think he should by now!" Howard said.

"Shut the hell up, Cunningham." shouted Fonzie to Howard in front of his best friend's mother and sister.

"Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli, that was uncalled for," Marion scolded Fonzie. "You should never speak to Howard like that and you know it!"

"Oh, go take Joanie to practice her stupid old swan glides." Fonzie grumbled.

"Well, if that's the way you feel about it!" Joanie snapped.

Joanie started up the stairs. Fonzie really put his foot in his mouth that time. He didn't mean what he said to Joanie and he didn’t mean to yell at Howard in front of Marion either. He was just frustrated that he had to start all over on those grocereis as he raced to his apartment and lay on his bed.

Fonzie sighed. First everyone at Arnold's was angry with him. Then Howard was downright afraid of him. Next, Marion wasn't even speaking to him and now Joanie was mad at him.

"What a day," he groaned as he lay on his bed. "They all might be better off without me."

And this time, Fonzie knew he meant it.

[Race's Girl]

Chapter 2- Life Without Fonzie

The second Fonzie woke up, he saw a young man about 4 1/2 inches taller than him with cured dark hair and blue eyes. Fonzie looked over and saw that the young man helped him to his feet.

"Hey," the man said. "Don't even think of jumping out of that window."

"Who are you?" Fonzie asked as he glared at the young man. "And how did you get here?"

"My name's Andrew Needlemyer Smith," the young man said. "As for how I got here, God told me where you lived. I'm your guardian angel, Arthur."

"My what?"

"You heard me. So, what's this about you speaking about folks being better off without you?"

"You won't understand it and call me 'Fonz', not 'Arthur'."

"Try me."

Fonzie didn't say anything. He just looked out of his bedroom window and sighed. Andrew sat down next to him and waited for him to start explaining.

"I ain't getting any younger, Fonz," he said. "We ain't got all night, you know. Let me take a wild guess. Nothing's going your way and everyone's mad at you, right?"

"Pretty much," Fonzie said shrugging. "There are times when I just wish I was never born!"

"Okay."

Fonzie looked at Andrew as if he were crazy.

"What?" he asked.

"You got your wish," Andrew shrugged. "You were never born."

"You gotta be kidding me! What do you mean I was never born?"

"Well, you wished that you were never born so this is what life would be like in Milwaukee without Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli."

Fonzie didn't know what to think. He was about to say something to Andrew when Al, who stood in the doorway of Arnold's which now looked like a fancy restuarant, stared at him.

"Name please." Al said.

"Arthur Fonzarelli." Fonzie said.

"Okay, let's check," Al said as he looked at the clipboard and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sir but your name's not on the list."

"Oh really," Fonzie said. "Look closer, dig it?"

"Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep." Al said as he looked down and Fonzie smacked the clipboard in his face.

As Al grabbed his nose groaning, he said "Okay, you can go in if you want to."

"Not really." Fonzie said and Andrew walked up to him.

"That can't have been Al or Arnold's," Fonzie said. "I know Al's the sort of guy who'll never change Arnold's for the world but he never had a guest list."

"He did," Andrew replied. "You were never born. Come on. Let's take a little walk around."

Andrew and Fonzie started to walk around Milwaukee but it didn't look like the Milwaukee Fonzie knew. Inspiration Point had been closed down to make room for big buildings, roads and factories. It looked more like a big city than a make out place and there was smog, pollution and traffic everywhere.

"What happened to Inspiration Point?" Fonzie asked.

"Kirk tore it down," Andrew said. "Without you around to save it, Officer Kirk didn't like the site of it and replaced it."

"Okay," Fonzie said. " I wanna see Rich and the guys without me."

"Okay and hold on to your pants, Fonz," said Andrew. "Cause we're going to UWM."

As he and Andrew arrived at UWM, Fonzie didn't know what to say about that. As it turned out, Kirk didn't just stop after he closed Inspiration Point. He had ordered everyone at UWM to wear uniforms during college hours. Suddenly as he was inside UWM, Fonzie saw Ralph wearing a unifrom with some splashes of paint of them Richie wearing the same uniform with a pair of thick glasses and Potsie, who looked rather fat, in the same unifrom which was a shirt, tie, jacket and pants for the boys and a blouse, scarf, jacket and skirt for the girls. He turned around and saw Richie, Ralph and Potsie walking by.

"I can't believe this," Richie said. "Professor Thomas almost scared me to death."

"Tell me about it," Ralph said. "He told me to wash these paint stains off my uniform and told Potsie to go on a diet."

Fonzie jumped to the side as Richie, Ralph and Potsie came closer to him. The three young men stopped and looked at Fonzie.

"What are you lookin' at, Skinny?" Potsie asked.

"Rich, Ralph, Pots?" Fonzie asked. "Guys, is that you?"

"That's Geek Bait, Paint Stainer and Fatload to you, Sir," Richie said. "Please don't break my glasses."

"Guys, don't you recognize da Fonz?"

"Sorry," Ralph said. "I'm mostly in after college art classes, Sir."

"But, Guys, it's me! Da Fonz! Your best friend."

"Our best friend?" Richie, Ralph and Potsie said altogether.

With that, the three of them burst out laughing. Potsie laughed so hard, he almost fell on the floor nearly causing an earthquake.

"Come on, Guys," Fonzie said. "What's with Rich's glasses and Potsie's big butt? Normally, you'd be smiling at people."

"We do that thing sometimes," Richie replied. "I've been looking like a geek since my folks got divorced."

"Look, here, you guys love hockey. And baseball. You, Rich, were never really the geeky type, Ralph, you're the best artist I know and Potsie, you often eat without gainging weight."

"Yeah, I know I'm a great artist," Ralph said smiling. "We're just neards and geeks here and let people walk all over us, Mister! Now if you'll excuse us, we've gotta get to class!"

"But, Guys! You've got to know me!"

"Hey, wait a minute, I think I do know you." Potsie said.

"You do?" Fonzie asked.

"Yeah," Potsie said. "You're the guy who's gonna be the next person to be squashed by my butt if you don't get out of our way. Bye."

The three young man heard the college bell ring and everyone rang to their classes nearly knocking Fonzie over. Fonzie jumped out of the way just in time. He watched everyone run off.

Fonzie was just plain stunned. He couldn't believe what he had just seen.

"Richie looks like a total geek, Ralph's covered in paint and Potsie's a fat pig," Fonzie said. "They'd never let that happen to them and never act like geeks and human doormats."

"It was mainly your influence that kept the guys in line," Andrew said. "Without you around, Richie's a real live geek, Ralph had more time to focus on his art and Potsie ate until he got fat."

"Rich told me that his folks were divorced. I thought they'd have more influence on him than me!"

"They could if they had the time."

"What do you mean?"

"Come with me."

Fonzie followed Artie down the street to the Cunningham house. Marion was inside alone and he also remembered that Howard used to live there but not anymore.

"Mrs C's alone?" Fonzie asked as he saw Marion do her usual routine. "I thought Mr C would be in there too."

"He did," Artie said shrugging. "But after an argument over what happened at the Anderson place, Howard got so angry with Marion that he left her with Richie and Joanie but I know you wanna see her."

Fonzie followed Artie inside the house. Marion had just been getting some papers on a table and typing very quickly as soon as Richie, who's glasses were now on the end of his nose, and Joanie arrived inside the house.

"Richard, what the hell happened to you?" Marion asked.

"Just the usual thing at college," Richie told his mother. "And it also appears that you've got a deadline to meet."

"Mrs C??" Fonzie asked. "Why are you movin' so fast?"

"No time to talk," Marion said. "I've got a deadline to meet or else I'll lose my job and Prof. Garrity would be angry!"

"You work for Prof. G?" Fonzie asked. "But I thought . . . ."

"I'm sorry but you're gonna have to leave now," Joanie said. "Our mom can't afford to get distracted!"

"But . . . ." Cedric started.

Marion didn't answer as Joanie ushered him out and kissed him on the cheek. Marion just continued typing on her typewriter trying to get everything ready on time. She didn't want to make Prof. Garrity mad. Fonzie was just plain dumbfounded.

"This is nutso," he shouted. "Mrs C can't be workin' for Prof. G."

"After Howard left the family, Prof. Garrity felt so sorry for her and Marion didn't have any choice." Artie said.

"But she's actin' like she likes that guy too much but not as much as she really likes Mr C."

"She wasn't afraid of Garrity until Howard stormed out of the place leaving her with the kids."

"This is all just so confusing."

Fonzie sighed. This was not the Milwaukee he knew. He didn't even know what to make of this Milwaukee where Officer Kirk practically owned everything, nobody knew who he was.

"I don't understand any of this." he said.

"Let me spell it out for you," Artie said. He walked up to Fonzie, grabbed his ear and began screaming into it at the top of his voice. "YOU WERE NEVER BORN! YOU NEVER EXISTED AND EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT NOW!"

Artie let go of Fonzie's ear and it snapped back into place.

SNAP!

"Get it?" he asked.

"Got it!" Fonzie said slightly cringing from the decibels.

"Good."

Fonzie shook his head out and cleaned out his ear. Then he turned to Artie.

"So I was never born." he repeated.

"That's the gist of it." Artie replied.

"Had enough?" Artie asked.

"Let's just go!" Fonzie replied.

The two of them went back to the apartment above the Cunningham house and climbed into his bedroom window. Artie assured Fonzie that all the alarm systems were turned off.

"This is life without you in it, Fonz," Artie said. "You're important to a lot of people. You know, since you were never born, a lot of things have changed."

"Everything's all turned around," Fonzie said. "Artie, I wanna exist! You gotta change everything! You gotta make everything back to normal!"

Artie just smiled and disappeared into thin air leaving Fonzie in his apartment and on his bed.

"Artie?" he asked. "Artie, where'd you go?! Artie, don't leave me like this! ARTIE!"

[Race's Girl]

Chapter 3- Apologies

Fonzie continued looking around frantically for Artie because it appeared that nothing had changed. As he was looking, there was a knock on the door and so Fonzie rushed to get it and Joanie entered.

"Fonz," she said. "Who were you calling too?"

"Shortcake," Fonzie said. "Do you know who I am?"

"Sure I do," Joanie said hugging Fonzie. "You're my brother's best friend."

Joanie kissed Fonzie on the cheek and left the apartment to go back to her own home which was downstairs from Fonzie's apartment. It felt like everything was back to normal but he wasn't so sure. He followed Joanie to find Howard, Marion, Al, Richie, Ralph, Potsie and Lori Beth there. Al was looking pretty sheepish.

"Rich, you ain't a geek," Fonzie shouted. "Ralph, there's a bit of paint on you and Potsie, you ain't fat."

"I don't even look like Dan Blocker." Potsie replied.

"Look, Fonz, we all got to talking," Ralph said. "And . . . . . . well . . . . . well, it was more of a lecture than a talk and I just wanted to say we're sorry for blaming you for nearly breaking the jukebox at Arnold's."

"It was only a jukebox." Fonzie said.

"Yeah but it's not worth it if I lose a friend over it." Richie said as he grinned at his best friend.

"Thanks, Gang." Fonzie said.

"Arthur," Marion said as she hugged Fonzie and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm glad you're all right. We were all so worried about you!"

"I'm cool, Mrs C," Fonzie said. "And I'm sorry I dropped that marmalade jar on the floor and called Joanie's swan glides stupid."

"Oh, it doesn't matter, Fonzie." Howard said smiling at Fonzie. "And I got a call concerning that hardware store in Texas shortly after they called to confirm the cancellation of my investment."

"Oh man," Fonzie groaned. He had a feeling he was still in trouble. "What did they say, Mr C?"

"They said that the police found out it was a scam and shut down the operation," Al spoke up for Howard. "They're going to refund the $50 Howard invested in it. So that lets you off the hook."

"Thanks, Al, Mr C." Fonzie said. Then he remembered some of the other things he saw when Artie was showing him what life would be like without him.

"Do any of you guys wear uniforms at college?" Fonzie asked.

"No we don't, Fonz." Lori Beth said giggling a bit.

"What about Mr and Mrs C?" Fonzie asked.

"Their marriage is still up and running," Richie said. "What's wrong, Fonz? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm cool," Fonzie replied smiling. "In fact, I never felt better in my entire life!"

THE END

[FonzFan82]

Bad day for the Fonz. Maybe things will get better.

[FonzFan82]

This idea for a story sounds a bit like Scrooge if you ask me. I've never thought of Fonzie sounding like Scrooge.

[FonzFan82]

Nice ending.

[Race's Girl]

Originally Posted by FonzFan82

Nice ending.

Thanks, glad you liked it