8.3 An Affair Not to Forget 12-2-02

[BeatleMoe]

Scene opens up at Sugarbaker's, as usual: Mary Jo and Carlene are sitting on the sofa watching Thelma and Louise. Bernice is on the left chair crochetting, while Julia and Denise are in the store room.
MARY JO: This IS my favorite movie, ever. I mean I know it came out like ten years ago, but I love the theme here.
CARLENE: I think that's sick Mary Jo. I hate the idea of a woman raped and then running from the law.
MARY JO: That's not what I am talking about, Carlene. I mean that two best friends going out for the time of their lives. Female comraderie. I remember when Julia and Bernice and I went out last year to do that sort of thing.
CARLENE: So are we on for the singles bar tonight?
MARY JO: I don't know. Quint hasn't been doing his homework lately, and I think that I should stay home to check on him.
CARLENE: Isn't he going to Ted's tonight.
MARY JO: No. Ted had an emergency hysterectomy to perform in Maui tonight. One of the natives is tired of feeling like a woman, so ol' Ted is going to take care of that problem.
CARLENE: Why doesn't a doctor over there take care of the problem?
MARY JO: Carlene, I am saying that Ted is going on vacation today.
BERNICE: Frankly, I am getting a little tired of this talk! My goodness, all we do is sit around talking about nasty things like gynochologists and hysterectomies. Personally, we should stick to topics like THELMA AND LOUISE. I just love that Brad Pitt. But he's married to Courtney Cox.
CARLENE: Actually, that's Jennifer Anniston.
BERNICE: Whatever. I knew it had to be one of her FRIENDS.
DENISE: (as she and Julia walk out of the storeroom) Come on Julia! Why can't I use the fabric in there for the new dress that I am designing?
JULIA: Because. That fabric, exotic it may be, is going to be for the sofa and recliner covers at the Strathman house.
DENISE: Julia, I think that there is plenty of fabric there! Will you at least think about it?
JULIA: Alright I will. (Pauses) No. Carlene, have you filed the rest of the invoices?
CARLENE: I was going to get to that Julia, but I was in the middle of watching Thelma and Louise.
JULIA: Well, as important as watching a women on the run movie may be, we have work to do around here. Now, get a move on.
MARY JO: Julia, by the way you are acting, do you by chance have a date tonight?
JULIA: Why do you ask?
MARY JO: No big deal. I just noticed that you get all hostile when you date.
JULIA: You know how I have been before a big date these last couple of years. Reese was in my life for six years, and ever since he's died, I have been very uptight about my next date.
DENISE: Who is your date?
JULIA: I am not going to tell you.
DENISE: Why not?
JULIA: Because everytime I bring a man here, things get out of control, especially with Bernice.
BERNICE: I can't help it Julia. I'm only human. (Phone rings)
CARLENE: Sugarbakers. Yes, here she is. Julia, it's for you.
JULIA: I'll take it at my desk Carlene, thank you.
CARLENE: So Mary Jo, do you want to go out tonight?
MARY JO: I guess so. I mean, it's Friday. I can get Quint to do his homework Sunday night.
DENISE: What are you crocheting there, Bernice?
BERNICE: I am knitting a sweater for Anthony's baby. I figured, it might get cold, and Anthony could forget to buy clothes for his baby.
JULIA: Well, I guess I will see you tomorrow. (Hangs up) Now I am free for tonight. Denise, what say you Bernice and I go out for dinner tonight.
DENISE: No thank you Julia, I have a date. (Julia looks over at Denise with an appalled look) I know I am not divorced yet, but I have my rights to go out now.
MARY JO: Hey Julia, why don't you come with Carlene and me tonight.
JULIA: That's very thoughtful of you Mary Jo, but I don't think I want to spend an evening fighting off twenty intoxicated men with sex on their minds, followed by an evening in their apartment where they will proceed to just pass out on the sofa, and I have to call a taxi to get back home.
CARLENE: Does that mean you are going?
...To be continued.

[BeatleMoe]

Scene 2: The Flighty Pigeon Club
MARY JO: Well, I have to hand it to you Julia, I never thought that you would come to a singles' bar.
JULIA: Neither did I. Which one of you, how should I say it, horny women picked the Flighty Pigeon to pick up men?
CARLENE: I did.
JULIA: I figured.
CARLENE: So what are you going to do about Quint, Mary Jo?
MARY JO: Well, I figured that since Quint was going to be alone, and Bernice had nothing better to do, I sent her over to my house.
CARLENE: I can't believe you did that.
MARY JO: I know. But I want to make sure that he gets his schoolwork done.
JULIA: You know, Mary Jo, Quint is the type of boy who would bribe his way out of anything, we've all been thirteen before. And besides, Bernice is the type to take candy from a baby. If you don't mind, I am going to go to the bar and order a drink.
CARLENE: Come on Mary Jo.
MAN 1: Excuse me, but I couldn't help but notice you across the room. What's your name, little lady?
MARY JO: Mary Jo Shively. And what might yours be?
MAN 1: Clark West.
MARY JO: Well Clark, but, I don't want to burst your bubble, but how old do you think I am?
CLARK: Well, I am twenty-four. You look at least twenty, twenty-one.
MARY JO: Come on, buy me a drink.
CARLENE: Mary Jo, you know you are only thirty-seven.
MARY JO: Thank you, Carlene!
CLARK: It's okay, I like old chicks.
JULIA: Excuse me...Phil?
PHIL: Julia!? What are you doing here.
JULIA: Well honey, I'm here with friends tonight, and, I thought you said you were in a business meeting, tonight.
PHIL: It got cancelled.
JULIA: Well why didn't you call?
PHIL: Why didn't you?
JULIA: YOU broke the date!
PHIL: True.
JULIA: So, why are you here?
PHIL: I was...uh.,hungry.
JULIA: Phil, there is a McDonald's four blocks from your house! Are you here with another woman.
PHIL: Well--
JULIA: Answer me. (Silence) I can't believe you could be this dishonest and not tell me! Is she prettier than me?
DENISE: Phil darling, I'm...back.
(Julia looks appalled at Denise)
...To be concluded.

[BeatleMoe]

later that night...
MARY JO: Well, I am just apalled! I cannot seem to snag a man here! How's it been going for you?
CARLENE: Oh, I have had some luck.
MAN #1: Hey Carlene, are we on for Monday?
CARLENE: You bet, Dave. (Mary Jo looks at her) So I've had some luck!
MAN #2: Yo, Carlene, can't wait for Tuesday night.
CARLENE: Me neither, Tom.
across the room...
DENISE: Come on Julia, I had no idea that you were seeing Phil, too.
JULIA: As a matter of fact, I have been seeing him for the past two weeks! How long have you been seeing him?
DENISE: Well, tonight is our first date.
JULIA: So, you just jumped on this wagon as soon as you got divorced, huh?
DENISE: Julia...
JULIA: Let me tell you something. It has been hard enough for me these last three years to even consider dating. I'm sorry that I'm not on my back as fast you are after being with someone you loved.
DENISE: Listen here! How dare you imply something like that. I may be a gorgeous southerner, but I don't hit the sheets with the first man I meet. I don't know why the hell you aren't mad at Phil for doing this to you.
JULIA: Well, maybe you've got a point.
across the bar...(Mary Jo is sitting back, having a drink.)
CARLENE: Mary Jo! I am in big trouble!
MARY JO: Why, you have a date for the next two weeks with every guy in here?
CARLENE: Worse! I made a date with Paul and Rob on the same night! What do I do?
MARY JO: Introduce one of them to me?
CARLENE: That is a smart idea! Gosh, Mary Jo, you are just so smart sometimes.
JULIA: Well, how is everyone doing?
MARY JO: Perfect. Is everything all right between you and Denise?
DENISE: I think so. We both put cocktails down Phil's pants.
JULIA: He won't be picking up women anytime tonight.
scene 3: Quint is sitting on the sofa asleep at Sugarbaker's. Anthony is in the recliner, as the ladies return...
MARY JO: Anthony, what are you doing here?
ANTHONY: Well, I came by to pick up some fabric to inspect, when I saw Quint running out of the kitchen. Apparently, Bernice was acting like Hitler as far his homework went.
JULIA: Well, did he finish it?
ANTHONY: He had it all done, but Bernice said that she was left in charge. I think she raided your charrdonay, Julia, because she just went off her rocker.
JULIA: Where is Bernice now?
BERNICE: Oh thank heavens you're home! That boy wouldn't do his homework.
QUINT: (awakens) I did too!
BERNICE: Mary Jo, I think he cheated! He copied that information out of his history book.
MARY JO: Bernice, that was what he was supposed to do.
BERNICE: Oh (startled) Forgive me young man. I overreacted. It's not like me to do crazy things.
QUINT: It's okay, Mrs. Clifton.
JULIA: Well, I guess that I am going to go to bed. This has been a long night.
PHIL (after walking in) Julia, can we talk?
JULIA: No we can't.
PHIL: Give me a chance to explain.
JULIA: I am listening.
PHIL: Well, I met Denise today, and she just seemed so vulnerable and...
JULIA: I don't want to hear anymore. Using my sister-in-law was very unwise. Using me was unwise. Nighty night, Phil. (Julia goes upstairs)
BERNICE: Well, I don't mind being used. Come on you hunk of man and charge this old battery! (jumps in his arms)
End

[BonniesLilCutiePie]

How cue!