8.2: Babes and Bullets 11-18-02

[BeatleMoe]

Opening Scene: Carlene, Julia, and Anthony are having coffee. Denise is at her desk, designing.
ANTHONY: Julia, we have to talk.
JULIA: Alright, Anthony. What's on your mind.
ANTHONY: Well, it's Bernice. I don't mind that she sleeps over at the house, but there are some things that aren't acceptable.
JULIA: Such as.
ANTHONY: Well, for starters, she went into the closet and found one of Suzanne's old guns. Then, with that gun, she encouraged me to follow her into the bedroom, and had me start to undress her. I drew the line right there. She tried to fire the gun, but thank God it was unloaded.
JULIA: All right. When she gets back, I will have a talk with her.
ANTHONY: She's with Etienne at the mall. They had to stop by her doctor's office, too.
CARLENE: That Bernice reminds me of an old lady back in Poplar Bluff that used to sit on her rockin' chair on the front porch with a shot gun and sing "Amazin' Grace" at the top of her lungs and invited anybody to join in on the chorus, and if they turned it down, she'd shoot em.
DENISE: Tell me something, Carlene, is this story in your southeast Missouri travel guide?
CARLENE: No. Why'd do ya ask?
DENISE: Well, honey don't take this the wrong way, but I know that I have been here for two weeks, and it seems that you have such a kooky story from your native Missouri days.
CARLENE: Sorry.
DENISE: No, I should be sorry. I know what it is like to be proud of where I come from.
ANTHONY: Oh, by the way Denise, Traylor Hendrickson called from Tallahasse this morning wanting to look at some of your dress designs. That's the third call from her this week. This new idea for Sugarbaker's is definitely a great idea. It's certainly opening a new cash flow.
DENISE: Thank you.
JULIA: By the way, Denise. We are having Thanksgiving dinner here next Thursday, and I don't want you to miss out. Clayton is looking forward to it.
DENISE: Oh, God! I cannot stand going out in public with him!
JULIA: Well, if you two are having marital problems, then, I suggest either working it out or maybe terminating the marriage. Of course, that means you will lose your share...
DENISE: Alright! Look at the time. I must be running down to the market. I am making Clayton a special dinner tonight.
JULIA: What would that be?
DENISE: Blowfish. (Exits)
CARLENE: I cannot believe this. This is gonna be a bare Thanksgiving.
JULIA: Why do you say that?
CARLENE: Well, with Mary Jo going to be in England visiting Charlene and Bill this year, I'm just not gonna have a place to go.
JULIA: Yes you do. You are going to enjoy dinner here with me, and Clayton and Denise. Anthony, are you and Etienne going to be here?
ANTHONY: We'll talk about it. Personally, I can't pass up dinner here.
JULIA: Well, bring a dish. Bernice wants to cook the turkey this year.
ANTHONY: I can almost remember meeting her seven years ago.
JULIA: That was a bad Thanksgiving.
ANTHONY: I know. First you thought that I murdered a guy, and then Suzanne burned the turkey. Dinner was horrible. And this year Bernice is cooking?
JULIA: I figured why not? I mean, since she moved in here, she has been doing the cooking. I think she's grateful. (BERNICE and ETTIENNE enter)
BERNICE: Good morning girls. (to Anthony) Morning, stuff.
ANTHONY: Bernice, you know that I hate that word.
BERNICE: Oh.
ETIENNE: I have some wonderful news. Not only is this Anthony and mine's first anniversary, but we are going to have a baby!
ANTHONY: We are? (very suprised)
ETIENNE: The doctor said that I've been this way for two monthes.
ANTHONY: I'm going to be a father...
...To be continued

[BeatleMoe]

Scene 2: (Carlene as at work talking to Mary Jo on the phone)
CARLENE: You aren't going to believe the news.
MARY JO: What is it Carlene?
CARLENE: Well, Etienne and Bernice came back from running errands, and Etienne is two months pregnant!
MARY JO: Well, I can't believe it! Anthony is going to be a father!
CARLENE: And he's a wreck, too. Bernice had spent the last couple of nights there and--
MARY JO: That would make him a wreck.
CARLENE: Well, I better get off the phone here. I've got dinner to prepare. Tell Charlene and Bill hi for me.
MARY JO: Okay. Have a safe holiday.
CARLENE: (hangs up the phone) Gosh, Julia, I can't believe you're actually letting me have dinner here.
JULIA: Why are you so suprised? After all, you're like one of the family. (Bernice walks downstairs with the AK-47) Bernice, where are you going with that?
BERNICE: Oh, don't mind me, dear. I'm just going turkey hunting.
JULIA: Well don't hurt yourself. (Bernice walks out the door)
DENISE: Julia, do you think that it would be wise for her to walk down the street with Rambo's gun toted in her hand.
JULIA: Denise, Bernice doesn't have it loaded. She doesn't know what kind of ammunition it takes. (Gunshots are heard loudly) Or maybe she does! (The ladies rush outside, as the scene changes):
Scene 3 (downtown)
OFFICER: Mrs. Clifton, you do realize the seriousness of the crime that was committed, don't you?
BERNICE: No, not really. Nobody was hurt.
OFFICER: Well, you took out a number of windows and flattened a number of tires.
JULIA: Officer, what is her charge? You see, Bernice is not all with it.
OFFICER: Well, a $500 fine is in order, but I am going to waive that, Mrs. Sugarbaker. Now, please get her out of here.
BERNICE: Good. I'm just in time to go home and watch that show Crook and Chase on NBC. I just love all of that gay man.
CARLENE: Don't you mean "WILL AND GRACE" Bernice?
BERNICE: What's the difference?
JULIA: Crook and Chase was a country music television show that got cancelled a number of years ago.
BERNICE: Well, I guess that explains it then.
Scene 3:
ANTHONY: I wonder what is taking them so long?
ETIENNE: Honey, calm down. You've been so jittery lately.
DENISE: I just love "The Bernie Mac Show." Did anybody tell you that you look like him?
ANTHONY: What are you talking about.
DENISE: Forgive me, Anthony. I guess, I am just nervous being in the same room with a black ex-con.
ANTHONY: Well, don't fret, Mrs. Sugarbaker. I didn't kill that many people. (She just looks at him wide-eyed) Just joking.
DENISE: Well, I am going to call Clayton, and demand why he is late!
ETIENNE: Anthony, what is the matter?
ANTHONY: Oh, it's nothing.
ETIENNE: Anthony, as your wife, I demand an explaination. We are partners in life here,and...
ANTHONY: I'm just not sure that I am ready to be a father yet.
ETIENNE: Honey, that's too late.
ANTHONY: It's not that. It's just, well, I never met my father until three years ago. I haven't seen my mother since I was a kid. My grandmamma raised me...I just don't want this kid to grow up like that.
ETIENNE: Baby, look at me. We are going to have a beautiful child here. He's going to have two loving parents that care for him deeply. Do you understand? I know that he will grow up to be just like you.
ANTHONY: You mean a partner in a design firm?
ETIENNE: No. I mean, a loving and caring person, just like his daddy.
ANTHONY: I love you.
ETIENNE: I love you too.
DENISE: Well, can you believe it? Clayton decided to go back to Japan for Thanksgiving! This is just not right! (Bursts into tears as Julia, Bernice, and Carlene walk in)
JULIA: What is she crying for?
ANTHONY: Well, apparently Clayton has decided to go to Japan for dinner. You know, he's not giving her much of a chance here.
BERNICE: Well, you just wait till that bastard comes home! (pulls out another gun) I'll show him!
CARLENE: I think it's time for your medicine Bernice.
JULIA: You know, I have been thinking, Denise. I mean just because BJ put in her will that you have to be married, doesn't necessarily mean that you have to stay that way. When he comes home, Clayton and I are going to talk. Then, you are going to get a divorce, and continue to work here.
DENISE: Well, I am thankful to you on this day, Julia.
ANTHONY: And I just want to say how thankful I am to all of you. We are going to have a baby, and the next seven months are going to be a wild ride!
End
Executive Producers: HARRY THOMASON and LINDA BLOODWORTH-THOMASON
Executive Producer: Pam Norris

[BonniesLilCutiePie]

Good start!