"Night Stand" Parody Topics (Humor)

[swedeace]

LOL....

Does anyone remember these?

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Are you a deaf mute? Give us a call.

Are you scared of phones? Give us a call.

Are you interested in coming on TV to get thoroughly humiliated and have your home life destroyed? Give us a call.

Did your parents name you after a serial killer? Give us a call.

Were you impregnated by an alien, who then abandoned you? Give us a call.

Do you have no belly button? Give us a call.

On the next "Night Stand", employees of Burt Reynolds tell all. We'll find out what Burt swept under his rug.

Are you a black man trapped in a white man's body? If so, give us a call.

Are you Siamese twins joined at the mouth? If so, give us a call.

Are you a midget that's over 6 feet tall? If so, give us a call.

Are you a serial killer that does stand-up? If so, give us a call.

Are you an epileptic jack-hammer operator? If so, give us a call.

Can you touch your toes without bending over? If so, give us a call.

Do you do a crazy stunt, where the odds of injury or decapitation are really high? If so, give us a call.

Are you in the witness protection program and would like to come on TV and tell your story? If so, give us a call.

Dick Dietrick here...if you or someone you know has accidentally shaved off their upper lip and can still whistle... give us a call.

Dick Dietrick here... We're looking for Stooge fans who actually like Shemp.. You can Be a guest on "Night Stand" ... give us a call.

Dick Dietrick here...Do you hate telephone solicitations? If so, give us a call... remember each call will cost you 50 cents, so call now, call often.

Dick Dietrick here...We're looking for American GI's adopted by Vietnamese families.. you can be a guest on "Night Stand"... give us a call.

Dick Dietrick here...Are you troubled because you're trapped in a woman's body and just can't seem to pull yourself out of it?... give us a call.

Dick Dietrick here...Are you dyslexic and would like to be a guest on "Stand Night"... Call us a give.

Dick Dietrick here...Hey, we're looking for exciting new topics because we can't think of anything on our own... if you've got a good idea - we'd like to steal it from you... give us a call.

Dick Dietrick here...If your a man who likes to wear women's underwear, you're not alone... but you should be. Don't bother calling.

Are you a guy who gets turned on by Brett Butler? Give us a call.

On the next "Night Stand", we talk about deja vu. On the next "Night Stand", we talk about deja vu.

Are you a white guy named Shaquille or Lamont? Give us a call.

On the Next "Night Stand", New Yorkers, Richard Simmons, Harvey Firestein and Jim J. Bullock join us for our salute to Queens.

On the next "Night Stand"... our salute to great inventions continues with a weeklong show on the "thong". Join us.

On the next "Night Stand"...Burt Reynolds and William Shatner joins us as Toupee Week continues.

On the next "Night Stand"...Nielsen families...what makes them so intelligent, so good-looking and just so very special? See ya then.

Are you a three foot tall woman with a flat head and big ears? Give us a call or even better...send yourself via overnight mail.

Hey, is your life more pathetic than anyone you've seen on this show. You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

If you spend more than eight hours a day in the bathroom, and feel like you're losing your grip... You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you the black sheep who's on the lam? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

If you're married to a famous celebrity, only they don't know it... You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Does everything taste worse to you on a Ritz? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you one of those crazy people who still thinks the world is round? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you a eunuch that can sing like Barry White? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

If you're the relative of somebody famous or can fake it really well... You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

If you know the trouble I've seen... You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

If you're a black man trapped in Bryant Gumbel's body... You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you an incredibly beautiful woman who's extremely gullible and legally blind? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

If you feel you've been imprisoned unjustly and feel you've been given the shaft... You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you get mad when you treat your grandmother to an expensive dinner and she doesn't put out? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Has the L.A.P.D. ever mistaken you for a pinata? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you gay, lonely, and see no end in sight? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you easily confused? Call a give at us guest could be you on "Stand Night"

If you never exercise, are 100 pounds overweight, and eat fried foods, but have had a change of heart. You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you prefer rectal thermometers to oral ones? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you think heroin should be and over- the -counter drug? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Have you ever really tried to compare apples and oranges? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you need help because you're addicted to twelve step programs? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you French and actually nice? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you a member of the Mafia, who would like to forgive a small $2500 gambling debt? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you belong to a street gang that goes antiquing? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you have a lame hand, but try to fool people by holding a pen in it? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you live in San Francisco, and have had a heterosexual experience? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you have half a torso? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you save your toenail clippings? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you an amputee, who keeps his limbs in a jar by the bed? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Ever cut one in the elevator and get out before it smelled? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you a black guy who feels inadequate in the locker room? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you find Fran Dresher's accent on "The Nanny" sexy? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you a gay guy who would rather go see a monster truck pull than a Broadway show? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you consider bowling a workout? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you as crazy as I am about that new comedy starring Brooke Shields? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are your ankles thicker that your thighs? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you wear black socks and sandals and look like an idiot? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you a straight guy named Cody? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you find Hillary Clinton to be a total babe? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Have you ever seen Mr. Rogers fly off the handle? You can be a guest of "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you have pictures of Rush Limbaugh in a speedo? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you a Chinese woman with blond hair? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you a beautiful young woman who finds talkshow host irresistible? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Are you better than everybody at everything? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Have you ever been fishing and caught a gefilte fish? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Is your overseas sponsored child harassing you for support payments? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Did you party like it was 1999, only to find out it wasn't? You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you get off on beating people up? You can be a member of the L.A.P.D. For more information, give us a call.

Does you sweetheart's poetry include phrases like. "Dammit. If I can't have you then no one will." You can be a guest on "Night Stand". Give us a call.

Do you wish to see new episodes of "Night Stand"? Give us a call.

* Night Stand Topic from Shows:

1. Bleach Blonds--tracing their roots
2. The Spiritual Side of Spirituality

* A Funny, Short Transcript From an episode about stripper competition:

Scene: Two ladies are sitting on the panel. One is a blond and the other
is an African-American lady with a blond wig.

Lady w/ blond wig: Yes, Dick. I'm African-American.
Dick: Oh, I see. Your skin is African, and your hair is American.

[Mikado]

if you spend a lot of time making HUGE lists......Give us a call

[swedeace]

Originally Posted by Mikado

if you spend a lot of time making HUGE lists......Give us a call

I found these on a website a while back, so I just copied and pasted them here. We all need some humor sometime.

[phoebe7165]

OMG, I loved 'Night Stand'. I think Tim Stack is so funny!! I can remember when they were showing advertisements for this show, this was when just about everybody had a talk show, and I thought, "Oh, no, not another talk show", not realizing at the time that it was a take-off.

My favorite part was when Dick would say something inappropriate, the audience would groan and he'd turn around to them and say "No, no, people, people!!"