TF's 2002 Toilet Installation

[Stormtracker TF]

TF's 2002 Toilet Installation

Created By T.F. Storm and Elvis Fonzie Dean

STARRING...

T.F. Storm
As himself.



Dana Elcar
As himself.


Renee Olstead
As Bethany

Jack Wilson
As himself

SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES BY...


James Avery
As the Plumber


Goldust
As Himself

And

Chad Doody
As Himself

*TF is shown watching TV at about 8pm when Jack walks in the door*

TF: Hi, Jack.

Jack: Hi. *Walks over to the TV where TF is sitting on the couch*

TF: Hey Jack...You know how Beth is coming over tomorrow? I think I'm going to finally ask her out on a date.

Jack: Cool.

TF: Cool? I I've been working up the courage to do this for a year and all I get is "COOL"?

Jack: You've been saying that for the past 3 months.

TF: Yeah...But you see, this time I have it all planned out...NOTHING can go wrong.

Jack: ...Excuse me while I go use the bathroom.

*Jack is shown walking into the bathroom and closing the door, TF walks over to the fridge and opens it, he takes out a can of Coca Cola and pops it open, then sits down at the table. Jack walks out of the bathroom about 5 minutes later without washing his hands*

TF: Wash your hands, Jack?

Jack: Nope!

TF: That's UNSANITARY, you Pig.

Jack: Yups!

TF: Remind me why I allow you in this house.

Jack: I live here...

TF: ...Now excuse ME while I use the bathroom.

*Jack goes over and sits down on the couch and TF walks into the bathroom, shuts the door and walks over to the toilet that Jack forgot to flush*

TF: That MORON forgot to flush.

*He flushes the toilet and walks over to the sink quickly to scrub his hands, being the germaphobe he is. When he turns around he is HORRIFIED to see that the toilet has clogged and the water is starting to run over the sides of the bowl*

TF: *As he is running out of the room* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....JACK, WHAT HAVE YOU DONNNNNNNE?

*The toilet stops overflowing, but the water does not go down the drain. TF runs over to the phone to call a plumber as the scene fades*

Different Scene:

*TF greets the plumber as he walks in the door*

Plumber: What seems to be the problem?

TF: Well our toilet is clogged and it flooded the bathroom...

*Both walk into the bathroom, the plumber looks at the toilet and notices it its still full of water and toilet paper*

Plumber: You did try using a plunger on it first, right?

TF: ...And risk getting that FILTH on me? That's UNSANITARY.

Plumber: O...kie doke, lets try that first.

*The plumber turns around to get his plunger, but slips in the water on the floor and falls back on his butt, which falls right on the seat of the toilet. The toilet bowl is completely destroyed and the remaining water in the bowl flows out, filling the room with even more water*

TF: YOU MORON...

Plumber: *Gets up* Oooh...Looks like its totalled. Well your toilet's unclogged now, have a nice day! *He runs out before TF has a chance to stop him*

TF: SON OF A....YOU RUINED MY TOILET. *He runs to the front door that the plumber left open and watches the plumber's van peel out down the street*

*The next morning TF calls Dusty Rhodes Toilet Installation, Inc.*

TF: Hi. I'm calling to see if you have any more of your cheapest 1928 toilets. Send me your best men to install my toilet. I want it white and I want it to have powerflush. None of that annoying slow twirling junk that floods up my bathroom when when I have ultra diarrhea.

Employee: Yes, TF. Our men should be at your house pronto.

*Six hours later*

TF: Where the heck are these guys?

Jack: Calm down. The employee said they'll be here pronto.

TF: Jack... They're only three blocks away.

Jack: 6 hours isn't that long.

TF: Didn't you hear what I just said? And it wasn't even six hou...*Jack falls asleep before TF finishes*

TF: At least one good thing happened today.

*As TF calls up Dusty Rhodes Toilet, Inc. again, there's a knock on the door. TF looks out his window to see who it is and sees a man holding a pizza*

TF: I didn't order any pizza.

*TF opens door*

TF: Excuse me, but I didn't order any pi...pi..Peter Thornton?!

Dana Elcar: You sure did unless you didn't order a 1928 white toilet.

TF: Um...Oh yes, that was me...But I didnt order a pizza.

Dana Elcar: Who said you ordered any pizza? This bad boy's for me.

TF: Alright, pizza party with the Pete!

Dana Elcar: *Takes out wrench* Back away from the pizza, man.

TF: o_o

Dana Elcar: I hate weenies. Stop that silly expression or I'll squash you.

TF: *Stands still in shock* Alrighty, Pete.

Dana Elcar: Thats better. Oh, uh...NEVER CALL ME PETER THORNTON AGAIN.

TF: *Shakes nervously* Yes Mount...Mr. Elcar...Come in. So how 'bout that toilet of mine?

Dana Elcar: Ohhhhh, it feels gooood.

TF: Oh, you sat on one of these before?

Peter Thornton: Did I? I sat on this baby and released my waste in it on my way over here.

TF: O_O

*Dusty Rhodes' son Goldust who also came to help install TF's toilet crawls in behind Dana on the floor and grabs TF's lower leg while breathing heavily*

Goldust: Ohhhhh, allow me to introduce myself. My name is...Golllldust. You can call me...Golllldy.

TF: What in the heck are you doin' here?

Goldust: I came to make your buns...much more comfortablllle.

TF: Get...OUT!

Goldust: Did you not here what I just said? I am going to install a toilet much more comfortable for your tooshy.

TF: You're...going to install my toilet...in this house?

Goldust: I sure am. Your toilet will be felt all over...by Goldussst. HOCK!

*30 minutes later Dana is installing the toilet after taking apart and removing what was left of the old John*

Dana Elcar: Can you get me something to eat, TF?

TF: I've got a KLONDIKE bar

Dana Elcar: Why don't you give me the whole pack?

TF: ...Ok. Here ya go, Mr. Elcar.

*TF trips after putting his foot on a ball by mistake and falls to the ground, every single KLONDIKE bar falls in the toilet*

TF: O_O

*"You're Gonna Pay" plays as Dana Elcar gets an angered look on his face and walks slowly towards TF*

TF: *Stares with a disturbed look on his face* ...I'll go get you something from Las Brisas.

*TF walks out the door*

*Later on that night Dana is shown installing the toilet in TF's bathroom while eating a enchilada with his hands*

TF: Its 2AM...Shouldnt you already have this done?

Dana Elcar: MASTERPIECES cannot be rushed along.

TF: But this is a toilet installation...

Dana Elcar: *Yawns* Well...I'm hitting the sack now. G'nite. *Walks towards TF's bedroom*

TF: Are you suggesting that you're going to sleep here?

Dana Elcar: *With a Jolly smile* You betcha.

TF: Well, I guess there isnt a problem with you sleeping on the couch for a night...It would give you a head start on that toilet installation.

Dana Elcar: Whoever said anything about me sleeping on your COUCH?

TF: Well you are NOT sleeping in my bed.

Dana Elcar: *Grabs wrench and talks down to TF* You DO want that toilet installed, don't you?

TF: ...I'll take the couch.

Dana Elcar: Ok. *Jolly smile* Well, G'nite. *Dana Elcar walks into TF's bedroom and closes the door as the scene fades*

*The next morning TF is awakened at about 11:30AM by someone singing in the bathroom, he looks over at the bathroom door as steam comes out from underneith the door, Dana Elcar then walks out wearing TF's bathwrobe and drying what is left of his hair with a towel*

Dana Elcar: Morning, TF.

TF: *Rubbing sleep from his eyes as he gets up from the couch* You better get to work on that toilet, Bethany is coming over later and I PLAN to ask her out.

Dana Elcar: Not before I have breakfast.

TF: Fine, fine...Have it your way. *Opens Fridge* Uh...What happened to all my food?

Dana Elcar: *Burps* I got hungry last night.

TF: *Talks through teeth* Well, so much for breakfast.

Dana Elcar: That stuff in the green and brown container you had in there was excellent, TF. I have no idea what it was, but it was excellent.

TF: Come to think of it, I have no idea what it was either, but it's been in there since last August.

Dana Elcar: *Puts hand on stomach as it makes a weird noise* Somehow I think I'm going to regret eating that.

TF: Lets just say you better get that toilet installed soon.

Dana Elcar: Well...I should get to work then.

TF: Yes, yes you should...I've got to go to the store and pick a few things up and meet some friends downtown. I'll be back in about two hours, then me, Bethany and a few buddies are going out for dinner. You BETTER have that toilet installed by the time we get back!

Dana Elcar: Can do.

*Later that evening TF walks in the door alone, he hangs his jacket on a hook near the door and kicks his shoes off, as he walks into the kitchen he notices Dana sitting at the table eating some leftover pizza and reading a newspaper*

TF: You're still here...Did you even get that Toilet installed?!

Dana Elcar: *Laughs* Nope.

TF: WHAT? You said you would have it done by the time I got back...This thing shouldve been installed last night! What the heck have you been doing this whole time, eating pizza?!

Dana Elcar: Well, actually, me and Goldust got a bit hungry so we took it apon ourselves to do lunch at Las Brisas using the money in that jar above the fireplace. I knew you wouldnt mind.

TF: WHAT? My savings?!

Dana Elcar: ...And then we got bored and rented a couple of movies. We watched one of them but Goldust accidentally put the second one in the VCR upside-down and ended up destroying the VCR trying to get it back out again.

TF: I...Can't...believe...this. Exactly how much did you get done?

Dana Elcar: It's all installed except for putting on the tank and hooking it up.

TF: THEN WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Dana Elcar: Come to think of it, I don't really know.

TF: Get that thing finished, and PRONTO, because Bethany is coming over to watch movies in a half hour. She just went home to freshen up a bit.

Dana Elcar: Okie doke.

*Dana walks into TF's bathroom with his toolcase as the scene fades*

*Later, Dana is shown hooking up the pipes to the toilet and TF is shown straightening up his couch, when there's a knock at the door*

TF: CRAP...That's probably Bethany, she's early. *Steps into the bathroom* You better get this done fast, DUDE...I haven't used the bathroom in 2 days, and I REALLY have to go. The last thing I need to do is have an ACCIDENT in front of Beth. *Walks out of the bathroom and Answers Door* Hi, Bethany. You're early...

Bethany: I hope you don't mind...

TF: No, no...That's fine, come in and have a seat.

Bethany: Do you mind if I use your bathroom?

TF: Um, you can't go in there...

*Just as TF says that, Dana Elcar drops the lid of the toilet's tank on his toe and swearing is heard coming from the bathroom*

Bethany: *Gets confused look on her face as she looks towards TF*

TF: Yeah...Uh...Long story, but I'm getting a new toilet installed.

Bethany: Oh...

TF: Sorry about that.

Bethany: *Laughs* It's alright.

*TF and Bethany walk over to the TV, TF pops a DVD into the DVD player and he and Bethany sit down on the couch*

TF: I'll be right back...

*TF walks into the kitchen and puts some popcorn in the microwave before running over to the bathroom where Dana Elcar is, he has just finished the toilet installation and is polishing it with a cloth*

TF: TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!

Dana Elcar: Like I always say, great things cannot be rushed, TF. Now please excuse me whil...

*Before Dana can finish TF goes to push him out the door*

TF: GET...OUT!

*Dana Elcar grabs wrench*

Dana Elcar: *Through teeth* I WAS SAYING...Please excuse me while I christen the toilet. *Dana shoves TF out HARD and locks the door, sits on the toilet, then pulls out a newspaper and sighs as he begins reading. TF lays on the floor outside*

*Different camera shot is shown of TF getting up from the floor near the bathroom door and walking into the livingroom*

TF: *In another room* Sorry about that...

Bethany: That's alright.

*TF sits down next to her on the couch again and watches the movie*

*In the bathroom a shot of Dana on the toilet from his chest up is shown, he finishes taking a crap and reaches over to flush the toilet without getting off the seat, but instead of hearing the sound of a flushing toilet, a deep rumbling noise is heard, Dana's eyes get very large as it begins to get louder and deeper with every passing milisecond. Dana Elcar then gets a horrified look on his face and yells "HIT THE DECK!!!" at the top of his lungs. Before he can even move off the toilet, the toilet EXPLODES and a huge gush of water and raw sewage shoots out from where the toilet was, throwing Dana about 8 feet into the air, and smashing his head through the ceiling*

*Another shot of TF and Bethany watching a Movie and eating popcorn is then shown seconds before the blast*

TF: You know...Beth, there's something I've been wanting to ask for awhile...Do you think maybe-*TF suddenly stops talking when he hears a rumbling sound and feels the ground shake like in a earthquake* What THE...?

*He then hears the sound of Dana Elcar yelling, just prior to hearing a massive explosion. Before he can finish his sentence, the camera cuts to an outside view of TF's home, a HUGE, deep boom is heard as the ground shakes and the windows are blown out by a massive blast of water. The camera then fades as water and small pieces of furniture flows out of the windows*

*The next morning, Chad is shown walking up to TF's door after everything has settled down, he knocks on the door once and the door falls down, he freezes with his hand in the knocking position and gets a confused look on his face as he looks inside the drenched house and sees TF, Dana Elcar, and Bethany laying unconsious on top of Jack who is still asleep on the floor.*

Chad:

THE END



TF's 2002 Toilet Installation Is Dedicated In Memory Of Dana Elcar
1928 - 2005

[Chad22]

BRILLIANCE.

[Cactus Jack]

LOVE IT!

[TripperFan]

Good stuff!!

[Stormtracker TF]

Thanks, everyone.