Episode 8 of "NELL" by Jarrel Taylor

[JLKT]

"NELL"
LAS VEGAS Part 1
Guest Starring
Bea Arthur as Dorothy Zbornack
Betty White as Rose Nylund
Rue McClannahan as Blanche Deverouxe
Estelle Getty as Sophia Petrillo
And of of course, Redd Foxx as Wilson
and Whoopi Golberg as Loretta Harper

(Theme song)
Scene 1
(Nell, Valarie and James are already packed, and they are waiting for Loretta to arrive)

Nell- Where is Loretta, she is so slow.

Valarie- In more ways than one. Trust me I have talked to her ex-husband.
(audience laughs)
(Mother Maybelle walks down the stairs with a short skirt on)
(audience laughs)

Nell,James&Valarie: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WEARING!!!!!!
(audience laughs)

Mother Maybelle: Well I am just flaunting what I got. Especially if I am going to Wilson's home state.

James: Well you are staying with Sophia and her daughter and roomates aren't you?

Nell: I can answer that question, YES SHE IS!!!!
(audience laughs)
Valarie: Thank you Jesus!! Mom your ride is her ADIOS!!!!
(audience)
(a knock at the door and Nell gets it)

Rose: Hello.
(huge applause)
Rose: I am Rose Nylund and this is Blanche.

Nell: Oh hi. Momma your ride is here.

Mother Maybelle: Oh hi. You must be Rose, and you must be Blanche. Well lets hit the road.

Rose: Well I don't know if we should hit the road. Wouldn't it hurt our heads?!!
(audience laughs)

James:Oh wow an idiot. Mother Maybelle, it looks like you found your match.
(James laughs)
(audience laughs)

Rose: Well it is better to be an idiot then a fat man who can hardly move.
(Nell and Valarie hold James back)

Blanch:Come on Rose and Mrs. Maybelle we better go.I think there is about to be another Jerry Springer show, but this time in person.
(audience laughs)
(Mother Maybelle,Rose and Blanche leave)

Valarie: What nerve she has, although it is the truth.
(audience laughs)

James: Well look who finally pulled up, the only sister in law I have with a brain Loretta.
(audience laughs, Valarie gives James a mean look.)

Loretta: Hi James. Hi young sister Valarie and old old old and finally thin old sister Nell.
(audience laughs)

Nell: You God is still on the throne so let me send you to HEAVEN!!!!
(James holds Nell back &audience laughs)

Valarie: Well come on lets get ready to go to Las Vegas.

Nell: Valarie, you are more excited then I am and I am the one who is making my record.

Valarie: Well think of it this, way you got a man, I NEED ON BAD. COME ON LETS GO.
(audience laughs and Valarie leaves and James Loretta and Nell follow her to the car.)
-----------------------------------------
Scene 2
(In Miami at Sophia's house.)

Sophia: Where are they Dorothy. I am anxious to see my good friend Maybelle.

Dorothy: Don't worry they will be here soon ma.
(The door opens and Mother Maybelle enters frusterated.)

Sophia: Hi Maybelle. What is the matter.

Mother Maybelle: If you had to listen to twelve of those stupid St. Olaf stories, you would be ready to committ suicid too.
(audience laughs)

Dorothy: Hello Mrs. Maybelle I am Sophia's daughter . Dorothy Zbornack, and of course you know Blanche and Rose.

Mother Maybelle: Yea i have meant the slut and the idiot.
(audience laughs)

Sophia: Hey we have a lot to catch up on, plus I have to tell you about me and this guy having some hott sweaty, uh uh, come on I'll tell you all the good stuff in the room you are sleeping in.
(audience laughs& Mother Maybelle and Sophia go to the room to catch up on old times)
-------------------------------------------
(Nell, James and Valarie and Loretta are finally in Las Vegas,)

Valarie:Oh I can't believe, it I am in Sin City!!!!!!! Oh look at that guy , uh Nell I'll see you later I have a hott male to catch.
(audience laughs)
(Valarie goes across to street)

Loretta: That girl will never change, but you Nell, I am so proud of you girl, you have a cd promotion coming up, and A uh fairly good but cheap husband.
(audiences laughs)

James: Now listen hear you divorcee woman I...

Nell:SHUT UP JAMES!!!!!! WE NEVER GET PEACE WITH YOU FIGHTING. NOW THIS IS THE BEST VACATION I HAVE BEEN ON, I AM ABOUT TO GET A CD PROMOTION. NOW DAMMITT THERE WILL BE KNOW FIGHTING!!!!!!!
(laughter from the audience)
Loretta:How about know yelling to keep the peace?!
(audience laughs)
((commercial break))
(James,Nell, Loretta are at their hotel room)

Nell: Oh my Gosh look at this hotel room, it is so rich , and famous.

James:Why don't we check out the bed room Nell if you know what I mean.
(audience cheers and laughs)

Loretta: Well go on and rock the boat.I will go looking for Valarie.
(Valarie leaves, James and Nell run to the bedroom and audience laughs)

(Scene goes back to Sophias house in the kitchen)
(Dorothy Rose Blanche Sophia are lauging)

Dorothy: Well Mrs. Maybelle, Nell must be very crazier then i expected her to be.

Mother Maybelle: Well she is in Las Vegas I am in Miami, so lets talk about the hunk of my life Wilson.
(audience laughs wildly)
Blanche: Oh go on Mrs. Maybelle tell it all

Sophia: Yes please tell her,Blanche is the slut of the Universe. Unlike Dorothy. The woman most likely to put you to sleep.
(audience laughs)

Mother Maybelle: Well me and Wilson made love down in L.A. and now that I am in his home town. I want some more.

Rose: You know what, that reminds me of a St. OLAF story, back in St. Olaf. Mr Fligenhugenhuffer, had a woman whom he loved and made love to every nite.
(audience laughs)

Rose: He would be doing her good, but not a word came out.

Blanche:That is impossible, I moan all the time.
(audience laughs)

Dorothy:Most TRAMPS do Blanche..

Rose: Well he kept on going until he heard his wife walk in and then he died of a heart attack.
(audience laughs)
(Sophia, Dorothy and Mother Maybelle look confused)

Blanche:Well Rose how can he be doing his wife and then his wife walks in?

Rose: He was accidently doing a cow. When the man died of a heart attack, the cow said a loud MOOOO!!!!
(audience laughs wildly and loudly.)

Mother Maybelle: A cow Rose?!!!
(audience laughs)
Rose: It really gets to you doesnt it. HA HA!!
(audience laughs and applause, and Rose exits)

Mother Maybelle: This is going to be a long vacation

Blanche, Sophia, Dorothy: DAMN RIGHT!!!!
(audience laughs and applause end of episode 8)
Make sure you tune in to "NELL next week for part 2 of Nell in Las Vegas.