You know that famous line mentioned in the title that Fred utters? I've watched several episodes of Sanford and Son and I saw some variations, some of which I can't remember. One that I do remember is when Fred is at the museum and he's talking and one of the persons in the tour says something along the lines of, "Would you please be quiet? I'm trying to absorb this lecture." Fred then raises his fist and asks, "How would you like to absorb this?"

Any other variations?

I like the one that goes something like this.

Esther: (talking to Fred) You turkey!

Fred: How would you like me to baste you with a couple of theese.

When "Big Lou Turner" insults Fred at Donna's house, Fred raises his fist and says to him..."How would you like to decant this on the side of your face!!" This was right after Lou tells Fred he put the wine in a decanter to allow it to "breathe". I love Fred's reaction..."Breeeethe."

In the episode then Fred tries to sell those Whopper Choppers. When he is on the Cavorting Conesseur show and destroys the choppers the salesman says to him..."Mr. Sanford....im warning you!!" Fred says to him..."warn this!!" (he picks up the duck alaronge)..."you'll be wearing this duck in your ear".

What about the episode "Home Sweet Home for the Aged" where this guy asks him somewhere along the lines of "Hey, old dude, what's the problem?"

Fred replies, "I'm having a fit, that's what's wrong. You want me to fit this upside your head?"

Originally posted by glenny
When "Big Lou Turner" insults Fred at Donna's house, Fred raises his fist and says to him..."How would you like to decant this on the side of your face!!" This was right after Lou tells Fred he put the wine in a decanter to allow it to "breathe". I love Fred's reaction..."Breeeethe."

Yep - that and Fred's response to Lou re: the aging times for wine - "and three days for 7-Up..."

I forget what episode this was but Fred says holding up both fists: "Theese twins are waiting to meet your lips"

He said that to Lamont. I cannot remember the episode though.

Originally posted by glenny
He said that to Lamont. I cannot remember the episode though.

I think he said it in a Julio-related ep - after a run-in with Chico out in the yard. Maybe the merger ep or the Fuentes-moving-in ep?

Fred had a million different variations for that. :lol:

Fred: I would like something in black. *Raises fist* Your eye.

Fred:...I'm going to divorce you from my sister with the power vested in these. *raises fists*

Psychiatrist: She was almost at a breakthrough
Fred: *raises fist* Break through this.

he says "want me to fit this upside your nose"

in the third season at FRED and DONNA's wedding......, Edgar :I bet she gives a mean back rub....
Fred: how would you like me to rub these across yo lips
Ester- Cmon stumpy!
Fred- stumpy? Im tall enough to give you three of these in yo nose!!!

The Scrabble game Fred & Bubba played. Bubba made up the word "gazinta"

BUBBA: See, 2 "gazinta" 4, 4 "gazinta" 8...
FRED: Yeah, and 5 "gazinta" your lips...

From Rated X:
He who speakith with thy lippith, will get their lippith splittith with one of these!

In the third episode, where Lamont's wedding goes nowhere when the bride runs out, they're in the Sanford's living room when Fred and Aunt Hazel get into an arguement. Fred says it, and she says something like "And that will be the lsat time you ever give anybody something across the lips."

The show's Christmas episode where Fede's talking to Lamont, the holds up his fist and says "Scrooge this."

How about the episode when Grady was doing magic and handcuffed Fred and Esther together. Grady asked if he had any volunteers from the audience and Fred raised his fist and said "How about 5 volunteers up your nose?"

The episode where Lamont goes on a date with Julio's sister and Fred meets Julio's mother in the restaurant. She says something, then Fred asks her whta the Spanish word for "lips" is. She replies and Fred says "How would you like one across your labios?"

The episode where Lamont almost gets married, and at the reception Fred tangles with Aunt Hazel and threatens to pop her one. She says something like"That'll be the lsat time you give somebody something across the lip."

In The Merger episode, Julio is frantically and enthusiastically translating Fred's English into Spanish for the Chicano viewers (they were filming the TV commercial). Finally, Fred turns to him and says "how would you like a fat lip?" Julio even begins to translate that! :rofl:

"Esther, do you know how I spell relief? F-I-S-T, relief, up your N-O-Z-E, nose!"

When he shortchanges the waitor that he's bribing in order to get a better seat.

Waitor: Where's my other five?

Fred: (Holds up fist) Here's your other five!

Something like that.

When he shortchanges the usher that he's bribing in order to get a better seat.

Waitor: Where's my other five?

Fred: (Holds up fist) Here's your other five!

Something like that.
I remember that one. :lol: