I need a good laugh!! Funny stuff always cheers me up!!!

hey! my name is alliosn. what cha up to? me nuttin much. here a good laugh!

Jokes:

I went for a wolk the other day and came back w/ a frying pan.
hehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!

What did the old duck say to the duck dentist? Just what I need another bill.
hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner and his wife gave him a cold shoulder?

"Yuk! Waiter! This coffee taste like dirt!"

"Yes sir. It's fresh ground."

Did you know the average cannibal has a wife and ate children?

After the cannibal dumped his girlfriend, he wiped his ass.

i don't get that last one

hey Allison (horse lover)! welcome to the boards (u know me i hope.) just a hint...

don't put ur location location just put sometin like "Do you really want to know" or sometin. it's easier for someone to hack you or sometin if u put ur exact location. i mean they could track u or sometin. i dunno it's just a suggestion.

u mean u don't get the last one on mine?

hey lizzie lover! how then do ya change your location? do u know how? yes i think u do know me. well i hope so.

yeah i know you ok here we go:

1.) Click on User CP (one of the five boxes at the top of the screen)
2.) Click on Edit Profile.
3.) Look for the Location part.
4.) Write in w/e location u want, then ur done! PAR-TAY!
no lol!

thank u so much!!! hahaha yeah lets party!! also how do u put pics on the side of your message?? ttyl

oh uh ok let me try it...
1.) Go to User CP
2.) Go to Edit Options
3.) Scroll down to Avatar, or sumtin like that (avatar- picture on the side of the screen)
4.) Scroll through the avatars and hopefully you'll find one u like.

if u want to have a personal picture like mine, it'll hafta wait i'll tell u that l8er.
outtie yall!

i hope it works now. man i can't stop thinking about last nite! it was so much fun!!!! i wish it was longer. all well. ttyl

yah i guess...
ok save it for msn okay? kinda gotta keep on the down low ok? i don't talk about that kinda stuff here. u shouldn't really either. sry just givin advice

yeah i guess your rite

aren't i always? no lol :lol:

Man, I thought there'd be more jokes.

This guy walks into a doctor's office- says "Doc! My back, it's *killin'* me! Help!"

Dr. says- "Ok, ok- hang on, 1st we need to fill out this form. Name?"

"Sally."

"Sally?! Isn't that a strange name for a man?"

"That's what my wife Herman says." :)





These 2 dim witted hunters are outdoors & they spot a set of tracks on the ground. One of them exclaims- "Look! Bear tracks!" Other one goes- "No- those are deer tracks."

"No way! They're *bear* tracks!"

"I'm *tellin'* you- they're *deer* tracks!"

"Bear tracks!"

"Deer tracks!"

Then they both got hit by a train. :)

So my wife asked me what I wanted for supper, ok? Then I said, "Surprise me!"
So she took all the labels off the cans! :) ;)

This guy runs home & practically kicks the door down & yells to his wife- "THE LOTTERY! I WON IT! I WOOON!!! 12 MILLION DOLLARS, BABYYYYY!!!! START PACKIN', HONEY!!!"

Wife goes- "OH MY GOD! AHHHH!! 12 MILLION BUCKS!!! So should I pack for warm or cold weather?"

"I don't give a rat's ass, I want you OUTTA here now!" :)

ohk... why was he kicking her out?

cuz he's selfish....oh yeah, i love that joke w/ the two hunters and the tracks! LOL!!!!!!:lol:

hahahahahahaha hehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!! i luv the one about the deer tracks. there all actually pretty good. uuummmm... lets see i think i could load my brain with some jokes. hhhhmmm.... lets see......

What did the envelope say to the stamp?
"Stick with me, baby and we'll go places!"

Why did the soccer manager give his team a lighter?
'Cause they kept losing their matches.

How do you keep an idiot waiting?
I'll tell you later...

What did ine tomato sat to the other?
"You go ahead and I'll ketchup."

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol hahahahahaha OH MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two vomits were walking down the street when one started to cry. The other said, "What's wrong?" The first replied, "This is where I was brought up!"

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Two hunters were out in the woods when one of them collapsed.

He didn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes were glazed. The other hunter took out his cell phone, and called the emergency services.

"My friend is dead! What can I do?" asked the hunter

"Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." replied
the operator

There was a silence; then a gunshot was heard.

"OK, now what?" asked the hunter

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol: But I don't get the onw with the two vomits....:confused:

A business man is away from home when he decides to call his wife. The phone rings & the maid picks up. He says "Hey- can you put my wife on, please?" Maid says- "Umm, I can't."

"Wh'..what d'y'mean 'you can't'?"

"I just can't."

Getting angry & concerned he says- "Look- *what's going on?! WHY can't you put her on?!"

(pause).."I-..I can't tell you..."

"Look- either you *tell* me what's going on, or you're fired!"

"Ok..well...she's upstairs right now with another man."

Shocked, the man says- "Oh my god. WHAT?!
...ok listen...go to the basement, GET my gun & SHOOT em both!"

"I can't! No!"

"DO IT & I'll give you a quadruple raise or you're FIRED!!"

"Ok..o-ok..."

There's a pause & the man hears the gun shots. The phone picks up again...

"I did it! I did it! I shot them both then I threw the gun in the pool!"

"'The pool'? We don't have a pool....wait..is this 355-6158?" :)

OMG! hahahahahahahahaha! that's kinda funny! go to www.jokes.com you'll find tons of awesome jokes!

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the 11

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
"Its supposed to be a tiger!" Sally cried.
"Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!"

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when the came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

How do you keep a blonde busy? (See below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (See above)

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asked the blonde if she's seen any cops.
"Yes," says the blonde.
"Are their lights on?"
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

More coming soon!

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: those are sooo funny! i luv the blonde jokes. u should go to www.jokes.com. theres alot of hilarious ones.

Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?
In case she had to draw some blood.

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
I know it was you.
Crap.

well bubye!


:) ;) :wave:

I JUST said they should go to jokes.com to get tons of jokes! hello! don't copy me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha i'm kiddin

well sorry i just tellin them that u SHOULD go there. anyways....... here i'll think of some more jokes...................uuuummmmmm...... lets see.....................



Joke #1 Why did the orange stop rolling?
'Cause it ran out of juice.

Joke #2 What nut sounds like a sneeze?
A cashew!

Joke #3 Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Waiter minute while I tie my shoelaces.

Joke #4
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked- that's why I knocked.

Joke #5 Ring! Ring!
Who's there?
Hurd my.
Hurd my who?
Hurd my hand so I can't knock.

hahahahahahahahahahahehehehehehehehehehehehe
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
well i better go now. bubye. :wave:

Yeah ok heres something thats actually funny.

about 8 years ago me and my brother were chasing around my cat and she ran behind the tv and we couldnt get our hands behind it so he tipped over the whole table thing with the tv forward without realizing the tv would go with it. he was looking at my dad and he muttered "sorry" it doesnt sound funny but it was hilarious

actually that is pretty funny. why did your brother even tip the table thing anyways it's just a cat. and if he would of waited the cat might of came out. i don't know. oh i know something that was hilarious too. let me think how it goes.... uuummmm....... i can't think of anything!!! duh!! man was that funny. :lol: no i'm kidding. ok lets see.........well when i was a little kid sometimes i stayed at my grandma's because my mom had to work, so one day i went over their. when i got their my grandma and i had to go somewhere, so here i am sitting in the passengers seat in my car seat and my grandma driving. it was a really sunny day, so my grandma put on her sunglasses. i looked at my grandma and started laughing. i laughed sooooo hard that i threw up all over the place. man was that funny!! :lol: :lol: :lol: well g2g bubye. :wave:

did you hear about the new pirate movie?
its rated rahhhhhh.

Stone Surprise

One day there were two boys playing by a stream when they saw a woman bathing naked. All of a sudden one of the boys took off running. The other boy took off after his friend. After he caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.
"Well," the boy said, "my mom told me that if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran."

That was to funny!:lol:

ohk... riiight