Anybody got a favorite "Nanny" quote? I heard one the other night that I loved:

(Fran and Max are stranded on an island during their honeymoon.)
C.C.:It's my fault. I wished for it to happen!
Niles:If just wishing could make somebody dead....well, do I even have to finish the thought?

:lol:

Oh gosh, I love so many! The one in my signature is a favorite, also...

(from when Fran and Maxwell are trying to conceive)
C.C.- What's that Nanny Fine, Slim Fast?
Fran- No, Swim Fast!

Woman: Am I glad to hear your voice!
Fran: Well, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I'd have...a nickel.

Originally posted by MagsLovesLucy


Woman: Am I glad to hear your voice!
Fran: Well, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I'd have...a nickel.

LOL, I love that!! How 'bout this one?

(Fran and Max have just had their first fight as newlyweds)
Fran:I'm going home to my mother!
Max:Why don't you just wait till breakfast? She'll be here!

Originally posted by Kristen
LOL, I love that!! How 'bout this one?

(Fran and Max have just had their first fight as newlyweds)
Fran:I'm going home to my mother!
Max:Why don't you just wait till breakfast? She'll be here!

:lol:

Fran: Let me ask you a question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment?...At all?
C.C.: I'm sure she's mounted in a nice lodge somewhere by now.

C.C.: I couldn't put a foot out of bed this morning.
Niles: Did someone put a rock on your coffin again?

:lol:

Fran and Maxwell have some great lines together but the C.C. and Niles banter just takes the cake for me. Every episode is filled with them and it's so hard to choose just one or two. I'm editing my set of The Nanny right now so I'm having my dream fill of quotes :)



C.C. "Well fortunately the Babcock women age gracefully"
Niles "Well you've always been a rebel"

C.C. "I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress"
Niles "You'd have to be dead 6 months just to fit in it"

C.C. "What do I have to do to convince her that she's a beautiful desirable woman?"
Niles "Oh I'm sure you'll think of something sir"

C.C. "Maxwell what? I wasn't waiting up to see...uh...what time you guys got home..uh...I just stopped over on my way from the..."
Niles "Theatre"
C.C. "Yes theatre where I saw...uh"
Niles "Victor/Victoria"
C.C. "Yes!"
(All this while wearing a moustache and goatee that Niles painted on her with black shoe polish! :)


C.C. "Maxwell, what would you say if I were to walk out of here for a date at 5 o'clock?"
Niles "I'd say see you at 5:30"

Originally posted by Nanny Fine
Fran and Maxwell have some great lines together but the C.C. and Niles banter just takes the cake for me. Every episode is filled with them and it's so hard to choose just one or two. I'm editing my set of The Nanny right now so I'm having my dream fill of quotes :)



I gotta agree! C.C. and Niles are the best. Niles in general is great. He just says whatever's on his mind, no matter what. And C.C. is a great target for him! She's so clueless!

I heard this this morning:

C.C:Why is [Max] taking Nanny Fine out on a date instead of me?!
Niles:HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU!!!!!

Niles "No sour graps now. You could have foreign men worship you too. Go to India, you'd be sacred"

as said to CC when she was complaining about how Nanny Fine has men who worship her :)

That one is classic.

Tell me why people DONT like this show????

Originally posted by Nanny Fine
Tell me why people DONT like this show????

I'm still trying to figure that out! I love this show!

As for quotes, I love when C.C.'s trying to talk to the kids. :lol:

C.C.: Maggie!
Maggie: Yeah?
C.C.: I got it RIGHT?

:lol:

I also love when C.C. sells her run-down Buick to Niles, and then buys it back from the "collector"-"Money talks, butler walks!" :lol: There are SO many hilarious quotes from this show!

I just heard this one:

(Fran and Max have just had a fight)
Fran: Did you hear that, Niles?!
Niles: Do you get the house in the settlement?
Fran:Yes.
Niles:Every word!

This was on last night:
(Fran and Max are locked in a bathroom together.)
Fran:Either you let me call for help, or you learn to tinkle in front of your wife. Those are your choices!

Niles had a ton of em.

Originally posted by Nanny Fine



C.C. "Maxwell, what would you say if I were to walk out of here for a date at 5 o'clock?"
Niles "I'd say see you at 5:30" [/B]

:lol::rotflmao::lol:

I just heard this one tonight:

C.C:I love children. It's a natural thing, it's a female thing.
Niles:Some females have been known to eat their young.

Gotta love those two!!

I forgot to add this classic:

Gracie:Fran, will you sleep with me tonight?
Fran:Right words, wrong Sheffield.

:lol:

Kristen

When Yetta introduces her fiance Sammy to Fran and Sylvia she finds out that he is a black man.

Yetta: "Your black"?........"No wonder"!



Then when Aunt Frieda tells Sylvia:

Frieda:"Your jealous, because I had a speaking part on Broadway!

Sylvia: yeah and your big line was Goobers or Rasinettes

Very Funny Show

all niles and cc ones thought fran and max are funny to
when cc is clucking like a chicken (lauren can really cluck)
niles: mr.sheffield is running late did u think i was him

cc; maxwell wat would you say if i walk out of here at 5 for a date
niles; id say see you at 5;30
cc; you no u got a pretty big yap for some on whose last date involed sitting on a roof top wachin spotnick go by


funny funny

Here my favourites:

Fran: I was just trying to be the woman behind the man
Maxwell: Well how would you like to be the woman behind the BURGER KING COUNTER!

Gracie: I ran away. I took a limo.
Fran:(to Sylvia) I ran away, I took a banana

Fran: You're not goin' to the museum in those boots are you?
Max: What, my wellies? There's a chance of rain.
Fran: There's a chance I might fall off this chair, but you don't see me wearin' a seat belt!!

Fran: Where's the Nintendo?
Niles: I accidentally pounded it repeatedly with a meat mallet.

C.C.: Maxwell, you are never gonna believe what happened!
Niles: There was a message on your answering machine?
C.C.: No, no, the box office... (realizing what he had said) NO!!

Max to Fran: I was just thinking, before you came into my life I never had the need for an emergency transvestite.

C.C.: I have to move out of my apartment for a few days and I cannot find a kennel!
Niles: Ohhh, treat yourself to a hotel.

Val: (to Maggie) So, are you gonna enter? (the kissing contest with Billy Ray Cyrus)
Maggie: No, are you kidding? I´d never win. Pamela Chapman is entering. She´s so gorgeous even her mother hates her.

C.C.: ...I mean, do we really know how old she is under all that make-up? She could be...
Niles: ...your age.
C.C.: That´s right, she could be close to for...get it, Niles!

(ringing phone)
Niles: It might be that fabulous man you were telling your mother about.
Fran: No, he wouldn't call.
Niles: Why not?
Fran: I made him up!

(Maxwell´s mother wants the tulips Fran´s holding)
Max´s mother: I had my eye on those.
Fran: Well, I had my eye on Antonio Banderas but I ain´t taking him home either

Max (to C.C.): Look I'll admit it was a mistake hiring her, but I won't question my motivation. History is full of relationships between men and women that have nothing to do with sexual attraction. Like....
C.C.: Uh-huh?
Max: Ummm...
C.C.: Uh-huh.
Max: Um...
C.C.: Uh-huh.
Max: Us! :lol:

Maggie: Uh, Yetta, I'm doing a book report, and they're out of it at Blockbuster, and well, I was wondering how much do you know about the Titanic?
Yetta: Oooh, top of the line, they had a midnight buffet on deck, and the ice sculpture....HUGE!! (:lol: Ice Sculpture!)

Fran: Oh great, so I have to wait until you're dead before everybody can know how you feel about me?
Max:Ah, but then I can never take it back!

Max (to Fran): Maybe I should do you in the dining room....... I should have you do the dining room next.

Niles: YES!
Fran: Niles, wha-what happened? *gasp* Did Miss Babcock die?
Niles: No. Better.
Fran: Oh.
Niles: Well, not better, but good. :lol:

Sylvia (to skinny sales lady): It's obvious you're cranky because you haven't had lunch. (To Fran) Ever.

Irwin: Hi, I'm Irwin.
Fran: Hi, I'm scared. :lol:

Maxwell: I'm not sure I really want to go through that again. You know, the crying and the diapers and waking up at 4am.
Niles: Sir, it's really not so bad when you consider I did all that!

Fran: But I ordered it in white, Doll.
Salesgirl: No can do, Babe.
Fran: Well Doll better do or Babe will kill Doll.

Here my favourites:

Fran: I was just trying to be the woman behind the man
Maxwell: Well how would you like to be the woman behind the BURGER KING COUNTER!

Gracie: I ran away. I took a limo.
Fran:(to Sylvia) I ran away, I took a banana

Fran: You're not goin' to the museum in those boots are you?
Max: What, my wellies? There's a chance of rain.
Fran: There's a chance I might fall off this chair, but you don't see me wearin' a seat belt!!

Fran: Where's the Nintendo?
Niles: I accidentally pounded it repeatedly with a meat mallet.

C.C.: Maxwell, you are never gonna believe what happened!
Niles: There was a message on your answering machine?
C.C.: No, no, the box office... (realizing what he had said) NO!!

Max to Fran: I was just thinking, before you came into my life I never had the need for an emergency transvestite.

C.C.: I have to move out of my apartment for a few days and I cannot find a kennel!
Niles: Ohhh, treat yourself to a hotel.

Val: (to Maggie) So, are you gonna enter? (the kissing contest with Billy Ray Cyrus)
Maggie: No, are you kidding? I´d never win. Pamela Chapman is entering. She´s so gorgeous even her mother hates her.

C.C.: ...I mean, do we really know how old she is under all that make-up? She could be...
Niles: ...your age.
C.C.: That´s right, she could be close to for...get it, Niles!

(ringing phone)
Niles: It might be that fabulous man you were telling your mother about.
Fran: No, he wouldn't call.
Niles: Why not?
Fran: I made him up!

(Maxwell´s mother wants the tulips Fran´s holding)
Max´s mother: I had my eye on those.
Fran: Well, I had my eye on Antonio Banderas but I ain´t taking him home either

Max (to C.C.): Look I'll admit it was a mistake hiring her, but I won't question my motivation. History is full of relationships between men and women that have nothing to do with sexual attraction. Like....
C.C.: Uh-huh?
Max: Ummm...
C.C.: Uh-huh.
Max: Um...
C.C.: Uh-huh.
Max: Us! :lol:

Maggie: Uh, Yetta, I'm doing a book report, and they're out of it at Blockbuster, and well, I was wondering how much do you know about the Titanic?
Yetta: Oooh, top of the line, they had a midnight buffet on deck, and the ice sculpture....HUGE!! (:lol: Ice Sculpture!)

Fran: Oh great, so I have to wait until you're dead before everybody can know how you feel about me?
Max:Ah, but then I can never take it back!

Max (to Fran): Maybe I should do you in the dining room....... I should have you do the dining room next.

Niles: YES!
Fran: Niles, wha-what happened? *gasp* Did Miss Babcock die?
Niles: No. Better.
Fran: Oh.
Niles: Well, not better, but good. :lol:

Sylvia (to skinny sales lady): It's obvious you're cranky because you haven't had lunch. (To Fran) Ever.

Irwin: Hi, I'm Irwin.
Fran: Hi, I'm scared. :lol:

Maxwell: I'm not sure I really want to go through that again. You know, the crying and the diapers and waking up at 4am.
Niles: Sir, it's really not so bad when you consider I did all that!

Fran: But I ordered it in white, Doll.
Salesgirl: No can do, Babe.
Fran: Well Doll better do or Babe will kill Doll.


Great quotes. :lol:

Fran: u said u loved me i want a man who shouts it off the roof top!
Maxwell: i said i love you, (shouts) BUT I TOOK IT BACK
Fran: You shouted the wrong part!

Fran: Brighton are you ready for my tennis lesson.
Brighton: I cant i have to read to kill a mockingbird by friday
Fran: two words Blockbuster Video
Maxwell: Miss Fine
Fran: To intensify the reading experience

Sylvia: such a big potato for such small girl; I'm going to the kitchen i need a piece of meat to wash this down.

I think those are how they are :confused:

(Over freeze frame): "The Definition Of 'The Thing'": Thing (n.) 1. When Maxwell told Fran he loved her on the way back from Paris, then took it back.

(Over freeze frame): "The Definition Of 'The Thing'": Thing (n.) 1. When Maxwell told Fran he loved her on the way home from Paris, then took it back.

:rofl: You're right,that was funny!
I just thought of another one I loved.
Niles: How does Mr Sheffield stay in shape?
Fran: Running from commitment.

Sylvia: "Trust me, there is only one man who can satisfy a woman in two minutes - Colonel Sanders." :P

Brighton: - "Why does everyone assume the worst of me?"
Fran - "It saves time."

_________________________________________________________________
(About Fran's tonsil removal)

Brighton - "Remember, afterwards you can have all the ice-cream you want."
Fran - "Well swell, if I live, I'll end up hippy."

Maxwell: "Where are all the great child actors when you need 'em?" Fran: "Robbing 7/Elevens."

C.C. and Niles quotes:

Another C.C. and Niles quote:

More C.C. & Niles quotes:

Maxwell, Niles & Fran quotes:

From "Lamb Chop's on the Menu"

Shari Lewis: Thank goodness she's okay.

Lamb Chop: Okay? Speak for yourself! I was practically strangled by a leopard thong bikini!

Niles: Oh. Sorry.

From "Lamb Chop's on the Menu"

Fran Fine: [Chester has Lamb Chop] Val... don't make any sudden moves.
Fran Fine: [diving at the dog] CHESTER!

A Maxwell & Niles quote:

C.C.: "Nanny Fine I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress!"

Niles: "You'd have to be dead six months to fit into it."

Also I love a lot of the scenes in the office involving Niles asking C.C. if she wants food after she says something snooty and insulting.

Niles: "Cake?"

C.C.: "Yes please"

*Niles tosses it on the floor like she's a dog*

Niles: "Lemon?"

C.C.: "Yes please"

*Niles squirts her in the eye with lemon juice*

Niles: "Coffee?"

C.C.: "Yes please"

*Niles burns her hands on a hot coffee pot*

A C.C. & Niles quote/lines:

Grace: "I don't get it."
Fran: "The lamb's codependent."
Grace: "Ohhh."

Maxwell: "My father pushed me, and look where I am today."
Fran: "Three thousand miles and an ocean away."

Mr. Sheffield: Miss Fine, what are you doing here?

Fran: Well, I heard moaning and screaming coming from your room and I figured... I should be part of it

Fran: "Never trust a woman who can't wear flats."

Brighton: "Submitted for your approval: A girl who has a friend that isn't there. An imaginary friend, here in The Gracie Zone.'

Fran: (to Brighton)"Give her a break. She's only six. When she invites an imaginary guy to the prom, start worrying."

C.C.: "Therapy happens to be very beneficial. I've been going for twenty years."
Fran: "Nah. Too easy."

Gracie: "The house is so empty without her. I keep expecting her to walk through the door."

Fran: "A therapist in therapy? No comment."

Maxwell: "Let me get this straight: We're going to have a mock funeral for an imaginary friend, and Grace is the one in therapy?"

Fran: "They always blame it on the nanny."

Maxwell: "We're not married."
Husband: (in low voice) "Get out now."

(Sylvia, Yetta and Fran are on the couch in Sylvia's living room, watching TV)

Sylvia: "Put on Days Of Our Lives"

(Mr. Sheffield enters the living room)

Mr. Sheffield: "Oh, Miss Fine! How can you watch this rot?"

Fran: "Yeah...it hasn't been the same since Shane left"

Mr. Sheffield: "He auditioned for me once. With that phony British accent!" (He leaves)

Sylvia: "How about an old Dick Van Dyke Show?"

Fran: "Oh, I sure like that Millie Helper. You know, the neighbor? She was so funny, I wonder why she never got her own TV show?"

Yetta: "I heard she was very hard to work with"

C.C.: Seriously, Niles, where do you keep all that cash?

Niles: Someplace you'll never get near.

C.C.: Oh, your mattress.

Niles: No.

[pointing at Mr. Sheffield]

Niles: His.

(Fran, disguised as a nurse, is forced to shave an unconscious Maxwell for emergency surgery. Niles walks in as she is applying the shaving cream to his body)

Niles: "Bucking for a raise?"

A Maxwell & Niles quote:

Mr. Sheffield: He can't make you happy.
Fran: I don't wanna be happy. I wanna be married!

A Fran & Maxwell quote:

Val: The bank robber took your mother.

Fran: Oh, my god! That poor man!

Fran: "I wouldn't understand guilt? My people invented it."

A C.C. & Niles quote:

[Fran and Sylvia are held hostage by a bank robber]
Sylvia: He's not wearing a ring!
Fran: Ma, he's a thief!
Sylvia: [emphatically] Who'll be worth *millions* in a few minutes.

A Yetta line/quote:

Max: Well, I've made up my mind. I can't risk Margaret spending her entire vacation kissing that boy... I'm sending her abroad.
Fran: A broad? Well, if you wanna swing her that way...

Max: Well, I've made up my mind. I can't risk Margaret spending her entire vacation kissing that boy... I'm sending her abroad.
Fran: A broad? Well, if you wanna swing her that way...

:lol:

Brighton Sheffield: Yeah, it just so happens that your voice carries.
Fran: To your bedroom?
Brighton Sheffield: To Michigan.

A Fran Fine quote:

C.C.: Good God. It's multiplying

C.C.: Seriously, Niles, where do you keep all that cash?

Niles: Someplace you'll never get near.

C.C.: Oh, your mattress.

Niles: No.

[pointing at Mr. Sheffield]

Niles: His.

Was I the only one who thought CC was implying that Niles WANTED her in/on his mattress? (And of course, that that would never happen - but there she was protesting too much?)

From "Lamb Chop's on the Menu"

Shari Lewis: Thank goodness she's okay.

Lamb Chop: Okay? Speak for yourself! I was practically strangled by a leopard thong bikini!

Niles: Oh. Sorry.

And Niles says "Sorry" sheepishly. Hah! (Was the bikini supposed to be his?) There are jokes about CC being a man, but I guess there are also jokes about Niles being a woman.

Thanks for reminding me about Lamb Chop's on the Menu. I also love when Lamb Chop says, "Miss Piggy? That ham?"

Another quote (or rather, exchange) I love, from The Morning After:

[The furniture guy can't do what Fran asks.]

Fran: Why can't you? Are you...
Furniture guy [yelling, exasperated]: Mrs. Sheffield...
Fran: A psychic, [looks upward] please God?

And the irony: Max gave Fran the job of decorating the kitchen to distract her from thinking about their relationship and pressuring him to move it along - but to outsiders, the fact that Fran is decorating makes it look like she's the wife of the house. (Although, he practically tells her he's giving her the task to distract her, which you would think would defeat the purpose.)

I think it says something that Max gave her jobs like that, and let her friends and family come over, in other words, he was treating her like his partner in many ways, even while denying they were in a relationship.

CC's "completely, totally, and multiply satisfied" and "that's the joy of being with a man who lives to serve others" quotes are among my favorites too, but for reasons other than humour.

And

Niles: [referring to a guy who recently dumped CC] He was beneath you.
CC: Not anymore. [it also shows that, despite always implying that Fran was...too loose...CC was...not completely uptight or prudish. She did admit that she "needed to get some."]

Max (having just seen Niles and CC in bed together) Five hours ago they were at each other's throats.
Fran: Apparently they decided to move downward.

When CC revealed, right before the wedding, that Max had done some "dating" in the last five years, she said he hadn't "spent every night of the last five years doing a one-man show." Which I thought was a great way of referring to...what I thought she was referring to...except that I hated that they wrote that in at all. I thought the whole idea originally was that Max didn't want any kind of involvement after his wife's death, and only Fran could change his mind about that, like Maria with Captain von Trapp. I thought at first that not getting serious with Fran was because he wasn't sure he could be with anybody. He really didn't seem like the type to casually...be with someone else. And that line made it sounds sexual.

Sylvia: Do I smell banana fritters with fresh fruit compote?

Niles: No.

Sylvia: Could I?

CC: "If you flip one really fast, it's like you're there!"
Niles: "Is that how you make your dates to move?"

Fran: Mr. Sheffield, the only thing that Andrew Lloyd Webber has that you don't is a middle name. Mr. Sheffield: I've got a middle name.

A Maxwell & Fran quote/line:

Fran: Niles, do I sound like I have a cold?

Niles: Constantly!

Fran: "I was the most popular girl in school. It said so on all the bathroom walls."

Mr. Sheffield: It's driving me crazy, her being out with some other man. I can share these feelings with you because I'm not in love with you.

Mr. Sheffield: It's driving me crazy, her being out with some other man. I can share these feelings with you because I'm not in love with you.

Talking to Niles, I presume? Niles did seem to be the one Max best shared his feelings with. There were definitely a few potentially "slashy" moments / references / jokes between Max and Niles.

Talking to Niles, I presume? Niles did seem to be the one Max best shared his feelings with. There were definitely a few potentially "slashy" moments / references / jokes between Max and Niles.

Yes, that’s correct.

Mr. Sheffield: First day of school already, huh? Summer just flew by.
Fran: Spoken by a man who did not see The Lion King 257 times.

Niles: There are three people I love very much in that car. Well, two people I love and one with whom I have a very complicated relationship.

(The Chanukah Story). Of course, the third one with whom he has the "complicated" relationship is CC. It's kind of a Freudian slip - he almost admitted he loved her. But he's certainly not even pretending to hate her.

She also says in that episode, "If you think of anything nasty to say, leave it on my machine - I'll check in." They're actually treating their supposed dislike of each other like it's a joke at that point.

Sylvia Fine: Yetta! These aren't Fran's children! Fran doen't have any children! She's not married, SHE'S ALL ALONE!
Fran: Louder, Ma, I don't think they heard you IN URUGUAY!

Sydney: "Aren't you gay too?"

Fran: "Me? No!"

Sydney: "I just assumed. You're over 30, never been married, there isn't a man in your life..."

Fran: "Oh, honey, I'm not gay. I'm just pathetic."

C.C.: This isn't a typical night.

Niles: Yes, you're not home alone sitting on your foot massager watching "Sisters".

A C.C. & Niles quote/line:

Brighton: Why does everyone assume the worst of me?
Fran: It saves time.

Fran: [After an argument with Mr. Sheffield] Can you believe he just sent me to my room? He is so adorable sometimes.

A C.C. & Niles quote/line:

That meme illustrates something I've noticed: when you look at the visuals of a picture or video of Niles and CC, without words, it often really looks like they're flirting or even like they're a couple.

Mr. Sheffield: Ms. Fine, what I am trying to say is if you are intent on having a fling then there are certain rules regarding proper places for a fling to be flung.
Fran: Mm-hmm. So I take it the previous nannies never, er... flang?
Mr. Sheffield: No, they were not flingers.

That meme illustrates something I've noticed: when you look at the visuals of a picture or video of Niles and CC, without words, it often really looks like they're flirting or even like they're a couple.

They do have some fun chemistry going on between them.

Clara: Ms. Fine, is it? Which agency exactly was it that arranged for your position here?
Fran: Oh, I didn't come through an agency. Mr. Sheffield hired me right off the street.
Mr. Sheffield: It's not like it sounds. I tried her out for the weekend first.

Clara: Ms. Fine, is it? Which agency exactly was it that arranged for your position here?
Fran: Oh, I didn't come through an agency. Mr. Sheffield hired me right off the street.
Mr. Sheffield: It's not like it sounds. I tried her out for the weekend first.

Mr. Sheffield's mom?

Max: I'm going to ask my nanny to marry me.
Jake, the theatre janitor: The one with the voice?
Max: What voice?
Jake: Oh, you're in love

(From "The Engagement.")

Mr. Sheffield: He can't make you happy.

Fran: I don't wanna be happy. I wanna be married!

A Fran & Maxwell quote:

I was trying to post in response to the meme where Fran asks "Can I talk to you for a minute?" And Max replies, "I doubt it."


Max's response makes me think he's learned something from hanging out with Niles all those years!

Grace 'Gracie' Sheffield: Look Fran, giant Barbie Dolls.

Fran: No Honey, these toys are for boys.

Fran: "I don't know about these straps, Ma. You look like a ham."
Sylvia: "The salesgirl said I look like a dream."
Fran: "Maybe Oscar Mayer's."

Yetta quotes:

C.C.: [Max is hiring a female to promote him] Maxwell, I want a man!
Niles: The last one deflated when she nibbled at his ear.

Fran: "Secure alibi, Cut phone line, Put on gloves, Tape mouth?... Clean up blood, Dispose of evidence... Pick up bananas...?"

C.C.: "...the least cultured, lowest common denominator."

Grace: "I like Full House better."

Fran: "Yeah, but he'd better keep his ego in check. Otherwise he's gonna be knocking over video stores with Dana Plato."

Gracie:

Niles: Did someone put a rock on your coffin again?

Nigel & Fran:

Niles:
Oh, what are you doing here, the sun is up.

Niles: (to Fran)"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"
Fran: "Actually, Niles, I was faking it."

Maxwell: "Actually, Felipe, we British have a thing about mutilating Shakepeare."

Felipe: "I FOUND MY JULIET!"

Fran: "Can you imagine anything more ridiculous than me doing Shakespeare?"
Maxwell: "Well, yes. People paying to see it."

Sylvia Fine:
I gotta go now. I got a very important thing to take care of before dinner.

Fran Sheffield:
What?

Sylvia Fine:
Lunch.

Yetta:

Sylvia:

Fran Fine:
Brighton got hurt at the batting cage.

Sylvia Fine:
Those things could put out an eye.

Fran Fine:
He wishes. [Brighton limps in, indicating he was hit in the crotch]

Yetta Rosenberg:
You want Grandma to kiss the booboo?

Fran Fine:
[to Sylvia] Is it any wonder I already got one kid in therapy?

Sylvia & Fran:

Fran: You wouldn't believe I'm the fastest woman on Earth?
Mr. Sheffield: In that outfit, I would.

Niles, C.C. and Brighton:

"That's Democracy In Action." - Fran

Fran & Sylvia:

Niles:

Mr Sheffield: Look, I'll admit it was a mistake hiring her, but I won't question my motivation. History is full of relationships between men and women that have nothing to do with sexual attraction. Like um… C.C.: Mmhm? Mr Sheffield: Um… C.C.: Mmhm? Mr Sheffield: Us!

C.C.:

Fran Fine:
It's nice to have a man around who notices my inane intelligence.

Fran & C.C.:
(Niles has to bite his tongue)

Fran Fine:
Hi Kenny, what's new, how're your folks, whatcha up to?

Kenny Keroucan:
Hi Fran, not much, they're good, just doing laundry.

Rico & Fran:

From Hurricane Fran:

Fran:

Maxwell Sheffield:
When we're in the middle of an argument, why do you always walk out when it's my turn to speak?

Fran Sheffield:
So I don't have to hear you.

Joan Collins: (to Fran)"And then I, uh,..." (Joan leans forward and whispers in Fran's left ear.)
Fran: "Oh I can't do that I'm Jewish."

Maggie: (to Fran)"Did you keep your stuff?"
Fran: (sarcastically)"No. When I transferred from the Pinta to the Santa Maria, they lost my luggage."

Sylvia: (to Aunt Frieda)"Drop dead."
Aunt Frieda: "Cook for me and I will."

Fran Fine:
[Chester has Lamb Chop] Val... don't make any sudden moves.

Fran Fine:
[diving at the dog] CHESTER!

(First line of the series.)
Fran: (to bride-to-be)"Ahh. Ho-ney! Are you gorgeous!"

Fran: "Ah, you know me. Always a bridal consultant, never a bride. Right, Danny?"
Danny: "What can I say?"

Niles: (to C.C.)"Hmm, I can't wait to see what you'll be mounting next."

Fran: "I didn't fall."
Gracie: "She didn't skate."

Niles: "Is it too late to convert?"

Maxwell: "Variation on the burning bush classic."

Fran: "To be part of a real Christmas is a dream come true."

Gracie: "Isn't that cute? She still believes in Santa."

Maxwell: "I'd rather wait for rain."

Maxwell: "How on earth does she keep from falling forward?"
Fran: "Even if she did, she'd bounce right back!"

Irving: "Fran. You got old."

Niles: (to Brighton)"No, you may not look through the keyhole while your father is auditioning showgirls."
Brighton: "Why not?"
Niles: "That's where I'll be."

Fran: "Play nice!"

Fran: "Go live with a witch."

Maggie: "I don't believe this. Even the troll has a social life."

Showgirl: "Hi, Brighton! And what do you wanna be when you grow up?"
Brighton: "A halter top."

Gracie: "Look, Fran, giant Barbie dolls. (to showgirl)Will you play with me?"
Fran: (chuckles)"No, honey, these toys are for boys."

C.C.: "Don't look at me, I wanted to do Twelve Angry Men."
Niles: "Hm, but they didn't want to do you."

Fran: (to Maxwell)"You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Be-lieve me."

Grace: "We both hate you!"
Brighton: "Good. Then my work here is done."

C.C. - "The Best Years Of My Life Are Gone. And They Sucked."

Niles:
Oh, what are you doing here, the sun is up.

(Last lines of the series.)
Yetta: (to Fran)"It's such a beautiful place."
Fran: "Yes."
Yetta: "So much nicer, than the one you had in New York."

Mrs. Joan Sheffield: Where did you find this delicious shrimp?

Yetta: Oh, I came with her.

Mrs. Joan Sheffield: No dear, I meant the crustacean.

Yetta: Oh, she's my daughter.

(Repeated line.)
Maxwell: "Miss Fine!"

"You spend so much time up this creek, I should think by now you'd have a bought a paddle." - Niles

Sylvia: "Morty, we lose the room at midnight."

C.C.: "Niles, I would love to marry you."

Fran: "I want to be Lucy in the sky with the diamonds."

Niles: "And the nights are six months long."

Fran: "Since Gracie doesn't like to sleep alone."

Yetta: "Franny. You should go to Hawaii."

Val: "Jack Abbott's doin' a love scene with a certain tramp from high school."

Niles: "Oh, God. Is there a bigger buffoon in this world?"

Sylvia: (to Maxwell)"Your face on my grandchild."

Sylvia: (to Fran)"You need a house to fall on you?"

C.C.: "Now what would I look really great in?"
Niles: "A sealed mausoleum."

Val: "Fran, what is the big deal? You got a tattoo when we were in high school."
Sylvia, Niles, Maggie: (together)"You have a tattoo?"

Sylvia: "My daughter has a tattoo? I'm gonna kill myself..."

Fran: "It really loses somethin' in the gentile translation."

Maxwell: "So, Miss Fine has a tattoo, eh?"

Val: (to Fran)"Wow. I remember the tattoo bein' higher on your tush."
Fran: "It was, Val."

Fran: "...he is just so afraid of change."

Dr. Roberts: "Uh-oh. This is much more serious than I imagined."
Fran: "Oh?"
Dr. Roberts: "This thing is cracked."

C.C.: “Hey, kids, you know when I'm down in the dumps, what cheers me up?”

Fran: “A fifth of scotch and a fresh pack of batteries?”

Niles: (sarcastically) "And I suppose he's taking it very well."

Fran: "If you want a plumber, I've got a second cousin."

Maggie: "Fine! I won't have a life; I'll end up old and alone like Fran."

Niles: "I'd like to shower and shave before these auditions."

Fran: "Hey, I know a lot. I should get a raise."

Fran: "Thank you, Hedda Hopper."

Fran: "What is this, a slow news day?"

Niles: "Would you like a cigarette, Miss Fine?"

C.C.: Seriously, Niles, where do you keep all that cash?
Niles: Someplace you'll never get near.
C.C.: Oh, your mattress.
Niles: No.
[pointing at Mr. Sheffield]
Niles: His.

Niles: "Where's the camera? Where's the camera?"
Fran: "What do you need to take a picture of?"

C.C.: (to Fran)"But I will seek your fashion expertise the next time I'm dancing in a cage."

Niles: "That was gonna be my Christmas card."

Max: Niles, I don't know what the woman wants anymore! What am I supposed to do?
Niles: May I speak freely, sir?
Max: Yes, of course old boy.
Niles: [with rising irritation as he speaks, making Max back up] I am so bloody sick of hearing this year after year! 'Niles, what am I to do?', 'I told her I loved her!' 'I took it back!', 'I'm afraid of commitment', 'I'm worried about the children'
Niles: [Max has fallen onto the office couch. Niles hauls him up by the lapels] For God's sake, MAKE A MOVE! DO SOMETHING! YOU PASSED ON 'CATS', DO YOU WANT TO REGRET THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TOO?
[lets him fall back onto the couch, stunned]
C.C.: [storms out and meets C.C. in the hall] What's going on in there?
Niles: Oh, I have had it! I am trying to convince him to give up on Miss Fine and move on with his life!
C.C.: [barges into the office] I AGREE WITH NILES! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUST DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!
[Niles walks away smugly]