The ones I could think of from the top of my head:


"No I want cheese with cardboard...PIZZA DAMMIT I want PIZZA!"

"Not Lebaneze Blanche.......Lesbian"

-"Who was your father, Rose? Michael Landon?"
-"Come off it, Blanche! Not all of us are classified by the navy as a friendly port."
-"No, I got up early and went jogging in a park with a really strict dress code."
-I liked the pizza one too.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

"I've just been booted from an unauthorized Elvis fan club. I'll try to pick up the pieces and go on. I mean, there has to be a support group for people like me."

And the lesbian comment...

Dorothy: Boy it's really coming down!
Rose: What's coming down?
Dorothy: THe Leverochi Marque at Caeser's Palace.

Originally posted by Gidget
Dorothy: Boy it's really coming down!
Rose: What's coming down?
Dorothy: THe Leverochi Marque at Caeser's Palace.


Isn't it Liberace?:confused: :confused:

"Silly Putty Rose"

Blanche: Did you girls know that the size of a man's ears is directly proportional to his other bodily organ?

Rose: What do you mean?

Dorothy: He had a big, floppy pancreas

Stan: I'm talking tie bibs babe
Doeothy : DID YOU EVER HEAR OF NAPKINS STANLEY!!!!!

From: There Goes The Bride (Part 2)
Lady: My husband has passed
Rose: Passed What?
Dorothy: A Slow Moving Winebago Rose

Dorothy has some of the best lines. Some of my favs are:

D: This will come in handy when I'm lost in the woods with a stack of pancakes. (Referring to Rose's gift of a wooden spigot for Christmas)

D: Well at least something good came out it. Somebody finally threw up on Gene Shallit.

I'll try to think of some more. Dorothy has alot of them that are funny.

Here's a few out of the so many good ones she said:

"You'll have to excuse my mother, she just found out she has the same hairdresser as Whoopi Goldberg"

"Who do we look like, Charlie's Angels?"

Dorothy: "Tickle the ivories, Rose.
Rose: "Koochie Koochie Koo"
Dorothy: "Rose, PLAY OR DIE!"

Rose: She would throw the stick and he would run and get it, then he'd bring it back and she'd throw it again, he'd get it, well, I guess you know, that's pretty much how fetch goes.
Dorothy: How many times are we going to circle the airport, Rose? :lol:

Rose if you tell me one more St. Olaf story Blanche will be shipping you home in a polkadotted body bag!

*Rose tells a story while sitting in jail*
Dorothy: Forgive me, Rose, there have been so many POSSUM explosions lately, it's hard to keep track!

Rose: Besides... if we draw names out of a hat, whose names are they gonna be, anyway?
*PAUSE*
Dorothy: The OAKRIDGE BOYS, Rose!

Rose: *referring to a pitcher of juice* Shall I set this down somplace?
Dorothy: *pointing out the door* No, Rose, go down to the corner and open a stand!

Dorothy: *referring to Frank, the priest* My luck, the first really wonderful guy I've met in a long time, and I find out he has a more serious involvement...
Rose: With whom??
Dorothy: *immediately* PAM DAWBER!!!

Rose: *seeing Sophia and Dorothy wearing all black* Did you two just come from a funeral?
Dorothy: No, Rose, we were singing backup for Johnny Cash.

Rose: *referring to the robbers* Wait! Don't leave me! What'll I do if they come back?
Dorothy: Show them your slides of Hawaii!

Dorothy: *worried about the plane ride* I'll probably burp, and the pressure in the cabin will change, and we'll fly into a mountain! Ohh...
Rose: *cheerfully* That would be a good example of a mishap!
Dorothy: Rose, do me a favor... fasten your seatbelt... OVER YOUR MOUTH!!!



Those are only a few of my favorites I can think of right now... I agree, Dorothy has countless hilarious comebacks!

From when they got robbed:

Blanche: ...and you oughta see the MESS they made in THEY-Ah (There), they 'bout tore this place apah-wut (Apart).

Rose: They were probably looking for drugs. (This is my favorite line EVER. You just have to see Rose do it to get it, lol...)

Dorothy: We have Maalox and Estrogen.... (Something like that, anyway.)

And when Blanche and Rose were pointing out some of Dorothy's physical faults:

Dorothy: Why don't I just wear a sign that says "Too ugly to live"?

When...again...people are on her back about her looks:

Dorothy: Why don't you all just take turns hitting me with a 2x4?

Again...Blanche making fun of her:

Dorothy: ...Neither! I spray-painted it on my hump!!

(Watch Balnche right after Dorothy finshes this sentence, she goes "Oh, oh" inaudibly and shakes her head, it just looks funny.)

From the pilot:

*Blanche walks in wearing a fur*

Rose: Are you going out?

Dorothy: No, she's going to sit here in 100 Degree weather and eat enchiladas.

I literally started laughing while typing some of these... anyway, I'll post again if I think of more.

DOROTHY: *indicates Arnold Schwarzenegger on-screen*
He became and American citizen, started a new career, married a Kennedy...Right now he happens to be pulling another man's arm off and hitting him with it, but you see my point.

DOROTHY: "I cna't see a thing."
ROSE: "What kind of movie is this?"
SEATED MAN: "Rip his throat out!"
DOROTHY: "It's a musical, Rose."

BLANCHE: I was. I didn't know what to wear. I only had two dresses with me. One bright dress, suitable for weddings or cotillion. And one dark dress, suitable for a funeral or a hanging.
DOROTHY: My parents were poor. I just had one of those reversible "hanging-cotillion" dresses.

I'll think of more!

Kirsten: We brought you girls a present from St. Olaf. I's a favorite back home.

Charlie: They're honeycaramelmaplesyrupmolasses logs!

Kirsten, Rose, and Charlie go into the kitchen.

Blanche: What are you gonna do with yours?

Dorothy: It's a log. I'm going to burn it!

ROSE: "Miami is nice so I'll say it twice: Miami is nice, Miami is nice, Miami is nice."
DOROTHY: "Rose, you said it three times. It doesn't fit the lyrics."
ROSE: "Fine. Miami is nice, so I'll say it thrice."
DOROTHY: "Rose, nobody uses the world thrice."
ROSE: "But it's a word."
DOROTHY: "So is interuderan, but it's not in songs!"
ROSE: "Miami's cuter than and interuderan." :lol:

DOROTHY: "I don't look good...I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer."

There are so many more that I can't think of!

(First off, the name is inspired from Unsolved Mysteries.. but I came here because I'm a fan of this show, saw the thread, and so many Dorothy lines came to mind that no one has mentioned that I just can't let the thread be!)

From ep. 2, the first time they talked about sex.
Dorothy: "I'm so glad my date with Barry is tomorrow. The fat won't have time to show"
Rose: "It doesn't?"
Dorothy: "No, it usually takes a few days."
Rose: "Where does it go until then?"
Dorothy: "TO CONNECTICUT! How should I know?"
Later...
Dorothy: "Barry's the man that I wanted to be the first."
Rose: "First where?"
Dorothy: "ON MARS, ROSE!"

Rose: "We once had a pig. All the male pigs loved her - she was very beautiful. And she got pregnant and no one knew who the father was!"
Dorothy: "OH MY GOD ROSE! What did you do on Father's Day?!"

"You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke which left her, if I could be perfectly frank, a complete burden."

"You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a stroke a few years ago which left her... totally annoying!"

When Blanche and Dorothy were on Rose's TV station morning show and it was about lesbians:

Sophia (in the audience): "This is for Dorothy. What does your mother think about your lifestyle?" (or something like that)
Dorothy: "I don't know. I'll ask her tomorrow when I visit her in.. THE HOME."
Sophia: "No more questions!"

Dorothy comes home finding out her blind date was an ex-con
Sophia: "Hi Dorothy!"
Dorothy: "SAY GOODBYE OLD WOMAN!"
later....
Dorothy: "Blanche, if you don't mind, I'm having a heart-to-heart with my mother. NOW LISTEN UP YOU WITHERED OLD SICILIAN MONKEY!"

Stan (crying): "I lost it Dorothy!"
Dorothy: "You never had it Stanley!"

Dorothy: "I drank the glass quickly. And it didn't go down smooth! Then I found out that Stan had put the ring at the bottom of the glass. Three days later it showed up."
Rose: "Showed up where?"
(After a long pause of laughter) Dorothy: "On the Home Shopping Network."

And finally, the funniest Dorothy line ever, not for the line itself but for its delivery. I can barely type I'm laughing so hard.

Sophia (carrying a bag of chips): "Some attack dog! He hid under the table, peed on the floor and ran out the back!"
Dorothy (shaking with rage): "Oooooohhh give me THAAAT!" (Grabs the chip bag)

I don't know if this is exact but

Blanche: Dorothy do you know what dirty dancing is?
Dorothy: Of course Blanche they did it in that movie
Rose: What movie?
Dorothy: Lawerence of Arabia, Rose

My all-time fave is when she & Rose install a new toilet...

Door bell rings...

PLUMBER (who has a toilet in his arms): Plumber....

DOROTHY: Could I see some identification?


That always kills me. The guy is carrying a toilet. Who the hell else would he be? :lol:



Ed

I don't remember the exact quote, (someone help me out here if you can!) but one of my favorites was when the girls were in the kitchen and Rose had been somewhere and Dorothy says:

"...and you all sang 'If I Had A Hammer' and fed deer by hand" and there was something about Julie Andrews in there too, I think.

shocolah, the quote you're thinking of goes like this:


*Rose is describing the wonderful time she'd had with her daughter earlier that day*
Rose: "... and then you'll never guess what happened!"
Dorothy: *tired of hearing about it* "Julie Andrews showed up, you fed deer from your hand, and sang 'If I Had A Hammer!'"


Thanks, I'd forgotten that quote up until now... that was another one of my favorites for how it captures Dorothy's deadpan, off-the-cuff wit!!

(Rose cries on Marguerite's shoulder)
I don't remember the exact quote but....
MARGUERITE: What's the Matter with her?
DOROTHY: SAhe's just upset that Gene Shalet always wears his hair like that!

DOROTHY: get back here you Sicilian Gecko!
SOPHIA: I wuv you, Dorothy
DOROTHY: too wittle, too wate!

ROSE: It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, teh birds are singing, and I just want to give Mother Nature a great big kiss. You must be Dorothy
DOROTHY: And You must be Mrs. Rogers.


SOPHIA: Life Saver?
DOROTHY: Go to Hell, Ma!

BLANCHE: The Only thing he's interested in is under the sheets
ROSE: What's under the sheets?
DOROTHY: His coffeemaker, Rose.

COCO: We're having Enchiladas Racheros
DOROTHY: Why don't you just shoot me?

Another good one, see my sig.

I'm alittle vague on the exact quote, but maybe someone with a better memory can clean the line:



Rose: Was stan a good business man?

Dorothy: Oh please, the man has to get naked to count to twenty one.




Something like that

Lol, yeah, that's close enough. I remember that one, they were talking about money matters and how their husbands did the work, and Rose asked that after Dorothy said, "I always let Stan handle our money" or something.

One of the most favorite things Dorothy said was something like this
*refering to the episode where 3 of the girls stayed home during a rainy day in their jammies*

Rose: I thought we agreed NOT to keep cookies in the house.

Blanche: That's right, after this last box.

Rose: (looking at Dorothy) You're not going to eat those are you?

Dorothy: No, we're going to a dumb country and use them as money.

I LOVE that line! I laugh hysterically whenever i hear it. What makes her lines classic is her facial expressions and tone of voice. :lol:

I like the episode (flashback, I think) where Dorothy is at a birthday party with Mr. Ha Ha. He calls Dorothy up to the stage, and she says, "Get bent, Ha Ha!" Or something like that.

Dorothy: Stan and I abstained for a while, I totally cut off his sex

Rose: You mean it grows back???

Dorothy: Yes Rose, he's a lizard

I guess this would be sarcastic, but a scene in the episode where Blanche goes to visit her Grandmother's plantation was halarious:

In the car:

Rose: Ok, let's try it with Dorothy now. Dorothy, Dorothy bo borothy, banana fanna bo morothy, etc.

(car screeches to a stop)

Dorothy: Get out Rose.

Although some people didn't like the final season, I personally thought that some of the best ideas/conversations were implemented in that season.

Along these lines...

(on the finale.... Dorothy comes out of the bedroom wearing her wedding dress)

SOPHIA: Ah Dorothy, you're beautiful, but I wanted you to wear my old wedding dress.

DOROTHY: As what, Ma? A Hand Puppet?

_______________________


SOPHIA: Oh come on Dorothy. I'm in my twilight years.
DOROTHY: You're in the Twilight Zone.

_______________________

There were SO many!

Dorothy: "I've just been kicked out of an unofficial Elvis fan club. I'll just have to pick up the pieces and move on. Ther must be a support group for people like me."

From the "Murder Mystery Weekend" episode...

Blanche is flirting with Kendel:

BLANCHE: I do declare sir, you could charm the dew off the sweet honey suckle.

DOROTHY: Thats good Blanche... now do Brer Rabbit

Dorothy- You'll have to excuse my mother she was a witness to the Hindenburg Disaster.

Dorothy-Ma, why did I marry Stanley?
Sophia- Because he knocked you up.
Dorothy- Why did I let that happen?
Sophia- Because he got you drunk.
Dorothy- Why am I discussing this with you?
Sophia- Beats the hell out of me.

Blanche- In the south we mature faster, I think it's the heat.
Dorothy- I think it's the gin.

Sophia- (after Dorothy tells her about Margeruite putting a 'curse' on them) What's this crap about you putting a curse on my daughter?
Dorothy- We're all going to be turned into kumquats.

I will think of more later. Dorothy is as funny as her mother with her comebacks and one liners.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I like when Dorothy and Sophia are interviewing some woman for something, and Sophia keeps making smart remarks, so Dorothy says, "Ma, I'd go sit outside but there aren't any shady pines for me to sit under."



Vote for me in the second primary! (http://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/showthread.php?threadid=102687)

This is during the Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Love Fan Club and they are passing around a porkchop that Elvis supposedly took a bite out of.
Dorothy- This has to be a fake, I mean Elvis would never leave this much meat on a porkchop! (laughing)

Sophia- Dorothy, your father's on the phone.
Dorothy- Ma, Pop's been dead for 15 years.
Sophia- Oh, yeah. I mean what's for dinner?

The girls are paying for their purchases at the drugstore when Blanche mentions that they should buy some condoms.
Blanche(to Dorothy)- Maybe we should get some protection.
Rose- What kind of protection?
Dorothy- Two armed Pinkerton guards.

I'll think of more later. I can't keep a straight face when I type these. :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Originally posted by andress_jade


The girls are paying for their purchases at the drugstore when Blanche mentions that they should buy some condoms.
Blanche(to Dorothy)- Maybe we should get some protection.
Rose- What kind of protection?
Dorothy- Two armed Pinkerton guards.




Rose gets them in black and at the end of the episode she says she used all hers- she filled them with water and threw them at people!

Originally posted by Vera Wang
Rose gets them in black and at the end of the episode she says she used all hers- she filled them with water and threw them at people!
I remember that. The looks that Blanche and Dorothy gave Rose were priceless!! :lol: :lol:

Hey will you guys go to the link in my siggy and vote for me for "president" of the current events board? Please and thanks a lot if you do!

This might not be the exact wordign but here goes:

Stan: Come back soon buttercup

Dorothy: If I had wings barfbag

Please correct this if wrong. It was hilarious as I recall.

You're pretty close actually. She says,
If my FEET have wings, barfbag. :lol: :lol:
And you're right, it was hilarious! :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

The episode where Blanche's sister Virginia visits and tells Blanche that she's dying.
Dorothy brings in a baby.

Dorothy- Look what I have!
Rose- It's a baby!
Dorothy- This is Danny!
Blanche- What is that, Dorothy?
Dorothy- It's a flounder, Blanche.
Blanche- You can't have that baby here, my sister's coming!
Dorothy- Does she eat them?

Rose comes back from her cruise with Arnie and she tells Sophia, Dorothy, and Blanche what she did while she was there.
Dorothy- WHO CARES, ROSE! DID YOU AND ARNIE HIT THE SHEETS OR NOT!

Dorothy is introducing Sophia to the guy that she thought stood her up on prom night when it was actually Sophia who turned him away.
Dorothy- You've met my lying, vicious toad of a mother!

I'll think of more later.


:bouncers :bouncers

I thought of a good one:

Dorothy: *walks to the back of the kitchen after telling Blanche and Sophia to not wish for money, but be thankful for what they have*

Rose: *walks in with mail* Oh look, it's a letter from my family that got Baby back in St. Olaf...

Dorothy: PLEASE LET THERE BE CASH IN IT!! I CAN'T STAND BEING POOR ANOTHER DAY!!!

my favorite line of all is


STANLEY:I AM BUT A BEHUMBLED SERVANT
DOROTHY: MR. BELVEDERE IS A BEHUMBLED SERVANT, STANLEY YOUR A HORSES ASS

BLANCHE(to Rose)"Is this about Arnie?"
DOROTHY"No Blanche she's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke."
ROSE"How can you tell if a grasshopper is Spanish?"
DOROTHY"Because it wears a little sombrero Rose."

"No I'm upset because they haven't reruned The Facts Of Life Goes To Australia."

BLANCHE(to Rose)"Is this about Arnie?"
DOROTHY"No Blanche she's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke."
ROSE"How can you tell if a grasshopper is Spanish?"
DOROTHY"Because it wears a little sombrero Rose."

"No I'm upset because they haven't reruned The Facts Of Life Goes To Australia."

I have too many to list! Here are a few of my faves. I'll quote them the best I can.

ROSE: Hi Dorothy. What is in the box?
DOROTHY: (holding a pizza box) It's fried chicken Rose. I hope you like yours extra flat and crispy.

ROSE (walking into kitchen) Hi Dorothy. What are you doing?
DOROTHY: (stirring something on stovetop) I'm developing photographs for the Magellan Space Program, Rose. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING? I'M COOKING!

STAN: Women don't have to beg to get into bed with Stanley Zbornak.
DOROTHY: You're right about that. They just wait until your MasterCard goes through!!

I also like the first episode when Dorothy walks into the apartment and Rose is just gushing about how beautiful of a day it is and she then asks if she is Dorothy the new roommate. Dorothy answers "You must be Mrs. Rogers."

[Sophia and Dorothy have had a fight. Sophia enters the kitchen]
Sophia (icily): Mrs Zbornak.
Dorothy (equally frosty): Mrs Petrillo.
Rose: Oh good, you two are talking.
Dorothy: We're not talking. I'm still furious with Ma for hooking me up with that matchmaker.
Rose: That reminds me of a story about St Olaf's most famouse matchmak...
Dorothy: Oh please! Rose! Spare me the endless inane details of how Heidi Flügendügelgurgenplotz successfully matched a bull with a duck! [then, more calmly] And how their daughter was a bull-duck who ran a small tattoo parlor in Carmel.

The magic is how it starts off like any other time when Dorothy would go off-tap at Rose's stories, but then takes a major left-turn across on-coming traffic.

Dorothy: Come on Rose, we've talked about pets. There's no-one home during the day to take care of it.
Sophia: I'm home during the day.
Dorothy (quickly): No-one lucid is home during the day!

"I still have Shady Pines on speed dial"

(Responding to Rose, who discovered that Baked Alaska can be made locally) "I have an even bigger scoop for you... Mars bars are made right here on earth!" :lol:

"Good night Rose, go to sleep sweetheart, pray for brains!" :lol:

"I've been marking the days on my Big Ships of the Navy calendar." :lol:

"Please Blanche, I'm in no mood to hear about the endless parade of sexual encounters you've had up and down the Florida coastline with nothing but this towel between your naked body and the cold wet sand!!!" :lol:

The "Spanish Fly" scene (when they were trying to breed minks) :lol:

And let's not forget... "CONDOMS, Rose... CONDOMS, CONDOMS, CONDOMS!!!!!"

This is my all-time favorite...

Dorothy enters the kitchen carrying a pizza box. Sophia, Rose and Blanche are all there, and watch her come in.

Dorothy: "I picked up dinner for us on my way home!"
Rose : "Oooh! What did you get?"
Dorothy: "A bucket of chicken, Rose."

I think of this every time I bring a pizza home! :lol: :happyface :lol:

This ep was played this past weekend on the 'marathon'. It was the episode in which they remembered past 'get rich quick' schemes.

Some of my favorites are:

Rose: Hey, that's my tractor got its start right there.
Dorothy: Wasn't the musical version called Hey, hey that's my tractor?

Blanche is talking about getting caught in the act...Rose: What act? Dorothy: Second act of my fair lady.

Rose: Do you think she's (Blanche) is depressed about Rebecca?
Dorothy: No, she's depressed because Marblehead Manor is only on once a week.

Dorothy: My mother needs money to have an operation done (from the episode where Dorothy is betting at the track). She's having her face done.
Rose: How's she getting it done?
Dorothy: Southwestern Rose!!

Blanche: It is just like the story of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor
Rose: Or the story of Rose and Charlie Nylund
Dorothy: You know when I think of one, I automatically think of the other

Rose asks about Dorothy being upset and she replies No I'm upset because they haven't rerun The Facts of Life goes to Australia.

One of my ultimate favorites is in the episode where Sophia and Dorothy learn they may not be mother an daughter.

Dorothy: I just keep thinking of ma and who's mother she really is.
Rose: You're worried she might be Gina's?
Dorothy: NO I'M WORRIED SHE MIGHT BE PHIL RIZZUTO'S!!

Rose: Can i ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Like no one else.

:lol:

Blanche: This is strictly off the record but - Dirk's nearly five years younger than I am.
Dorothy: "In what Blanche, DOG years?"

From "Sisters and Other Strangers" when Blanche's sister writes a novel:

Blanche: Dorothy, what am I gonna do about my sister comin'? By the time she leaves Miami, she'll be more famous here than I am!

Dorothy: Honey, only if they close the Sheraton.

From the same episode:

Stan's cousin Magda: Such a beautiful home! Who sleeps with government official?

Dorothy: (laughing) ... that would be my friend Blanche...

There are sooooo many to choose from. Some I was thinking of haveb een mentioned just on page 4 alone. hehe

"Ah no, Blanche, I'm upset because I'm worried whether Michael Jackson really will buy the remains of the Elephant Man." (paraphrased)

Rose asks Dorothy, "Loraiine's family's going to be black, too, aren't they"? Yes, Rose, to make them feel more welcome, maybe you can do your version of the dance that the Huxtables do at the beginning of The Cosby Show. :)

So many, practically every episode from the first four seasons has a great sarcastic Dorothy quote.

[Blanche is getting a new bed]
Blanche: What should I do with my old bed?

Dorothy: Put it in the Smithsonian, Blanche. It's got more miles on it that the Spirit of St. Louis!

[Discussing walking in on your parents having sex]
Sophia: You walked in on your father and me once. Remember what I told you?

Dorothy: Yes, you said, 'Mommy's sick... get help!'...

[Rose believes she has seen a UFO]
Rose: Well, it wasn't a plane. Planes aren't that thin or bright.

Dorothy: Neither is Oprah Winfrey, Rose. That doesn't make her a flying saucer.

from the Flu episode:

Rose: Do we have any more orange juice?

Dorothy: (pouring the remaining juice into her glass) No, we're all out! :lol:

from the Flu episode:

Rose: Do we have any more orange juice?

Dorothy: (pouring the remaining juice into her glass) No, we're all out! :lol:


I love that one, too! :lol:

"...Condoms Rose, Condoms, Condoms, CONDOMS"

LOL

Mine is the one I saw on one of last night's syndicated episodes. Everyone's in the same bed because the heat went out and Rose decides to say her prayers. Right at the end of it Dorothy interrupts with 'Good night Rose, and thanks for the lovely prayer'. Rose gets in bed and Blanche says 'Thank you Dorothy' and Dorothy goes 'I didn't do anything'. Not sarcasm, but still the best Dorothy moment.

This is my favorite:

After Rose keeps trying to convince Dorothy that she is just in denial about Sophia's paralysis.

Dorothy: Look Fluff-head!! Why should I deny being in denial when I never said I was in denial!! You are the one who said I was in denial and don't you deny it!!:lol:

"Come off it, Blanche! Not all of us are classified by the navy as a friendly port."

“We have Maalox and Estrogen…”

Not necessarily a sarcastic remark but timing Dorothy, Sophia and Stan are at the ballpark and Dorothy says she usually gets stuck sitting next to a big sweaty man who insists on taking off his shirt and man sits next to her does just that and she says…”what kept you?”

I too liked when Dorothy and Sophia after a spat refer to each other as Mrs. Zbornak and Mrs. Petrillo respectively.

“We didn’t drive to Sodom and Gomorrah Rose!” After admitting she had been with Glenn O’Brian

That's all I can think of. But Dorothy had one in every episode I think. :lol:

When Stan wants to take Dorothy and Sophia to a baseball game:

Dorothy: I can't think of anything I would rather do less.
Stan: Want to go to bed with me???
Dorothy: Take me out to the ballgame.

Murder Mystery Weekend when Blanche is accused of killing someone:

Blanche's Coworker: This tramp murdered him.
Dorothy: This tramp is incapable of murder.

Blanche meets Big Daddy's much younger wife:

Dorothy: Say hello to Big Mommy.

When Stan wants to take Dorothy and Sophia to a baseball game:

Dorothy: I can't think of anything I would rather do less.
Stan: Want to go to bed with me???
Dorothy: Take me out to the ballgame.

Murder Mystery Weekend when Blanche is accused of killing someone:

Blanche's Coworker: This tramp murdered him.
Dorothy: This tramp is incapable of murder.

In this same episode Kendall comes up to Blanche and says something to her and Blanche comes back with "My, my your sweet words could charm the dew right off the honeysuckle."
Dorothy comes back with this.
"Great Blanche,now do Brer Rabbit."
Later on in the episode the detective talks to Blanche believing she was guilty of murdering Kendall.
"My, my your sweet words could charm the morning dew right off the honeysuckle."
Dorothy:"Not now, Blanche!"
Blanche: "If not now, when?"
:lol: :rotflmao: :uplol:

the lesbian lovers episode where rose is working at the tv station and blanche and dorothy unknowingly go on the show as lesbian lovers. sophia plays along and asks them a question from the audience...

sophia
"what kind of pain and embarrassment has this lifestyle caused your mother?"

dorothy
"i don't know but i'll ask her tomorrow when i visit her at....the home."

awesome topic.

Blanche: Did you girls know that the size of a man's ears is directly proportional to his other bodily organ?
Rose: What do you mean?
Dorothy: He had a big, floppy pancreas

my favorite of all time:

After the plumber delivered the "Dolan low boy" toilet:

Dorothy: It's no use Rose, we'll never lift it.
Rose: Now come on Dorothy, if the Egyptians built the pyrimids, then we can move this.
Dorothy: Fine. Get me ten thousand Hebrews and we'll have it out of here in no time.

Makes me crack up every time...

Episode when Dorthy work with Blance in the meuseum. Blance wants to know what secret Dorthy is keeping from her. Blance call Dorthy a no good backstabber. Dorthy says...I'm sorry flattery will not work!

Dorthy - Come on, Ma, lets go out on the lania.
Sophia- No, I think I'll stay here.
Dorthy- Shady Pines Ma.
Sophia- Your bluffing.
Dorothy- The west wing.
Sophia- I'm right behind you, pussycat!

Dorthy- Ma, I have a feeling you are lying.
Rose- Dorthy be positive!
Dorothy- Ok, I'm positive you are lying.

Dorothy- Good night, Rose! Go to sleep, honey! Pray for brains!

Sophia- Play it safe, stay with the curse.
Dorothy- Ma, I've stayed with you all these years.

Dorothy- I have a date.
Blanche- With a man!
Dorothy- No Blanche, with a Venus fly trap!

When Sophia has the nun come visit about her joining the order and Dorothy says "I would but there don't seem to be any SHADY PINES to sit under.'

(Blanche looking at old family photos before Big Daddy's funeral)
Blanche: Dorothy come look at these old pictures. I think I must have been about ten years old in this one, and Big Daddy had just taught me how to ride a horse.
Dorothy: You were quite the little porker back then weren't you?
Blanche: I was a little chunky, that's all.
Dorothy: Blanche, the horse's eyes were crossed...You were FAT!
Blanche: Every little girl goes through that ugly stage...
Dorothy: Ugly, yes, but this is ugly and fat!
Blanche:All right! you seem to be getting a little too much pleasure with all this.
Dorothy: Oh, I'm sorry Blanche. It's just that you've always described yourself as a great beauty and it's interesting to see that you were....
Blanche: PLUMP!
Dorothy: FAT!
Blanche: Enough!
Dorothy: I'm sorry.... Fat fat water rat, fifty bullets in your hat. :lol:
( I crack up just seeing the way she turns her head toward Blanche when she says it)

(Blanche looking at old family photos before Big Daddy's funeral)
Dorothy: I'm sorry.... Fat fat water rat, fifty bullets in your hat. :lol:
( I crack up just seeing the way she turns her head toward Blanche when she says it)

Is that what she says? LOL :lol: I can hear most of it but the laughter mutes the rest of it for me. :lol:

Is that what she says? LOL :lol: I can hear most of it but the laughter mutes the rest of it for me. :lol:

If that ever happens to you hon, one way to get around it is if you own the DVDs. If you do, you might want to try putting the 'closed captions' on, or, if they're included (I can't remember if they are), the subtitles. That way you can more or less make out what they're saying. The only problem is, they're not always accurate, but about 85% of the time they are.

Just a thought...

Ed

Hi Ed

You know I do own the dvd's and that just never occurred to me. :eek: I will do that! LOL!

Rose: Can i ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Like no one else.

:lol:

I think Dorothy actually says, "Better than anyone I know," but I agree, that's one of my favorites too. Another one I don't think has been posted:

Stan (furious because his daughter, Kate's husband has had an affair): What kind of a man has so little respect for the institution of marriage that he can cheat on a wonderful woman and jump into bed with the first available bimbo who comes along?

Dorothy: But enough about you, Stan....

(Sometimes Dorothy's sarcasm is mean, but Stan deserved that one.)

I also like, in the same episode, her telling Kate's husband "I hate it when you call me Mother Dorothy. I feel like I should be handing out rice on the streets of Calcutta."

.

Dorothy: No, Blanche. She's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke.

Dorothy: No, Blanche. She's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke.

:rofl:

Heres some of my favourites:

1.
Blanche: "my beauty treatments can take hours...but that's why my face is as smooth as a baby's bottom."
Dorothy: "that would explain the urge I sometimes get to diaper your head."

2.
Stan: "what did you do that for?!"
Dorothy: "you're not getting into this bed Stanley!"
Stan: "well where am I supposed to sleep?"
Dorothy: "on the floor like any dog!"

3.
Dorothy: "you'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying."

4.
Rose: "did I ever tell you about my cousin Fricken?"
Dorothy: "oh please rose we don't wanna hear about your fricken cousin!"

5.
Rose: "I couldn't sleep so I whipped up a batch of Sverhoeven Crispies. It's a traditional midnight snack from St. Olaf dating back to Viking times."
Dorothy: "well I guess after a hard night of pillaging and raping, a Viking would want a little something to go with his cocoa"

Dorothy's response to Rose as she begins to tell a St. Olaf story:

"Excuse me Rose, do we have time to go out and get hit by a bus?"

LOL! There's something about the way she says it that just makes me crack up!

I love this scene:

Blanche is having a discussion with one of her relatives, while the three other "girls" are seated in the living room.

Dorothy gets up and says, we'll give you some privacy. Rose and Sophia continue to sit there.

Dorothy: SHADY PINES, Ma! (Sophia immediately jumps up and leaves the room)

Dorothy: SHADY PINES, Rose! (Rose jumps up and heads for the kitchen, but then freezes....)

Rose: ...Wait, a minute! That's not supposed to work for ME!!! :lol:

I crack up every time I hear this one:

Dorothy: Blanche, have you heard of the latest campaigns? "Join the navy, see the world... sleep with Blanche Devereaux? Join the army, be all you can be... sleep with Blanche Devereaux? The marines are looking for a few good men who have *not* slept with Blanche Devereaux!"

Hilarious

Dorothy: "BLANCHE I could get herpes listening to that story!" :rotflmao:

Blanche: A Deveraux has never had to pay for sperm.
Dorothy: She's always depended on the kindness of strangers.


Sophia: I'm not leaving now. It's just getting good.
Dorothy: Shady Pines, Ma!
Sophia: You're bluffing...
Dorothy:The West Wing?
Sophia: I'm right behind you



[Blanche and Dorothy are discussing Blanche's birthday gift to Rose: a detective to follow around Rose's boyfriend]
Blanche: Well I can't take it back, I paid in advance
Dorothy: Can't you get a refund?
Blanche: Well, no, I paid with nature's credit card
Dorothy: You never leave home without it.



Dorothy: [to Sophia] Get back here, you deceitful little Sicilian gekko!

Condoms, Rose. Condoms Condoms Condoms!!

Rose, black people don't have dandruff. God figures they've been through enough already.

Why don't I just wear a sign that says "too ugly to live"?


Sophia Petrillo: [coughs] Dorothy, do you have a cough drop?
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: No.
Sophia Petrillo: A hard candy?
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: No.
Sophia Petrillo: A Tic-Tac?
Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Does it say K-Mart on the back of my nightgown?
Sophia Petrillo: As a matter of fact it does, you cheapskate.

Rose: How do you know its spanish?
Dorothy: Because it wears a little sombrero

Blanche: Dorothy, what is that?
Dorothy: It's a flounder Blanche

Dorothy: I have a date
Blanche: With A Man?
Dorothy: No, with a venus flytrap

Dorothy: I brought Dinner (holding a pizza)
Rose: What'd you get?
Dorothy: A bucket of fried chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy

Rose: Pass What?
Dorothy: A slow moving winobego

Dorothy: Blanche is depressed Rose
Rose: Do you think she is depressed about Rebecca?
Dorothy: No Rose, She's depressed because Marblehead Manor is only on once a week.

Dorothy: Barry was the man I wanted to be the first
Rose: First Where
Dorothy: On Mars Rose

ROse: OOOOH, You'll never guess what I found
Dorothy: Jimmy Hoffa

Rose: OOOOH, you'll never guess what I found
Dorothy: Judge Crater

Dorothy: Shhh, they could still be here
Rose: Who?
Dorothy: The supreme court, who

Rose: Sophia, Did you come to bail us out?
Dorothy: No Rose, she's dropping off a manicotti with a file in it

Stan: I just left the hospital, they said Sophia was discharged. Is she here?
Dorothy: No, I haven't taken her out of the trunk of the car yet

There are so many more that I will post later

Bea Arthur was the queen of sarcasm
No other actress can deliver a cold hard stare and a deadpan sarcastic remark like her

"Fine! Gimme 20,000 Hebrews and we'll have it moved outta here in no time!"

"Rose...how many head wounds have YOU had?"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: