Can everyone post a Great One Liner from Fred cuz I wanna post something really funny as my screen name on my msn messenger and get peoples attention, post hilarious ones! thanks!

Rollo: a jokes a joke but how come everytime i come here mr sanford you treat me like a criminal.
Fred: cause i want you to feel at home


Fred talking to Julio: why don't you take this junk back where it came from....your bedroom.!

Fred sitting in front of the door looking outside- Pop what are you doing? Im pretending Im watching television Lamont-What are you watchibf Fred- Right now Im watching the wide world of junk

Fred in Courtroom- Officer How come you dont arrest any white drivers? Theres enough ******s in here to make a tarzan movie

Fred- If I die I hope its during the Roller Derby

Fred talking to lamont- Before tonight you were just a plain dummy after tonight you'll be a broke dummmy

Lamont talking to frd- Bubba had a dream too pop Fred-you call that a dream anybody who dream about trimming christmas trees in september is a born loser

Fred- We sure could use some rain YOU FIRED

You wouldn't want to walk on an old Persian rug with those heavy boots, would you?

Fred; Listen with these heavy boots i'll walk on an old Pearsian

Fred (to Gus) You have spent the night here, you have had your continental breakfast, now it's checkout time!"

Fred _ "Chinese food make me burp"

Fred " That's the flush of victory."

Esther (to Fred) Fred Sanford, look at you, pants all baggy, face all dirty you are just a messy fool!! Fred (to Esther) "And you are just a cessypool!"

Fred to Lamont " I will help you unload on May 1st.
Lamont "What is May 1st?"
Fred "The opening of the hernia festival."

If you spraying for cockroaches, you aint gone get um up there, our cockroaches aren't airborne there infantry

This is one of the funniest one liners from the show. It was from the episode called Carol
Fred talking to Carol in the bank
Fred-Carol they're gonna laugh you right outta this bank Carol- I told you I couldnt spell Fred- but this is ridiculous Dear Bank Manger Put All The Money In A Brown Piper Bug Or I'LL Short Your Herd Off

when they audition for the movie..
Fred on Aunt Esther.."her mouth is so big you can put your head in
it with your hat on"
My favorite is when Fred goes to the retirement home and he
comments on the decorations..
Bubba-"Fred, if you want I have a picture of Jesus where the eyes follow
you around the room"
Fred (eating the ribs Bubba brought him).."Nah... I don't want that, Bubba"

Fred talking about Bubba, Skillet and Leroy eating

"Everytime their elbow bends their mouth flies open"

Fred talking to Lamont in Group Therapy episode. Frec- You can say this and You can say that But I still say that broad was fat

Fred talking to skillet in the pool table episode fred- Skillet Skillet take your belly off the table less you want a pool cue in your navel

Fred: "Esther, I can stick your face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies"

Esther: "That's just a clear piece of plastic."
Fred: "Put it up next to your face. That's your Halloween mask."

Fred(to Esther): "I could throw some tracing paper over your head, and draw me a moose face."

This isn't word for word but, Fred was mad at Lamont and Fred tells Lamont to go upstairs and brush his teeth and Lamont asks why and Fred replies, I don't want to get my hand dirty when I bust you.:D

Here's another that I thought of:
Fred: "Do you have eyes, but see not? Which would come in handy in the case of Esther!"

"You should trade those eyes that see not for some lips that swell not.!!"

"Lamont, what are you?? A man or a box of crayons!!"

Museum spectator: Could you please be quiet so I can absorb this lecture?
Fred *raises fist*: How would you like to absorb this?

Lamont suggests he do push-ups, situps.
Fred: How about some shut-ups.

Whopper Chopper Salesman:
Mr. Sanford.....I'M warning you!!
Fred:
Worn this!! You'll be wearing this duck on your head!!

"And that is today's bicentennial minute" (Fred)