Okay, I talked about this briefly in another post, but I need help in this.

For the past few years, I've been dating a Caucasian man. I'm Indian. My immediate family has always been very upset about that, but they know I'm happy and that's all that matters to them. In about three weeks, I have non-immediate family coming from India. Primarily my super religious, super traditional grandparents who believe an arranged marriage is the only way to go. I'm not against arranged marriage, my parents had one and they're incredibly happy. Now, I want Josh (my boyfriend) to meet my family. I know what's going to happen. My grandma will cry and I will, without a doubt, have the worst fight in my life. She will pray, she will threaten me, she will do everything in the world to stop this. How can I possibly get them to meet each other without my having to worry for Josh's well being.

Honor is a big thing in my family. And I have crazy uncles. I also have a very political, powerful family. We're the Kennedy's of South India. I don't want any fights to happen, but I want them to meet him. What do I do?

wow thats a rough situation..i cant quite relate because, gosh the only thing my family would get mad about is if i married someone of scotch-irish descent...
but i think what id do is sit them down and explain it to them BEFORE your bf gets there so if they do get mad he wont be in the middle of it. just be honest with them and how arranged marriage isnt the standard here and you hope they will respect your decision.

good luck, i really hope it works out for you.

Boy, that is tough. That fine line between tradition and the new way of thinking bites anyone that tries to cross it.

My family is so untraditional it's scary.

But talking about it with your family beforehand does sound plausable. That way, even if a big fight ensues, Josh won't be smack in the middle of it- physically anyway.

Originally posted by White_Daisy
Okay, I talked about this briefly in another post, but I need help in this.

For the past few years, I've been dating a Caucasian man. I'm Indian. My immediate family has always been very upset about that, but they know I'm happy and that's all that matters to them. In about three weeks, I have non-immediate family coming from India. Primarily my super religious, super traditional grandparents who believe an arranged marriage is the only way to go. I'm not against arranged marriage, my parents had one and they're incredibly happy. Now, I want Josh (my boyfriend) to meet my family. I know what's going to happen. My grandma will cry and I will, without a doubt, have the worst fight in my life. She will pray, she will threaten me, she will do everything in the world to stop this. How can I possibly get them to meet each other without my having to worry for Josh's well being.

Honor is a big thing in my family. And I have crazy uncles. I also have a very political, powerful family. We're the Kennedy's of South India. I don't want any fights to happen, but I want them to meet him. What do I do?

This may sound a little cliche' but you must go with your heart. Plus think about this, who has got to be happy and live with your significant other, you or your family?

Originally posted by Titania
wow thats a rough situation..i cant quite relate because, gosh the only thing my family would get married about is if i married someone of scotch-irish descent...

They would get married about? :lol:

I know this is hard, but just think, some of us had to tell our parents tha we were gay.

Thanks everyone. I really do appreciate this. I'm going to sit down and have a talk with my family (individually) and see what they think about this...that way Josh has time to run if he hears screaming. I'm gonna try to look forward to this, but I can't. Three more weeks as of today...I can do this.

:bighug: Its going to be tough. Do your grandparents have ANY idea? If not, Id tell them BEFORE they met him face to face-- let them prepare. Also, remember-- you cant please everyone. Im sure everything will be alright!!

Believe me White daisy I KNOW where you are coming from My parents are VERY OLD SCHOOL way of thinking and well very STRONG in thier beliefs (they are of Dutch indonesian decent) when I was dating My ex Joe (who was 17 at the time of mine being 21) I had to bring it up HYPOTHETICALLY cause I knew If I say "Hey Mom,Dad I'm dating a 17 year old i'm bringing him home for dinner" THEY WOULD HAVE FREAKED Needless to say when I DID briing it up Hypothetically (basically what I said was "Mom,Dad what would you do if I brought home a 17 year old") they said Well My mom said "I'D BE VERY dissappointed IN YOU YOU HAVE TO MARRY A DUTCH INDONESIAN NOT A WHITE TEENAGER!!":rolleyes: and My dad just said well to put it nicely he said "I"d cut his private off" (thats not what he said BUT since this is a "R" rated board I cant say what he REALLY SAID so we dated in secret for more then 5 years until HE CHEATED ON ME
anyways all I gotta say is I applaud Your COURAGE and I give you a GREAT BIG :bighug:

Good luck! :)

Ugh..Tough situation..

I think you should go with your heart. If both of you really love each other, your family should be able to respect that. I think it would be very shameful if your parents didn't respect your decision about who you date. Maybe tell them what you see in Josh and hopefully they will accept him. Tell your family it's the inside that counts, not the outside. Good luck.:)

Well, I can't say what I'd do, because I've never been in that situation. All I can say is maybe you should have a long talk with your immediate family before you grandparents arrive. See how they feel about telling your grandparents. It would be nice going into a situation like that with at least a few allies. That makes it a little easier to stick with what you feel. And, I'd really try to see things from their perspective and try and explain it to them in terms and conditions they'll be able to accept. Don't come off dissing your heritage or anything. Basically, take the time you have to look over the entire situation, and be smart about what you say, and don't let your emotions about Josh over-run your mouth when your family arrives. Good Luck!

I took your advice. I called my grandparents and asked them if I could take them out to dinner two days before they meet Josh. They don't know why, but this is good. I've left them in suspense, they think I'm pregnant. So when I tell them I have a boyfriend, they won't be....that upset

Originally posted by White_Daisy
I took your advice. I called my grandparents and asked them if I could take them out to dinner two days before they meet Josh. They don't know why, but this is good. I've left them in suspense, they think I'm pregnant. So when I tell them I have a boyfriend, they won't be....that upset
o0o..pregnant. Yah, theyd be a lot more relieved to know that youre not! Anyways.. good luck! Im sure theyll understand!

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤

o0o..pregnant. Yah, theyd be a lot more relieved to know that youre not! Anyways.. good luck! Im sure theyll understand!

Oh, I would be so dead if I were pregnant. I'd might as well kill myself because it would save them the trouble. I love it that my mom is overprotective and gives Josh the evil eye everytime she sees him and my older brother, as much of an idiot as he is, has threatened to set the varisity football team on him. But I don't like superficial reasons to be so overprotective. Like my non-immediate family's reasons.

Originally posted by Titania
wow thats a rough situation..i cant quite relate because, gosh the only thing my family would get mad about is if i married someone of scotch-irish descent...


I know this is a wee bit off-topic but what exactly is it that your family have against us Scots?

To White_Daisy -
I feel bad about the situation you are in, I really do. I think you deserve respect for even considering to try and explain the situation to your family. Noone in my family ever talks about anything - if there's an issue everyone just ignores it and hopes it'll go away - so I hope that you can all talk it through and work something out.
I am really in no position to give you advice here. If I were in your situation I would just pretend that I didn't have a boyfriend and pray that my family never found out about him.
As most regular Chit-Chatters already know, I am gay but I've never told my family. I don't have a girlfriend at the moment but if I did there's no way in Hell I'd ever introduce her to my family! My parents would - literally - kill me! I'd never even consider telling them. I think you are very brave for even considering telling your relatives about your boyfriend, knowing how they may react.
I wish you the best of luck with the whole thing.

Mossopp

x x x

Originally posted by Mossopp


I know this is a wee bit off-topic but what exactly is it that your family have against us Scots?


i honestly dont know why, and it only seems to be scotch-irish that they have the issues w/ . :rolleyes: go figure.

Originally posted by Titania


i honestly dont know why, and it only seems to be scotch-irish that they have the issues w/ . :rolleyes: go figure.

You mean, any other mix of Irish, German-Irish, Irish-American, Italian-Irish, they wouldn't have a problem with, but only Scotch-Irish? Hm