Frank Gannucci
03-28-2024, 07:18 AM
A Honeymooners Easter:
(Ralph greets Ed at his manhole.)
Ralph (yelling through the manhole): “HEY NORTON!”
Ed (from the sewer, yells): “COMING RIGHT UP RALPH!”
(Ed comes up.)
Ed: “Whaddaya say there Ralph? What do you got there?”
Ralph: “I got a rabbit costume for the Raccoon Easter race.”
Ed: “Isn’t that costume small for you?”
Ralph: “Oh, you are a riot. I got the cheapest one I can find. This one fits. I guarantee you, I will not trip and get yolk all over my face.”
Ed: “Not even with me in the race?”
Ralph (yells): “WHAT? HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY IDEA?”
Ed (yells): “I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT YOUR IDEA UNTIL NOW. HOW COULD I STEAL IT?”
Ralph: “I don’t know how you did but you did. I am going to win that prize Norton. $1000 and not you. My legs are very powerful unlike yours. Just remember Norton. From here on in, we are DEADLY enemies. I don’t want to have nothing to do with you. If you see me going down the street, get on the other side.”
Ed: “When you walk down a street, there AINT no other side.”
Ralph: “Tonight, I am going down to my home. My rabbit hole.”
Ed: “A rabbit hole is better than your apartment.”
(Ralph leaves. On Easter Day, Ralph is in his bunny costume that’s skin tight.)
Alice: “Ralph, I told you to get a bigger size.”
Ralph: “Don’t start with me Alice. I’m the king here remember that.”
(Much to Ralph’s chagrin, Alice’s parents arrive.)
Ralph: “What is she doing here?”
Alice’s Mom: “Hi Sonny Boy!”
Ralph: “Ok. She can watch. There’s Ed right there. I can’t wait to outshine him.”
(The contestants arrive at the starting line.)
Man: “On your mark…set…go!”
(They are off. Ralph trips, falls into the mud with his face falling into the eggs and his costume rips. He has a major wardrobe malfunction where people see his backside (which in actuality is not shown to anyone). He has yolk all over his face. Ed wins.)
(Cousin Leo arrives.)
Cousin Leo: “Hello Ralph, it’s GOOD to see you. Am I too late for the race?”
Alice’s Mom: “You maybe too late for the race but not too late to see my big, fat, loser of a son-in-law, make a fool of himself.”
(Ralph reacts by trying to fight her. People separate them.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “In case you are wondering, I wasn’t naked. I wore pants underneath. The Miami Beach Easters are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)
(Ralph greets Ed at his manhole.)
Ralph (yelling through the manhole): “HEY NORTON!”
Ed (from the sewer, yells): “COMING RIGHT UP RALPH!”
(Ed comes up.)
Ed: “Whaddaya say there Ralph? What do you got there?”
Ralph: “I got a rabbit costume for the Raccoon Easter race.”
Ed: “Isn’t that costume small for you?”
Ralph: “Oh, you are a riot. I got the cheapest one I can find. This one fits. I guarantee you, I will not trip and get yolk all over my face.”
Ed: “Not even with me in the race?”
Ralph (yells): “WHAT? HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY IDEA?”
Ed (yells): “I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT YOUR IDEA UNTIL NOW. HOW COULD I STEAL IT?”
Ralph: “I don’t know how you did but you did. I am going to win that prize Norton. $1000 and not you. My legs are very powerful unlike yours. Just remember Norton. From here on in, we are DEADLY enemies. I don’t want to have nothing to do with you. If you see me going down the street, get on the other side.”
Ed: “When you walk down a street, there AINT no other side.”
Ralph: “Tonight, I am going down to my home. My rabbit hole.”
Ed: “A rabbit hole is better than your apartment.”
(Ralph leaves. On Easter Day, Ralph is in his bunny costume that’s skin tight.)
Alice: “Ralph, I told you to get a bigger size.”
Ralph: “Don’t start with me Alice. I’m the king here remember that.”
(Much to Ralph’s chagrin, Alice’s parents arrive.)
Ralph: “What is she doing here?”
Alice’s Mom: “Hi Sonny Boy!”
Ralph: “Ok. She can watch. There’s Ed right there. I can’t wait to outshine him.”
(The contestants arrive at the starting line.)
Man: “On your mark…set…go!”
(They are off. Ralph trips, falls into the mud with his face falling into the eggs and his costume rips. He has a major wardrobe malfunction where people see his backside (which in actuality is not shown to anyone). He has yolk all over his face. Ed wins.)
(Cousin Leo arrives.)
Cousin Leo: “Hello Ralph, it’s GOOD to see you. Am I too late for the race?”
Alice’s Mom: “You maybe too late for the race but not too late to see my big, fat, loser of a son-in-law, make a fool of himself.”
(Ralph reacts by trying to fight her. People separate them.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “In case you are wondering, I wasn’t naked. I wore pants underneath. The Miami Beach Easters are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)