Frank Gannucci
07-01-2023, 07:28 AM
A Honeymooners July 4th:
(Ralph & Alice are arguing in their stateroom on the ship.)
Alice: “Ralph, I am not giving you the $59 to buy fireworks so you can fire them on the ship.”
Ralph: “Alice, you got to. Me and Norton are going to surprise this captain by making his ship be famous. Please Alice, don’t you want to be on a famous ship?”
Alice: “Yeah but not one that is going to have two crazy idiots on it.”
Ralph: “Oh, you are a riot Alice. A regular riot. I am going to continue to yell at you until you give me the money.”
(The next day, Ralph & Ed are in Mexico.)
Ed: “Ralph, I think that the whole ship heard you and Alice yell all night long. I couldn’t even hear the dance music at the dance last.”
Ralph: “Don’t worry. I will show her by buying fireworks cheap.”
(A Mexican man hears them.)
Man: “Hey senor. You looking to buy fireworks. I will sell these to you for one peso. They are COMPLETELY LEGAL.”
Ralph: “Deal. You look like an honest man.”
(They do business. Ralph & Ed leave.)
Man (to himself in Spanish): “What he doesn’t know is that those fireworks are illegal.”
(On the night of July 4th, Ralph & Ed have the fireworks ready on the dock.)
Ralph: “Come on Ed. Let’s fire the fireworks.”
(They do and they completely misfire and they hit a Mexican police station and the ship. The captain sees this.)
Captain: “What’s the meaning of this?”
Ralph: “Huminahumina. Huminahumina.”
(Later on, a cop comes on board and sees the fireworks. Alice & Trixie see the fact that the husbands are in trouble.)
Cop: “These fireworks are illegal. Any American should’ve seen the difference.”
Alice: “How could you do such a thing, boys?”
Ed: “I see that another one of your plans went up in flames.”
(Ralph goes to fight Ed. Everyone separates them.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: "Let's introduce every one of the cast. First: Jean Kean."
(Audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and shakes Jack’s hand.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Audience cheers as Aud comes on stage and shakes Jack’s hand.)
Jackie: "Art Carney."
(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jack’s hand.)
Jackie: “GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)
(Ralph & Alice are arguing in their stateroom on the ship.)
Alice: “Ralph, I am not giving you the $59 to buy fireworks so you can fire them on the ship.”
Ralph: “Alice, you got to. Me and Norton are going to surprise this captain by making his ship be famous. Please Alice, don’t you want to be on a famous ship?”
Alice: “Yeah but not one that is going to have two crazy idiots on it.”
Ralph: “Oh, you are a riot Alice. A regular riot. I am going to continue to yell at you until you give me the money.”
(The next day, Ralph & Ed are in Mexico.)
Ed: “Ralph, I think that the whole ship heard you and Alice yell all night long. I couldn’t even hear the dance music at the dance last.”
Ralph: “Don’t worry. I will show her by buying fireworks cheap.”
(A Mexican man hears them.)
Man: “Hey senor. You looking to buy fireworks. I will sell these to you for one peso. They are COMPLETELY LEGAL.”
Ralph: “Deal. You look like an honest man.”
(They do business. Ralph & Ed leave.)
Man (to himself in Spanish): “What he doesn’t know is that those fireworks are illegal.”
(On the night of July 4th, Ralph & Ed have the fireworks ready on the dock.)
Ralph: “Come on Ed. Let’s fire the fireworks.”
(They do and they completely misfire and they hit a Mexican police station and the ship. The captain sees this.)
Captain: “What’s the meaning of this?”
Ralph: “Huminahumina. Huminahumina.”
(Later on, a cop comes on board and sees the fireworks. Alice & Trixie see the fact that the husbands are in trouble.)
Cop: “These fireworks are illegal. Any American should’ve seen the difference.”
Alice: “How could you do such a thing, boys?”
Ed: “I see that another one of your plans went up in flames.”
(Ralph goes to fight Ed. Everyone separates them.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: "Let's introduce every one of the cast. First: Jean Kean."
(Audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and shakes Jack’s hand.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Audience cheers as Aud comes on stage and shakes Jack’s hand.)
Jackie: "Art Carney."
(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jack’s hand.)
Jackie: “GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)