Frank Gannucci
03-14-2022, 06:45 AM
A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day:
(The Kramdens and Norton’s are in Fort Lauderdale and are temporarily in Jackie Gleason’s house because the owner is renting it.)
Alice: “Ralph, you and Norton are nuts thinking that Jackie Gleason vault is underneath all that grassland.”
Ralph: “You don’t get it do you Alice? This is big, big, big. This is the biggest thing I ever got into.”
Alice: “That would be your pants.”
Ralph: “Ooooooh, you are going to get yours Alice. Well, I give up. You must not want be to be famous.”
Alice: “Listen, I am getting sick and tired of this.”
Ralph: “I don’t care. This is St. Patty’s week and I got the luck of the Irish in me.”
(Alice goes to say something.)
Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.”
(The early morning hours of St. Patty’s Day, Ralph & Ed are at the spot where they think the vault is. They got breaker hammers to dig. Ed is dressed like St. Patrick. Crowd laughs and applauds.)
Ed: “I thought I would dress for the occasion Ralph-ie boy.”
Ralph: “I don’t care how much noise this makes. Everyone loves Jackie Gleason.”
Ed: “I know how to work these. Good thing we got this for one cent whereas we would have to really pay for shovels.”
Ralph: “Ok.” (Yells): “AND AWAY WE GO.”
(They start digging. Ed accidentally gets dirt on Ralph. Ralph loses his temper and throws dirt at Ed.)
Ed: “Ok. YOU ASKED FOR IT RALPH.”
(Ed throws a ball of dirt and accidentally smashes a window.)
Ralph (yells): “LETS STOP.”
(They do.)
Ralph: “Hopefully the neighbor won’t notice. We will go to Target and install a new window before they wake up.”
Ed: “Inside that head is a thinking machine.”
(They continue to dig. A man comes by.)
Man (yells): “WHAT ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS THINK YOUR DOING?”
(They stop.)
Ralph: “We are digging up Jackie Gleason’s vault. This is the only time we can do it since we are busy during the day.”
Man: “I’m calling the cops.”
(He leaves.)
Ed: “Let’s pay no attention to him since he probably won’t.”
(They continue to dig. Cops cone. Ralph & Ed continue to dig.)
Cop: “You two are digging up Jackie’s vault? Hahaha. His vault isn’t here. A water Maine is.”
Ralph: “You’re bluffing. Let’s continue to dig.”
(They do and burst a water Maine. Everyone gets wet. Ralph & Ed get arrested. The wives go to bail them out.)
Alice: “Looks like your St. Patty’s Day plan to get lucky Ralph got all wet.”
(Ed laughs.)
Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP YOU TWO. ONE OF THESE DAYS, POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER.”
(A still wet Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “I just want to wish everyone a Happy St. Patty’s Day and the Miami Beach crowds are the best. GOOD NIGHT.”
(Crowd cheers.)
(The Kramdens and Norton’s are in Fort Lauderdale and are temporarily in Jackie Gleason’s house because the owner is renting it.)
Alice: “Ralph, you and Norton are nuts thinking that Jackie Gleason vault is underneath all that grassland.”
Ralph: “You don’t get it do you Alice? This is big, big, big. This is the biggest thing I ever got into.”
Alice: “That would be your pants.”
Ralph: “Ooooooh, you are going to get yours Alice. Well, I give up. You must not want be to be famous.”
Alice: “Listen, I am getting sick and tired of this.”
Ralph: “I don’t care. This is St. Patty’s week and I got the luck of the Irish in me.”
(Alice goes to say something.)
Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.”
(The early morning hours of St. Patty’s Day, Ralph & Ed are at the spot where they think the vault is. They got breaker hammers to dig. Ed is dressed like St. Patrick. Crowd laughs and applauds.)
Ed: “I thought I would dress for the occasion Ralph-ie boy.”
Ralph: “I don’t care how much noise this makes. Everyone loves Jackie Gleason.”
Ed: “I know how to work these. Good thing we got this for one cent whereas we would have to really pay for shovels.”
Ralph: “Ok.” (Yells): “AND AWAY WE GO.”
(They start digging. Ed accidentally gets dirt on Ralph. Ralph loses his temper and throws dirt at Ed.)
Ed: “Ok. YOU ASKED FOR IT RALPH.”
(Ed throws a ball of dirt and accidentally smashes a window.)
Ralph (yells): “LETS STOP.”
(They do.)
Ralph: “Hopefully the neighbor won’t notice. We will go to Target and install a new window before they wake up.”
Ed: “Inside that head is a thinking machine.”
(They continue to dig. A man comes by.)
Man (yells): “WHAT ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS THINK YOUR DOING?”
(They stop.)
Ralph: “We are digging up Jackie Gleason’s vault. This is the only time we can do it since we are busy during the day.”
Man: “I’m calling the cops.”
(He leaves.)
Ed: “Let’s pay no attention to him since he probably won’t.”
(They continue to dig. Cops cone. Ralph & Ed continue to dig.)
Cop: “You two are digging up Jackie’s vault? Hahaha. His vault isn’t here. A water Maine is.”
Ralph: “You’re bluffing. Let’s continue to dig.”
(They do and burst a water Maine. Everyone gets wet. Ralph & Ed get arrested. The wives go to bail them out.)
Alice: “Looks like your St. Patty’s Day plan to get lucky Ralph got all wet.”
(Ed laughs.)
Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP YOU TWO. ONE OF THESE DAYS, POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER.”
(A still wet Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “I just want to wish everyone a Happy St. Patty’s Day and the Miami Beach crowds are the best. GOOD NIGHT.”
(Crowd cheers.)