(First line of the series.)
Murray: (on phone)"Operator, why did you cut me off? My party had me on hold."

From Break A Leg, Stephanie

Billie: Barbra Streisand was a nice sweet Jewish girl
Arch: Barbra Streisand was never Jewish
Billie: How do you know that?
Arch: If she was Jewish she would have had a nose job

Archie Bunker: [about Barney's paycheck] God, we can't take no four dollars out of a pathetic check like that. That's your weekly pay? That's terrible. Geez, your boss must be an awful theif there. That's the same as I give my illegals out in the kitchen.

Stephanie: Can you just hand me the lip gloss from the medicine cabinet
Archie: Aint you never learned to ask for things politely
Stephanie: Can you please hand me the lip gloss from the medicine cabinet
Archie: No, lip gloss is for tramps

Arch: You can't leave the house wearing them things
Billie: What, I'm wearing jeans
Arch: I know what they are. I've seen them on TV there, with the kid bending over double backwards in her Melvin Kleins.

Arch: What is a Billie Bunker?

Stephanie: Why are relationships so complicated?
Arch: Because people are in them and people are screw balls

Drunk Unattractive Woman: Hey, you know me!
Archie: Of course, I know you. You're B.O. Derek.

Arch: That's okay there Rafeather
Heather: It's Heather
Arch: Whatever

Archie: "What a show off."

Gary: "Bunker, how do you expect to deduct your National Enquirer subscription as a medical expense?"
Archie: "Why the hell not?"

Estelle Harris: What can he do for her now? He's a totally uneducated man!
Judge Sean McGuire: Mrs. Harris, my father was an ignorant laborer and he drank too much and I became a judge. I raised two daughters. One is an attorney and the other dropped out of high school and is handing out flowers at the airport. We all do the best we can. And I'm sure Mr. Bunker will do OK!

It's gonna take her
a half an hour to get here,
even if she hops in a cab.

That woman travels by broom.

Sammy Davis, Jr.: You're Archie Bunker's niece and you're Jewish?
Stephanie Mills: It's a long story.
Sammy Davis, Jr.: I got no place to go. You tell it to me.