Bud: I wanna be a Rhodes Scholar! To he## with cars.

Betty: I really have no desire to compete with anyone.

Margaret: I’m tired of being a housewife. I wanna be a burlesque dancer!

Margaret: Jim, you cook dinner. I want to take a nap.

Jim: Selling insurance bites it. I wanna be a jockey!

Bud: Hey, I really like wearing Betty's graduation dress after all!

Bud: The heck with that science test! The last thing I want is an outboard motor.

(Good one!)

Jim: Bud, if you don't quit that putt-putt noise, I'm gonna drop kick you to the next county.

Thanks!

Kathy: I hate getting pinto mischief, honest!

Jim: Kathy, did you break that window?

Kathy: Yes, daddy, I did it.

Margaret: I refuse to do any more housework! Get me a maid.

Kathy: Bud, you're the best brother in the world!

Kathy: Don’t pay any attention to me; I love fading into the background.

Betty: Maybe Bud will let me mow the lawn today.

Bud, to Betty: I never call you names!

Margaret to Jim: Oh, shut up, Big Shot, you don't know everything!

Jim, to Margaret: Gad, what is this? Your cooking is awful!

Margaret: Who do you think I am, June Cleaver?

Jim: Instead of Kitten, I'm renaming you Pain in the Neck!

Margaret: Betty, I'll never understand why your father calls you Princess! (rolls her eyes)

Kathy, to Bud: Cool it, calling me Squeegee. I don't even get it!

Margaret: They should give me my own show and call it Mother Knows Best.

Margaret, to Jim: Now let me get this straight. You want to know why I don't look like June Cleaver when I'm cleaning? Well, dear, just go buy me a string of pearls and a new bandanna!

Bud: Hey, Dad, were you ever in the Seabees?

Bud: Dad, you're sending me where because I walk into stuff? An ear - nose - throat doctor?

Jim: You're a clumsy oaf. Maybe you have an ear infection.

Betty: Kathy, come back here with my Avtomat Kalashnikov-47 before I push you down the stairs.

Betty: Father, you're upset because Jerry tried to KISS me? Get with it, it's 1959!

Bud: Oh Kathy I care so much about you and your health because you are my favorite sister.

Jim: Margaret, I think you need to get a job. Obviously, you didn't get a college degree just to run the vacuum.

Margaret: Jim, should we start selling meth to make ends meet?

Margaret: Jim, for a loving husband, you sure don't text me very much.

Jim: Well Margaret, you don't email me very much.

Margaret: So, Jim, you're now Facebook friends with Myrtle? What's up with that, if you'll pardon the imagery?

Jim: How did you know?

Margaret: All wives snoop on their husband's iPhone, doncha know?

Kathy: Bud put my TV dinner in the microwave, please.

Jim: Margaret, relax--I'll do the dishes tonight.

Bud, what time is your Grindr date?

Bud, to Betty: I'm lost, sister dear. Check the GPS and see how we get back to Springfield.

Betty: Twitter is getting a new master.

Jim: Everybody fasten seat belts.

Jim: Margaret, have the kids signed up for computer camp yet?

Bud: What's for supper?

Margaret: Just nuke yourself some Lean Cuisine. Take your pick in the freezer.

Bud: That doesn't move me.

Margaret: Then get in your heap and move yourself over to McDonald's.

Kitten: Are we going to go to the waterpark today?

Bud: When are we getting high definition TV?

Betty: That little snit in math class unfriended me on Facebook! The cow!

Bud: Kippy, get out your phone quick! I want a picture of your cousin.

Jim: Are we having KFC again?

Bud: Mom, I think this lead paint is dangerous for us kids.

Princess: Dad, would you pick up the new Anne Rice book, please?

Jim: Margaret, I'm getting sick of working on that stupid water heater. Just call the plumber.

Margaret: Kitten, its time for football practice.

Jim: Margaret, I think there's more to marriage than getting together three times. And Kathy's really growing up now, so it's been awhile.

Margaret: Maybe we should get a double bed, dea-h.

Bud: Dad, are you going to wear that same sweater again?

Margaret: Jim, the new beatnik culture fascinates me. What would you think about my letting my hair grow long and you sporting a goatee?

Bud: Hey Princess, pass the bong.

Margaret: Jim, the new beatnik culture fascinates me. What would you think about my letting my hair grow long and you sporting a goatee?

Jim: Get me some beads and a flower wreath and I'm in! It's 1960 baby!!

Jim: Lets live wild and have intsta cart deliver our burgers tonight!

Margaret: I don't like dunce caps but in Kathy's case I'll make an exception.

Bud: I'm contemplating premarital sex with my French teacher. I never knew college could be so stimulating!

Kathy: I want some puberty blockers.

Bud: You know Kathy, you might turn into a good-looking girl once your knockers develop!

^LOL.

Burgess: Kathy, I'm not sure why, but I dig that bathing suit on you.

Bud: Kathy, go to the gym and lift weights to make your butt rounder, firmer, higher, heck we can rebuild it, we have the technology. Oops, wrong show.

Betty (giving Kathy advice): You're crying because George is popular but he pays no attention to you? Never mind the picnic, just give him what he wants.

Jim: Bud, are you going to major in computer gaming?

Jim (yells): Bud, tell Alexa to raise the garage door!

Margaret: Bud, please google how to fix the plumbing.

Margaret: Jim, take a look at this selfie I took down at Orleans Street.

Princess: Mom, could you pay pal me some money?

Margaret: Betty, I'm hip to your sexting with Ralph.

Jim: Bud, make sure you lie on your application. It's the best way to get a job.

Betty: Mom, I'm tired of ponytails. I'm thinking about shaving my head and having it tattooed.

Jim: Bud, what do you care about learning about outer space? What does anyone care? We're here on Earth and here all of us will stay.

Jim: Kathy put a bag of popcorn into the microwave, please.

Margaret: I'm getting sick of these Beatles--they're a bunch of beatniks.

Kathy: I am going to be a mechanic!

Kathy: Or a flower child.

Bud: Mom, will you teach me how to sew a dress?

Bud: Mom, will you teach me how to bake a cake?

Jim: Margaret, will you teach me to drive?

Kitten: The IQ test at school says I'm really smart.

Margaret: I think I am going to get a job.

Princess: That civil engineering thing--I'm gonna go for it instead of letting that chauvinist Doyle Hobbs send me crying.

Margaret: You go girl!

Doyle Hobbs: I want a wife that is good at math and can hold down a job that pays as much as mine.

Once again it shows Stevea as having posted, but I cannot see it.

Betty, to Bud, in Bud's car: Check the GPS and see where we are.

Kathy: Can we go to Bask in Robbins?

Kathy: When you add everything up, I can see why people think my elevator doesn't go to th top floor.

Princess: Hurry up guys. CSI is almost on.

Margaret: Jim, why are you trying to teach me how to drive? I've been driving for 4 years now.

Jim: You are a woman and women drivers never get finished learning how to drive.

Jim: And, Margaret, even though we have a modern automatic transmission, YOU don't know how to drive what is called a stick shift. I need to get a panel truck and show you how to drive it, over on Hill Drive.

Jim: Women will be president before I am dead.

Bud, to Kathy: You need to get a Tracfone. You're too dumb to figure out an I-Phone.

Bud: Dad, come check out my fuel injectors.

Bud (in 1956): Dad, come check out my FM radio.

Betty: GIve me another helping. I want to be the size of a shetland pony.

Kathy: These super-tight ponytails are giving me headaches...!

Kathy: Mommy, help! I'm developing.

Margaret: Developing what? A headache?

Kathy: It would seem so. Never mind...

Jim: Margaret, when is the next family reunion? I can't wait to go.

Jim: Spend all the money you want on your cousin's wedding.

Betty: I am getting a tarantula for a pet!

Margaret: Jim, I was putting Bud's socks away and found this bag of finely ground, green plant substance...

Jim: Margaret, that is ground Bay Leaves Bud has in that bag. Don't you know you shouldn't be snooping? That is our neighbor June's job.

Margaret: Jim, as long as you're on the Mac, go on Amazon and get me a new dishpan.

Kathy: Mom can I ditch school today?

Jim: I want you to glam yourself up tonight Margaret, while I check the lock on our bedroom door...

Bud: I've been to five stores and i can't find this radio tube I need.

Betty: Check Amazon, they have everything.

Princess: Later guys. I am off to see the Rocky Horror Picture show.

Betty, on her 17th birthday: Thanks for the transistor radio, father!

Betty: I am going to be a pig farmer.

Betty: I am going to live with my buddy, my country cousin from Gurnee.

Betty: I love coming in last.

Betty: You want me to babysit with that little brat again? Screw that! I'm going to my fencing tournament.

Kathy: I don't want a pony.

Kathy: Burgess is a two-bit little punk.

Bud: Hurry up guys, it's time for Downton Abbey.

Kathy: Daddy, did you say Greer Garson is coming to town? Who's she?

Jim: Norm's Service station is 7 miles away. I can't wait to walk the whole way.

Bud: Dad, did you know that in the future, computer-based insurance policies will put agencies like yours out-of-business?

Margaret: You kids need to drink more protein shakes.

Kathy: My goal is to get into the National honor Society.

Princess: Why study? I want to be a bum and come in last.

Betty: Whatever gave anyone the idea I'm competitive?

Bud: I can't wait to go to school tomorrow.

Bud's Teacher: You are about to experience l'amour, mon cher Bud... prepare yourself for a night of Parisian passion!

Margaret: I am so glad my daughter plays football.

Margaret: So glad you were able to pin Errol in wrestling, Kathy--now let me show you what to do with him.

Bud: So mom, dad, when you having another kid?

Betty: Go suck an egg, Father--I'm getting sick of your advice.

Betty: Bud, fling me another one of them thar hushpuppies.

Jim: Margaret, we have a lovely new secretary down at the office. Would you by any chance be open to my arranging a threesome some evening...?

Jim: I gotta say, Margaret, that writer played by Constance Ford really turns me on. Maybe I'll have Eugene change actresses for the final season.

Margaret: I wish I had spent some quality time with Cornel Wilde. He is way better looking than Jim.

Jim: Touché.

Jim: Touché.

:D

Kathy: Bud, I want to mow all the lawns for you

Betty: I'm not going to run for campus queen. I'm just not into competing.

Margaret: I think I will go file for divorce.

All three kids: Mom/Mother, are you serious? We can't wait to go to your family reunion!!

Margaret: Bud, stop mowing the lawn

Betty: Father...Mother, thanks so much for paving the way for me to go to State! I can't wait to start.

Father and Mother: Betty, you cannot go to State no matter how much you ask us.

Betty: Father--Mother--I've decided to go on and be a civil engineer.

Kathy: Betty, Bud said you should join a con... conv-uh... Convent ! What is that??

Bud: Dad, what do you mean I do stupid things? Name one!

Kathy: I hate being the baby of the family.

Bud: Betty, any favor you need, you just ask. And, sure, I'll go down and do that woodworking for you right now!

Margaret: I want more dishes to wash.

Bud: Thanks for offering to up my allowance, Dad, but I don't need more money.

Kathy: Bud, I heard Daddy say that you'll never make anything of yourself... because your mind is always having pru... pruri... prurient thoughts...!

Betty: I want to enter a hotdog eating contest.

Bud: Dad, Kathy is doing a great job managing ny lawn mowing corporation.

Kathy: I hate ponies

Bud, at the cabin, Christmas Eve and Kathy is lying in bed: Look, kid, there is no Santa Claus. Now wise up!

Kathy: Mommy, I heard Bud's girlfriend say that he's "well-hung." What does that mean??
Margaret: Kathy!!!
Jim: Well Margaret, you know what they say. "The fruit doesn't fall very far from the tree!" Ha ha ha

Margaret: I wish I did not have kids.

Betty: I can't wait to see my cousin from Gurnee--I just love country kids!

Margaret: Betty, what happened to that college student who brought you home last week? He was certainly handsome...!

Betty: I'm not interested in college boys who have no money. I'm after a man who will shower me with diamonds and pearls!

Bud: I am going to sell my car so I can walk everywhere.

Bud, to Hard Luck Leo: Do you think you could get me a job digging those ditches?

Bud: Dad, when you were my age, did you wear a top hat and spats, and get around town in a horse-drawn buggy?

Margaret: I just love spaghetti.

Jim: If Fatty is after you Bud, RUN!

Bud: Let me tell you something Kathy, you're gonna be a hot little chick once your knockers develop...!

Bud (a year later): Kathy, have you ever heard of an over the shoulder boulder holder?

Bud: I think I will be a priest.

Betty: What do you mean, I was ditzy when I was 17? I never even heard of the word.

Jim: Who wants to live in the country, not me!

Betty: When I saw how short my bangs had been cut, I let out a scream that people heard a mile away!

279153

Betty: Bud, how many times have I told you, you can find anything you want on Amazon?

Betty: I want to wear overalls to school

Jim: Margaret, I have a confession to make -- I've been using the office as a front for bookies, and I just blew our entire savings at the racetrack!

Betty: I am so glad father would not let me go to New York.

Betty: Campus queen? I have no interest in that. I'm generally not the competitive type anyway.

Kathy: Bud, why did you call Betty a cockteaser? She's never teased a rooster...!

Betty: Oh let that building be sold. We do not need a campus hangout anyway.

Betty: Who cares about the old guy's hedge? Since there's so many accidents, I'll just go another way.

Bud: Cousin Milly, it's obvious Betty doesn't want to share her room with you. So what say we get busy under my bed sheets tonight...?

Margaret: Not only do I want a divorce, but I do not want the kids to visit me.

Betty (to Jim and Margaret): If you both don't quit making fun of my engineering job, I'm moving out!

Kitten: I hate being the baby of the family.

Kathy, to Betty: So what if I broke your ol' pen? I really don't care.

Bud: If Betty doesn't want her graduation dress, I'll take it.

Margaret: Jim, no offense, but I'm sick of hearing your insurance stories.

Margaret: Do you handcuff me to the headboard tonight Jim, or do I cuff you?

Betty: nobody help me while the boat floats away.

Jim: Betty, would you just shut up about this Hanno guy? We're knocking down his building and that's it!

Betty: Mom, dad, I am engaged to Muely

Betty: I'm practicing a new song: "I'm just wild about Muely"

Bud: You know I was the one who damaged Mr. Grossman's Yard.

Margaret: Thanks for covering for me Bud, but I really did the deed in Mr. Grossman's yard.

Jim: Wait a minute you two, I did the deed in Grossman's yard with the gal from around the corner.

Kathy: Daddy, how about a drag on your cigarette?

Jim: Here Kitten, have a smoke of my cig.

Margaret: Jim, you beast! How dare you offer Angel a smoke? What about me first?

Betty: Bud, what did you learn to do today in Home Ec?

Kathy: Daddy, am I a dork?

Margaret: I think I want to be a cop.

Kathy: Mommy, I was thinking--should I have know better than to buy Burgess a model boat with Bud's lawn mowing profits? It kinda sounds like something a 7 year old would do, not a 12 year old.

Margaret: Angel, you're dumber than a box of rocks.

Kathy: No Doyle, don't marry Anne, marry me instead.

Jim: Margaret, I'm getting sick of paying for wall repairs when Bud runs into them.

Officer: Bud can you walk a straight line?

Bud: Why sure I can.

Jim, to Margaret: Bud told me Leo is digging ditches. That'd be a good job for Bud, too. No brains needed, nothing to walk into.

Bud: Hey Betty, can you use your engineering skills to help me dig ditches?

Bud: Dad, how did you and mom, who have average intelligence, have such a stupid kid as Kathy?

Jim: You're no prize, either.

Margaret: Bud we have above-average intelligence. I have no idea why you are almost as dumb as Kathy and bounce into walls. I a sure in the 60s and 70s they will come up with a reason for you being the way you are.

Jim: Yeah. We should have stayed in our single beds after Betty came along. You know, like we do now.

Margaret: Now Jim you know you cannot stay on your side of the room

Jim: Yeah, and I better watch that. All we need is another dork to come along.

Margaret: Well if another brain-dead moron comes along we can take it to that orphanage I spend so much time at. It will never know the difference.

Margaret: Jim, I'm not having another brain-dead boob come along. I'm gonna draw a line and if you cross it, I'm getting out my chastity belt.

Jim: Chasity belt? Look you goof, I have the key to that

Margaret: Yes I know de-ah, that's how we ended up with the two dummies--but now I had the lock changed. The locksmith looked at me funny, though.

Jim: You are a queer one, Margo, I had the lock changed to a combination and never told you. Gasp! Can you read my mind?

Margaret: You never told me, but I keep an eye on things, unlike you, de-ah. The kids may think you're perfect, but I know bettah!

Jim: Just get my damn dinner and don't have any more of my spawn and that will be that.

Margaret: Go to McDonald's. I don't feel like cooking, or anything. And take Betty and the dummies with you.

Jim: McDonald's? I just love their seafood.

Margaret: Well, good, de-ah. Go with that. Just be sure to take the boxes of rocks with you--Myrtle and I are going shopping at Orleans Street.

Jim: Why did I marry that bag, Margaret?

Margaret: I heard that. Right back atcha.

Bud: Oh boy, mom and dad are getting divorced.

Betty: You dipstick. People just don't do that in the 1950s!

Kathy: Oh boy, Bud and Betty. We are going to end up living at the orphanage if mom and dad divorce.

Bud: Why don't you stick with making the cat disappear and leave the thinking to me?

Betty: Leave you to do the thinking? You are the one that wore a dress to pay for your ticket. You are a numbskull, Bud, a real numbskull.

Bud: If you're wanting something, I'm not falling for all these compliments.

Kathy: Betty, you and Bud stop fighting. We are supposed to show brother and sister love, like that author.

Bud: That author is just some retread actor who plays a teacher and a drunk on Leave it to Beaver.

Kathy: Bud you always make me feel good about myself.

Bud: Squeegee, you say the dumbest things!

Jim: Margaret, I want you to go to work and support the family while I stay home.

Margaret: Well, at least I'll be using my college education for something besides cooking and washing dishes. So you can stay home and vegetate.

Jim: Margaret, you are the most demanding lazy person I know.

Margaret: Me, lazy? Look up lazy slob in Webster's -- there's a picture of you.

Jim: Websters? It should be a dating app. That is where I first saw your picture under the word, desperation.

Margaret: Nice to see you showing off your grammar school education, dear.

Jim: Well Margaret, it takes one to know one.

(Bud comes in) Bud: Hey, could you guys cut the putdowns? I can hear it all and a guy needs his sleep. (He leaves)

Margaret: Jim, what else has he been hearing?

Jim: Nothing as far as you and I are concerned. You are too stingy. He must be doing poorly in math again.

Margaret: You're right, for once. He gets his smarts from you, which means he dumber'n a a box of rocks.

Jim: If you were a better mother. Why I bet you dropped Bud on his head one day while I was at work.

Margaret: You're right, for twice. I thought it might help him, but it didn't--he still takes after you.

Jim: Lets just send him to a boarding school and forget about that one bad breeding we had. Betty is a fine girl and there is still hope for Kathy.

Margaret: True, true de-ah. Wanna try for another boy? This one might not be a lost cause!

Jim: No! For the love of god, heck no. No more of them.

Margaret: I see thru you. I think you're gettin' some on the side.

Jim: I must confess that I have been getting some from Bud's French teacher.

Margaret: You're not getting rid of me that easy. I've seen his French teacher--she wouldn't set foot near an old goat like you.

Jim: She does after a 5th of Jack Daniels