(Larry's, Darryl's and Darryl's wives are arguing.)
Both Darryls: "QUIET!!"
Dick: (to Larry): "Your - your brothers can speak! Why didn't they say anything up 'til now?"
Larry: "I guess they've never been this P.O.d before."

Dick: "I am getting out of here."
(He walks to front door.)
Dick: "I've got to get out of this madhouse!"
(Dick steps outside.)

Man: (offscreen) "FOOORE!"
Dick: "You're all crazy!"
(A stray golf ball hits Dick's left temple. He passes out and slowly falls to ground.)

Larry:
I'm Larry. This is my brother Darryl. This is my other brother Darryl.

Kirk: It's not fair.
Dick: Who ever said life was fair?
George: Uh, that might have been me.

Stephanie Vanderkellen: "I discovered I like bowling."
[Then she starts crying]

George Utley:
Dick, I cleared out that obstruction in the chimney.

Dick Loudon:
Thanks George. What was it?

George Utley:
I don't know but when I woke it up, it ran away.

From the episode "Vermont Today":

Dick: "How do you know he is the world's smallest horse?"

Jacko Braverman: "Look at him."

Dick: "What I meant was he's small, but usually when somebody says they have the world's smallest horse you expect some kind of proof."

Jacko Braverman: "Well I dare anyone to find one smaller."

And then the phone starts to ring.

Dick Loudon:
[as Henry Bumpter] Alright, I'll do it. [Stephanie as Jody Bumpter enters the room] Tonight I'm going to dye... [Stephanie as Jody Bumpter gasps in shock and leaves the room]... my hair

(First line of the series.)
Mr. Shaver: (laughs)"You'll want to fix that."

Dick: "I'll take that bet."

Leslie: "I want to find out what it's like to be average."

Stephanie Vanderkellen:
Wait, there's something wrong with these pictures, I can't put my finger on it...

Dick Loudon:
You're not in them?

Stephanie Vanderkellen:
That's it!

Kirk: "You know, this is going to be the best Christmas ever!

Leslie: "Me too. I'm going home."

Kirk: "What? What for?"

Leslie: "To be with my family!"

Kirk: "But this is Christmas!"

(Kirk and his new bride Cindy, have just reconciled after a fight)

Joanna(to Stephanie): "Isn't it great when two people kiss and make up?"

Stephanie(slaps her hand down on the counter): "Oh, you just reminded me. I'm out of makeup."

Joanna: "Your mother's fruitcake arrived today."

Dick: "Did you throw it out?"

Joanna: "Yes."

Dick: "Good."

Kirk: "Mmm-mmm! Leslie, this french toast is delicious. Reminds me of when I was in Paris."

Leslie: "When were you in Paris, Kirk?"

Kirk: "Once, during the toast season."

Kirk(singing): "I... made a Christmas wish today, gonna find a chick in Santa's sleigh!"
Kirk: "You know, I've really got the spirit of Christmas this year."

Joanna: "Up til now, so have we."

(George the handyman has been working on the furnace(or water heater), and Dick asks him what he did on it)

George: "Well, it's a bit too technical to explain."

Dick: "I do have some experience in home repair."

George: "No, I meant for me."

Kirk: "Wouldn't they just love to see me coming?! The person who has been hounding them about that intersection. Mr. Safety Fanatic?!"

Leslie(skeptical): "Kirk, you really haven't been hounding them, have you?"

Kirk: "No."

Leslie: "You don't have to lie to me to get me to like you!"

Kirk: "God, you're good for me!"

Michael Harris:
Oh, Cupcake, our photo session is this Friday at six.

Stephanie Vanderkellen:
Perfect! Early evening is one of my five best times of day.

Joanna Loudon:
Didn't you two get your pictures taken *last* month?

Stephanie Vanderkellen:
Joanna, you'd get your picture taken a lot, too, if you looked like this.

(Kirk wants to start a singles club at the Stratford Inn, much to Dick's chagrin)

Kirk: "Ok, we'll have our first meeting Friday night at 7 o'clock.

Stephanie: "Oh, Friday night? I can't come. I have a date."

Dick: "I thought you were having trouble getting dates?"

Stephanie: "Not in the evenings."

[last lines]

Dick Loudon:
You should really wear more sweaters.

(At a dinner party at the Stratford Inn with Leslie's long-time guy friend, Blake LeMasters, and a very jealous Kirk)

George: "Blake, you sound like you've traveled some."

Leslie: "You can't believe the things he's done. If there's a mountain, he climbs it. If there's an ocean, he swims it."

Kirk: "If there's an evening, he ruins it."

Dick talking to Stephanie:

(Kirk brings in a rooster he rescued in traffic)
Leslie: "That's wonderful. You actually risked your life to save it."
Kirk: "Well, I guess at a time like that you don't think about yourself. You see a poor helpless creature and something inside you says, "hey, I have to help."
(turns to George)
Kirk: "Got an axe?"

Leslie: "You're going to kill it?"
Kirk: "Well, I can't eat it like this."
Leslie: "Kirk, you're not really going to kill that rooster."
Kirk: "It's just a stupid bird."
Leslie: "It's a living thing. I don't believe in killing living things."
Kirk: "Not even a cockroach? A filthy, slimy, disgusting cockroach?"
Leslie: "Ok, maybe a cockroach."
Kirk: "You know what a cockroach looks like magnified a thousand times?"
(Points to rooster)

Larry:

(George had just told Dick and Joanna about seeing a UFO)

Joanna: "Suppose we were being visited, why would people from another planet pick Vermont?"
Dick(who just wants to go back to sleep): "Schools?!"

Joanna: "Well, it's just so incredible to think about. I mean, suppose there are two creatures just like us somewhere out there in the universe."
Dick: "Well, I hope the one like me is getting some sleep."


(Later that morning at the breakfast table. Dick and Joanna have just entered after being woken up by George earlier)
Kirk: "Oh my, is this a joke or are you two planning to look that way all day?"


Kirk: "Are you saying that George saw a spaceship? That's crazy!"

Dick: "Kirk, don't you tell anyone. This isn't the sort of thing we should be talking about in front of the G-U-E-S-T-S."
Kirk: "Great Dick, we can spell, but they can't/"

[in Larry's dream, he is a guest host on The Tonight Show]

Ed McMahon:
[voice-over] Welcome to The Tonight Show. And now here's your guest host... heeeerre's Larry!

[Larry enters from the behind the stage curtains to cheers and applause]

Larry:
Hi. I'm Larry. This is my sidekick Darryl.

[Darryl #1 is seen standing in front of a microphone where Ed McMahon usually stands]

Larry:
And this is my bandleader Darryl.

[Darryl #2 is seen standing by the Tonight Show band where Doc Severinsen usually stands]

(After some encouragement from other townsfolk, Dick has decided to run for the town council)

Joanna: "When are you going to announce your candidacy?"

Dick: "I guess I should let everyone around here know. Why don't you assemble the staff."

Joanna: "What staff?"

Dick: "George and Leslie."

Joanna: "George went into town."

Dick: "Well, assemble Leslie."

(Leslie has just given Dick $600 as a contribution towards his candidacy for town council)

Joanna: "You've managed to save $600 from your salary already?"

Leslie: "Oh gosh no! This money comes from my foundation."

Joanna: "You have a foundation?"

Leslie: "It's just something I've had since I was a little girl."

Joanna: "What does your foundation do?"

Leslie: "Oh, we send handicapped kids to summer camp, and we find homes for stray dogs, and we finance Cousteau expeditions."

Dick: "You finance Jacques Cousteau?"

Leslie: "Oh, not by myself. He does have other supporters."

Dick: "Like who?"

Leslie: "Well, like France."

Stephanie: Ooh, a gift. You remembered!

Michael: Well, natch. Any suitor worth his salt knows that Cupcake Day comes but once a year.

Joanna: I don’t believe I’ve heard of Cupcake Day.

Stephanie: Michael created it for me two years ago to help fill that long void between Valentine’s Day and Easter when I didn’t get any presents.

Joanna & Dick:

Joanna & Dick:

Is that from the "JazzTones" episode where he lets it known that his nickname was "Slats"?

(Kirk's grandmother is prodding Kirk to leave the expensive restaurant he reserved for his date with Leslie, and now with his visiting grandma)

Kirk(to Leslie): "I went to check on the food. What happened?"

Leslie: "I told your grandmother we were just friends."

Blanche Devane: "Friends! Did you hear that? Do you know what that means? We could have gone for tacos."

Kirk: "I can't believe this is happening, I was gone for two minutes!"

Blanche Devane: "If you can't catch anything, cut the bait. Now, let's go!"

Leslie: "Kirk, maybe it would be better if we left."

(They get up to leave)

Waiter: "Sir, your cherries flambe, is served."

Blanche Devane: "Just put it on ice. We're leaving!"

Waiter: "But, you can't. It's already on fire."

Blanche Devane: "Just wheel it around the room, somebody will want it. (To Kirk and Leslie)C'mon, let's get out of here before they charge us for the wine."

Is that from the "JazzTones" episode where he lets it known that his nickname was "Slats"?


It's from The Geezers in the Band episode from season 4, the nickname Slats is still the same. It had Sorrell Booke from The Dukes of Hazzard in it.

More from The Geezers in the Band episode.

Joanna:

Joanna & Stephanie:

Mailman: "Milkman! That's just a little joke."

Dick: "Real good one Mr. Tilford."

Mailman: "Yeah. Well, here's your milk."

(Gives Dick his mail and starts to walk to the door)

Dick(to no one in particular): "Oh, look at this."

(Mailman walks back to Dick)

Dick: "Well, it's just research material. I'm starting a new series on American travel books."

Mailman: "Oh, you mean like Amazing Arkansas."

Dick: "You, you know my work?"

Mailman: "Yeah. I picked up a copy of that down at Steadman's bookstore, just the other day."

Dick: "Really?"

Mailman: "Yeah."

Dick: "How did you like it?"

Mailman: "Well, Mr. Steadman had to sign for a certified letter and we needed something hard for him to right on, so we used your book. I liked it fine."

Dick:

“Carol Kester Bondurant: ...is being late a serious enough problem to see a psychologist about?

Dr. Robert 'Bob' Hartley: Well, Mr. Hastings is a lifeguard.”

Michael Harris: You know what they say, "All the world loves a mime."

Dick Loudon: No, it's, "All the world loves a clown." People try to run over mimes.

Arthur Vanderkellen: I can't help it, I like that boy.