Bill: (to Linda)"You know, there are plenty of cheap motels by the airport. Ahhh, look who I'm telling."

Bill: "Wait 'til you get to the part about Ulysses S. Grant."

Bill: "Son, son, son. If I dated way out of my league, you kids would be a lot less attractive."

Bill: "...life taught me early; if you're not one of the pretty boys, you'd better be one of the pretty smart boys."

Bill: "I'm not gettin' on her bad side."

Bill: "Welcome to Club Murphy, where the appetizers are kind of bland but the entrees are really hot."

Bill: "Wow! A Murphy with a built-in escape hatch."

Bill: "So, we all agree. Lying is the answer."

Judy: (to Bill) "The truth is you're an idiot."
Bill: "Oh, yeah. Thanks."

Bill: "Well, well, well. Welcome to the shallow end of the pool."

Fitz: "Wow! Brenda pulled a Miller."

(Judith "Judy" Miller) "Is it just me, or is Bonnie getting a little bossy?"

Lauren: "Dad, I need help with my homework."
Bill: "Yeah, I know, I've seen your grades."

Bill: Come on Judy, let's go brain storm.

My all time favorite exchange:

Linda: (Walks in wearing a horrible bridesmaid dress) Why does my life suck?
Bill: (Raises hand) Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!
Judy: What's wrong hun?
Linda: I had to go to this stupid wedding that wasn't mine. I had to wear this stupid dress. I mean, how can I look any more hideous?
Bill: (Raises hand again) Oh! Oh! Oh!
Linda: Bill?!
Bill: If you took it off!
Linda: I wasn't calling on you!

Judy Miller: "Again?"
Bill Miller: "Won't have to put the tape in, Tina. Just listen to Daddy's head, 'cause it's always playin' in here."
Tina Miller: "[putting an ear to his scalp] I don't hear anything."
Judy Miller: "Try his tummy. There's like a whole marching band going on in there."