Marcy: (to the Bundys) "Even to people like you, Election Day is very important."

Kelly: "She couldn't turn a boy on with a switch."

Bud: "Any chair she sits in is an easy chair!"

Kelly: "Thank you, Joanie and the Hep Cats."

Woman: Excuse me but am I invisible?

Al Bundy: Possibly from Pluto.

Kelly: "Sorry I don't have time for the full massage. Maybe next time."

Al: When a Bundy is embarrassed, the rest of us feel better about ourselves.

Al: "I hate Lucy."

Vinnie: "... but I digest."

Kelly: [on Seven] He's not even a real Bundy.

Al: "My kingdom for a drive-by."

Bud: Mom, that's just what you say about Dad!

Al: "Untalented and ungrateful flash in the pan..."

Shirley: I don't care what your little ruler says, I've been a seven since I graduated from high school.

Al: (sarcastic) "Another Hallmark moment."

Bud Bundy:
Where are you guys going?

Al Bundy:
We're gonna sleep outside in the hole, Bud.

[Peggy and Al open the front door to find pouring rain]

Peggy Bundy:
Oh, Al, it's raining.

Al: "Today is the first day of the end of your life."

Marcy: Steve, where did you learn to talk like that?

Al: "My whole life's been nuclear winter."

Peg: I'm not cooking tonight, you know.

Cletus: "And now, we've reached the weight limit."

Al: "Why doesn't the world just shrivel up and die?"

Kelly: "Kiss me with a hammer."

Al: What can I do better than anyone else?
Kelly: Stink up a shoe?
Bud: Sweat through the couch?
Peg: Miss the toilet in the dark?

Al: "Great Caesar's ghost!"

Al: (sarcastically) "Ahh, there's no place like home."

Marcy: [about their dog] Steve, is he really dead?
Steve: Yes, dear.
Marcy: How do you know?
Steve: Well, number one: he didn't respond to any of my commands... And number two: his brains are in the begonias.

Roy: What are you doing? Cross the plate, Bundy! Cross the plate!

Kelly: "To be forewarned is to have four arms."

Al: "What's the matter with sitcoms these days?"

Peg: Al, guess what? Marcy is pregnant.
Al: Well, congratulations Marcy, now you can finally be fitted for a bra.
Marcy: That's right, Al, but I don't need to explain to you what it's like to carry around small things.

Phillip: "Eat hot Gucci, pal."

Marcy: Oh, Al. You don't need to give me anything. But I would like to give something to you: five fingers of DEATH!

Ariel: "I'm good at games, except I always lose at strip poker."

Al: "This is a matter of life, or sex."

[Al and Steve see beautiful women in the lingerie store.]
Al: I knew women looked like that. I knew it. I knew it.

Kelly: "Down yours, Bud."

Kelly: I don't want to sit around the house all day and sleep. It's like being at school.

Bud: "So many women, so little time."

Al: "Damn mannequins look like hookers."

“Well, I guess it's true what they say: you are what you marry.”
— Al Bundy

Kelly: "I don't need a ticket. I'm young, available, and I look like this!"

“You're a dead man. Today is the first day of the end of your life.”
— Al Bundy

Al: "I may not know art, but I know what I like."

Al: "I'm not gay!"

Al: Hand me the remote please.