Two of a Kind:
Carrie: "What is she, some kind of witch?"
Neighbor: "You're just one letter off."

Great idea for a thread!

8 Simple Rules

Paul: Come on Cate, dance with me.
Cate: Oh, no, I'm not going to embarrass my daughter.
Paul: Fine, I'll dance by myself.

Another Two Of A Kind quote:

[Carrie had made home-made chunky cranberry sauce. Kevin gets home from work... ]

Kevin Burke: That's not cranberry sauce.

[holding his hands one on top of the other about six inches apart]

Kevin Burke: No, no, no... cranberry sauce is a red, gelatinous clump about yay-high shaped like a can.

Phil Sanders: That's the kind of failure I can only dream about.

Modern Family

Luke: "I've been thinking of moving out for some time now. There's a line of ants going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, and I don't want to still be here when they get sick of candy."

The Lucy Show:

Bob Crane: "Well, whaddya know?!"
Sgt. Schultz: "I know no-thing, I see no-thing!"
Bob: "Schultz, you're fighting in the wrong war!"

Indebted:

3rd Rock From The Sun

Dick Solomon: Mary is too old for you.
Tommy Solomon: I'm older than you.
Dick Solomon: Well, then, you're too old for her. Either way, it won't work.
Tommy Solomon: I make her laugh, Dick. She likes it.
Dick Solomon: You shut your foul mouth!

Two of a Kind:
Carrie: "Alright. Since this is the social event of the season, I'd say we stick with the three 'F's: food, facials, and... phone."

Family Matters

Laura: 'Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met!'

Jessie:

Jessie: "It's clothes from the 80s, isn't it?"
Christina: "Yeah."

Jessie: "Oddly, still the best piece of jewelry I've ever received."

Bertram: "I'm not getting on that death trap built for two."

Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray: Let's see, when I proposed you were 23. You said no.
Debra: Right.
Ray: Then I proposed; you were 24
Ray & Debra: No again.
Ray: Right, then I took a year off to regroup then I came back with a job; BOOM, married. That would make you 32----ish.

On numerous sitcoms involving teenagers "As long as you live under my roof, you live by my rules."

Chico and the Man

Ed Brown:
[a hypnotized Chico, in a fit of pre-suggested lust, has carried Flora into his van] Flora! Forgive him! He doesn't know what he's doing!

Flora:
OH, YES, HE DOES!

Modern Family/Jay: "I've always seen life like a series of doors. Sometimes you get to chose the door you go through, sometimes you don't get that choice. But you still gotta walk through. So you can either go through kicking and screaming, or walk through with your head held high."

“That’s what she said.” – Michael Scott, "The Office"

Better Off Ted

Phil: "Did you put hydrochloric acid in this mug?"
Lem: "Oh yeah, I was trying to get the stains out."
Phil: "You know soap would work. And it wouldn’t kill someone if they accidentally drank it."
Lem: "But soap leaves a film."

Duck Dynasty

(Uncle Si talking about a sword)

That thing will take the hair off a dolphin's chest.
And look here, have you ever looked at a dolphin's chest?
Hey, that boy's got fine chest hair.

Arnold Jackson (Diff'rent Strokes): "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a2/e3/84/a2e38481135e38362a659720babafc0a.jpg

The Detour
Jared:

Night Court

Bull: This is Rozalind Russell.
Dan: Hello! I'm Mr. Ed!
Harry: Rozalind Russell, that's a neat name.
Roz: My mother was a show business freak.
Harry: Ah.
Roz: I do consider myself more fortunate than my sister, Zsa Zsa.
Christine: Oh, the poor thing.
Roz: That's what my brother says.
Harry: Your brother...?
Roz: Slappy.
[a few minutes later, when Harry receives his mother's letter]
Bull: Harry's mother left him when he was a child. He hasn't seen her in thirty years.
Roz: My brother hasn't seen my mother in thirty years.
Bull: Your brother...?
Roz: Topo Gigio.

Everybody Loves Raymond

Frank: Opera! Just what the world needs - more fat women screaming.

The John Larroquette Show

[a gang member is offering John a service]

Iceman: For a certain price the Iceman can provide you with... protection

John: Really? How much to have you provide... ice?

Iceman: Now listen, man

John: No! You listen! I have a party in two hours and I need a thousand cubes and a couple of blocks. Can you help me or not?

Splitting Up Together:

Holliston

Adam: I can't date a girl if she's never seen Gremlins. She doesn't even know the three rules. It's dangerous.

Mom

Marjorie: Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time.

The Detour

Nate:

F Troop

Chief Wild Eagle: "We Hekawis very brave warriors, except for one thing...."
Sgt. O'Rourke: "What's that?"
Chief Wild Eagle: "We *faint* a lot."

Bewitched:

"A witch who's on the wagon is no match for an elf who's on the warpath." - Endora.

Surviving Jack:

According To Jim

Jim:
Cheryl, you made your bed, now lie in it.

Cheryl:
I make *all* the beds!

Animal Practice

Dr. Yamamoto:

Coach

Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : I've made out my will, and I'd like you to be my executioner.

Coach Hayden Fox : I think you mean "executor."

Coach Hayden Fox : We've got pie! Coach Hayden Fox : You think I didn't respect you Christine, but the truth is, I didn't even think of you.

Alice:

Jolene: "Isn't it enough the customers have to eat the food? Don't make them look at it ahead of time."

Earl: "What a rotten thing for a mother to do her son."

Maury: "You have the right to remain silent."
Mel: "Which should be very tough for you, Alice."

Mel: "I'm only half as dumb as Earl!"

Earl: "Back then, getting arrested was an extracurricular activity!"

Bag lady: (to Vera) "Sorry, kid, I work alone."

Tommy: "Anyone can make a mistake."

Alice:

[repeated line]
Mel Sharples : You stow it!
[recurring line Mel uses to tell Flo that her order is ready]
Mel Sharples : Flo, pick up!

Super Fun Night:

Schitt’s Creek:

Moira Rose

"If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it's that a mother puts her own mask on first."

Super Fun Night
Richard & Kimmie:

Hung

Ray:

New Girl

Schmidt:

“Beans are nothing but soggy nuts.”

C.P.O Sharkey:

Happy Family

Peter Brennan: I put my foot down!

Tim Brennan: But Dad...

Annie Brennan: Your father has put his foot down... there's nothing any of us can do about it now!

Good Morning World

David: Well, what Dad really needs is someone in between the Pasadena lady and the San Francisco lady.
Larry: [thinks for a second] I got it!
David: What's that?
Larry: Find him a lady from San Luis Obispo, it's exactly half way.

Corner Gas

Hank: Oh yeah, well, I got two words for ya. Boycott! I'm gonna put this place outta business.
Brent: Hank if you had the power to put companies outta business by just not being a customer, why am I still able to buy mouthwash?
Wanda: Yeah and deodorant?
Emma: Clean underwear.
Brent: Books.
Wanda: Pants that fit.
Emma: Nail clippers.
[Hank walks away.]
Brent: Dandruff shampoo.
Wanda: Uummm...dental floss.
Emma: Toilet paper.
Oscar: Pickup trucks.
Emma: [groans]
Brent: You don't know what we're doing, do you, Dad?
Oscar: Shut up.

Surviving Jack:

Trailer Park Boys

Julian: I want you outta that car in two days though, Ricky.
Ricky: No more than two weeks, I promise.

Mixed-ish:

Black-ish:

Dre: I was beginning to think I'd never see you again. I almost forgot what your face looked like.
Rainbow: It's been twelve minutes.

Raising Hope:

Hung:

Jessica's mom Lottie:

Hannah Montana:

Robbie Stewart:
[Miley is about to throw a muffin] Not the chocolate chip ones! Use the bran, no one eats those.

The Facts of Life

Blair:

Cybill

[Cybill is talking about how she gave up a major role in "The Godfather"]

Cybill Sheridan:
I could have had Diane Keaton's part, but I gave it up for a role in a major motion picture starring... ABBA. [grimaces]

Will & Grace

Karen:

Blossom

God : Nietzsche once asked, "If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?" And do you know where he is now? He's in the woods pondering his question.
Joey Russo : So does it?
God : All I know is that if a tree falls in the woods, it's gonna go "boom".

Night Court

Dan Fielding : I know every nook and cranny a body could fit into in this place

Wizards of Waverly Place:

Ghost Coach: "We're dead, not freaks."

Mantooth: "I'm here to save your haunted house."

Alex: "You know what's great about this?... Even though we failed, we failed together."

Jerry: "Let's go get some candy."

Welcome Back, Kotter

Vincent 'Vinnie' Barbarino: Love means never having to hear I'm pregnant.

Last Man On Earth

Carol:

B Positive

Gina & Drew:

Super Fun Night

Kimmie:

Modern Family

Haley: “In Legally Blonde, Elle won her case because she was true to herself and dressed cute.”
Phil: “Haley, this is real life, not an excellent movie.”

https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/75117974.jpg

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/69/c8/9a/69c89a7e9bae6bdfa31a0e38f13cb63d.jpg

The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air

Carlton: And I know you can hear me with ears that big.

Mr. Iglesias TV Show

Mr. Iglesias:

That '70s Show

“I said good day.” — Fez

Coach

Luther:

Home Improvement

Wilson:
I think you've reached the apex of your Christmas decorating career.

Tim:
I just hope I can convince those stupid judges of that.

Wilson:
Well there's only one judge this year.

Tim:
Only one?

Wilson:
And it's me.

Tim:
Did I say stupid? I meant stupendous.

Black-ish

Earl:

Call Me Kat

Kat: 1 root beer, please.

The Neighborhood:

“Gemma, I have horrible news. I just got off the phone with my mother… She’s coming for Thanksgiving.”
Dave: “What? I thought she was going to your Aunt Gail’s!”
Gemma: “Well, apparently they got into a fight over which is better: NCIS or NCIS: Los Angeles.”
Dave: "Mom is coming for Thanksgiving, all thanks to an all-too-common fight among CBS viewers."

Two and a Half Men

Alan: "We judge a person by what's inside and not by what they wear."

Jake: "Lucky for you, huh?"

The Neighborhood
Malcolm & Grover:

Cheers

Diane: Sam, may I have a brief word with you?

Sam: I suppose you could, but I doubt it.

Saved By The Bell

Zack: You know, I’ve finally found out the best thing about high school, once you graduate you don’t have to come back.

B Positive

Drew & Gina:

Taxi

Jim:

Married... with Children

Ida Mae: We're swingers. We're into swapping.

Zemus: But don't be put off. It doesn't have to be the traditional man-woman thing.

Archie Bunker's Place

Archie: "Tijuana, Taiwan, it's all Puerto Rico."

Archie: (to Phil)"I went to Bryant High, over in Long Island City."

Phil: "I represent the committee for the Class of 1940."

The Odd Couple (2015-2017)



Oscar: And you're welcome to play on my softball team any time, you're quite a bunter.
Felix: Since we're being honest, I did not know what bunting was, I was swinging as hard as I could.

The Odd Couple (2015-2017)

Felix:

Corner Gas

Emma & Davis:

Modern Family

Haley & Claire:

About A Boy

Will:

iCarly

Carly: "I'm Carly."
Sam: "I'm Sam."
Carly: "And this had been..."
Carly and Sam: (in unison)"iCarly."

(Last line of the series):
Freddie: (v.o.)"Aaand... we're clear."

Punky Brewster

Margeaux Kramer: Peasants!

Mr. Mayor

Mikaela:

Too Close For Comfort

Henry & Muriel:

Trailer Park Boys

Ricky: “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

One of my favorite bits from the Red Green Show. (Sorry for the long post.)
Red Green : Okay, so Old Man Sedgwick's son has moved back in with him, and you can tell by the broken furniture out on the front lawn and the duct tape they got dividing the rooms exactly in half that things are really not going all that well. Now, you tell me, what is the worst thing that could happen out of that scenario?

Harold Green : Well, they could be heating their cabin, like, with a high-sulfur coal, you know? Then meanwhile, on top of the wood stove, both men are rinsing their teeth in the same pewter jar, right? And that would create this symbiotic hydrolysis, right? And then there'd be a thermal inversion, right? And then all of a sudden, the sulfur and ions, they'd have to collide with the dental plaque, right? And that'd accelerate the electrons to the point where there'd be this massive nuclear reaction, right? But it wouldn't kill them. Oh, no, it wouldn't kill them, Uncle Red. But indeed, yes, it would render them absolutely sterile for the rest of their lives!

[Harold laughs psychotically, then composes himself]

Harold Green : I'm writing an episode of "The Outer Limits".

Red Green : Harold, you *are* an episode of "The Outer Limits".

Life With Derek

Casey: Not again. Can you please turn it down! Der-ek! (Derek opens the door after Casey knocks on it)
Derek: Who are you?
Casey': I'm the step-sister you've always wanted.
Derek: Really, 'cause you look like the ugly step-sister from Snow White.
Casey: That's Cinderella, you freak. Now could you turn down the music?
Derek: Oh, well why didn't you say so? (turns off the music) Now, I never had any noise complaints when Edwin had that room before he was forced upstairs to make room for you guys.
Casey: Room? What room? There is no room in our room!

Taxi

Louie:

Little Mosque on the Prairie

Baber: The enemy is in your kitchen.
Rayyan: And maybe while the enemy's in there he could do the dishes.

The Guest Book season 1

Christy:

Telenovela

James:

The Neighborhood

Santa:

https://i.imgflip.com/42y52e.jpg

The Goldbergs

Murray: Again, iit's not that kind of wrestling.
Barry: I know, it's not that type of wrestling. I get it. But those are the only moves I perfected on my bed jumping around.
Pops: It's true. I've seen him. He's quite a jumper, this one.

The Mothers-In-Law

Herb:

The John Larroquette Show

Tony Hemingway:
[points to a sign on John's wall that reads: "This is a Dark Ride"] I heard about this.

John:
Yeah. From the carnival. A pretty fair description of life too, I think.

Archie Bunker's Place:
Archie: "He does what we want him to do: he robs somebody else."

Archie: "He leaves the premisaries."

Archie: "Because big companies always overlook the oblivious."

Barney: "If I want humor, I'll read the cocktail napkins."

Mr. Van Ranseleer: "I like to have somethin' to do when I get home."

Salute Your Shorts

Zeke The Plumber: “Come on. Let's see what else you have inside... your... head.”

Call Your Mother

Jean Raines: I don't know who I'm supposed to be anymore.
Sharon: Maybe this is when we get to slow down and contemplate our quiet wisdom.
Jean Raines: [shouting] We're contemplating! Go around!

The Golden Girls

[flashback:]
Blanche: Well, are you ladies considering taking both rooms?
Dorothy: Oh, no. Just me. Mother lives at the Shady Pines Retirement Home.
Blanche: Oh, the Shady Pines. I know the Shady Pines: it's a lovely place.
Sophia: It's a prison. They lock us in our rooms and force us to look like we're having fun. Then they take pictures for their brochure.

United States of Al

Al:

Wings

Brian Hackett: [after a suggestion is made to make s'mores] No, I hate s'mores! ...
Roy Biggins: If you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready for the big night. ...
Roy Biggins: I'm going to teach that kid everything I know. ...
Joe Hackett: Lowell, where you going?

The Unicorn

Wade:

Hot In Cleveland

Elka: How's the food
Victoria: Well how would I know, I don't even know how the food is here

The Doris Day Show

Angie & Doris:

The Dick Van Dyke Show

Laura Petrie:
You wanna end up another Dwight Heatherton, go ahead!

Rob Petrie:
Who's that?

Laura Petrie:
Dwight Heatheron happens to be an excellent writer who is unknown because he gets no publicity.

Rob Petrie:
Then how do you know him?

Laura Petrie:
Oh Rob, he's *famous*.

Jessie:
Jessie: "Congratulations, guys. You broke Hollywood."

Bertram: (to Jessie)"We made a pretty good team."
Jessie: "The best."

Luke: "I'll never wash this face again."
Bertram: "Like you ever have."

(Last lines of the series.)
Jessie: "You're supposed to tell me to break a leg, not actually do it... A little help?"
Luke: "Always."

The Unicorn

Delia:

Shake It Up

Rocky: Good morning.
CeCe: Ladies and gentlemen.
Rocky: We´re here for your commuting entertainment.
CeCe: If you like us, please give us a dollar. If you don´t like us - [Scoffs] Who am I kidding? You are gonna love us. [Giving a hat to people] Hit it, Rocky! (Rocky turns on some music and starts dancing with CeCe. After Rocky and CeCe finish dancing)
CeCe: How'd we do, how'd we do?

The Upshaws

Lucretia:

Corner Gas

Brent Leroy:
[to Lacey] Wow, you can eat. I had no idea you could unhinge your jaw like that. I think I saw you on the Discovery Channel.

Davis Quinton:
Hey, champ! So how'd you like those perogies? Pretty tasty, huh?

Lacey Burrows:
Honestly, I was eating so fast, I couldn't taste a thing.

Davis Quinton:
[disappointed] Oh, I see. I'm glad to know I wasted my Friday night cooking those up, when I could have been... I could have been... anyways, I wasted my time.

Surviving Jack

Frankie & Jack:

Family Affair

Buffy:

The Andy Griffith Show

Sheriff Andy Taylor:
[Standing in the middle of the room in his shirt and boxers] No Sir! You hand 'em over - I can put on my OWN pants!

Malcolm Merriweather:
[Holding Pants] But sir, the Colonel always...!

Sheriff Andy Taylor:
Never mind the Colonel! Gimme my pants!

Grace and Frankie

Brianna:

Home Improvement

“Jill: Wilson, do you think humans are more important than machines?

Wilson: Without a doubt. Although, I am awfully fond of my waffle maker.

Jill: Well could you please tell that to the knucklehead I'm married to?

Wilson: Oh, he knows. He's had my waffles.”

The Conners

Darlene:

Last Man Standing

Helen Potts: It's not the American flag that I object to. It's when you fly your Bronco's flag. I prefer Oakland.

Mike Baxter: People in Oakland don't even prefer Oakland.

The Moodys

Grace & Ann:

The Jeffersons

George Jefferson: “If I paid you to think, you could cash your check at the penny arcade!”

Jane By Design

Jeremy: There is one person I want to hire from Donovan Decker.
India: Let me guess who that is.

Wellington Paranormal

Officer O'Leary:

Wellington Paranormal:

Officer Minogue:

An interesting bunch of Quotee I see here.....

The Andy Griffith Show

Opie: “A sandwich sure tastes better with milk.”

The Moodys

Sean:

The Kominsky Method

Norman : Humiliation doesn't bother you, does it?
Sandy Kominsky : I'm an actor.

Ghosts

Jay and Samantha:

All Rise

Boss: The case starts today.
Mark: I know, I'm trying.
Boss: I know you're trying, even though Judge Carmichael's mother is on the witness list?
Mark: Character witness. Not presenting evidence. It'll be fine.

The Office/Dwight: "It's not my fault you don't understand German; I've been telling you to to take it for years!"

AP Bio

Heather:

The Office (UK)

David: How old would you say I was if you didn't know me?
Employee: Forty?
David: No, how old do you think I look?
Employee: Thirty nine?
David: Most people think I look about thirty, so..
Employee: Definitely not.
David: Oh, you calling them liars?! What do you think?
Oliver: Well, between thirty and forty.
David: Yes. More honest.

B Positive

Eli: Look's like I'm walking into a scene from "Get Out".

The Real McCoys

Amos:

Modern Family

Gloria:

ALF

“There are many things in this universe you're not meant to understand. Now, that doesn't mean they're not real. I'm real, and whether other people believe you or not, you know I'm real.”

— ALF

Elvira TV Show - (Comedy/Horror)

Rudy:

The Odd Couple (2015)

Felix:

The Odd Couple (1970-1975)

Felix Unger: What do you dream about?

Oscar Madison: Living alone.

The Odd Couple (1970-1975)

Felix Unger: What do you dream about?

Oscar Madison: Living alone.


Glad to see you back posting.:wave:

Major Dad

Major Smiley:

Glad to see you back posting.:wave:

Thank you. :wave:

Episodes

Wendy:
I wasn't really listening. Do you want me to listen?

Sean Lincoln:
That might be helpful.

Punky Brewster

Punky: "Holy Macanoli"

Punky Brewster (2021)

Hannah: Mom's making us sleep in the car and she's forcing us to listen to oldies.

Punky Brewster: They're not oldies. They're from the eighties.

The Wonder Years (2021)

Dean:

F Troop

Parmenter: "Janie, please, I've told you: not in front of the men."

The Wonder Years (1988-1993)

Wayne Arnold: [Wayne's friend Wart has returned shell-shocked from Vietnam and is sitting on a bench in just boxers and dog tags] What's wrong, buddy?

Wart: Nothing seems to fit any more.

Wayne Arnold: [Wayne takes his shirt off and offers it to his friend] Here you go. Wear mine.

Evening Shade

Wood & Herman:

Mr. Belvedere

Kevin Owens:
What is that? You can't eat that. That's a cookie.

Mr. Lynn Aloysius Belvedere:
What? It's a graham cracker.

Heather Owens:
You're cheating on your diet.

Wesley T. Owens:
You're eating it with milk so that makes it a cookie.

Heather Owens:
He's right, you know.

Wesley T. Owens:
Neener, neener, neener.

3rd Rock from the Sun/Dick: "These are high school girls?"

Lizzie McGuire

https://i.postimg.cc/zXH1KR3W/Lizzie-Mc-Guire-Quotes-2.jpg

Major Dad


Major Smiley:

Chico and the Man

Webster

George has just signed for a special delivery from the postman]

Katherine Calder-Young Papadapolis: George, did we just buy a child?

Young Rock


Dwayne (age 10):

The Ugliest Girl In Town


Timothy:

The Wonder Years (2021)

Dean: “Hey, dad, can we go to the beach?”

Bill: “Sharks.”

Dean: “Hey, dad, can we rent a cabin in the woods?”

Bill: “Bears.”

Dean: “Hey, dad, can we get a dog?”

Bill: “Fleas.”

Kenan

Tami & Rick:

A Different World

Kim Reese:
[crying after Claire Huxstable asks about her career goals] Everybody expects me to be good I'm not good. What if I mess up on a patient? I can't even chop zuchini.

Major Dad

Gene & John:

The Cosby Show

Cliff:
[looks at something Vanessa's cooking] Smells good, looks almost done, what is it?

Vanessa Huxtable:
Coffee.

It's About Time


Clon & Boss:

Too Close For Comfort

Henry: "And a little luck never hurts."

Muriel: "Just goes to show you: Dreams can come true."

Monroe: "Well? Aren't you thrilled?"
Henry: "I was until I opened the door."

Monroe: "And they also have a great sex advice column."

Sarah: (to Henry)"I am posing for that magazine, whether you like it or not!"

Mr. Mayor

Tommy & Cesar:

Suddenly Susan

Susan:

WKRP In Cincinnati

Les Nessman: “When someone plays mind games with Les Nessman, they’re walking on thin ice.”

Frasier

Ann: Oh, my pits are barking already.
Frasier: Ann, listen, Dad and I were just talking. We thought maybe you should just stay at our place, until you get used to your crutches.
Ann: Really?
Frasier: Sure. That's what friends do.
Ann: Thanks. Well, I'll call my super and have him send over some clothes and my trumpet and we're good to go.
Frasier: You play the trumpet?
Ann: Oh, I just started. It's really hard.

F Troop

Agarn: "How do you get to Fort Courage? Well that's easy. You take a right at the rock that looks like a bear, then a left at the bear that looks like a rock."

Major Dad

Gene & John:

Everybody Hates Chris


Julius: Unplug that clock, boy. You can't tell time while you sleep. That's two cents an hour.

Cheers

Cliff Clavin:
I didn't tell you guys 'cause I didn't want you to think any less of me.

Norm Peterson:
I don't think that's possible, Cliff.

Abbott Elementary


Ava:

iCarly:

Freddie: "Dingo Channel's run by freaks."
Carly: "What do you mean?"
Freddie: "Well, you jnow the guy who started it, like 60 years ago?"
Sam: "Charles Dingo?"
Freddie: "Yeah. I heard that when he died of some rare disease, they froze his head, and they kept it in a special freezer to this day."
Carly: "Why would they want to keep Charles Dingo's head in a freezer?"
Sam: "So that in the future when they find a cure, they can unfreeze it and reattach it to a robot body."

The Jeffersons

George: "Rich people never even see money. All they know is, 'Charge it,' 'I'll sign for it,' and 'Sue me.'"

Major Dad

Gene & John:

My Two Dads

Nichole: Wasn't that Carrie?
Margaret: It's all I've got. I was really popular at school.

Suddenly Susan

Maddy & Susan:

Major Dad

John:

Drake & Josh

Josh Nichols:
[Josh is trying to study while Drake is playing a loud video game] Drake, the volume!

Drake Parker:
Oh, right. [Drake gets the remote and turns it louder]

Seinfeld

George: Who goes to the Super Bowl with their mailman?!

Jerry: Who goes *anywhere* with Newman?!

George: Well, he's merry.

Jerry: He is merry, I'll give him that. (notices a cactus on the table)
What's this plant for?

George: I had a little tiff with Bonnie about the roommate.

Jerry: Oh, well the cactus will smooth things over.

Will & Grace

“Well, you're all boring and I'm fun.”
— Karen Walker

Seinfeld

I just made a delicious casserole,
but it won't keep...

because I have no Tupperware.

- What about a plastic bag?
- You must be kidding.

What is the difference?

The patented burp, Jerry.
It locks in freshness.

(Kate And Allie)


Chip: Why do I have to vacuum?

Kate: Because you're the closet one to the floor.

Bunheads

Roman's going to have lunch with us. Deal.

- Sasha

Raising Hope


MawMaw:

Little Mosque On The Prairie

Ann: What would Yasir do...? He'd jump on that crazy scheme and ride it to the finish line!

Too Close For Comfort


Henry:

15/Love

Coach Artie Gunnerson: Welcome to Cascadia, here we play to win.

The John Larroquette Show


Carly:

Dave's World

Dave Barry:

Hey. You get to sit around in the house all day in your pajamas.

It's About Time


Shad & Gronk:

Another quote from The John Larroquette Show:

[Mahalia and Catherine are wearing matching red dresses]

John:
You two look like the Linda Ronstadt "Then and Now" album cover.

Seinfeld

George: "I'm not following."
Frank: "We're cuttin' you lose."
George: "You're cuttin' me loose?"
Frank: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make love to your mother."

Reba


Barbara Jean:

Ballers


Spencer:

Sanford and Son

Fred: "Grady, can I ask you a question?"
Grady: "Yeah, yeah. Go ahead."
Fred: "Are you crazy?!?"

The Dick Van Dyke Show Buddy: "Look at this: Will the real baldy please stand up?"

8 Simple Rules
Paul: (to Cate)"Why couldn't our daughter have been born hideously ugly?"
Cate: "Ugly people have sex too."
Paul: "Ewww."

8 Simple Rules
Kerry: "Oh, I hate them. White boys, thinkin' they're all ghetto: 'I'm a balla!' 'Holla!' 'Holla back, brotha.' 'Uh-huh.'"

Wizards of Waverly Place

Flutter: (to Jerry)"You're a man."

Friends

Charles Bing : Where are you from?
Bakersfield Guy : Bakersfield.
Charles Bing : I'm sorry.
Bakersfield Guy : Bakersfield!
Bakersfield Guy : No, no - I heard; I'm just sorry.