Balki Bartokomous: Well of course not, don't be ridiculous.

Balki: Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!

Balki-"Well I'll be snookered!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Balki Bartokomous: Well of course not, don't be ridiculous.

Larry: ...We have the element of surprise.
Balki: You're right there, cousin: even we don't know what we're doing.

Balki to Mary-Anne: "Without you, the big apple will be rotten to the core."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. I love when Balki says that to her during the Come Fly With Me episode.

Larry Appleton:
Was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?

Balki Bartokomous:
Are you asking did - did I see *steam* rising from his head or did I see *you* rising from his head?

Larry Appleton:
I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?

Balki Bartokomous:
Okay... Okay, are you asking was it *me* who saw steam rising from his head or was it *you* who saw steam rising from his head?

Larry Appleton:
I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?

Balki Bartokomous:
[pause] Yes. Now, I have one for you - Was it me... or was that Miss Lydia's beauty mark sliding down her cheek?

Larry Appleton:
It was you. It was definitely you sliding down her cheek.

^^^ That is from one of my most favorite episodes, when Balki babysits the little girl named Tess. She did eventually go over the line where her behavior was concerned, but even before she was ever guilty of doing anything wrong, Larry did nothing but treat her like complete and total crap! When she told him that she was sorry for what she did, he should've told her that he was sorry for his self absorbed attitude, but he didn't which is why I had no issue with her dumping that water on him at the end of the episode. Larry deserved it!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Mary-Anne Spencer: You know, having a ghost would explain so many things. Like how when you open the refrigerator, the light goes on.
[Larry has asked the gang to help bake 2,000 Bibbi-Bobka's to be sold to a restaurant]
Jennifer Lyons: Larry, it took us all morning to bake three dozen. Do you know how many dozen 2,000 are?
Mary-Anne: [instantly] One-hundred and sixty-six and two-thirds dozen. [off their looks] My father was a carpenter.

^^^ I appreciated Mary Anne letting it be known who she got her math ability from. Carpenter people may need it more than anyone.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Larry: Appletons have never used instructions. My dad completely rewired the house in Denver without instructions.
Balki: Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?
Larry: [sheepishly] They never proved it was the wiring.

Larry: "Faster! faster!"

Balki: "Perhaps you would like to get off and wait for the next Mypiot!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That is from the season four episode named Piano Moves. Balki looks so precious carrying Larry down the stairs on his back. :D :D :D

Balki: You know, I really admire you.
Larry: Why is that?.
Balki: Well, because first... you're willing to give up your bedroom to a woman I hardly know....
(Larry looks at Balki in surprise).
Balki: (cotd.) ... and then for me, your friend, you're willing to sleep on the hot side of the bed. .
(Larry begins to lie down, then thinks about it and sits back up again.).
Larry: What do you mean, the hot side of the bed?.
Balki: Well, about 6:00 in the morning... see that little hole in the drapes? The sun comes through that and bores a hole right through your head like a laser beam.

Balki: "Now, Dimitri, I know you don't like baths, but when you insist on going behind the refrigerator, you leave me no choice!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That is the first thing said during the season five episode named This Old House. :D :D :D

[Larry has rented Balki a tuxedo]

Balki Bartokomous:
Yours?

Larry Appleton:
Yes.

Balki Bartokomous:
Yours... looks... just like mine.

Larry Appleton:
Yes.

Balki Bartokomous:
But if we dress alike, how will people tell us apart?

Larry Appleton:
Dental records.

^^^ I remember that. I believe its when the guys went to a photographers gathering during the first DVD.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. I love when Balki has on himself whatever shows his Myposian roots. :) :) :)

[Larry is hanging from a hook on the wall]

Balki Bartokomous:
Cousin, do it for me, please?

Larry Appleton:
No, no...

Balki Bartokomous:
Oh, please. Please, Mr. Scarecrow, which way is it to the Emerald City?

Larry Appleton:
Some people go that way, and some people go that way...

Balki Bartokomous:
But, of course, people do go both ways.

^^^ That's from the episode where Balki joins the Motor Psychos gang after Mary-Anne moves to London.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. I love when Balki came riding in on the hog. :) :) :)

Balki: Where are the instructions?
Larry: I threw them out.
Balki: You threw them out?
Larry: Appletons have never used instructions. My dad completely rewired the house in Denver without instructions.
Balki: Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?
Larry: [sheepishly] They never proved it was the wiring.

I love the season three episode named The Graduate when Balki and Larry over sleep on the day that Balki takes his final test before graduating from high school.

After Balki falls off the sofa, Larry is like, "Balki, what time is it?"

We then hear Balki say from behind the sofa, "Its Howdy Dudey time!" :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

This is from the season five opener.

Balki-We're raising money for charity!
Mr. Gorpley-Charity begins at home. Practice there.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Season 7 the wedding "Now you're being ridiculous. Don't be." <---funny one

Season 7 the wedding "cousin, I know you don't have it planned, but if you can not tell jennifer how you feel about her now, what are you saving it for?"<--- heartfelt moment

There's one other scene where Balki says this to Cousin Larry and Jennifer with more heartfelt emotion but I'm not sure where. Any help would be much appreciated.

^^^ That moment during Larry and Jennifer's wedding might be it, at least that is where it hits me the hardest because Balki couldn't have been more right. If Larry couldn't tell Jennifer about his feelings on their wedding day, what would Larry be saving such a moment for?

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. Maybe what you are thinking of is the season six episode named The Break Up which is when Jennifer tells Larry that she will marry him. Balki tells Larry to be honest, upfront, and straight forward then too.

I thought of the breakup. I checked it but that's not it. I know it's in another episide somewhere. Maybe he says it to Elaine?

Larry-Why is my foot tied to the table?
Balki-So that you can't walk in your sleep and fall out of the window.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Mary-Anne Spencer: You know, having a ghost would explain so many things. Like how when you open the refrigerator, the light goes on.

Balki-Wow, when I signed up for home banking, I didn't realize that they would put a volt in here.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That is from the season six opener.

Mary-Anne: [instantly] One-hundred and sixty-six and two-thirds dozen. [off their looks] My father was a carpenter.

Balki-These boots are killing me. Is this what they mean by the agony of defeat?

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Balki: Oh, please! Please, Mr. Scarecrow, which way to the Emerald City?
Larry: 'Some people go that way, and some people go that way...'

I thought of the breakup. I checked it but that's not it. I know it's in another episide somewhere. Maybe he says it to Elaine?
Elaine's episode is where it is. I watched her episode last night.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Larry: Appletons have never used instructions. My dad completely rewired the house in Denver without instructions.

Man-Is this elevator going up?
Harriette-No. This week its going sideways!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Larry: Watch...and learn.

Larry-Okay, I'll lose the accent.

Balki-You call that an accent?

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season three episode named Night School Confidential.

Balki: Oh, please! Please, Mr. Scarecrow, which way to the Emerald City?
Larry: 'Some people go that way, and some people go that way...'

Larry-I would give my right arm for this car.

Balki-How will you switch gears?

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season three episode named My Lips Are Sealed.

Mary-Anne Spencer: You know, having a ghost would explain so many things. Like how when you open the refrigerator, the light goes on.

Larry-Balki! Put me down!

Balki-Okay, if you think that it will help! You're short, you dress funny, and you walk like a duck!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four Seven Card Studs episode.

Larry: ...We have the element of surprise.
Balki: You're right there, cousin: even we don't know what we're doing.

This is from the season five opener.

Jennifer-Go Larry! You can do it!
Mary-Anne-Go Balki!
Jennifer-Go Larry!
Mary-Anne-Go Balki!
Jennifer-Why can't you ever cheer for my boyfriend?
Mary-Anne-Oh right. Go Larry!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. To me, instead of saying, "Oh right. Go Larry!", Mary-Anne should've asked Jennifer in return, "Why can't you ever cheer for my boyfriend???"

Balki: Well cousin, I guess when they were handing out the lips you only got one! [pause] Why aren't you laughing?
Larry: [stony-faced] It's hard to laugh with one lip.

Larry-Balki, what do you think of cream?

Balki-The greatest center in the history of basketball.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named This Old House.

Jennifer Lyons: Larry, it took us all morning to bake three dozen. Do you know how many dozen 2,000 are?

Larry-This happens to be a state of the art stereo chair!

Balki-Wow! A Sony Sit Man!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Balki Bartokomous: ...well, now you've done it! You're going to have to answer to the

[shouts]

Balki Bartokomous: phone company!

Balki-Mary-Anne, if you want me to marry you, I will.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. How could that not be enough for her?

[after Larry tells them they need to bake 2,000 "Bibby Bobkas" to sell to a restaurant]

Jennifer Lyons Appleton: Larry, it took us all morning to bake three dozen. Do you know how many dozen 2,000 are?

[Larry stops to try to calculate it in his head]

Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous: [without stopping to calculate it] 166 and 2/3 dozen.

[everyone looks at her in confused amazement]

Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous: [as if it explained everything perfectly] My father was a carpenter.

Balki-I am pro sheep and anti wolf!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. I love when Balki says that in the season six episode named See How They Run. :) :) :)

Balki-"Now, you didn't eat all of your beans! Don't you want to be a member of the clean plate club?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That of course is from the season six episode named A Catered Affair.

Mr. Gorpley: And then there was the Christmas where my house burned down and I had to go to the hospital. No, that was a good Christmas. I got to sleep in a real bed!

^^^ What hit me most was when he talked about what his real dad did when they finally met each other for the first time.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Larry-How long were you on that roof?

Balki-Saint Balki...I like it.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. I love the way that Balki laughs before Larry asks him how much was actually over heard. :D :D :D

Larry-"There's going to be a full moon tonight."

Balki-"Cousin, you got lost under a full sun."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Larry-"I didn't lie. At most, I massaged the truth a little."

Balki-"Massaged? You gave it a full body scrub and a mud bath!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Larry Appleton: Take three steps east, please be meticulous.
Balki Bartokomous: Well of course we will, don't be ridiculous.

^^^ I love that one. :) :) :)

Jennifer-"Were you playing some kind of game?"

Balki-"Yeah...baseball...Appleton style."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That of course is from the first half of the Father Knows Best season five episode.

[Unknown to Sam, Balki has been hypnotised and thinks he is Elvis Presley]
Sam Gorphley: If you don't start acting like yourself by the time I count to three, you are out of a job! One...
Balki: For the money!
Sam: Two...
Balki: For the show!

^^^ I love watching Bronson do Elvis. :) :) :)

God bless you and him always!!!

Holly

Larry-"What's your point?"

Balki-"No matter what phase you put on this hotel, its still a dog."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This exchange is from the season five episode named Nightmare Vacation.

Mr. Gorpley-"Okay, Bartokomous, the party is over. Time to put your nose to the grindstone."

Balki-"I already tried that. Doing that doesn't make it shorter."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That exchange is from the season five episode named Here Comes The Judge.

Balki: Well cousin, I guess when they were handing out the lips you only got one! [pause] Why aren't you laughing?
Larry: [stony-faced] It's hard to laugh with one lip.

Mr. Lyons-"Balki, what is your handicap?"

Balki-"Mostly, the accent."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That one is from the season five episode named Hello Ball.

Balki: "America! Land of my dreams, home of the Whopper!"

^^^ His mother mentions the Whopper when she visits too. :) :) :)

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Larry: 'Some people go that way, and some people go that way...'
Balki/Larry: '...But, of course, people do go both ways!'

I do smile at this line whenever I watch the season six opener.

Alarm installer-"Rome may have been built in a day, but it took a month to secure it."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Balki-"On Mypos we always treat the young as if they are old so that they gain wisdom and we treat the old as if they are younger so that they gain vitality."

Larry-"Yeah well you also treat your pigs to dinner and a movie so that you gain acceptance from your livestock."

Balki-"Well that is only during the harvest season and I don't see what that has to do with Buzz!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That is from the season six episode named Grandpa.

Larry-"Do you know the first thing that I am going to do as King of Mypos?"

Balki-"Put a booster seat on the throne?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That of course is from the season seven episode named Weekend At Ferdinand's.

Larry-"Do you know what that woman does?"

Balki-"Of course I do, don't be ridiculous! She does Hamlet in a rubber suit."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This exchange takes place during the season two episode named Babes In Babylon.

Larry-"Do you hear that? That's the sound of love."

Balki-"Can you imagine what hate sounds like?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That of course is in the final scene of the season two episode named Since I Lost My Baby.

Balki-"So these are the halls of justice. Where are the halls of Montezuma?"

Larry-"They are in another building."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season two episode named Can I Get A Witness?

Larry-"What do I want to be?"

Balki-"Tall?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That is from the season two episode named Tux For Two.

Jennifer-"We need you guys to get a group rate. Why can't you go skiing with us?"

Balki-"Cousin Larry has a recess in his jeans."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This of course is at the beginning of the season two episode named Snow Way To Treat A Lady part one.

Mr. Gorpley-"What did the memo say?"

Balki-"To Mr. Marshall from Mr. Bearson regarding Gorpley’s mileage reimbursement . . . approved . . . but keep an eye on the little weasel, I think he’s stealing the Chronicle blind.’ Unquote."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This exchange is from the season three episode named My Lips Our Sealed.

Balki-"Stop! COUSIN!... You are a man repossessed!"
Larry-"And loving it! Balki! We've got to get these bibbibabkas baked!"
Balki-"Cousin! It's too fast! And besides, shouldn't I be leading?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This of course is from the season three episode named Just Deserts.

Larry-"If you buy a car from Honest Ockmed, he'll eat you alive!"

Balki-"He's a cannibal?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Car Wars.

Larry-"Don't waste your time on Lowell Kelly when he is a minor poet."

Balki-"You mean his mama had to give him permission?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named Poetry In Motion.

Jennifer's dad-"Balki, you really know your way around a golf course!"

Balki-"Its not really that hard when all of the holes are numbered."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That exchange is from the season five episode named Hello Ball.

[Larry does a rhumba with Balki]
Balki: Stop! COUSIN!... You are a man repossessed!
Larry: And loving it! Balki, rhumba tempo! We've got to get these bibbibabkas baked!
Balki: Cousin! It's too fast! And besides, shouldn't I be leading? — "Just Desserts", Season Three

Larry-"We are going to paradise!"

Balki-"Well if we all follow the golden rule, I don't see why not."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. That is from the season five episode named Nightmare Vacation.

Larry: If you can't take the heat... then get out of my kitchen.
Balki: Fine. You've baked your cake. Now lie in it. — "Just Desserts", Season Three

Larry-"Balki, you barely touched your food! I've never seen you turn up your nose at pig snout!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five closer named Digging Up The News.

Larry: Let's make believe that this is Tony's Mambo Room. Balki, you're seeing me for the first time since I kicked you out. [ Balki takes a seat on the chair and Larry grabs the throw from the back of the couch and wraps it around his shoulders. Mr. Twinkacetti sits on the end of the couch to watch closely]

Larry-"Balki, why do you have a TV strapped to your back?"

Balki-"Because the refrigerator almost killed me."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Black Widow.

Mr. Gorpley-"There’s nothing more stimulating than watching stupid people argue. What were you arguing about this time? If sheep should be given the vote?"

Balki-"No, Mr. Gorpley, I gave Cousin Larry a Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo pod from the Popopoloupolo-Poppitipoo plant and it cured his cold and he won't admit it and by the way we did give sheep the vote although they all voted the same way."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named The Little Apartment Of Horrors.

Billy Joe Bob-"These are some fine vittles you conjured up for us."

Balki-"Well, thank you. Now, how was the food?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named A Catered Affair.

Larry-"Guess who has a date with Bonnie Clydeschmidt?"

Balki-"Pat Sajak."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season two episode named Ladies And Germs.

Larry-"In America you can do anything you want to do. You just have to set your sights high."
Balki-"Could I be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season two episode named Get A Job.

Another one that I love from the Get A Job episode is this one.

Balki-"I’m putting twenty five patties on the grill. Marsha told me to do that for the four o’clock rush!"
Larry-"She also told me she’s taking me to Club Med, but you don’t see me packing."
Balki-"You got vacation already?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Larry-"Give me the Mypos diet."

Balki-"Are you sure you want to give up the Larry Diet? You know, the one where you eat nothing all day then at night you eat everything in the refrigerator except the light bulb."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season three episode named Weigh To Go, Buddy.

Larry-"Why didn’t you tell me I took the wrong cart?"

Balki-"Because I was busy watching and learning."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the Better Shop Around episode in season three. :D :D :D

Larry-"Look, look! Look at this paper! It has gotta be worth at least a million!"

Balki-"Cousin! Remember, reality is your beat and the beat goes on."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four opener named The Lottery.

Larry-"Who am I kidding?"

Balki-"Me mostly."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Pros And Cons.

Larry-"Balki, the woman I love tells me she wants to go out with another man and you expect me to say no? Do you think I’m stupid?"

Balki-"Is this a trick question?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named The Break Up.

Larry-"Suppose someone who is close to you, someone you thought you knew really well did a hideous, horrible thing."

Balki-"You drank milk out of the carton again, didn’t you?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season episode named Black Widow.

Larry-"Hello? Oh yeah, hi Bunkster! Yes! Yeah, oh no, we haven’t forgotten about the party. No, Balki and I’ll be there with bells on."

Balki-"Cousin, I get to wear my bells?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named The Sunshine Boys.

[Larry does a rhumba with Balki]
Balki: Stop! COUSIN!... You are a man repossessed!
Larry: And loving it! Balki, rhumba tempo! We've got to get these bibbibabkas baked!
Balki: Cousin! It's too fast! And besides, shouldn't I be leading? — "Just Desserts", Season Three

Larry-"I was so close to being so rich."

Balki-"Cousin, in another hundred years the plant will bloom again and you’ll be rich...and probably dead."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Little Apartment Of Horrors.

Larry: Let's make believe that this is Tony's Mambo Room. Balki, you're seeing me for the first time since I kicked you out. [ Balki takes a seat on the chair and Larry grabs the throw from the back of the couch and wraps it around his shoulders. Mr. Twinkacetti sits on the end of the couch to watch closely]
Balki: This is how you have to act if you want to get your wife back. [Larry walks across the room in a sultry manner, then eyes Balki as Balki returns the look. Larry acts coy. Balki gets to his feet and reaches out to Larry] Edwina, you look lovely this evening. [Larry takes Balki's hand and steps closer] That dress brings out your eyes.
Mr. Twinkacetti: I'm gonna throw up. [He gets up]
Balki: [sternly] Sit down, Turnip! [Mr. Twinkacetti obediently does so]
Larry: [in a feminine voice] Donald . . . the Mambo Room. How sweet of you to remember.
Balki: How could I forget, my pet? [He and Larry step closer. Larry turns his back to Balki and they take two steps forward in unison. Balki then pulls Larry to one side] It seems like only yesterday . . . you're as beautiful as you were then. [He pulls Larry to the other side] No! I'm wrong! You're even more beautiful!
Larry: I am?
Balki: You are.
Larry: I am?
Balki: You are.
Larry: I am?
Balki: You... Of course you are, don't be ridiculous.
Larry: Donald, I forgot how romantic you could be. How could I ever have kicked you out? [He gasps and looks straight into Balki's eyes] Take me!
Balki: I don't think so. — "Since I Lost My Baby", Season Two

Balki-"Cousin, don’t make me do this!"

Larry-"Balki, Jennifer's mother hated a big-league ball player! I didn’t get a hit in three years of Little League!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Speak, Memory and yes, Balki eventually slaps Larry when he can't take another moment of his hysteria. :D :D :D

Larry: Don't come any closer! [He tries to smash a bottle against a table to use as a weapon, but can't quite manage. Cobra grabs the bottle and smashes it over his head]
Cobra: Is that what you were tryin' to do? [A short pause]
Larry: [simultaneously] Well, I wasn't going for the head. I was going for the... [He mimes smashing a bottle against a table] hoping for a jagged edge... something I could brandish about...
Balki: [simultaneously] No, you were going like this... there's a system to it... we had that whole discussion about the relaxation of the wrist and the elongation of this muscle right here, but, you know, sometimes the label covers over the part of the bottle...
Balki, Larry: [in unison] Yes, that was it! — "That Old Gang of Mine", Season Three

Larry-"Who am I? Who are you? Is there some reason you’re dressed like the Cisco Kid?"

Balki-"I’m trying to make a fashion statement, but quite clearly it’s wasted on you."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Speak, Memory.

Larry-"I just wanted Jennifer to be happy at the start of our marriage and now look at me! Look at me! I’m eating airline peanuts and I’m...I’m...I'm too tense to perform my husbandly duties."

Balki-"Oh that’s horrible, making Cousin Jennifer take out the garbage."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named This New House.

Larry-"You’re a Myposian marriage counselor? What do you do? Start with shaky sheep marriages and work your way up to people?"

Balki-"Sheep don’t have problems with their marriages. Pigs, on the other hand, often have problems with commitment. That’s why they call them pigs."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six closer name See You In September.

Mary-Anne-"Well, as long as the lights are low and it’s just the two of us, why don’t we take advantage of the situation?"

Balki-"I know what you’re thinking...shadow animals!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named This New House.

Larry-"Balki, let’s go!"

Balki-"Oh no, Cousin, I . . . I can’t leave now. This woman is giving new meaning to the phrase ‘Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!’"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Finders Keepers.

Larry: If you can't take the heat... then get out of my kitchen.
Balki: Fine. You've baked your cake. Now lie in it.

Larry-"I saw Mypiots on their way to work. They were happy, smiling, saying ‘Hello’ to each other. Well, they seemed to actually enjoy just being alive. It was a totally stress-free environment. There was no rat race."

Balki-"Well, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. The rat races are only on Sunday."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Citizenship part two.

Balki Bartokomous:
Well, of course not, don't be ridi-cool-us.

Mary-Anne-"What does g.p. stand for?"

Balki-"Goat pancreas"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Wild Turkeys.

Balki Bartokomous "You don't know what kind of good fellow you dumping to the birds! He was always loyal to you, he make everything perfect for you and you won't find anyone to do better! His only mistake was to be good friend to me. But the customer likes him and that's why they come back!

Larry-"It was a false alarm."

Jennifer-"Of course it was a false alarm! It’s always a false alarm. You have that alarm set at such a sensitive level, dew sets it off!

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Car Tunes.

[after Larry tells them they need to bake 2,000 "Bibby Bobkas" to sell to a restaurant]

Jennifer Lyons Appleton:
Larry, it took us all morning to bake three dozen. Do you know how many dozen 2,000 are?

[Larry stops to try to calculate it in his head]

Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous:
[without stopping to calculate it] 166 and 2/3 dozen.

[everyone looks at her in confused amazement]

Mary Anne Spencer Bartokomous:
[as if it explained everything perfectly] My father was a carpenter.

^^^ I love when Mary-Anne had her smart moments. :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. She is the one who knew what would help get them out of the flooded basement once the chemistry set was in front of them. :) :) :)

Balki: We witnessed the miracle of birth.
Larry: You witnessed the miracle of birth. I took one look and passed out. Of course, the good news is that while I was unconscious, I couldn't behave like a lunatic.

Balki-"Cousin, this worked out swell for everybody. Justice was served and you get to go to Bermuda with Jennifer and that means that, uh Mary Anne and I will have the house to ourselves, uh you know what that means, don’t you?"

Larry-"Giant jigsaw puzzles?"

Balki-"You know me so well."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Two Angry Men.

Balki: Well cousin, I guess when they were handing out the lips you only got one! [pause] Why aren't you laughing?
Larry: [stony-faced] It's hard to laugh with one lip. — "The Break In"

Larry-"Balki, if Jennifer finds out I paid twenty-one thousand dollars for a bottle of wine she will kill me for being stupid!"

Balki-"If she was going to kill you for being stupid you would have been dead long ago!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Going Once, Going Twice.

Larry: I'll hold the wrench, you've got the hammer. When I nod my head, you hit it.
Balki: [incredulously] Come again?
Larry: When I nod my head, you hit it.
Balki: [appalled] I can't do that!
Larry: Balki, don't make this complicated. I'll hold the wrench. You've got the hammer. When I nod my head, you hit it. You hit it! [Balki starts crying] Now do you understand?
Balki: [nervously clutching the hammer] Yes!
Larry: Ready?
Balki: [still crying] Yes! [Balki raises the hammer and waits for Larry's cue. Larry nods his head. Balki raises the hammer to strike]
Larry: WAIT! [Balki stands with the hammer raised, confused] What are you doing? [Balki lowers the hammer]
Balki: You said that when you nod your head I'm supposed to hit it.
Larry: The WRENCH! HIT THE WRENCH! [He snatches the hammer from his confused cousin's hand. He places a hand to his head, frustrated] I'll do it myself. — "Pipe Dreams", Season Three

Larry-"You're not supposed to be on the expressway!"

Balki-"I know! But I said to him, 'You want to take a left?' and he said, 'Right,' so I took a right and suddenly Frank and me were on the expressway in the middle of rush hour and I don't know why they call it rush hour because nothing moves."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season one episode named Baby, You Can Drive Car.

Balki: You know, I really admire you.
Larry: Why is that?.
Balki: Well, because first... you're willing to give up your bedroom to a woman I hardly know....(Larry looks at Balki in surprise).
Balki: (cotd.) ... and then for me, your friend, you're willing to sleep on the hot side of the bed. (Larry begins to lie down, then thinks about it and sits back up again.).
Larry: What do you mean, the hot side of the bed?.
Balki: Well, about 6:00 in the morning... see that little hole in the drapes? The sun comes through that and bores a hole right through your head like a laser beam. —

Balki-"Cousin, now do you believe Mr. Death is coming to get you?"

Larry-"I do, but if he’s coming, I’d better change! What do you think? Basic black? I’ll bet that’s his favorite color!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season three episode named The Horn Blows At Midnight.

Larry-"Balki! Vince is going to shoot us first thing tomorrow morning!"

Balki-"Are you sure? He told me himself he’s not a morning person."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season three episode named The Pen Pal.

Larry-"Balki, how did I let things go so far?"

Balki-"Well, you know, Cousin, you sometimes get an idea in your head and then you just won’t let it go. You remind me of this dog I used to know on Mypos. He was always chasing his tail and then one day he caught it and spun himself to death. It wasn’t a pretty sight."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season three episode named Pipe Dreams.

Larry-"All my life I’ve had to live up to you. Billy, the great athlete, Billy, the most popular guy at school. I got tired of mom and dad always saying ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother Billy?’"

Billy-"Well, how do you think I liked it when they kept saying ‘Why can’t you be more like your brother Larry? Look how good his grades are. Look how neat he keeps his room. Look how well he irons.’"

Larry-"Gosh, All this time we’ve been resenting each other when we should have been resenting mom and dad!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season three episode named My Brother, Myself.

Mr. Gorpley-"Keep smiling, Bartokomous, your days here are numbered."

Balki-"Oh, Mr. Gorpley, I’m so flattered you would take the time to count them. It makes me feel kind of special."

Mr. Gorpley-"Oh, you’re special all right!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four opener named The Lottery.

Balki-"Cousin, great news! Mr. Gorpley give me my raise back."

Larry-"Oh, that’s great, Balki. I’m afraid I owe you a big apology and I hope Mr. Gorpley wasn’t too hard on you."

Balki-"Actually, all I had to do was tell him that I had been listening to you and that seemed to be enough."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Assertive Training.

Balki-"Well, uh, Cousin, it appears that someone has found us a rather incredible maid. Is there anything you’d like to say to that someone?"

Larry-"Yes. What the heck is an eight inch spring form cake pan?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Maid To Order.

Larry-"Big prizes. That’s how they suck you in. Balki, they depend upon the most basic of all human failings."

Balki-"Bad posture?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Game People Play.

Lydia-"Are you telling me that Balki is a great bowler?"

Larry-"Yeah, I couldn’t believe it! It was strike after strike after strike. He bowled a 285 on his first game."

Lydia-"285? In one game?"

Harriette-"That’s a month’s worth of bowling for you!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Blind Alley.

Balki-"Why am I wearing a sequined jumpsuit?"

Larry-"Balki, last night when Lamont tried to hypnotize me, you got hypnotized instead. You thought you were Elvis all day. You made me take you shopping."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named The King And I.

Larry-"Balki, buying a car is not supposed to be fun. The fun comes years from now when you look back and see you were a good consumer."

Balki-"You weren’t breast fed, were you?"

Larry-"Years from now you’ll thank me."

Balki-"Years from now I’ll buy a red car."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Car Wars.

Larry-"All right, Gorpley, what do ya say? One more hand for the whole ball of wax."

Balki-"No, Cousin! You can’t bet my ball of wax! I’ve been collecting it for years!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Seven Card Studs.

Larry-"Balki, how long do you plan on wearing the Myposian Mantle of a Thousand Itches?"

Balki-"Well, Myposian law states I must wear it one year for every person I offended, and let me see, I offended seven people, so I think we’re looking at a seven year itch."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named The Newsletter.

Larry-"Balki, in the apartment you were terrible. Out here you’re hitting the ball a mile. What happened?"

Balki-"Well, Cousin, you know after the other day when I struck out with the Swing Doctor I took some private time and I came to a concussion. I really stink at American golf. Now on the other hand, I’m not one to blow my own nose, but I’m pretty terrific at bang bong poki noki waka yahoo. So, I decided to just do what comes naturally even if, as you say, it makes me look like I’ve been struck by lightning."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named Hello, Ball.

Larry-They have VCRs on Mypos?

Balki-Well, they have one. Mama rented it from Vito Vavoomiki’s Video Land and Sheep Shearing Emporium.

Larry-Ah, but does she have a TV set?

Balki-Well, I’ll tell you. Last fall Poknok the peddler came through town with his donkey all loaded down with pots and pans and dried herbs and a 50" rear projection TV set. Mama got it on Poknok’s famous revolving credit plan. If you don’t pay, he straps you to a windmill.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named Home Movies.

Larry Appleton:
In America you can do anything you want to do. You just have to set your sights high.

Balki Bartokomous:
Could I be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?

Larry Appleton:
Lower, Balki.

Balki Bartokomous:
[in a deeper voice] Could I be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court?

Larry-"I can understand why they asked you to be the official negotiator. That King Ferdinand is no fool!"

Balki-"Well, of course he’s not! Don’t be ridiculous! He just likes to wear the outfit."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named The Selling Of Mypos.

Larry: And why are you going to get what you want?
Balki: Because I’m selfish!
Larry: And why are you selfish?
Balki: Because I want to make people HAPPY!!! HAPPY!!! [He shakes Larry vigorously back and forth]
Larry: Yes! Yes! You've got it!

Balki-"All right, cousin. There’s two things you’ve got to know about a Mypiot right up front. Number one, we all enjoy a good pomegranate. That one don’t apply here. But the next one does. We don’t demand things like raises. We believe that if we sow the seeds of hard work and water them with a cheerful attitude, then a tree of blessings will take root and grow and then we will reap the fruit of our labors which, in most cases, is the aforementioned pomegranate."

Larry-"Terrific. This from a country that gave us the Mediterranean Fruit Fly!"

Balki-"You’re welcome."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Assertive Training.

Larry-"We are going to ‘Dare to Make a Bigger Fortune!’"

Balki-"And me with no ointment!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named This Old House.

Balki Bartokomous:
That would be such a big load off my spine!

Balki Bartokomous:
Cousin Larry just did a great thing!

Mr. Donald "Twinkie" Twinkacetti:
Ooh, what'd he do? Tear up your green card?

Balki Bartokomous:
This man, Larry Appleton, just saved my life!

Mr. Donald "Twinkie" Twinkacetti:
Why?

Balki-"Guess what Mama sent us to commemorate the end of the duel, a box of ears!"

Larry-"Oh! Oh!"

Balki-"Cousin, vegetables are your friends!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Family Feud.

Balki: You said that when you nod your head I'm supposed to hit it.

Larry-"Balki, this is terrible! Monday morning after Jennifer has the ring appraised she’s gonna know the ring’s a fake and her fiancee’s a fool!"

Balki-"What a rotten way to start the week."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named The Ring.

Larry Appleton:
Our goal for this evening is to acheive physical contact. Now how do we acheive physical contact?

Balki Bartokomous:
Begging?

Larry Appleton:
Dancing.

Balki Bartokomous:
[Balki and Larry are on their way to a concert] Listen, Cousin, don't you think it's time you tell me who we're going to go see tonight?

Larry Appleton:
Chicago.

Balki Bartokomous:
I know where we are, I'm asking you who are we going to go see tonight?

Larry Appleton:
Chicago.

Balki Bartokomous:
Yes, I understand... I'm asking you who's going to be singing here in Chicago?

Larry Appleton:
[giving up] The Beatles.

Balki-"Mary-Anne, how you did get loose?"

Mary-Anne-"Oh, Larry couldn’t tie a knot if his life depended on it."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Black Widow.

Balki Bartokomous:
[on the phone] Well, I guess that would depend on what you plumbers would consider an emergency... Did you see the Poseidon Adventure?

Buzz-"You know, I always say, Balki, there’s no such thing as too rich, too thin or too spicy."

Balki-"And I always say there’s no such thing as too happy, too friendly or too many pigs in your house."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Grandpa.

Larry: If you can't take the heat... then get out of my kitchen.
Balki: Fine. You've baked your cake. Now lie in it.

Mr. Gorpley-"Bartokomous, I told you before, all letters from my ex-wife are supposed to be filed here."

Balki-"I’m sorry, Mr. Gorpley. I never would have guessed it was from your ex-wife. Usually her letters come through the window tied to a brick."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Speak, Memory.

Balki Bartokomous:
I've got that TV turkey off my back!

Larry-Balki? The athletes have decided to change their votes to your opponent.

Balki-Well, people change their minds. Pigs, on the other hand, make one decision and stick with it.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named See How They Run.

Balki Bartokomous:
Well, I got to tell you, I broke down and cried 'til my eyes fell out!

Larry-"Will you stop fooling around?"

Balki-"I’ll punch you into next week and then I’ll find you and I’ll drop kick you into last month!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Climb Every Billboard.

Balki Bartokomous:
Where do I come up with them? [laughing at own joke]

Larry-"I can’t believe the Bulls blew a twenty-eight point lead."

Balki-"Cousin, I’ve been listening to that for two days. If you say it one more time, I’m gonna throw you off the billboard."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Climb Every Billboard.

Balki: Well cousin, I guess when they were handing out the lips you only got one! [pause] Why aren't you laughing?
Larry: [stony-faced] It's hard to laugh with one lip.

Billy Joe Bob-"These are some fine vittles you conjured up for us."

Balki-"Well, thank you. Now how was the food?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named A Catered Affair.

Larry-"Balki, you’re a genius! "You saved us!"

Balki-"Well, Cousin, it was just a simple matter of fighting fire with Folgers."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Great Balls Of Fire.

Larry: Don't come any closer! [He tries to smash a bottle against a table to use as a weapon, but can't quite manage. Cobra grabs the bottle and smashes it over his head]
Cobra: Is that what you were tryin' to do? [A short pause]
Larry: [simultaneously] Well, I wasn't going for the head. I was going for the... [He mimes smashing a bottle against a table] hoping for a jagged edge... something I could brandish about...
Balki: [simultaneously] No, you were going like this... there's a system to it... we had that whole discussion about the relaxation of the wrist and the elongation of this muscle right here, but, you know, sometimes the label covers over the part of the bottle...
Balki, Larry: [in unison] Yes, that was it!

Larry-Balki, I agreed to let you decorate the house with a salad bar and I agreed to let you have a reception here for King Ferdinand but I am not dressing up like a snout merchant."

Balki-"How ‘bout just the loin cloth?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Weekend At Ferdinand's.

Balki Bartokomous:
Momma told me never to do the dance of joy alone, or I would go blind.

Mr. Wainwright-"Well, I have to meet with the lawyers. Remember Rob Bob Phillips who used to work up here? He’s suing the paper because we fired him. Appleton, if I ever fire you, don’t make a federal case out of it."

Larry-"You can count on me, sir!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Missing.

Baby Larry-"No, I don’t want to play patty cake,"

Baby Balki-"Well, I can’t say I blame you. I mean, ‘patty cake.’ What is that anyway? And who is this ‘baker’s man?’ And why does he have to make me a cake as fast as he can? Where’s the quality in that?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Yes Sir, That's My Baby.

Larry-"Did you have fun with Kimberley?"

Balki-"Ooh, Kimberley. Yeah, yeah, what a woman. What a wonderful woman and what a special evening we had. We went to a magic show and she was picked out of the audience to be a contestant. They put her in a box and I still don’t know where she is."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named It Had To Be You.

Jennifer-"All you have to do is just tell me what Mary Anne did."

Balki-"After the coin toss we went for a helium balloon ride and then she wanted a corn dog, which I really don’t understand ‘cause it’s not corn and it’s not a dog. What is it?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season eight episode named Up Up And Away.

Mary-Anne-"Balki and I talked it over and we want to have six or eight more kids. How about you and Larry?"

Jennifer-"Well, Larry and I talked it over. We’re getting a dog."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season eight episode named Up Up And Away.

Edwina-I uh want to apologize for my husband. He really wasn't mugged on the way from the bank with your Christmas bonuses."

Balki-"Then who give him that black eye?"

Edwina-"Never mind about that. Uh Merry Christmas, boys!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season two episode named A Christmas Story.

Larry Appleton:
Balki... when you brought a hundred pounds of garlic into the apartment I said to myself, "Okay... so Yaya Biki loves scampi." When you told me she likes to keep fresh eels in the bathtub I said to myself, "Hey... no problem... I take showers." But...

Balki Bartokomous:
It's the cow, isn't it?

Larry Appleton:
Well, yes. The cow... bothers me. I want Yaya Biki to feel at home, I really do! But have you ever thought that she'd like to see how we live? Experience the American way of living? Things like, oh... uh, I don't know, uh gee, what exactly can I think of? Uh... oh! Beef on the table instead of beef at the table? [cow moos, seemingly in response]a

^^^ That's a good one. :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

^^^ That's a good one. :D :D :D

God bless you always!!!

Holly

^Thank you!

God bless you as well!

Larry-"I think now we’re getting somewhere."

Balki-"Well, that’s what you said when you stripped the threads on the car-burrito."

Larry-"That’s carburetor. Carburetor and it was an accident. What? You never made a mistake in your life?"

Balki-"Not of this magnitude."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Car Wars and in my opinion what Balki says about his mistake track record might be debatable unfortunately, after all a complete and total whack job is who he decided to do his room mating with. That right there alone may have been the biggest mistake known to man.

Balki:

"You don't know what kind of good fellow you dumping to the birds! He was always loyal to you, he make everything perfect for you and you won't find anyone to do better! His only mistake was to be good friend to me. But the customer likes him and that's why they come back! And if you let this good person walk out that door you're makin' one big mistake, ghostbuster!"

Mr. Gorpley-"Bartokomous, where is Mr. Glover’s mail?"

Balki-"I’m proud to say that the mail for the new executive vice president was delivered first thing this morning by sincerely yours."

Mr. Gorpley-"Oh, darn it. I wanted to deliver Mr. Glover’s mail myself. Never mind. I’ll send him a gift. Oh, he’ll like that. Something classy. I wonder if Bambi’s available?"

Balki-"I’m sure it is. I returned my copy this morning."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named He's The Boss.

Larry-"Balki, you can’t change my mind. Nothing you can do or say will make me go up in that airplane."

Balki-"I’ll tell Jennifer you sleep with a night light."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named Call Me Indestructible.

Balki-"He’s got something inside him and it’s going to fester and swell and burst like a tick on a sheepdog."

Larry-"Well, then get him off our couch."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season two episode named Since I Lost My Baby.

Balki Bartokomous : I have a friend who can't sleep. ...
Larry Appleton : Balki, are you having trouble sleeping?
Balki Bartokomous : Well of course I'm not, don't be ridiculous, it's my friend, my best friend.
Larry Appleton : *I'm* your best friend.
Balki Bartokomous : That's a good point, a very good point.

Larry-"I’m sorry, Balki, but there were some fundamental mistakes. Now, I know you’re a little disappointed, but look at this as a growth experience."

Balki-"I’m gonna get taller from this?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Teacher's Pest.

Balki Bartokomous:
Okay, I go to the hospital. You stay here. I go visit our boss. And when he says 'Where's Appleton?' I'll say, 'Oh him? He's at home hiding from little invisible things that are out to get him.'

Balki-Mr. Gorpley, would you please tell me how come you’re so dressed up this week?"

Mr. Gorpley-"That’s for me to know and you to find out,"

Balki-"Oh, I love guessing games as much as the next guy, you big kidder, but I’m working against a deadline."

Mr. Gorpley-"And I’m working with an idiot,"

Balki-"Mr. Gorpley hires new employee. Check it out!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named The Newsletter.

Larry-Balki, here’s your entry for the football pool. Why don’t you fill it out?"

Balki-"I can’t, Cousin. Somebody accidentally broke the points off all my pencils."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named Everyone In The Pool.

Balki: "Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?"

Larry-"Balki, Balki, Balki, in America, the size of a man’s love for his woman is determined by the size of the diamond he buys her. Big diamond, lots of love . . . little diamond, here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?"

Balki-"On Mypos, the size of a man’s love is determined by the size of the goat he gives his beloved," Balki explains, "Big goat, lots of love . . . little goat, that’s all she wrote."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named The Ring.

(Bronson Pinchot) "Hi, cousin. I just baked a big batch of bing bong binki binki bakalava."
(Mark Linn-Baker) "-- Bing bong binki binki bakalava?"
(Bronson Pinchot) "Bingo. Want a big bite, booby?"
(Mark Linn-Baker) "Better not, buddy."
(Bronson Pinchot) "-- bummer."
(Mark Linn-Baker) "Bitter, Balki?"
(Bronson Pinchot) "You bet your Bibby Babkas I'm bitter, baby. I busted my butt baking these itty bitty binkis, and believe me, I banked on a bit of basic brotherly bolstering."
(Mark Linn-Baker) "Balki, buddy, baby."

Larry-"Balki, this is terrible! Monday morning after Jennifer has the ring appraised she’s gonna know the ring’s a fake and her fiancee’s a fool."

Balki-"What a rotten way to start the week."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named The Ring.

Balki: "This is what they call throwing out the baby with the trough water."

Larry-"Balki, if I don’t go to this party, I’ll miss my chance to become a member of the Beekman Club and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Do you want me to regret it for the rest of my life?"

Balki-"Well, of course not, Cousin. You regret so much already."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named The Sunshine Boys.

Balki: "Cousin, this book is written by a college professor, Michael Williams Fudd."

Billy Joe Bob-"Balki, I wouldn’t be trying to take food away from Bubba. He’ll rip your heart out through your back pocket."

Balki-"Much obliged, Mr. Bubba, sir. Uh, you know, um back on Mypos, I knew a Bubba who was about your size. Of course, he had hooves."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named A Catered Affair.

Jennifer-"Balki, who’s that? Who’s that digging through the trash for food?"

Balki-"Mrs. Schlegelmilch?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named This New House.

Larry Appleton:
Was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?

Balki Bartokomous:
Are you asking did - did I see *steam* rising from his head or did I see *you* rising from his head?

Larry Appleton:
I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?

Balki Bartokomous:
Okay... Okay, are you asking was it *me* who saw steam rising from his head or was it *you* who saw steam rising from his head?

Larry Appleton:
I'm asking, was it me, or did you see steam rising from his head?

Balki Bartokomous:
[pause] Yes. Now, I have one for you - Was it me... or was that Miss Lydia's beauty mark sliding down her cheek?

Larry Appleton:
It was you. It was definitely you sliding down her cheek.

Girl-"Well, aren’t ya gonna invite me in for a nightcap?"

Balki-"Well, I would, but I don’t think any of my nightcaps would fit you."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named It Had To Be You.

Balki-"All right, Mr. Twinkacetti, two hours. What is it, huh? A few poultry dollars?
Take it out of my salary."

Mr. Twinkacetti-"That is your salary."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season two episode named Lifesavers.

Larry-Germs are little, tiny things that travel through the air and they get into your body and they make you sick."

Balki-"Tell me about these invisible creatures. Do they have a leader?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season two episode named Ladies and Germs.

Larry-"Do I have any more pine needles sticking out of my forehead?"

Balki-"No."

Larry-"Now I know what it feels like to have acupuncture at sixty miles per hour."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season two episode named Snow Way To Treat A Lady Part One.

Larry: "Who'd ever heard of a burglar wearing a baseball cap?"

Balki-"Cousin, it’s okay to stand up for yourself as long as you don’t stand on other people. You know, on Mypos we have a saying. Would you care to hear it in the original?"

Larry-"No, a translation would be fine."

Balki-"It says, ‘You get more flies with honey than with a rifle.’"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Assertive Training.

Balki: "So that’s why they called you Stubby!"

Larry-"If you want to be a good reporter, you’re gonna have to change your tactics."

Balki-"Well, I put on a clean pair this morning."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named The Newsletter.

Larry-"So, by giving her complete freedom I’m ensuring that she’ll be mine forever. Now do you understand?"

Balki-"Perhaps you could recommend some reference material on the subject?"

Larry-"Balki, let me put it another way, okay?"

Balki-"Please, any other way....."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named The Break Up.

Larry-"Balki, I thought you were gonna play outside, so I could get some work done."

Balki-"Cousin, we’ve been outside for two hours. It’s cold and dark and some big kid wants my shoes."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season six episode named New Kid On The Block.

Larry Appleton:
I can't do anything right. I'm an albatross... a Jonah... a bad luck charm. I'd tell you to cast me outside if we could just *get* outside!

Larry-"What’s Balki so excited about? Is it some Myposian holiday? Did Mud Day sneak up on us again?"

Mary-Anne-"Mud Day is not until next week, but if I were you two I’d be getting my hats ready!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season eight episode named The Baby Quiz.

Balki: "That’s where you’re wrong, Mr. Pouting Thomas."

Larry-"Look, I tell you what. We'll have my dinner tonight and we'll save your food for another special occasion, say when the Cubs win the World Series."

Balki-"Oh po! What do you take me for, Bozo the Clone? Everybody knows the Cubs have no quarterback!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season two episode named Trouble In Paradise.

Balki-"Mr. Death is coming for Cousin Larry and that’s what you say? Is that all it is? Is that all it is? Oh God, do I have a headache! What does it take to impress you people?"

Mary Anne-"I’m impressed!"

Balki-"Finally, a rational person."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season three episode named The Horn Blows At Midnight.

Balki:

"It's gonna be kind of hard to save you from here."

Balki-"Oh, Cousin, Vince is not a killer! He was a thief, and a loan shark and there was the occasional assault with a deadly weapon but he was not a killer."

Larry-"Oh well, what the heck? Give him my room!"

Balki-"Well, I didn’t think it would be fair without asking first."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season three episode named The Pen Pal.

Larry:

"Having Twinkacetti as a houseguest. It's like Tokyo inviting Godzilla for dinner."

Larry-"What’s a matter? You afraid you watch too many horror movies it’ll make you into a monster?"

Balki-"Well, I don’t know what it make me into and I don’t want to take any chances so I’m gonna go in there, brush my teeth, say my prayers and read ‘The Little Engine That Could’ just to clear my head."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named Aliens.

Balki-"I didn’t turn into Elvis during the audit, did I?"

Larry-"Well, yes, but it’s okay. Mr. Yates finally believed you’d been hypnotized, but not until after you tried to hit the high note in ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone.’"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season four episode named The King And I.

Balki: "Well, feed me garlic and call me stinky."

Larry-"Well, I wasn’t exactly in the meeting. I was near the meeting."

Balki-"Cousin, you were listening through the vent in the men’s room again, weren’t you?"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season five episode named Digging Up The News.

Larry Appleton

"Who'd ever heard of a burglar wearing a baseball cap?"

Larry-"Now why would you promise them that? We have no intention of taking them to Disneyland."

Balki-"I know. I’m just hoping you’ll take me!"

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Yes Sir, That's My Baby.

Larry:

"Okay, okay, fine! You didn't lock me in the closet, there was no-one at the door, we are not having this conversation. This whole day has been some cosmic cruelty joke. Ha ha, fine! Oh, and if Tony Perkins shows up wearing a house-dress and carrying a very large kitchen knife... Tell him I'm in the shower!

Larry:

"Okay, okay, fine! You didn't lock me in the closet, there was no-one at the door, we are not having this conversation. This whole day has been some cosmic cruelty joke. Ha ha, fine! Oh, and if Tony Perkins shows up wearing a house-dress and carrying a very large kitchen knife... Tell him I'm in the shower!

That has to be the episode where Larry feels down in the dumps about turning 27 and not be at the stage in life he planned. I know this because 3 days prior to my birthday I couldn't find the show on DVD or for streaming online anywhere. On my birthday when I turned the age of cousin Larry, someone released the first season online and I couldn't believe how long it's been since I last saw the show. Reminded me where I get my personality and neurosis from.

Larry:

"W-well, actually, there is something I... I wanted to talk to you about. But things have been so crazy around here that... it just hasn't been a-a good time. But, I just wanted to-" [He looks and sees that Balki has fallen asleep] "I just wanted to know what you thought about Jennifer and I, you know? I dunno, is she interested in me, or...?"

That has to be the episode where Larry feels down in the dumps about turning 27 and not be at the stage in life he planned. I know this because 3 days prior to my birthday I couldn't find the show on DVD or for streaming online anywhere. On my birthday when I turned the age of cousin Larry, someone released the first season online and I couldn't believe how long it's been since I last saw the show. Reminded me where I get my personality and neurosis from.
I could be wrong, but I believe that Larry was turning 24 in the episode where his birthday happens right after the show first started.

Larry-"See, my master plan is a schedule of how I want to achieve my goal in life."

Balki-"Oh, and at twenty-four you were supposed to sell a photograph."

Larry-"At twenty-four I was supposed to win a Pulitzer Prize. I was supposed to sell my first photograph when I was sixteen."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

Balki-"I’ve been going down to the courthouse every day and begging Dave, the courthouse clerk, to put our names at the top of the jury duty list."

Larry-"He can’t do that."

Balki-"Well, that’s what he said, but after I went down on my lunch hour and my coffee break each and every day for a few weeks, Dave and I became best buds, and finally he said to me, and I quote, ‘Listen to me, you swarthy little twit...‘ That’s his little nickname for me. He said, ‘Okay, I’ll do it but you have to promise to never, ever come to see me again.’ See, he didn’t want others to know that he did me a special favor. So, does it help to know the right people or what?"

Larry-"And I guess I’m the lucky one who knows you,"

Balki-"Oh, go on with you! You’re not lucky, Cousin. You deserve me."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. This is from the season seven episode named Two Angry Men.

Balki Bartokomous : Sheep are man's best friend!