MrCleveland
03-11-2019, 09:20 PM
This is dedicated for Catherine Helmond who played Mona...
It's time once again for Sitcom Family Feud! And here's your host...The Ghost of Richard Dawson!
Dawson enters
Richard: Hello everyone, I'm glad to be back once again for Sitcom Family Feud, now let's bring-back our champions from Everything Happens in Bertstown, The Warners!
The Warners enter.
Richard: Here we see Tony Warner again.
Tony: And I see you as well.
Richard: You're now unemployed and getting Social Security?
Tony: Yep...And I'm Lovin' Every Freakin' Bit Of It! I can go out drinkin' every day and make money!
Richard: That's not how unemployment or Social Security works...
Tony: It Works For Me...now...how can I get on welfare or workman's comp?
Richard: You like to take things for granted, don't you? Next we have Helen.
Helen: I still work at the Cathedral Community College and next year might be my last year as a Kindergarten Teacher.
Richard: Why is that?
Helen: Budget cuts...but I'll be getting Social Security.
Richard: And next, we have Paul.
Paul: Tony keeps callin' me every single day...
Richard: Why?
Paul: Because he's bored!
Tony: But no one calls me!
Richard: Yeah...your life IS a mess, next we have a future graduate of Bertstown Media School, Dustin Warner.
Dustin: Yes...and I may get a job in Milan!
Richard: You're going to Italy?
Dustin: No...I can't even go out of state...until this Easter. This Milan is in Ohio and it's where Thomas Edison was born.
Cut to a woman in Milan, Ohio running toward the camera.
Woman: hey...we've been mentioned on TV!
Richard: What was that?
Dustin: Nothing.
Richard: Up next, we have Margaret.
Margaret: Well...my oldest daughter is gonna be in the 2nd grade and my other daughter will be in a gifted class...she can skip a grade or two.
Richard: Nice...next, we have...The cast of Who's The Boss!
Tony, Angela, Mona, Samantha, and Johnathan enter.
Richard approaches the cast of Who's the Boss?
Richard: You must be Tony Micelli?
Micelli: Yep...
Richard: You once played baseball, I hear?
Micelli: Until I got a shoulder injury. I played for the St. Louis Cardinals until 1982. I tore my shoulder during the first game against the Milwaukee Brewers in the World Series...and to make matters worse, my wife died that at the same time.
Richard: Sad to hear that. Next, we have Angela Bower. Do you need a hug?
Angela: Sure.
Richard Hugs Angela.
Richard: You are newly divorced.
Angela: And I'm also an advertising executive in New York who lives in Connecticut. But I'm too busy to cook or clean.
Richard: I see...and here we have Mona Robinson.
Mona: Kiss Me Mr. Dawson!
Richard: Mrs. Robinson, are you tryin' to seduce me?
Mona: Maybe...but I do this too all the men I know!
Angela: Mother!
Richard kisses Mona.
Mona: Again!
Richard: Maybe later! Next, we have Samantha Micelli.
Samantha: Yep!
Richard: You left Brooklyn after a fight in school?
Samantha: Yep...but I won the fight tho!
Richard: You're a strong young lady! Finally...we have Johnathan Bower.
Johnathan: I wanna Play The Feud!
Richard: Then let's play the Feud!
Tony Warner and Tony Micelli walk toward the main podium where Richard is at.
Richard: We surveyed 100 people who gave us 6 answers for this question...Name something people clean...
Tony Warner Buzzes In
Tony: The *******!
Richard: Tony, you can't say ******* on TV!
Tony: I just did!
Richard: Okay...do people clean what Tony just said?
BUZZ
Tony: WHAT?
Richard: Plus...I wasn't finished with the question...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Micelli: The Windows! I even vacuum the drapes!
Richard: I believe that...show me windows!
20 people said "Windows" It's the #3 answer.
So...will you play or pass?
Micelli: We Will Play!
Tony: And I Passed...OOH...Chicken Cacciatore For The 3rd Night!
Richard: Sick...someone should clean his whole arse! Okay, Andrea...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Andrea: The Dishes.
Richard: Do you clean the dishes?
Andrea: I tried to...I almost broke an entire set of China.
Richard: The answer is "no", but...are there dishes?
24 people said "dishes", It's the #2 Answer.
Richard: Mona, we come to you...
Mona: Kiss Me Again!
Richard: If you insist...
Richard kisses Mona.
Richard: Now...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Mona: The Bathroom...I love it when Tony cleans the house...I wish he'd do it topless....
Angela: Mother!
Richard: Okay...does the bathroom get cleaned?
1 person said "Bathroom", It's the #6 answer.
Richard: Next, we have Samantha...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Samantha: The Laundry.
Richard: It's a dirty job, but someone must do it...give me that dirty laundry!
30 people said "Laundry", It's the #1 answer.
Richard: Samantha...
Samantha: You can call me Sam.
Richard: You're really bright...now we go to Johnathan...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Johnathan: Yourself?
Richard: You are part of the house...am I right? Well...let's see if people is up there...
BUZZ
Richard: Sorry Johnny...let's see if the Warners have the steal...
The Warners are debating whether they should go with car or floor. Paul Then Bangs The Gavel.
Paul: Can You Just Listen To Me For One Second?
Tony: I really hate that freakin' thing!
Paul: We should go with floors.
Tony: I think we made-up our minds...the answer is...a car!
Richard: For the steal...is car up there?
8 people said "Vehicle", It's the #5 answer.
Richard: Okay...what's the #4 answer?
17 people said "Floors", It's the #4 answer.
Richard: Okay...we muse say goodbye to The cast of Who's The Boss...
Mona walks by Richard.
Mona: Richard...kiss me one more time...
Richard: I already kissed you twice.
Mona: But my time has come...I'm going to Sitcom Heaven...
Richard: Okay...one more.
Richard gives Mona a long kiss...then she leaves.
Richard: Sad to see her go...now...who's gonna play "Fast Money"?
The Waners Except Paul: Paul Is! Paul Is!
Paul: Everything I do is mandatory!
Richard: Now Paul...It seems like you don't wanna do this do you?
Paul: I'll participate!
Richard: That's good! Now...I'm gonna give you 5 questions and all you need to do is give me 5 answers in 15 seconds. The time starts when I start after the first question.
:15 is seen.
Richard: Name a type of fish.
Paul: Sun Fish.
BUZZ
Richard: Name a type of pasta.
Paul: Mafaldine.
BUZZ
Richard: Name a type of pants.
Paul: Chinos.
BUZZ
Richard: Name a satellite besides the Moon.
Paul: Proteus.
BUZZ
Richard: Name a video game console.
Paul: Colecovision.
BUZZ
Richard: Paul...you stumped our judges again...maybe you should be the judges on Family Feud since again you have $0, but until next time...we'll see you again!
It's time once again for Sitcom Family Feud! And here's your host...The Ghost of Richard Dawson!
Dawson enters
Richard: Hello everyone, I'm glad to be back once again for Sitcom Family Feud, now let's bring-back our champions from Everything Happens in Bertstown, The Warners!
The Warners enter.
Richard: Here we see Tony Warner again.
Tony: And I see you as well.
Richard: You're now unemployed and getting Social Security?
Tony: Yep...And I'm Lovin' Every Freakin' Bit Of It! I can go out drinkin' every day and make money!
Richard: That's not how unemployment or Social Security works...
Tony: It Works For Me...now...how can I get on welfare or workman's comp?
Richard: You like to take things for granted, don't you? Next we have Helen.
Helen: I still work at the Cathedral Community College and next year might be my last year as a Kindergarten Teacher.
Richard: Why is that?
Helen: Budget cuts...but I'll be getting Social Security.
Richard: And next, we have Paul.
Paul: Tony keeps callin' me every single day...
Richard: Why?
Paul: Because he's bored!
Tony: But no one calls me!
Richard: Yeah...your life IS a mess, next we have a future graduate of Bertstown Media School, Dustin Warner.
Dustin: Yes...and I may get a job in Milan!
Richard: You're going to Italy?
Dustin: No...I can't even go out of state...until this Easter. This Milan is in Ohio and it's where Thomas Edison was born.
Cut to a woman in Milan, Ohio running toward the camera.
Woman: hey...we've been mentioned on TV!
Richard: What was that?
Dustin: Nothing.
Richard: Up next, we have Margaret.
Margaret: Well...my oldest daughter is gonna be in the 2nd grade and my other daughter will be in a gifted class...she can skip a grade or two.
Richard: Nice...next, we have...The cast of Who's The Boss!
Tony, Angela, Mona, Samantha, and Johnathan enter.
Richard approaches the cast of Who's the Boss?
Richard: You must be Tony Micelli?
Micelli: Yep...
Richard: You once played baseball, I hear?
Micelli: Until I got a shoulder injury. I played for the St. Louis Cardinals until 1982. I tore my shoulder during the first game against the Milwaukee Brewers in the World Series...and to make matters worse, my wife died that at the same time.
Richard: Sad to hear that. Next, we have Angela Bower. Do you need a hug?
Angela: Sure.
Richard Hugs Angela.
Richard: You are newly divorced.
Angela: And I'm also an advertising executive in New York who lives in Connecticut. But I'm too busy to cook or clean.
Richard: I see...and here we have Mona Robinson.
Mona: Kiss Me Mr. Dawson!
Richard: Mrs. Robinson, are you tryin' to seduce me?
Mona: Maybe...but I do this too all the men I know!
Angela: Mother!
Richard kisses Mona.
Mona: Again!
Richard: Maybe later! Next, we have Samantha Micelli.
Samantha: Yep!
Richard: You left Brooklyn after a fight in school?
Samantha: Yep...but I won the fight tho!
Richard: You're a strong young lady! Finally...we have Johnathan Bower.
Johnathan: I wanna Play The Feud!
Richard: Then let's play the Feud!
Tony Warner and Tony Micelli walk toward the main podium where Richard is at.
Richard: We surveyed 100 people who gave us 6 answers for this question...Name something people clean...
Tony Warner Buzzes In
Tony: The *******!
Richard: Tony, you can't say ******* on TV!
Tony: I just did!
Richard: Okay...do people clean what Tony just said?
BUZZ
Tony: WHAT?
Richard: Plus...I wasn't finished with the question...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Micelli: The Windows! I even vacuum the drapes!
Richard: I believe that...show me windows!
20 people said "Windows" It's the #3 answer.
So...will you play or pass?
Micelli: We Will Play!
Tony: And I Passed...OOH...Chicken Cacciatore For The 3rd Night!
Richard: Sick...someone should clean his whole arse! Okay, Andrea...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Andrea: The Dishes.
Richard: Do you clean the dishes?
Andrea: I tried to...I almost broke an entire set of China.
Richard: The answer is "no", but...are there dishes?
24 people said "dishes", It's the #2 Answer.
Richard: Mona, we come to you...
Mona: Kiss Me Again!
Richard: If you insist...
Richard kisses Mona.
Richard: Now...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Mona: The Bathroom...I love it when Tony cleans the house...I wish he'd do it topless....
Angela: Mother!
Richard: Okay...does the bathroom get cleaned?
1 person said "Bathroom", It's the #6 answer.
Richard: Next, we have Samantha...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Samantha: The Laundry.
Richard: It's a dirty job, but someone must do it...give me that dirty laundry!
30 people said "Laundry", It's the #1 answer.
Richard: Samantha...
Samantha: You can call me Sam.
Richard: You're really bright...now we go to Johnathan...Name Something That People Clean That's In The House.
Johnathan: Yourself?
Richard: You are part of the house...am I right? Well...let's see if people is up there...
BUZZ
Richard: Sorry Johnny...let's see if the Warners have the steal...
The Warners are debating whether they should go with car or floor. Paul Then Bangs The Gavel.
Paul: Can You Just Listen To Me For One Second?
Tony: I really hate that freakin' thing!
Paul: We should go with floors.
Tony: I think we made-up our minds...the answer is...a car!
Richard: For the steal...is car up there?
8 people said "Vehicle", It's the #5 answer.
Richard: Okay...what's the #4 answer?
17 people said "Floors", It's the #4 answer.
Richard: Okay...we muse say goodbye to The cast of Who's The Boss...
Mona walks by Richard.
Mona: Richard...kiss me one more time...
Richard: I already kissed you twice.
Mona: But my time has come...I'm going to Sitcom Heaven...
Richard: Okay...one more.
Richard gives Mona a long kiss...then she leaves.
Richard: Sad to see her go...now...who's gonna play "Fast Money"?
The Waners Except Paul: Paul Is! Paul Is!
Paul: Everything I do is mandatory!
Richard: Now Paul...It seems like you don't wanna do this do you?
Paul: I'll participate!
Richard: That's good! Now...I'm gonna give you 5 questions and all you need to do is give me 5 answers in 15 seconds. The time starts when I start after the first question.
:15 is seen.
Richard: Name a type of fish.
Paul: Sun Fish.
BUZZ
Richard: Name a type of pasta.
Paul: Mafaldine.
BUZZ
Richard: Name a type of pants.
Paul: Chinos.
BUZZ
Richard: Name a satellite besides the Moon.
Paul: Proteus.
BUZZ
Richard: Name a video game console.
Paul: Colecovision.
BUZZ
Richard: Paul...you stumped our judges again...maybe you should be the judges on Family Feud since again you have $0, but until next time...we'll see you again!