(Entry in Beaver's diary) Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Went to school. Ate lunch. Saw dead cat. Came home.

June & Beaver:

(Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver) "Sometimes things get so messed up, crying is the only thing you can do."

Wally: Beav, I'm goin' downstairs now. You want me to turn out the light?

Beaver: No, I think I'm gonna do most o' my sleepin' awake tonight.

(First lines of the series.)
Narrator: "When you were young, you had your own set of values. Values that nothing could change."

Eddie Haskell: Hey Wally, nobody's home. Let's call up some girls and pretend we're talent scouts.

Beaver: How far is it to the bathroom?

Wally: Only a couple o' steps. Ya can't put any miles on that way.

Beaver: Ya could if ya get as dirty as I do.

(June has prepared a lovely dinner of barbecued pork ribs) Ward Cleaver: Well, you boys are very quiet tonight. What are you thinking about? Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: I was just thinkin' what I'd do if I was a pig eatin' peoples ribs. June Cleaver: Beaver, please.

Aunt Martha - Very well, June. But in my day our parents told us what to think and what not to think.

Beaver: It sure is a lot o' trouble bein' a girl.

Larry: It is when you look like my sister.

Wally Cleaver: Where'd you hear all that jazz?

Eddie Haskell: Look Sam, if you can make the other guy feel like a goon first, then you don't feel like so much of a goon.

Eddie Haskell : [to Wally] Your father gave me a funny look when I came in... like I'm a teenage werewolf or something.

“Even that crazy guy who chased us away yesterday gave us money today.”

- Beaver Cleaver

Ward: ...discretion is the better part of valor.

Beaver: Yes, sir. (Ward exits.) Hey, Wally, what'd dad mean by that last thing?

Wally: Well, that's just a fancy way o' sayin', not to fight with big guys.

(Wally Cleaver) "Are you giving me the business?"

Wally: ...Besides that, you smell.

Beaver: I smell like what?

Wally: You smell like my fish bowl when I forget to change the water.

(Ward Cleaver) "It's that friend of Beaver's. You know, the one who always talks like he was just frightened by something."
(June Cleaver) "Whitey Whitney?"
(Ward Cleaver) "That's it."

I can go to the lake if I wanna.
You better not wanna.
I can too, if I wanna wanna. Can't I Wally?
If you wanna.

(Larry Mondello) "These here are Beaver's pigeons, which he named after his two teachers, which the cat ate, so he buried them."

from Beaver's letter to Mr. Crawford, the school bus driver: I'm sorry I hit Charles Fredericks on the head on the bus.

(Eddie Haskell) "Gee, your kitchen always looks so clean."
(June Cleaver) "Why, thank you, Eddie."
(Eddie Haskell) "My mother says it looks as though you never do any work in here."

Ward: When I was his (Beaver's) age, I practically lived on the ice.

June: Now you can hardly get the ice cub tray out of the freezer.

Ward & June:

Beaver:

(Richard Rickover) "I wish I was young enough to cry."
(Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver) "Yeah, now the only place you can cry is in the movies where it's dark."

Larry:

(Eddie Haskell) "Hey, guys, like my new vest? I think it brings out the Peter Lawford in me."

“June Cleaver: Thank you dear. It's so sweet of you to be the thoughtful husband after all these years.

Ward Cleaver: You're very welcome. Besides the neighbors might be watching.”

Eddie, to Beaver: Quiet, boy creep!

(June Cleaver) "Dear, do you think all parents have this much trouble?"
(Ward Cleaver) "No, just parents with children."

Eddie Haskell: Hey Wally, nobody's home. Let's call up some girls and pretend we're talent scouts.

Gilbert: Don Drysdale? Is it really you?

Eddie, to Beaver: Put your thumb back in your mouth, Junior--I'm talkin'.

Eddie to Beaver: Whassamatter with you, Junior? You get drummed out of the Mouseketeers?

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: I was just thinkin' what I'd do if I was a pig eatin' peoples ribs.

Wally & Beaver:

“Eddie Haskell: Look Sam, if you can make the other guy feel like a goon first, then you don't feel like so much of a goon."

(June Cleaver) "Thank you dear. It's so sweet of you to be the thoughtful husband after all these years."
(Ward Cleaver) "You are very welcome. Besides the neighbors might be watching."

June: Ward - it's New Years Eve ! Will you kiss me at midnight like you used to do before the boy were born ?

Eddie Haskell: Hey Wally, nobody's home. Let's call up some girls and pretend we're talent scouts.

Wally, to June: I couldn't squeal on my own brother. If I did that, he could tell a whole bunch o' stuff on me.

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: I wouldn't wanna do anything to hurt God. He's got enough trouble with the Russians and all.

Ward: Wally, as unbelievable as it may seem, they did have cars in my younger days.
Wally: Used cars?

(approximate dialog)

Wally: I was just feelin' Beaver's tooth.

June: Are your hands clean?

Waly: Oh, sure, I just got finished cleanin' the fish bowl.

(Whitey spelling 'whom', in class)

Whitey: h-o-m-e

Mr. Willet: I think there's a W in there someplace.

Whitey: h-o-m-e-w

Mr. Willet: It's w-h-o-m

Whitey: Oh, that whom.

Ward: Helping your brother study? Learn anything about history?

Beaver: History is mos'ly about killin' people.

"Students will keep head and arms inside the bus and will not converse with occupants of passing vehicles."

What does that mean, Wally?

Well, that means no hollerin' out the windows.

(again, approx.)

Wally: i think you can take a pet to the pet fair. I just think they don't want anything that'll stink up the bus.

June: Dear, would you like pears
or peaches on your salad?
Ward: Pears.
June: But I already
opened the peaches.
Ward: All right, peaches. But thanks for
giving me the choice.

Larry: Once when I called my sister a big ugly toad, I felt funny right in my stomach.

Beaver: Is that where the conscience is?

Larry: It's where mine is.

Ward & June:

Larry: Once when I called my sister a big ugly toad, I felt funny right in my stomach.

Beaver: Is that where the conscience is?

Larry: It's where mine is.

:lol: I liked Larry, wish he'd stayed on the show longer.

Where's the Beaver?

He's upstairs. He's changing his underwear.

After he was dressed?

Yeah. He had it on backwards. He said he couldn't walk good.

June: Why doesn't Eddie behave himself?

Wally: Heck, Mom, if he did that, it wouldn't be Eddie.

June: Why doesn't Eddie behave himself?

Eddie: Heck, Mom, if he did that, it wouldn't be Eddie.

The H A L System has detected an error ! Correction:

Wally: Heck, Mom, if he did that, it wouldn't be Eddie

Please proceed with the programing !

Just wanted to see if anyone was paying attention LOL!

Wally, your brother has been invited to the Mayfield Cotillion dances.

Dances? Hey, can I be around here when you show him this?

What do you want to be around for?

Well, blue suits and white gloves. Man, the Beaver's going to
go right through the ceiling.

Now, Wally.

Ward Cleaver: Let's face it, June, Wally and Eddie have been friends for four or five years now - nothing's ever really happed.
June Cleaver: But Eddie has that look about him that makes you think something's always about to happen.

(at the dinner table)
(Beaver has glop all over his face to hide his freckles)

Beaver: Does anyone notice anything different about me?

Wally: No, I don't notice anything different--do I, Dad?

- Wally, is there really no such thing as a haunted house?
- Heck no.

Then how come we got one on the way home from school?

- Oh, you mean that dumb-looking place with the weeds in front?
- Yeah.

That's no haunted house, Beaver. That's the old Cooper place. Will you go to sleep?

Ward Cleaver: A man never gets so old, that he forgets how it was being a little boy.

Beaver, have you been eavesdropping again?

Oh, no, Dad. I was just listening.

(Wally Cleaver) "Beaver -- you got crumbs in the butter again. Boy, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's crumbs in the butter."

Most horses don't know any better than to stand up all the time.

But once in a while, a horse gets old enough and smart enough to realize that lyin'
down is a heck of a lot better than standin' on your feet all day long.

June: Beaver, you're all flushed.

Beaver: I'm just flushed on the outside, not the inside.

Wally: He means he's sunburned, Mom.

My dad got me a great job handing out towels at the country club.

That's a great job, Lumpy?

Sure. Dad says I'll meet the cream of Mayfield society in the locker room.

Eddie, to Beaver: Some basketball player! You couldn't dribble down your chin.

It was Benjie's mother from across the street.

What's she want?

She says there's a horse in our garage.

- A horse?

- A horse.

Boys! Boys!

June: Isn't that the kind of thing you tell the boys not to do?

Ward: Well, dear, you can't expect me not to do everything I tell the boys not to do.

You know, Dad, a lot of the fun of fishin'...

Well, it isn't fishin'. It's sittin' around with the other guys, sayin' nothin'.

Well, that's one way of lookin' at it, Beaver.

Eddie: What should I do if I get seasick?

Capt. Drake: Don't worry, you'll do it.

Beaver & Wally:

- Dear, this coffee's cold.
- I don't know why. I just poured it 20 minutes ago
when you said you'd be right down.

Well, dear, you know, the hand
that rocks the cradle rules the world.

You suppose that same hand
could get me some cream and sugar?

Ward: Beaver! Get on into that party and stop acting like a child!

(huh? what is a 7 or 8 year old, if not a child?)

I told the Tigers you'd win, and I told that rat Harry and that rat Richard that you'd win.

(June has prepared a lovely dinner of barbecued pork ribs)

Ward Cleaver: Well, you boys are very quiet tonight. What are you thinking about?

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: I was just thinkin' what I'd do if I was a pig eatin' peoples ribs.

June Cleaver: Beaver, please.

Hey, Larry. How come Miss Landers made us clean erasers first thing in the morning?

I don't know. Maybe she's got a lot of erasing to do today.

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: You wanna' mess around later?

Larry Mondello: I can't, I'm grounded.

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: How come?

Larry Mondello: My father caught me eating pie in bed.

Beaver: I'll have mine non a la mode.

Larry Mondello: That was a great jungle movie, huh Beav?

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Yeah, but there was too much kissin' and not enough apes.

Wally: Hey, Beav, why dontcha wash your hands before ya dry 'em?

Beaver: Almos' as much dirt comes off this way.

love it !

Down at the paint store, they got
a machine that shakes up the paint.

- It looks just like makin' a malted.
- Oh, yeah. I've seen it.

Well, I like to watch
that jiggle machine.

I figure, someday the top's gonna
fly off the can, and then, oh, boy.

Yeah. I guess if you watch it
long enough, that might happen.

Wally: Hey Beaver. What are you doing?
Beaver: Just thinking.
Wally: What do you want to go doing that for? It's not even a school night.

Ward: Well, Beav, helping your brother with his studies, huh? Learn anything new about history?

Beaver: Yes, sir, history is mos'ly killin' people.

Hey, wait a minute, Beav.

What would you want
with a pair of hip boots?

Well, in case there's a flood

I can go around rescuing people.

You're goofy, Beaver.

Wally Cleaver: Dry up, Beaver.

Wally: I ain't dead yet !

When you make a mistake, admit it. If you don't, you only make matters worse.

- Ward Cleaver

Ward: Well, boys, did you put the water on the table?

Beaver: No, Dad, we put it in the glasses.

Beaver: Dry up, Whitey.

Whitey: Ya can't tell me to dry up; I'm your pal.

Beaver: Dry up, anyway.

Wally: Hey, Beaver--this Jackie Waters--isn't he the kid with the teeth?

Beaver: Most o' my friends got teeth.

Hey, Wally, in the night,

if a crook came in after my
money, what would you do?

Well, heck, Beaver. No
crook's comin' in after your $11.

- How come?
- You've seen how it is on television.

You gotta have at
least two or $3,000...

before a crook'll
ever mess with you.

Yeah.

I sure hope the crooks in
Mayfield watch television.

Gilbert Bates: There's nothin' sadder than seein' old people try to be happy.

The teacher & Beaver:

Wally: "Boy. It wouldn't even make a dent in that hard head of his."

Wally: "You know, Beave, I'd sure like to fix that Lumpy Rutherford."
Beaver: "I know. Me too."
Wally: "The only trouble is, he's bigger than is."

Ward: "There are times when a father should be seen and not heard, huh?"

Beaver: "Sure. There must be 15 or 20 guys want to get even with Lumpy."

Ward: (to June)"Here. You mark the cards, dear."

Fred: "Everybody knows Clarence. He has the type of personality the other boys take to."

Fred: (to Geraldine)"I'm gonna have to have a talk with that young man when we get home."

Beaver: "How come there's guys like Lumpy, who pick on littler guys?"

You know, Dad, sometimes
it must be tough havin' kids.

You know, Wally, that's the nicest
thing you've said to me for a long time.

Mr. Willet: Mr. Whitney?
Hubert 'Whitey' Whitney: Who, me?
Mr. Willet: Yes. I spoke to you yesterday about making faces at Miss Hensler, didn't I?
Hubert 'Whitey' Whitney: I'm not making faces Mr. Willet. I just can't help laughing when I look at her.

Do you really think your hair

looks good plastered
down that way?

Better than looking
like a sheep dog.

But you don't look
like a sheep dog.

The kids at school think I do.

Oh, they don't really.

They're just
having fun with you.

If you think you
look like a sheep dog

just because a lock of hair

falls down over your
forehead once in awhile,

you should've seen Will Rogers.

Wally: If he gets hurt [tumbling] you can sue the school.

Well, hi, Wally.
What are you doin'?

Oh, I'm chasin' a fly.

This isn't bug spray.

This is the stuff that
makes the room smell good.

Oh. Well, I must have
got the wrong one.

Beaver: How could a dog write a book?

Larry: Maybe he told it to a guy and he wrote it down.

Beaver: Yeah, I guess so.

June: Did Fred say something that upset you?

Ward: Fred always says something that upsets me...

Ward: ...you're to fickle.

Beaver: I thought "fickle" was just for girls.

[Doorbell Rings]

Lady, would you care to buy a bottle
of Flower of the Orient perfume,

the treasured love secret
Of ancient Persia?

Wally: Gee, Dad, you've been lecturing the Beaver for 13 years now and he's still pretty stupid.

They said it's
a real neat carnival.

My father says they
got a guy there who

swallows needles and
coughs 'em up all threaded.

No foolin'?

Ah, that's a fake. He's got 'em
hidden in his stomach ahead of time.

June: ...she might even be a divorcee.

Ward: I think we ought to take you off that second section for awhile; it's more than you can handle.

Hey, Dad, what are
we going to do about

that jacket full of dead
fish up in the closet?

Beaver, you go
up and get rid of it.

Wally: "Well, heck, Beav. Don't you ever wanna smell good?"
Beaver: "Well, sure, but not for a girl."

He doesn't sound mad, does he?

Well, he never does till he jumps on you.

June: Why, Eddie, do you shave?

Eddie: No, but I like to smell like I do.

Eddie: That's a very nice cake, Mrs. Cleaver.

June: Thank you, Eddie.

Eddie: It almost looks like you bought it in a store.

"Welcome back, Miss Landers.

"We're glad to have you here.

"While you were
sick at home in bed,

we all shed many a tear."

"We hoped you would get better

"and we'd see you by and by.

"And we're all
so very, very glad

that you did not die."

"Welcome back, Miss Landers.

"We're glad to have you here.

"While you were
sick at home in bed,

we all shed many a tear."

"We hoped you would get better

"and we'd see you by and by.

"And we're all
so very, very glad

that you did not die."


THANK YOU JUDY !

Larry: "I might try running away sometime . . . Did your father try to stop you?"

Beaver: "Nobody tried to stop me . . . and I don't know what to do now."

Larry: "Hey, you could stay here!"

Beaver: "For always?"

Larry: "Well, I don't know if we've got enough clean sheets for always."

Wally: This is a pretty good sandwich, Mom--but it'd be better with the meat on the outside.

Why wouldn't a boy want to ride
home with his own father, dear?

Oh, I don't think he has anything
against fathers in general, dear.

It's just his status as a
teenager he's worried about.

June: "Ward, why do they do that?"
Ward: "Well, because if there's something wrong, they'd rather have us yell at somebody else."

Ward: "Yeahh, there's nothing like having a big brother when you've made a bad bargain."

Ward: "I can remember when they had time for each other."

Beaver: "Yeah. Too bad a guy can't stay a kid his whole life."

Beaver: "Then you go to parties and wear funny hats like Mr. Rutherford does."

June: "Beaver calling on a girl? Well, that's cute."

Penny Woods: "He's not a guest, Mom. He's just the Beaver."

Penny: "My mother said we shouldn't talk about things like that in mixed company."

Wally: "Gee, Mom. Guys always pick on someone that's different."

Richard: "What kind of somebody else?"

Ward: "I don't think we ever get above being laughed at."

Whitey: "It's your own fault, Beaver, for even talking to a girl."

Gilbert: "Well, 'cause there's nothing like indigestion to cut down on the size of your tips."

Ward: "Well, Fred has a way of phrasing things."

Gilbert: "That's all you gotta cheat. Just enough to win."

Wally: "Boy, Mom, you're a genius."

Beaver: "I can understand why a kid cheats, but not a grown man."

- What's an expression?
- Well, it's somethin' a person says,
but they don't really mean it.

- Oh, it's a lie.
- No, it's not a lie. Like...

Well, when a person tells
you to go jump in the lake.

Well, they don't want
you to drown or anythin'.

They just want you to beat it.

Wally: Beaver, aren't you getting tired of just hanging around the library all the time?

Beaver: I sure am. There's nothing to do there but read.

Oh, now, Ward.
You know, we're inclined to criticize
the boys too much.

Sometimes I think we'd appreciate
our children more if they belonged
to somebody else.

Eddie: "Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, you sure do look nice."

Ward: "You see, I had to be 11 or 12 before I could join the Scouts."
what to do.
Eddie: "Edward Clark Haskell, Junior."

June: "Ward, it's just like he was going in the Army."

Beaver: "Okay. I'll go out and have fun if I have to."

Gus: "You know, it's a funny thing about age, Beaver."

Ward: Look, Beaver. Wally's not gonna always be around to tell you what to do. He's growing up, you know."

Beaver: WAlly's sick in bed? Oh, boy!"

Larry: (to Beaver)"Do you ever do any listening at home?"

Ward: "...Hogan's the owner, he doesn't actually spray he just sits in his office and lives off our bugs."

June: "I just hope they don't bring a rat with them."

Beaver: "Heck, to me she just looks like a mom."

Pat: "I think you're real cute, Beaver."
Beaver: "Naaah."
Pat: "How old are you?"
Beaver: "I'm twelve. How old are you?"
Pat: "I'm ten. But I like boys bigger than me."
Beaver: "I'm only two years bigger than you."

Beaver: What if her father answers [the phone]?

Wally: Oh, when that happens, I usually just hang up.

Whitey:

Go ahead, Beaver, put your foot on the lady’s thumb!

Eddie:

Hey, kid–what are you doing up there? Taking a bath?

Ward: Beaver, have you been eavesdropping again?

Beaver: Oh, no, Dad, I was just listenin'.

Wally: Hey Beaver. What are you doing?

Beaver: Just thinking.

Wally: What do you want to go doing that for? It's not even a school night

(approximate dialog)

Ward: Take good care of the Beaver.

Wally: Oh, sure Dad. He's not just my brother; he's a pretty good kid, too.

June: Why can't boys get along together?

Wally: Well, heck, Mom, what fun would that be?

What's algebra?

Well, it's kind of like arithmetic, only
you try to find out what "X" and "Y" are.

What are they? I don't
know. I just started it this year.

Librarian: May I help you?
Beaver: Yes, ma'am, I'd like to see Mr. Haydn.
Librarian: Well, this is the Haydn Memorial Library, but Mr. Haydn passed on a good many years ago.
Beaver: Oh, well, then could I see Mrs. Haydn?
Librarian: I'm afraid the whole family's deceased.
Larry: Well, gee, you got anybody around here that's not dead?

Ward: Well, now just a minute--now just wait a minute now--that's the reason we don't have more pets around here. One minute it's a mouse and the next minute it's a cat. You don't know what you want--you're too fickle.

Beaver: I thought fickle was just with girls.

I don't like this meatloaf much,

and I don't like the way

your mom cooks carrots, either.

You don't, Larry?

No, this is kind of a crummy
house to run away to.

Then why didn't you run away
to somebody else's house?

Ward: Two boys on a Saturday morning can find a lot of delightful diversions. I remember when i was a kid I used a fool around watching the milkman feed his horse, or the water wagon wet down the dirt streets...

June: Well that's fine dear, but this is the twentieth century.

Ward (coming in the front door, home from work): Anybody home?

Wally (yelling from upstairs): Yeah, Dad--we're up here. Mom's patching up the Beaver.

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: I could use my own money, the twenty-five dollars I got in the bank.

Wally Cleaver: I thought you were saving that to go to college.

June (calling up the stairs): Beaver--Judy Hensler's here!

Beaver: Tell her to beat it!

June (calling up the stairs): Beaver--Judy Hensler's here!

Beaver: Tell her to beat it!

June: Beaver, take Miss Landers' arm.

Beaver: But, Mom, she doesn't have any clothes on it.

Well, the Beaver had some
very deep questions to ask about
growing up and getting married.

Well, I hope she's a nice girl.
Oh, Ward. He couldn't be
interested in a girl at his age.

Violet: Richard, have you seen Beaver Cleaver?

Richard: No, Beaver told me to tell you I haven't seen him.

Oh, where's Wally?

He's upstairs putting a
crease in your hat, Dad.

Oh, all right, fine.

June: Ward, do you think all parents have this much trouble?

Ward: Just parents with children.

Ward: But, you know,
one of these days,

I'm gonna come home and
find that everything's all right,

both boys have been perfect,

and I'll know I'm
in the wrong house.

Beaver: What if her father answers [the phone]?

Wally: Oh, when that happens, I usually just hang up.

But an eight—foot alligator
for only two dollars and a half—
there must be a catch to it.

Wally: Gee, Dad, you've been lecturing the Beaver for thirteen years now, and he's still pretty stupid.

Why'd you do a crazy thing
like tippin' our boat over?

Well, I didn't do anything. I just s-sat
there. The boat did all the tippin' over.

Ward: You don't know what you want--you're too fickle.

Beaver: I thought fickle was just for girls.

Ward Cleaver: How'd the fishing go Beav?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Great Dad. We didn't catch any fish, but Larry and I saw a man slip on a wet rock and heard everything he said.

June: Beaver, look at your sock! [It has a hole in the heel]

Beaver: Oh, yeah, I noticed that this morning.

June: Then why didn't you change it?

Beaver: I figured my shoe would cover it up.

Ward Cleaver: I'm going to change my clothes and finish painting those trash cans myself; the boys ran out on the job.
June Cleaver: Well dear you can't blame them too much, they went over to see the big fire at the lumber yard.
Ward Cleaver: Fire?
June Cleaver: Yes, they couldn't resist it, and after all they are just boys.
Ward Cleaver: Tom Corton's lumber yard?
June Cleaver: Yes, it's been on the radio. Why, they've called out fire companies from all over.
Ward Cleaver: Well it must be quite a fire.
June Cleaver: Yes, it must be.
Ward Cleaver: June, I wonder if you'd go out to the garage and put those brushes in some turpentine, I won't be too long. (Rushes out the back door.)
June Cleaver: Once a boy always a boy.

Beaver returns from fishing, wit bait in his pocket.

Wally: Hey, Beaver, you small bad.

Beaver: I don't smell bad to me.

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: We can't just say we're going to be friends. We gotta have an agreement or something.
Larry Mondello: Okay.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: I, Beaver Cleaver, swear to die for Larry Mondello and always stick up for him and never snitch on him and be his friend forever.

Wally: Beaver, aren't you getting tired of just hangin' around the library all the time?

Beaver: I sure am. There's nothin' to do there but read.

Fred Rutherford: [Wally and Eddie's prank on Lumpy has backfired] Clarence! Did you wrap this chain around the axle of your car and then try to drive off?
Clarence 'Lumpy' Rutherford: Gosh no, Daddy! Why would I do something like that?
Fred Rutherford: It just seems like something you would do.

Eddie, to Beaver: Some basketball player. You couldn't dribble down your chin heh heh.

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: How come Eddie's such a creepy guy?
Wally Cleaver: He works at it.

Eddie, to Wally: You're out, Clyde. O-U-G-H-T.

(June and Ward find a bum's clothes wadded up in their bedroom)

June: I don't think Beaver was entertaining Noel Coward.

Eddie, to Beaver: What have you got, long playing mouth?