Coach Hayden Fox: You graduated from college and now you won't wash my car?

Dauber: Uh-Huh

Coach Hayden Fox: You see, this is why I hate education.

Dauber: "What do you think, coach?"
Hayden: "I think you look like a Shriner!"

Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : I've made out my will, and I'd like you to be my executioner.
Coach Hayden Fox : I think you mean "executor."

Hayden: "If you people can't understand any of that, then I feel. Sorry for ya!"

Coach Hayden Fox : We've got pie!

Hayden: "I pay my premiums, Luther, in case something horrible happens!"
Luther: "Here I am."

Hayden: "Courts shouldn't have to deal with frivolous lawsuits like this. It's bad enough that people today are allowed to blame someone else for their own stupidity; now they want to be rewarded for it.

Let's say no to to stupidity. Let's say no to Luther Van Dam."

Coach Hayden Fox:
[Dauber has just admitted he kissed another woman] I know women. You wanna know how you make this right with Judy?

Dauber:
Well ya.

Coach Hayden Fox:
You gotta bury it! Bury it! Bury it with a shovel and then bury the shovel!

(Last line of the series.)
Hayden: "Just stop moving!"

Craig T. Nelson: (as himself, and facing camera.)"Thank you. And good night."

Coach Hayden Fox:
Geez, Luther! Show a little sensitivity! The man's wife has passed away. Quit beating a dead horse!

Hayden: "The secretary's a guy."

Man: (to Hayden)"What would make you buy this?"
Hayden: "Put beer in it."

Kelly: "It used to be an old sewing factory."

Hayden: "I feel like Gulliver."

Hayden: (to Christine)"No; I got lucky. I found you."
Christine: "We both got lucky."

Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : You're the only man that I can look in the eye and say "I love you." And I know you love me, Even thought you don't say it. I mean, I don't expect you to say it all the time, you know. Wouldn't KILL you every once in a while, though!