Officer Anderson: You know, this is a one way street.
Jeannie: I was only going one way.

Jeannie: "I would not be going out with your best friend if I were married to his best friend."

(Talking to Major Nelson)
Dr. Bellows: "Some men dedicate their lives to science. Some men dedicate their lives to politics. I'm dedicating my life to understanding you."

Jeannie: Master is football more important to you than I am?

(Jeannie angry at Major Nelson)
Jeannie: "A six letter word for rat. M-A-S-T-E-R!!"

Jeannie: How should I punish him? Should I give him death of a thousand itches.
Major Healey: How about scratches?
Jeannie: Itches are much worse.

Jeannie:
How should I punish him? Should I give him death of a thousand itches.

Major Healey:
How about scratches?

Jeannie:
Itches are much worse.

Blue Djinn: "How does thou wish to die?"

Major Nelson: "Of old age."

Jeannie: Master is football more important to you than I am?

Major Nelson: Of course not, that's like comparing oranges and lemons.

Jeannie: And I'm the lemon.

Tony: Look, l'm sorry l didn't notice you were a chimpanzee.

Jeannie: l am just something you order in and out of a bottle.

Tony: Oh, no, that's not true. You're a warm, wonderful woman.
You're everything a man could possibly...
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Back in the bottle!

Blue Djinn: How does thou wish to die?
Major Nelson: Of old age.

Roger: "Is that you, Tony? I don't like practical jokes."

Jeannie: "All I do is think and blink."

Roger: "I've never had so many dates in my life."

Jeannie: "All I do is think and blink."

Jeannie: "I would not be going out with your best friend if I were married to his best friend."

Jeannie: "Master I have a mother-in-law problem."

Major Nelson: "You can't have a mother-in-law problem.

General Schaeffer: "A can of chili is a joke, doctor. A case is a court martial!"

(Last line of the series.)
Tony: "Let me see that; I haven't seen one of those since I was a kid!"

Tony: "I must've gone further into orbit than I thought."

Tony: (to Jeannie)"You're older than you look."
(Jeannie replies in Arabic.)

Dr. Bellows: "Captain, that's the classic fantasy. Á beautiful girl on a deserted island,..."

Jeannie: "For over 2,000 years I've been in that bottle, and then..."

Major Nelson:
Jeannie, that's marvelous. I don't know how to thank you.

Jeannie:
[putting her arms around his neck] I will teach thee, Master.

DR. BELLOWS: I suppose you have some explanation for this boat being in your living room.

MAJOR NELSON: Well it was too big for the bedroom.

DR. BELLOWS: It's going to be another one of those weeks isn't it, Major...

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/35/a5/8e/35a58ef28ed384b573631066ab07c40e.jpg

Major Anthony Nelson:
Jeannie, why didn't you stop the rain when you left?

Jeannie:
Rain? Oh... Four Corners! I left the water running!

Major Anthony Nelson:
There's nothing left of the place. It's a lake!

From "Jeannie and the Curious Kid"

MAJOR NELSON: Hello Colonel Bottle, this is Major Bellows, do you have the Nelson there?

DR. BELLOWS: Major, have you been drinking?

MAJOR NELSON: Uh no not yet...

https://i.postimg.cc/Vv12b8Bp/bot2.jpg (https://postimages.org/)

Interesting side note - the prop phone seems to be the same one used on both the Nelson and Bellows house set - the phone cord is frayed and partially pulled out of the receiver in both scenes.

Sergeant Ben Roberts:
Major Nelson.

Major Anthony Nelson:
Yeah?

Sergeant Ben Roberts:
My brother just phoned me, and nobody understands it, but, uh, that lake that used to be his farm...

Major Anthony Nelson:
Yes, what's the matter now?

Sergeant Ben Roberts:
Well, it's filled... with the biggest trout you ever saw!

Major Anthony Nelson:
Trout?

Sergeant Ben Roberts:
And bass, and catfish! It's a fisherman's paradise! My brother and all his friends is rentin' out cabins to tourists, and getting rich!

Jeannie: (to Tony)"My only wish is to make you happy."

Roger: "Yes, and this party is kind of a class reunion."

Dr.Bellows: “I’m sure you have another one of your marvelous explanations, Major Nelson! “

Roger: "She was sort of engaged, only I found out it was with another guy."

Roger: (to Tony)"I'll bet you that all women are bad, including Jeannie!"

Anthony 'Tony' Nelson:
Come on, let's go.

Jeannie:
Where?

Anthony 'Tony' Nelson:
Well, down to the market. Maybe we can still catch him.

Jeannie:
Please, do not bother. You-you have to go breathe.

Anthony 'Tony' Nelson:
I do not have to breathe.

Girard: "Milton, any dame's who's stupid enough to believe that story, has got to land us in the clink. Come on, let's go."

Girard: "I'm gonna open you up like a can of sardines."

Jeannie: "Master I have a mother-in-law problem."

Major Nelson: "You can't have a mother-in-law problem.

Tony: "Believe me, Roger, it's no fun getting everything you wish for."

Tony: "She wasn't born a genie, you know.'

Jeannie: (to Tony) "Oh, you are the most generous master I have ever known."

Tony: (to Jeannie)"I'm gonna give you a choice: Either you behave like the genies, or you're gonna have to get out of here."
Jeannie: "Do you mean that?"
Tony: "I certainly do."

Roger: "Know about it? He doesn't make a move without it."

Dr. Bellows: (to Tony)"I like it better than the apple tree you had in your living room."

Roger: "Big crocodiles or small crocodiles?"

Tony: "When you care for somebody, I mean, when you really care for somebody, you don't try to change 'em. You take the good with thye bad, and you be thankful for what you've got. I forgot to be thankful."

Judy Carne: "Well, you know, sock it to me."

Arte Johnson: "Verrry interesting."

Judy: "You really socked it to him."

Gary Owens: "I thought we did some far out things on Laugh-In, but this is too much!"

Arte, Gary, Judy: (in unison)"Confusing."
Arte: "But..."
Arte, Gary, Judy: (in unison)"Verrry interesting."

Roger: "That's like the Titanic bringing along its own iceberg."

Blue Djinn:
How does thou wish to die?

Major Nelson:
Of old age.

Tony applies for a loan in "Jeannie Breaks the Bank"

JEANNIE: But I can give you everything you need.

TONY: She's a very close friend.

MR WILFRED: Oh, don't apologize. You'd be surprised how much of that goes on at Cocoa Beach.


and later


MR WILFRED:How much real estate do you own?

TONY: None. I have a house, but it's got a mortgage on it.

MR WILFRED: But you do have securities.

TONY: No.

MR WILFRED: No wonder you want a boat. You want to escape from poverty.

Melissa Stone:
Goodbye Tony.

Major Nelson:
No, no. You don't understand.

Melissa Stone:
Oh, I'm afraid I do understand. [Melissa stares at Jeannie standing in front of Tony's bedroom, still clad in 'Master's' shirt, before she faces him again, trying to stay calm] Tony... I may be, tolerant, but... [explodes in frustration] But that's a GIRL! [running to front door] IT'S A GIRL! [slams door on her way out]

Jeannie:

Amanda Bellows:
[after Jeannie has turned Tony's living room into a campground with a fire, tent, and running brook] Oh, it's wonderful! Alfred, how come we never do anything like this?

Col. Alfred E. Bellows, MD:
Amanda, I spend half my life *curing* people who do things like this!