Post your favorite quotes & lines from Get Smart.


Smart: "At the moment, seven Coast Guard cutters are converging on us. Would you believe it?"
Mr Big: "I find that hard to believe."
Smart: "Hmmm . . . Would you believe six?"
Mr Big: "I don't think so."
Smart: "How about two cops in a rowboat?"

Chief: "Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable."
Max: "And loving it!"

A Maxwell Smart quote:

A Maxwell Smart quote:

Maxwell Smart: [running gag, after being warned by the Chief that his next assignment will be the most dangerous yet] ... And loving it!

A Max & Chief quote:

Smart: At the moment, seven Coast Guard cutters are converging on us. Would you believe it?

Maxwell: (to Chief)"You'll be making hundreds of decisions without my advice."
Chief: "Aaaand loving it."

Maxwell: "99, you won't believe what they've got up here on the second floor."
99: "What is it?"
Maxwell: "A second floor closet."
99: "Don't tell me it has a self-locking door."
Maxwell: "It has a self-locking door."
99: "I asked you not to tell me that."

Maxwell: "Honestly, Chief, can you picture me as a mental patient?"

Smart: The old Professor Peter Peckinpah all purpose anti-personnel Peckinpah pocket pistol under the toupee trick

A Maxwell Smart quote:

Siegfried: "This is KAOS! We do not shush around here!"

Chief: "No, Max. Not the cone of silence."

[repeated lines]
Maxwell Smart: Don't tell me...
[bad news of the week]
Maxwell Smart: [99 or Chief tells Max the bad news]
Maxwell Smart: I asked you not to tell me that!

A Maxwell Smart quote:

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable

Chief: "Max, are you sure you and Larabee aren't related?"

Max: "You know a lot of people have asked me that lately, Chief."

A Maxwell Smart quote:

[repeated line]
Maxwell Smart: Ah yes! If only he'd used his
[gizmo of the week]
Maxwell Smart: for niceness instead of evil!

Maxwell: "Don't tell me you'd shoot an unarmed man in mid-air."
Siegfried: "Of course I would."
Maxwell: (shouting)"I asked you not to tell me that!"

99's mother: (to 99)"Didn't you know? Your father was a spy."

"Maxwell Smart: Will you stop cleaning, following me around and picking up, you're beginning to get on my nerves.
Hymie: I'm programmed for neatness.
Maxwell Smart: Well I'm programmed for sloppiness and that's the way I like it."

The Chief, Max & 99:

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable

Max: Aaaaand loooving it!

Smart: The old Professor Peter Peckinpah all purpose anti-personnel Peckinpah pocket pistol under the toupee trick.

.

Smart:Why should we take the word of a vicious homicidal psychopathic killer like you?"

Hunter:"Because I am a gentleman."

Hunter:{after one of his agents and dogs have been killed by Smart in a trap): "No more Mr Nice Guy!"

A Maxwell Smart quote:

Max: "So. It's Miss Hilton. Susan Hilton. I worked with you for five years and you never told me your name."

99: "You never asked me."

Max: "Susan Hilton. I don't like it. I like 99 a lot better."

Smart: No 99, the real credit belongs to these toys. After all, we had at our disposal every fiendish and destructive plaything ever devised for the pleasure of little children. Those poor devils, all they had were real guns and bullets.

.

Maxwell: "That's the worst impression I ever heard."

Smart: At the moment, seven Coast Guard cutters are converging on us. Would you believe it?

Musician: "Crazy."

99: "Max! The needle!"
Maxwell: "Of course. The old poison needle in the phonograph trick."

.

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

The Chief:

Maxwell Smart:
So. It's Miss Hilton. Susan Hilton. I worked with you for five years and you never told me your name.

99:
You never asked me.

Maxwell Smart:
Susan Hilton. I don't like it. I like 99 a lot better.

Max: "What are you doing here?"
99: "I'm you're wife Max, I'm supposed to be here."
Max: "I knew I was forgetting something."

Chief:
[on phone] Max, where in the world are you?

Maxwell Smart:
[on payphone] Well Chief, I thought I needed a little vacation so I came to St. Germain island.

Chief:
St Germain Island? Max, I need you!

Maxwell Smart:
Big assignment, eh?

Chief:
No, you left with my car keys.

The Chief & Max:

Maxwell Smart:
Pardon me while I get my shoe phone.

Max:

Chief Inspector Sparrow:
First Jack the Ripper who terrorized London at the turn of the century and now the Werewolf. Who'll be next to drive the women of England wild?

Maxwell Smart:
Engelbert Humperdinck?

Max & 99:

Chief:
How can we believe a man who would sell out his friends?

Siegfried:
Dumkopf! Who else are you supposed to sell out? You can't betray enemies!

A Villain & Max:

Chief:
Jos? Vargas is going to be in Washington this week. He'll only be here two days and I wanted to be here to see him.

Maxwell Smart:
Well I hardly think that a Spanish flamenco dancer is more important than my honeymoon.

Chief:
Max, Jos? Vargas is a member of the Spanish Secret Service.

Maxwell Smart:
Oh that Jos? Vargas, well he's a member of the S.S.S.

Chief:
The S.S.S., S.S.S.

Maxwell Smart:
The S.S.S., S.S.S., S.S.S?

Chief:
The Spanish Secret Service Strategic Security Staff.

Maxwell Smart:
Of course. The Spanish Securita Saff, seeve, secret service, secret Spanish staff, the - he's one of those Spanish spies, Chief. The fellow with the little mustache and the big Chihuahua.

Chief:
No Max, the little Chihuahua. Big mustache.

Maxwell Smart:
His little Chihuahua has a big mustache?

Chief & Larabee:

Maxwell Smart:
Yes, well, where would you like to go?

Princess Ingrid:
Your place...

Maxwell Smart:
My place. Well, there's no real historical, er, significance to my place.

Princess Ingrid:
Hmmm. there could be...

Max:

Maxwell Smart:
Would you believe...

Max:

Siegfried:
This is Kaos. We don't *shush* here!

Max:

Preminger:
We want ze formula!

99's Mother:
What formula?

Stroheim:
The formula given to you by your husband in Greece.

99's Mother:
Greece? Oh, now I know who you have me mixed up with: Jacqueline Kennedy.

Max:

Victor Polo:
Who?

Maxwell Smart:
Laurence Hollywood. You're probably more familiar with my father, who was one of the greatest actors the world,

[louder]

Maxwell Smart:
*the world* has ever known.

Victor Polo:
I don't think so, what was his name?

Maxwell Smart:
Huh?

Victor Polo:
What was his name?

Maxwell Smart:
Eh, Jason Hollywood.

Victor Polo:
Never heard of him.

Maxwell Smart:
Oh. Well, you probably remember my mother.

Carl Shirtsinger:
What was her name?

Maxwell Smart:
Leonora Vine. I'm sure you're more familiar with the work they did as a team.

Victor Polo:
I'm sorry, we've never heard of either one of them.

Maxwell Smart:
You've never heard of Hollywood and Vine?

Bird: "KAOS forever. KAOS forever."
(Max points a gun at the bird.)
99: (Horrified)"Max!"
Max: "He may be a little bird, but he's got a big mouth."

Max: "The old finger-in-the-gun trick."

99: "Oh, Max, how terrible."
Max: "He deserved it, 99. He was a KAOS killer."
99: "Sometimes I wonder if we're any better, Max."
Max: "What are you talking about, 99? We have to shoot and kill and destroy. We represent everything that's wholesome and good in the world."

Chief:
[Larabee has a bowling ball on his hand] What's that on your hand, Larabee?

Larabee:
I bought it at lunch, it got stuck on my fingers.

Chief:
Why don't you get some oil to get it off?

Larabee:
There's no point in doing that Chief, tonight's my bowling night.