Bonnie: (to Christy)"Do you know the definition of insanity?"
Christy: "Yeah, I know the definition of insanity, I live with you!"

Bonnie: "I'm allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink it I break out in handcuffs."

This one was said by Jill.

Christy: "I can't tell you not to drink and smoke pot because my senior yearbook quote was, ‘Let's drink and smoke pot.’"

Christy: "Some mothers teach their daughters how to bake. Mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady."

Bonnie: "Mmm...it's not sweet like a tomato or sour like vinegar..."

A Bonnie quote:

Bonnie: "Cherry? Squirt? Fleshy? You can't help yourself, can you?

Patrick and Christy line/quotes:

Bonnie

Christy: Violet, I can't tell you not to have sex at your age, because I had sex at your age.
Violet: Mom, I'm not having sex.
Christy: Unh, don't lie to the woman who washes your sheets.

Christy:

Bonnie: [Final line: Enters] Oh, I almost forgot. Your daughter thinks she might be pregnant. Call me if you need me.

[Exits]

Bonnie: (to Jill)"She really needs to get laid."

Christy: "I don't care. I'm breaking bad."

Christy: (to Bonnie)"...I refuse to sit in a car when you have low blood sugar."

Christy: "I'm not comfortable getting horny in front of my mom."

Bonnie: "I swear to God; if I go to jail, it's going to be for murder."

Bonnie: "Cherry? Squirt? Fleshy? You can't help yourself, can you?"
Chef Rudy: "It's very hard."

Christy: "Where romance goes to die."

Marjorie: "Those things, left unsaid, often poison the marriage bed."

Christy: Violet, I can't tell you not to have sex at your age, because I had sex at your age.

Violet: Mom, I'm not having sex.

Christy: Well, no good deed goes unpunished.

Bonnie: Steve is pushing for us to be a real couple. Lunches, dinners...

Christy: What a monster. Dump him.

Christy:

Bonnie: "Cherry? Squirt? Fleshy? You can't help yourself, can you?"
Chef Rudy: "It's very hard."
And a little later:
Bonnie: "Mmm...it's not sweet like a tomato or sour like vinegar..."
Chef Rudy: "Exactly. It's a third thing that didn't exist until one was driven deep inside the other. And yes, I know what I just said."

Bonnie & Tammy:

Bonnie: It's not a sin to be thrifty, dear.

Christy: "What is gluten, anyway?"

Bonnie: (to Christy) "...I lied because I love you."

Christy: "That was the best shower of my life."

Christy: "...don't get hung up on the metaphor."

Bonnie: (to Jill) "I don't like your blouse."

(Bonnie and Jill, et al are stoned and riding playground horses.)
Jill: "You know, I learned how to masturbate on one of these."
Bonnie: "When you were little?"
Jill: "No, just now."

Bonnie & Jill:

Chef Rudy: "Hahd to chahge sixty bucks for lobstah chowda with capers."

https://wwwimage-secure.cbsstatic.com/base/files/mom-cross-stich-1.jpg

Tammy:

Tammy: "Those people we lived with they end up adopting you?"
Bonnie: "Hell no."

https://wwwimage-secure.cbsstatic.com/base/files/momquotes5_1.jpg

Christy: "Well, drunks and drug addicts call me. Nobody with good judgement."

Christy: "...those meth heads are so chatty."

Phyllis: "Listen to Tom Jones over here."

Steve: (to Bonnie)"I am not your secret sex toy!"

Jill: "My husband knocked up his whore."

Roscoe: [playing blackjack] I don't have anymore money.
Bonnie: No money? Or no money ON you?
Roscoe: Well, I have some upstairs in my piggy bank.
Bonnie: Well it's not doing you any good up there, is it?

Bonnie: "I do like a man with a nose ring."

Christy: "That's what fliends are for."

Jill: "The Beatles?"
Jodi: "What? They're old; she's old."

Christy: (on phone) "Marjorie, where's that Armenian buzz kill now?"

Bonnie: "Does she live here, or did it fall on her?"

Christy:

Marjorie: Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time.
Bonnie: Secret garden? Holy Moses, how many cats do you own?
Marjorie: Four.

Bonnie & Adam:

Violet: Do we have a Bible?
Christy: We have one that's hollowed out.
Violet: Why would it be hollow?
Christy: ...I misspoke. We don't have a Bible.
Violet: Never mind, I'll just get one at the library

Jill: "I mean, temptation's all around me.."

Christy: "Little guy, big motorcycle."
Christy & Bonnie: (unison) "Tiny weiner."

Bonnie: (to Miranda) "Hey, see my foot, watch your ass."

Christy: "Wow! She actually got quieter."

Bonnie: "Is that a fuse you want to light?"

Jill: "Everyone's beautiful in their own peculiar way."

Violet: I changed my mind!
Christy: I told you, you can't go home, you have to have this baby.
Violet: No, I changed my mind, I'm keeping this baby!
Christy: [she and Bonnie look at each other] Are you sure?
Violet: I'm never going through this much pain again, so I need to keep this baby!

Christy:

https://wwwimage-secure.cbsstatic.com/base/files/momquotes9.jpg

Adam:

https://66.media.tumblr.com/e074f93028e55100986e575e532e8a0d/tumblr_nia568yXRy1t3816po3_500.png

Christy & Bonnie:

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/4e/7f/17/4e7f1738db2d8248a7640afa24af3b4f.jpg

Bonnie: "...I'm back on the bean."

Marjorie: Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time.

Bonnie:

https://wwwimage-secure.cbsstatic.com/base/files/momquotes14.jpg

Christy:

Jill:

Christy: Marjorie, how many cats do you own?
Marjorie: Oh, you don't own cats. You love them.

Tammy:

Jill:

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/69/fb/7c/69fb7cd251e35c08fe054069234a97c9.gif

Jill:

Tammy: "You know when you think about it, god has a plan to kill all of us. It's just a matter of where and when. And how!"

Christy: I can't believe they found you guilty.
Regina: I can. I stole three million dollars.
Christy: Maybe they'll send you to one of those swanky country club jails.
Regina: Get real. I'm a black woman who embezzled money from white people. I'm going to jail jail. Someone's gonna buy my ass for a KitKat bar.
Bonnie: Well, it's only fair. KitKat bars helped build that thing.

Bonnie & Christy:

Alvin: [Knocks on door. Violet answers] Hi. Is Christy Plunkett here?
Violet: You a bill collector?
Alvin: No.
Violet: Subpoena?
Alvin: No.
Violet: Are we being evicted again?
Alvin: No. What do you mean "again"?
Violet: Never mind. She's not here.
Alvin: Oh, okay. You, uh... you must be her daughter.
Violet: Listen pal, we're not joining your church.
Alvin: I'm not... Forget it. I'll come back another time.
Violet: Whatever. [Slams door]
Alvin: Wow. My granddaughter's a joy.

Travis: "You know things have gotten bad when your drug dealer tells you to get help."

Bonnie: "Moderation's not our strong suit."

Travis: (to Christy)"The rest of my life... I gotta live with what I did."

Bonnie: (to Travis) "My boyfriend is really gonna like you."

Travis: "Who cries all the time?"
Wendy: "That's me."

Bonnie: "Who the hell puts mustard on chicken salad?"

Jill: "Why bother? My life is pointless."

Bonnie: "I wouldn't mind gettin' the recipe for this cornbread."

Bonnie: ..."would you look at what they're gettin' for sperm."
Jill: "Tell me about it. In college I was up to my eyeballs in the stuff; now I've gotta write a check for it."

Christy: "Lovely, in a master race kind of way."

Cookie & Bonnie:

Christy: Why are you so hung up on having couple friends?
Bonnie: It's what you do when you get married. You cultivate relationships with other couples. You go to movies together, you meet for sushi, you stay at their beach house. They had a beach house.
Christy: Really? Do they have any kids my age?

Adam:

Christy:

https://i.postimg.cc/Ghrc5VsB/image.gif

Christy: "I came out feet first so I could run."

Bonnie: "Yeah, well, that's what happens when you tell someone they're not fit to reproduce."

Bonnie: "...and then talk about her behind her back, like a true friend."

Christy: "I'm just browsing."
Camille: "Yeah, I sensed that."

Christy: "Oh. I didn't know that."
Camille: "Why would you?"

Camille: "If you're so interested in sunglasses, there's a Walgreens down the street."

Christy: "Buy her a tube of bitch cream."

Smoothies are canceled.

- Christy

Bonnie & Christy:

Marjorie: Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time.
Bonnie: Secret garden? Holy Moses, how many cats do you own?
Marjorie: Four.

(First line of the series.)
Christy: "I think you'll find... to have shints of vanilla and caramel, with a velvety smooth finish."

Christy: [speaking to Luke's parents] All right, I just want to say that we've all come to really love your son, and I know my daughter is crazy about him, so... I'm sure there's a happy ending in here somewhere.
Bonnie: If Violet just gave him a happy ending we woul...
Christy: Mom!

(Last line of the series.)
Marjorie: "Who else would like to share?"

Adam: They should make meat dessert. Like meat in a pie.
Andy: Meatloaf pot pie! But no peas.
Adam: Why do people ruin everything with peas? Get out of here peas!

Bonnie & Adam:

Jill:

Adam:

You have money, to live alone, without an annoying older woman? That's my dream!

- Christy

Jodi: "Well, that's a disturbing piece of pastry."

Bonnie: "Hey. Excited, constipated, what's the difference?"

Bonnie: "One down, four to go."

Bonnie:

Trevor: Sex is not a resolution for conflict.
Bonnie: Then you're not doing it right.

Christy: "That's where I am. Between two dicks."
Jill: "That's where i need to be."

Bonnie: "Don't ask me about my business, Wendy."

Bonnie:

Andy: Or, I could just not drink.
Jill: What?
Andy: If it makes you uncomfortable, I won't drink.
Jill: You can do that?
Andy: Absolutely.
Jill: Oh my god, I love that you would do that for me. And I hate you because you can.

Tammy: "That thing's caught more than dreams."

Tammy: "It's pointing straight down."
Bonnie: "So the meeting's in Hell."

Jill: "I get that, I had my own suite at the ER."

Bonnie: "Just a rough draft, but you get the idea."

Christy's final line: "I kissed a girl!"

Bonnie: (to Christy)"Look at you."
Christy: "You certainly are..."

Bonnie: "Yay, alcohol."

Adam: "She threw out one guy tonight, and he literally bounced."

Adam: "For the first time in seven years, I might jump up and down."

Tammy: "One at a time. I'm not a computer."

Bonnie: "No; I saw The Matrix. That's how they get you."

Trevor: "What a nut!"

Ned: "The fastest way to wind up living in your car again."

Trevor: (to Bonnie) "You know, it sounds like your ADD actually served you quite well."
Bonnie: "What are you talking about?"
Trevor: "Your childhood was a nightmare, and your ability to check out from that, might have saved your life."
Bonnie: "So, I should be grateful that I've got ADD?"
Trevor: "It may have been a very helpful coping mechanism,..."

Christy: "All these rules."
Ned: "There's really just one."

Bonnie: (to Alvin)"As you can see, ornery bitch runs in the family."
Christy: "It's actually on our family crest."

Christy: "A simple trip to the grocery store becomes a life or death adventure."

Christy: (to Adam)"You're such a man."

Roscoe: [playing blackjack] I don't have anymore money.
Bonnie: No money? Or no money ON you?
Roscoe: Well, I have some upstairs in my piggy bank.
Bonnie: Well it's not doing you any good up there, is it?

Christy: Some mothers teach their daughters how to bake. Mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady.

Christy: Mom, I've watched you lick cocaine crumbs out of a shag carpet.
Bonnie: It's not a sin to be thrifty, dear.

Marjorie: “We always look at the mountains ahead of us, and we forget the mountains behind us were just as hard to climb.”

Regina: Where do you think Christy is?
Bonnie: I think she's unrolling a fire hose.
Regina: What?
Bonnie: She's dating a fireman.

Marjorie: "My first reaction was relief. Not shock, not sadness, I felt relief."