Joy: "I get disgusting comments and lewd gestures like ten times a day. It is fantastic."

Melanie Moretti: (about Anders, her ex) What if he's missing me too and Los Angeles was filled with so many sad memories he's flying to Paris to fill a void in his life? What if this is *our* meet on top of the Empire State Building moment?

Victoria Chase about someone she apparently doesn't like. (Can't remember who, Susan Lucci, perhaps?)

"If she were any more of a bitch, she'd have puppies!".

Here's an Elka quote:

“Don’t put yourself down, dear—that’s my job.”

An Elka & Joy quote:

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/eb/e8/55/ebe855a55703c34b5be48a34f6187edb--funny-jokes-so-funny.jpg

Joy: "Victoria's having a senior moment."

Elka: "Oh, I have those all the time. I can be walking along, happy as a clam, and suddenly I get this overwhelming urge to hit some young person with a stick."

https://78.media.tumblr.com/c88b5fcb1fe2f6a4a39877819c6b51db/tumblr_mhabstcKCA1r7cmcvo1_500.gif

Victoria: “I’ve been speaking diva since I tearfully informed my preschool teacher that not all little teapots are short and stout.”

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/85/50/1c/85501cdb79c4f52bcf76e6083ec433cd.jpg

A Joy quote:

Elka: (singing)"Nobody knows what the next line is..."

Diane: (to Elka)"That took spunk."
Elka: "Thank you."
Diane: "I hate spunk."

Diane: (to Elka)"Oh, you're right. They do look like hookers."

Victoria: (to Elka)"Did you have to insult the judge like that?"
Elka: "He called me 'elderly'."
Joy: "Well, you are elderly."
Elka: "And he was really fat."

Victoria: "People are plucking their own brows? Do we live in a Third World country now?"

Victoria: "I've been Madoffed!"

Melanie: "...we could have an estate sale."
Elka: "In Cleveland they're called 'garage sales'."
Joy: "Ew."

Joy: "Then what do we do with the body?"

Victoria: "Exactly what we did with the governor’s body in my Lifetime Original Movie, What Do We Do With the Governor’s Body?"

http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1nhyu0lvC1rqu3aso1_400.jpg

Joy:

Elka:

Agnieszka: Disgusting! I thought you said she was not a California floozy.

Victoria:

Melanie Moretti: Airplane mirrors aren't accurate, are they?
Joy Scroggs: Of course not.
Victoria Chase: They get them from fun houses.

Melanie Are you really thinking about finding your son?
Joy: Maybe. It's all just a... a lot.
Melanie: I can't imagine.
Joy: Yes, you can. You're a mother.

Elka & Joy:

Joy Scroggs:
[about the dog] Maybe there's something we can do to cheer him up. What do I do when I need cheering up?

Elka Ostrovsky:
He can't do that, Joy. He's been fixed.

Elka:

Victoria: (about her Emmy nod) Now that Edge of Tomorrow is cancelled, this'll be my very last chance to show that Susan Lucci who the real queen of daytime is.

Joy: I hate daylight saving time.
Gordon: Me too! It´s like jet-lag without going anywhere.
Joy: That would make a great tweet.

Melanie & Joy:

Joy: Need a refill?
Elka: You got that right, Skeletora.

Tyler & Joy:

Sally: (to Joy) So, how about you? How'd you do with the fireman?
Joy: We have a date.
Sally: I give it six months.

Joy:

Rick: Would any of you care to join me in the back of my tour bus?
Joy: tour bus? You drive a ford fiesta!
Rick: Spanish for party!

Elka: "I'm a little nervous. Or maybe it's just staring at that rat's nest that Joy calls a hairdo. It's so unsettling."

Joy: "What do I do when I need cheering up?"
Elka: "He can't do that, Joy. He's been fixed."

Joy: (to Melanie) You're not old. Forty's the new twenty-five.
Victoria: I thought forty was the new thirty.

Victoria:

Reverend Lare:
Melanie, what you did was wrong. You can make it up to Victoria by doing her bidding for a week. And listening to her endless Emmet Lawson stories.

Melanie Moretti:
So, a normal week.

Elka:

Elka Ostrovsky:
Is everything all ready?

Nate:
Yup, all set.

[the lights go down, and Victoria's dress fluoresces the words Vote Elka .com]

Elka Ostrovsky:
Who's MacGyver now?

(First line of the series.)

Melanie: "Airplane mirrors aren't that accurate, are they?"

When you laugh, you're really alive. And you forget about everything else." -Elka Ostrofsky

Just because you're chained to the fence, doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars. -Elka Ostrofsky

(Last lines of the series.)

Victoria: "God, that was fun."
Melanie: "It truly was."
Joy: "I loved it."
Elka: "Same time next week?"
Victoria, Melanie, and Joy: (in unison)"Why not?"
Elka: "You bet."
(All four clink their glasses together.)

Victoria: "You'll find that this is the hardest part of real life. You can't naturally fade out and go to commercial."

?: "Are you hunting wabbits?"

"The best way to get over a man, is to get under another one." - Elka Ostrofsky

- You're a lucky woman, Joy.

- Especially early in the morning. I mean, before 6:00.

I am living in the moment. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it’s a gift. - Melanie Moretti