Sitcomwriter
05-27-2002, 02:51 PM
“I Love Natalie”
Cast:
Natalie Portman as Natalie Tomper-Griftel
Lukas Haas as Lukas Griftel
Elliot Gould as Eli Tomper Sr.
Holland Taylor as Michelle Wilff-Tomper
David Scwimmer as Eli "Ellie" Tomper Jr.
Cathrine Zeta-Jones as Sutine Trufftafarst-Tomper
LeeLee Sobieski as Lisa Tomper-Shiget
Simon Rex as Vladimer Shiget
Jessica Alba as Jessica Pinchot
Kirsten Dunst as Kirsten Axterbarne
#1:”The Newlyweds”
(Lukas is sleeping on the couch in the apartment while Natalie,in a suit is rushing around trying to find her pocketbook)
Natalie:Where is my pocketbook?
Lukas:Let me sleep
Natalie:Honey we have to go to the Gynecoligist remember?
Lukas:Why? we never do it
Natalie:I know because I’ve always said…
Both:Not until we’re 29!
Natalie:Anyway My dad is just letting us witness a birth
Lukas:Whoose?
Natalie:Mrs.Worperganza
Lukas:Oh that FAT LADY! I have to witness a fat lady give birth? No way!
Natalie:Yes way and go into your room and get dressed now before we’re late
Lukas:No
Natalie:No?
Lukas:No
Natalie:Fine! You can stay here
Lukas:That’s it?
Natalie:Yeah.If you don’t want to go you can just stay here.That’s fine with me
Lukas:Wow honey you’re the greatest…Wait there’s GOT to be a catch
Natalie:Nope.No catch except for 39 now (leaves)
Lukas:39? 39? NO!
(Opening Credits)
(The Waiting Room.Natalie and Lukas are sitting down.Natalie is excited while Lukas feels queasy)
Natalie:We’re next to witness the miracle of birth.Aren’t you excited?
Lukas:No.But I’m queasy.I just can’t stand looking at ugly fat pregnant women
Natalie:Thank you very much!
Lukas:And when will YOU be ugly,fat and pregnant?
Natalie:In around 12 years
Lukas:Honey I can’t WAIT thst long!
Natalie:Well your going to have to
Woman:Excuse me miss Are you a doctor?
Natalie:What kind of doctor?
Woman:A Physcyatrist or something like that
Natalie:Well I guess.I’m a trained phycoligist
Woman:And that is?
Natalie:Well it’s the same thing but we’re not allowed to put Doctor in front of our name
Woman:Oh.Can I ask you something?
Natalie:Shoot
Woman:Wow.Are you a pyscic too?
Lukas:No but she might be pregnant in 12 years!
Natalie:Shut up!
Woman:Congradulations!
Natalie:Thanks anyway on to your problem
Woman:Oh you solved it.I’ll just KILL my husband.Thanks (leaves)
Natalie:NO!
(Lukas Laughs)
Lukas:Oh
Natalie:Lukas! It’s NOT funny! I just told a woman to kill her husband!
Eli:Natalie,Lukas I’m sorry I kept you waiting
Natalie:That’s ok dad
Eli:Anyway there’s been a change of plans now it’s playboy Playmate Angelique Cruscoslovaviskianscovanich that your watching
Lukas:You mean the one with the Size Quadroople D+++?
Eli:Damn Straight son.Damn straight
(The apartment.Natalie is upset and plops onto the couch while Lukas has a large smile on his face)
Lukas:I’m so glad I went.My face is all big in smiles
Natalie:That’s not ALL that’s big on you right now
Lukas:I touched her you know
Natalie:Yes yes that’s great
Lukas:Do you think their real?
Natalie:Here’s another question Do you think I care
(They both wander into the kitchen)
Lukas:Come on honey don’t you think her boobs were huge?
Natalie:Yes they were huge
Lukas:Your jealous
Natalie:I am not jealous of that Angelique Crusconsloviavisnakiansihamanic
Lukas:Cruscoslovaviskianscovanich
Natalie:Whatever!
Lukas:You are too!
Natalie:NO! I’m upset that I told a patient she should kill her husband
Lukas:She WASN’T a patient plus she could have just been joking
Natalie:I guess your right (They kiss)
Lukas:I love you
Natalie:I love you too
(Closing Credits)
(Natalie and Lukas are in the Living Room watching the news an eating popcorn)
Female Anchor (Voice):In other news a woman named Mary Santos killed her husban thanks to the advice of a Mrs.Natalie Griftel.You suck Natalie.The man she killed was Sylvester Stalone
Lukas:Natalie! YOU BITCH!
(Natalie starts to cry)
THE END
Cast:
Natalie Portman as Natalie Tomper-Griftel
Lukas Haas as Lukas Griftel
Elliot Gould as Eli Tomper Sr.
Holland Taylor as Michelle Wilff-Tomper
David Scwimmer as Eli "Ellie" Tomper Jr.
Cathrine Zeta-Jones as Sutine Trufftafarst-Tomper
LeeLee Sobieski as Lisa Tomper-Shiget
Simon Rex as Vladimer Shiget
Jessica Alba as Jessica Pinchot
Kirsten Dunst as Kirsten Axterbarne
#1:”The Newlyweds”
(Lukas is sleeping on the couch in the apartment while Natalie,in a suit is rushing around trying to find her pocketbook)
Natalie:Where is my pocketbook?
Lukas:Let me sleep
Natalie:Honey we have to go to the Gynecoligist remember?
Lukas:Why? we never do it
Natalie:I know because I’ve always said…
Both:Not until we’re 29!
Natalie:Anyway My dad is just letting us witness a birth
Lukas:Whoose?
Natalie:Mrs.Worperganza
Lukas:Oh that FAT LADY! I have to witness a fat lady give birth? No way!
Natalie:Yes way and go into your room and get dressed now before we’re late
Lukas:No
Natalie:No?
Lukas:No
Natalie:Fine! You can stay here
Lukas:That’s it?
Natalie:Yeah.If you don’t want to go you can just stay here.That’s fine with me
Lukas:Wow honey you’re the greatest…Wait there’s GOT to be a catch
Natalie:Nope.No catch except for 39 now (leaves)
Lukas:39? 39? NO!
(Opening Credits)
(The Waiting Room.Natalie and Lukas are sitting down.Natalie is excited while Lukas feels queasy)
Natalie:We’re next to witness the miracle of birth.Aren’t you excited?
Lukas:No.But I’m queasy.I just can’t stand looking at ugly fat pregnant women
Natalie:Thank you very much!
Lukas:And when will YOU be ugly,fat and pregnant?
Natalie:In around 12 years
Lukas:Honey I can’t WAIT thst long!
Natalie:Well your going to have to
Woman:Excuse me miss Are you a doctor?
Natalie:What kind of doctor?
Woman:A Physcyatrist or something like that
Natalie:Well I guess.I’m a trained phycoligist
Woman:And that is?
Natalie:Well it’s the same thing but we’re not allowed to put Doctor in front of our name
Woman:Oh.Can I ask you something?
Natalie:Shoot
Woman:Wow.Are you a pyscic too?
Lukas:No but she might be pregnant in 12 years!
Natalie:Shut up!
Woman:Congradulations!
Natalie:Thanks anyway on to your problem
Woman:Oh you solved it.I’ll just KILL my husband.Thanks (leaves)
Natalie:NO!
(Lukas Laughs)
Lukas:Oh
Natalie:Lukas! It’s NOT funny! I just told a woman to kill her husband!
Eli:Natalie,Lukas I’m sorry I kept you waiting
Natalie:That’s ok dad
Eli:Anyway there’s been a change of plans now it’s playboy Playmate Angelique Cruscoslovaviskianscovanich that your watching
Lukas:You mean the one with the Size Quadroople D+++?
Eli:Damn Straight son.Damn straight
(The apartment.Natalie is upset and plops onto the couch while Lukas has a large smile on his face)
Lukas:I’m so glad I went.My face is all big in smiles
Natalie:That’s not ALL that’s big on you right now
Lukas:I touched her you know
Natalie:Yes yes that’s great
Lukas:Do you think their real?
Natalie:Here’s another question Do you think I care
(They both wander into the kitchen)
Lukas:Come on honey don’t you think her boobs were huge?
Natalie:Yes they were huge
Lukas:Your jealous
Natalie:I am not jealous of that Angelique Crusconsloviavisnakiansihamanic
Lukas:Cruscoslovaviskianscovanich
Natalie:Whatever!
Lukas:You are too!
Natalie:NO! I’m upset that I told a patient she should kill her husband
Lukas:She WASN’T a patient plus she could have just been joking
Natalie:I guess your right (They kiss)
Lukas:I love you
Natalie:I love you too
(Closing Credits)
(Natalie and Lukas are in the Living Room watching the news an eating popcorn)
Female Anchor (Voice):In other news a woman named Mary Santos killed her husban thanks to the advice of a Mrs.Natalie Griftel.You suck Natalie.The man she killed was Sylvester Stalone
Lukas:Natalie! YOU BITCH!
(Natalie starts to cry)
THE END