Frank Gannucci
12-21-2016, 07:48 AM
A Honeymooners Christmas Eve:
(Ralph & Ed are at a Walmart store on Christmas Eve. They are waiting in line with a bunch of other people. They are in front.)
Ralph: “Boy, is it cold outside. The wives thought that we were nuts waiting until the last minute to get Christmas gifts.”
Ed: “Yeah. We told them that we have jam-packed schedules. We go bowling, shoot pool, go to the Raccoon Lodge, do more bowling, shoot more pool, watch TV, do our jobs etc.”
Ralph: “Yeah, those wives of ours have it easy. They have nothing to do all day long except make dinner, clean the floors, clean the apartment, pay the bills etc.”
Man: “The store manager is opening the doors.”
(The manager does.)
Man (yells): “CHARGE!”
(Ralph & Ed get trampled.)
Ralph (yells): “OWWWW! WATCH WHERE YOU BUMS ARE GOING.”
Ed (yells): “OW! THEY MUST BE MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS TO GET OVER YOUR FAT STOMACH RALPH.”
Ralph (yells): “OW! YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT NORTON! TAKE IT EASY!”
(After five minutes, Ralph & Ed get up. They are a mess.)
Ralph: “So much for my claim that people are polite around the holidays.”
Ed: “Yeah. Some people are such bullies.”
(They get lots and lots and lots of gifts.)
Ed: “Ralph, you are getting Alice a bathing suit?”
Ralph: “Oh yeah. Just so we can spend two glorious weeks in that beautiful action city, Miami Beach.”
(Crowd cheers.)
Ed: “Oh, I guess you should get ONE earplug.”
Ralph: “ONE earplug?”
Ed: “Yeah, that’s all you need. When you swim, only ONE ear is going to be in the water.”
Ralph: “You are ready for Bellevue pal.”
Ed: “Hey look, this is my department that Trixie is going to get the most gifts for me. It is a department that is the most popular department for kids in a department store.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
(After spending more than 12 hours in the store, Ralph & Ed check out.)
Ed: “Hey Ralph, lets get some snacks for us to eat on the way home.”
Ralph: “Sure.”
(They do.)
Ralph: “Let’s leave Norton.”
(They go to the doors. They are locked in. They see that all the managers have left for the night.)
Ralph (yells): “YOU STUPID STUPE! NOW, WE ARE LOCKED OUT. OUR CELL PHONES ARE DEAD AND WE GOT TOLD THAT ALL THE PHONE LINES ARE DEAD.”
Ed (yells): “LET’S BE CALM! MAYBE CHRISTMAS WILL GET RECHEDULED AT THE LAST MINUTE UNTIL DECMEBER 26TH.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
(To be continued.)
(Ralph & Ed are at a Walmart store on Christmas Eve. They are waiting in line with a bunch of other people. They are in front.)
Ralph: “Boy, is it cold outside. The wives thought that we were nuts waiting until the last minute to get Christmas gifts.”
Ed: “Yeah. We told them that we have jam-packed schedules. We go bowling, shoot pool, go to the Raccoon Lodge, do more bowling, shoot more pool, watch TV, do our jobs etc.”
Ralph: “Yeah, those wives of ours have it easy. They have nothing to do all day long except make dinner, clean the floors, clean the apartment, pay the bills etc.”
Man: “The store manager is opening the doors.”
(The manager does.)
Man (yells): “CHARGE!”
(Ralph & Ed get trampled.)
Ralph (yells): “OWWWW! WATCH WHERE YOU BUMS ARE GOING.”
Ed (yells): “OW! THEY MUST BE MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS TO GET OVER YOUR FAT STOMACH RALPH.”
Ralph (yells): “OW! YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT NORTON! TAKE IT EASY!”
(After five minutes, Ralph & Ed get up. They are a mess.)
Ralph: “So much for my claim that people are polite around the holidays.”
Ed: “Yeah. Some people are such bullies.”
(They get lots and lots and lots of gifts.)
Ed: “Ralph, you are getting Alice a bathing suit?”
Ralph: “Oh yeah. Just so we can spend two glorious weeks in that beautiful action city, Miami Beach.”
(Crowd cheers.)
Ed: “Oh, I guess you should get ONE earplug.”
Ralph: “ONE earplug?”
Ed: “Yeah, that’s all you need. When you swim, only ONE ear is going to be in the water.”
Ralph: “You are ready for Bellevue pal.”
Ed: “Hey look, this is my department that Trixie is going to get the most gifts for me. It is a department that is the most popular department for kids in a department store.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
(After spending more than 12 hours in the store, Ralph & Ed check out.)
Ed: “Hey Ralph, lets get some snacks for us to eat on the way home.”
Ralph: “Sure.”
(They do.)
Ralph: “Let’s leave Norton.”
(They go to the doors. They are locked in. They see that all the managers have left for the night.)
Ralph (yells): “YOU STUPID STUPE! NOW, WE ARE LOCKED OUT. OUR CELL PHONES ARE DEAD AND WE GOT TOLD THAT ALL THE PHONE LINES ARE DEAD.”
Ed (yells): “LET’S BE CALM! MAYBE CHRISTMAS WILL GET RECHEDULED AT THE LAST MINUTE UNTIL DECMEBER 26TH.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
(To be continued.)