Frank Gannucci
07-01-2016, 08:37 AM
A Honeymooners July 4th:
(Ralph goes to the sewer to meet Ed.)
Ralph (yelling into the sewer): “NORTON!”
(“NORTON” echoes.)
Ed (from sewer, yells): “BE RIGHT UP RALPH.”
(“BE RIGHT UP RALPH.” Echoes.)
(Ralph takes his seat. Ed comes up.)
Ed: “Whaddaya say there Ralph?”
Ralph: “Norton, I am going to be famous. Guess what I am going to be participating in this July 4th.”
Ed: “What?”
Ralph: “The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest. I am going to win that belt and the money that comes along with it. Also, there is another prize which is a trip for two to Miami Beach.”
(Crowd cheers.)
Ed: “Ralph, you are a genius. You are planning on taking me to Miami Beach.”
Ralph: “Not you stupid. Alice.”
Ed: “Oh well. You think like me. I am going to do the same thing.”
Ralph (yells): “WHAT? YOU ARE STEALING MY IDEA?”
Ed (yells): “WHAT DO YOU MEAN STEALING IT? YOU JUST TOLD ME YOUR IDEA.”
Ralph: “I don’t know how you did it, but you stole it. Norton, you are backing out.”
Ed: “No, I am not.”
Ralph: “All right pal. On July 4th, when America celebrates its 140th birthday, you will lose. Just remember this Norton. From here on in, we are DEADLY enemies. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want nothing to do with you. If you see me going down the street, get on the other side.”
Ed: “When you walk down a street, there AIN’T no other side.”
(Ralph walks away.)
(On the night of July 4th, Ralph & Ed have to sit next to each other for the Nathan’s July 4th Hot Dog eating contest. Alice, Trixie and Alice’s Mom are watching.)
Alice’s Mom: “Sonny boy looks like he is built for the job.”
Alice: “Yeah, I just hope he doesn’t get sick.”
Trixie: “I hope that my Ed doesn’t get sick too. He says he hopes that he will be able to fit down the manhole after this contest.”
Host: “On your marks, get set, go.”
(The host fires a gun and scares Ralph.)
(Everyone starts eating the hot dogs. Later on, it boils down to Ralph & Ed. Ralph looks like he is going to win until he throws up at the last second allowing Ed to win.)
Host: “Our new hot dog eating champion is Mr. Ed Norton.”
Ed: “Hey, I won.”
(Ralph looks at Ed angrily.)
Ralph (yells): “NORTON, I HOPE YOU GET REALLY SICK. YOU GOT LUCKY.”
(Ralph throws up again just as Cousin Leo, Alice and Alice’s Mom come by.)
Cousin Leo: “I see that I am also too late for the eats.”
Alice’s Mom: “You may be too late for the eats but not too late to see my son-in-law make a fool of himself.”
Ralph (yells): “YOU ARE A BLABBERMOUTH. A BLAB-ER-MOUTH.”
Cousin Leo: “Ralph, it is…” (slapping Ralph’s back): “…GOOD to see you.”
(Ralph throws up again.)
Ralph (yells): “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Ed: “Sounds like feeding time at the zoo. The last time I heard something like that it was from the elephant’s graveyard.”
Ralph (yells): “OKAY NORTON, PUT ‘EM UP!”
(Everyone tries to separate them and make peace. Fireworks start.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “How sweet it is.”
(Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “Let me say as always, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST!”
(Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “Let’s introduce the main cast. Jean Kean.”
(Crowd cheers as Jean comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Crowd cheers as Audrey comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: "Art Carney."
(Crowd cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: “Good night everyone.”
(Crowd cheers.)
(Ralph goes to the sewer to meet Ed.)
Ralph (yelling into the sewer): “NORTON!”
(“NORTON” echoes.)
Ed (from sewer, yells): “BE RIGHT UP RALPH.”
(“BE RIGHT UP RALPH.” Echoes.)
(Ralph takes his seat. Ed comes up.)
Ed: “Whaddaya say there Ralph?”
Ralph: “Norton, I am going to be famous. Guess what I am going to be participating in this July 4th.”
Ed: “What?”
Ralph: “The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest. I am going to win that belt and the money that comes along with it. Also, there is another prize which is a trip for two to Miami Beach.”
(Crowd cheers.)
Ed: “Ralph, you are a genius. You are planning on taking me to Miami Beach.”
Ralph: “Not you stupid. Alice.”
Ed: “Oh well. You think like me. I am going to do the same thing.”
Ralph (yells): “WHAT? YOU ARE STEALING MY IDEA?”
Ed (yells): “WHAT DO YOU MEAN STEALING IT? YOU JUST TOLD ME YOUR IDEA.”
Ralph: “I don’t know how you did it, but you stole it. Norton, you are backing out.”
Ed: “No, I am not.”
Ralph: “All right pal. On July 4th, when America celebrates its 140th birthday, you will lose. Just remember this Norton. From here on in, we are DEADLY enemies. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want nothing to do with you. If you see me going down the street, get on the other side.”
Ed: “When you walk down a street, there AIN’T no other side.”
(Ralph walks away.)
(On the night of July 4th, Ralph & Ed have to sit next to each other for the Nathan’s July 4th Hot Dog eating contest. Alice, Trixie and Alice’s Mom are watching.)
Alice’s Mom: “Sonny boy looks like he is built for the job.”
Alice: “Yeah, I just hope he doesn’t get sick.”
Trixie: “I hope that my Ed doesn’t get sick too. He says he hopes that he will be able to fit down the manhole after this contest.”
Host: “On your marks, get set, go.”
(The host fires a gun and scares Ralph.)
(Everyone starts eating the hot dogs. Later on, it boils down to Ralph & Ed. Ralph looks like he is going to win until he throws up at the last second allowing Ed to win.)
Host: “Our new hot dog eating champion is Mr. Ed Norton.”
Ed: “Hey, I won.”
(Ralph looks at Ed angrily.)
Ralph (yells): “NORTON, I HOPE YOU GET REALLY SICK. YOU GOT LUCKY.”
(Ralph throws up again just as Cousin Leo, Alice and Alice’s Mom come by.)
Cousin Leo: “I see that I am also too late for the eats.”
Alice’s Mom: “You may be too late for the eats but not too late to see my son-in-law make a fool of himself.”
Ralph (yells): “YOU ARE A BLABBERMOUTH. A BLAB-ER-MOUTH.”
Cousin Leo: “Ralph, it is…” (slapping Ralph’s back): “…GOOD to see you.”
(Ralph throws up again.)
Ralph (yells): “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Ed: “Sounds like feeding time at the zoo. The last time I heard something like that it was from the elephant’s graveyard.”
Ralph (yells): “OKAY NORTON, PUT ‘EM UP!”
(Everyone tries to separate them and make peace. Fireworks start.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “How sweet it is.”
(Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “Let me say as always, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST!”
(Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “Let’s introduce the main cast. Jean Kean.”
(Crowd cheers as Jean comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Crowd cheers as Audrey comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: "Art Carney."
(Crowd cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: “Good night everyone.”
(Crowd cheers.)