Frank Gannucci
03-14-2016, 08:19 AM
A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day:
(Ralph & Ed are in Ralph’s apartment.)
Ralph: “We will go to the poolroom in a minute Norton. I just want to check my mail.”
Ed: “Sure thing Ralph.”
Ralph: “Hey wait a minute Norton. It says here that one guy just gave me a check for $10,000,000. All I have to do is cash it in at the bank…Huminahuminahumina.”
Ed: “Ralph, this is your ticket out of here. It’s a great St. Patty’s Day present. The check is even in gold.”
Ralph: “This will be great. I will be a millionaire. This is my ticket out of here Norton.”
Ed: “This will be great Ralph.”
Ralph: “I will get to hobnob with all the millionaires. Poverty will seem like a bad dream. We got to go down to the bank now.”
(Alice comes in.)
Alice: “Hi Ralph. Hi Ed.”
Ralph: “Alice, guess what? We are going to be millionaires on St. Patty’s Day. I just got a gold check for $10,000,000 by some idiot. I am going to cash it in the bank and we will be rolling in dough.”
Alice: “Ralph, if you do that, our whole bank account will be wiped out. It is a scam.”
Ralph: “No, it’s not Alice. No one would do that.”
Alice: “Ralph, if you do that, you would be an idiot.”
Ralph: “You are being stupid Alice. Don’t you want to be a millionaire? Don’t
you want to have a luxury car? I guess you would be uncomfortable in a limo.”
Alice: “I am going up to Trixie’s. Bye!”
(She does.)
Ralph: “Come on Norton. Let’s go. I will show her. I am right all the time. I am the smart one in the family.”
Ed: “But…”
Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT!”
(They go to the bank. They are just about to get the teller to cash the check.)
Ralph: “Boy, I can just see the money now Norton. No more me living at
328 Chauncey Street.”
(They approach the teller.)
Teller: “Are you here to cash in that check?”
Ralph: “Yes. I got this check in the mail from an idiot who is giving me $10,000,000. I want to cash it in.”
Teller: “Sir, this is a scam. Your whole bank account will be wiped out.”
Ed: “No, it isn’t. No person would do that.”
Ralph: “Yeah, I want be a millionaire. Please cash in the check.”
Teller: “All right. I will need your credit card.”
Man: “Sir, please don’t cash in that check. I can tell you from personal experience that that check is a scam. Your whole bank account will be wiped out. It happened to me. I cashed in that check and right now I am
homeless. Please, I don’t want you to be like me. Please, don’t cash it in.”
Ralph: “Don’t scan that credit card teller. I guess Alice was right.”
(Alice comes by with Trixie.)
Alice: “Ralph, glad to see that you made the right decision.”
(Ralph & Ed leave the aisle.)
Trixie: “You two should know that those kind of checks are not ligit.”
Ralph: “You two are right. I just wanted all this money for you Alice. Can you forgive me?”
Alice: “I will.”
Ralph: “Baby, you are the greatest.”
(They hug and kiss. Everyone watches.)
Everyone (yells): “AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”
Ralph: “Hahaha.”
(They all sing a song about scams.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “The cast. First: Jean Kean."
(Audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Audience cheers as Aud comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)
Jackie: "And Art Carney."
(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: “Happy St. Patty’s Day to everyone and of course, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)
(Ralph & Ed are in Ralph’s apartment.)
Ralph: “We will go to the poolroom in a minute Norton. I just want to check my mail.”
Ed: “Sure thing Ralph.”
Ralph: “Hey wait a minute Norton. It says here that one guy just gave me a check for $10,000,000. All I have to do is cash it in at the bank…Huminahuminahumina.”
Ed: “Ralph, this is your ticket out of here. It’s a great St. Patty’s Day present. The check is even in gold.”
Ralph: “This will be great. I will be a millionaire. This is my ticket out of here Norton.”
Ed: “This will be great Ralph.”
Ralph: “I will get to hobnob with all the millionaires. Poverty will seem like a bad dream. We got to go down to the bank now.”
(Alice comes in.)
Alice: “Hi Ralph. Hi Ed.”
Ralph: “Alice, guess what? We are going to be millionaires on St. Patty’s Day. I just got a gold check for $10,000,000 by some idiot. I am going to cash it in the bank and we will be rolling in dough.”
Alice: “Ralph, if you do that, our whole bank account will be wiped out. It is a scam.”
Ralph: “No, it’s not Alice. No one would do that.”
Alice: “Ralph, if you do that, you would be an idiot.”
Ralph: “You are being stupid Alice. Don’t you want to be a millionaire? Don’t
you want to have a luxury car? I guess you would be uncomfortable in a limo.”
Alice: “I am going up to Trixie’s. Bye!”
(She does.)
Ralph: “Come on Norton. Let’s go. I will show her. I am right all the time. I am the smart one in the family.”
Ed: “But…”
Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT!”
(They go to the bank. They are just about to get the teller to cash the check.)
Ralph: “Boy, I can just see the money now Norton. No more me living at
328 Chauncey Street.”
(They approach the teller.)
Teller: “Are you here to cash in that check?”
Ralph: “Yes. I got this check in the mail from an idiot who is giving me $10,000,000. I want to cash it in.”
Teller: “Sir, this is a scam. Your whole bank account will be wiped out.”
Ed: “No, it isn’t. No person would do that.”
Ralph: “Yeah, I want be a millionaire. Please cash in the check.”
Teller: “All right. I will need your credit card.”
Man: “Sir, please don’t cash in that check. I can tell you from personal experience that that check is a scam. Your whole bank account will be wiped out. It happened to me. I cashed in that check and right now I am
homeless. Please, I don’t want you to be like me. Please, don’t cash it in.”
Ralph: “Don’t scan that credit card teller. I guess Alice was right.”
(Alice comes by with Trixie.)
Alice: “Ralph, glad to see that you made the right decision.”
(Ralph & Ed leave the aisle.)
Trixie: “You two should know that those kind of checks are not ligit.”
Ralph: “You two are right. I just wanted all this money for you Alice. Can you forgive me?”
Alice: “I will.”
Ralph: “Baby, you are the greatest.”
(They hug and kiss. Everyone watches.)
Everyone (yells): “AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”
Ralph: “Hahaha.”
(They all sing a song about scams.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “The cast. First: Jean Kean."
(Audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Audience cheers as Aud comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)
Jackie: "And Art Carney."
(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: “Happy St. Patty’s Day to everyone and of course, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)