Funny quotes and lines from Just Shoot Me.

Courtney and Finch lines:

A Jack & Finch quote/line:

Nina & Jack quotes/lines:

Jack (to Elliott): "Why can't she see through this guy?"
Elliott: "It's the hair, it's always the hair."

A Dennis & Nina quote/lines:


Nina Van Horn: Sorry I'm late. I just had the most horrific experience.
Dennis Finch: Oh, did Dorothy's house fall on you?
Nina Van Horn: Back off, Munchkin.

My favorite Dennis and Nina:

Nina: Guess what I have?
Dennis: Why, are they baffled down at the clinic?

Dennis: "Ooh, a sex dream. How was I?"
Maya: "Absent."

Elliot: "Mr. Finch, please don't squeeze the Carmen."

A Nina & Elliott quote/line:

Dennis: Let's try a little word association. Boring.

A Finch & Maya quote/line:

Society is turning into a cesspool, and you're deep-sea diving.

--JACK GALLO, Just Shoot Me!

Nina: "Look at her, writing her first big article for Papa."
Elliot: "So?"
Nina: "So?" First it's an article, then it's a job; before you know it "SHE's" in charge and I'm back on the boat show wearing that damn mermaid suit."

Dennis: Oh, I just remembered. You're boring.

Maya:

[upon receiving a gift of a fish tank containing an exotic fish from Jack]

Kevin Liotta:
Oh, wow. I'm gonna name my new fish Jack Gallo.

Dennis Finch:
I'll give you twenty bucks if you eat him.

Nina Van Horn:
So me and Cherise are out with the French diplomats, and long story short... Ta-da!

Maya Gallo:
Wow! Is that an engagement ring?

Nina Van Horn:
I don't know. I woke up this morning in the floor of my apartment and I coughed up this. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Maya:

Dennis Finch:
The cage was the last straw for you, wasn't it?

Elliot DiMauro:
Right after the cage. And a little time after that - boom! - it was over.

Nina:

Jack Gallo:
Wait a minute. How do we know you and Kevin haven't worked out some sort of system?

Kevin Liotta:
[shouting] I'm not a cheater!

Jack Gallo:
Okay, that's good enough for me.

Elliot:

Jack Gallo:
This guy hosted last year. He's great

Emcee:
So, do we really need to sit here for three hours, or can we just give all the awards to Cosmo?

Jack Gallo:
Get off the stage, you hack!

Finch:

Maya Gallo:
Oh, good. Nina, you're here. I want you to listen to this too. I have a little announcement to make.

Nina Van Horn:
That was the only clean outfit in your closet?

Maya:

Jack Gallo:
The wolf should get more camera time. He's like a young Pacino.

Jack, Finch & Nina:

Kurt:
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to. [walks over to two women at the bar]

Kurt:
[English accent] Hello, ladies. I'm Phil Collins.

Jack & Maya:

Nina Van Horn:
He's cute, he's muscular, he's all yours.

Maya Gallo:
But it's not going to go anywhere.

Nina Van Horn:
It only has to go one place.

Maya Gallo:
Nina!

Nina Van Horn:
Your heart. I'm kidding, I meant the other place.

Elliot: (to Dennis): "Notice how I made her sexuality leap off the page..."
Dennis: (sarcastic) "Oh, yeah, you're a genius. You took a picture of one of the hottest women in the world and somehow made her look beautiful... What's your secret? Are you using some kind of film?"

Nina: "Who do I have to sleep with to get this apartment?!... No, seriously. I want to know."

Elliot: (to Dennis) "Thanks to you, my life sucks."
Dennis: "I can't take all the credit; you had a pretty good head start."

Dennis: "Acccounts layable."

Chris:
My dreams can be summed up in three words: Yankee jacket coat.

Elliot & Finch:

Jack Gallo:
Why can't she see through that guy?

Elliot DiMauro:
It's the hair, it's always the hair.

Dennis: "It's an orthopedic jumpsuit."

Nina: ".. Someone got a little last night."

Rhonda: (to Dennis(You. I'd like to roll you up and put you in my sock drawer."

Nina: "Colorful?! She's a rainbow."

Nina: "...or is that just the gin talking?"
Maya: "Could be the gin, could be the brandy you had before the gin."

Dennis: (to Elliot)"You look like a light bulb in a turtleneck."

Camille: "That son of a bitch stiffed me?!"
Elliot: "...you're supposed to be deaf."
Camille: "Honey, for a thousand bucks, I'll be deaf, blind, peg leg, whateever you want."

Dennis Finch:
Thank God you could make it.

Kurt:
Make it fast. I'm getting ready for a deposition.

Dennis Finch:
Calm down, you're not a real lawyer, you're a professional victim.

Kurt:
I have three days to nail down the symptoms of rabies. I won't get a nickel unless I'm foaming like the Jersey shore.

Elliot: "Ever get horny when you're sad?"

Jack: "Sarcasm I won't miss so much."

Maya: "To my father, Jack Gallo."

Jack: "We made a great team, huh?... I wouldn't trade all the time we had together for anything."
(Elliot, Nina and Dennis leave Jack's office.)

(Last lines of the series.)
Maya: "You okay?"
Jack: "It's alll good."
(Maya leaves Jack's office. Jack looks around, then walks out into his farewell party.)

Kirsten: (to Elliot)"There's that, and you're selfish in bed."

Vicki: "Sub shops don't hire people to eat hoagies."

Vicki: "I owe him too much. I can't do anything to hurt him."

Jack: (to Vicki)"Come on. I'll get you some popcorn for the road."

(First line of the series.)
Maya: (on phone)"Bill, hi. It's Maya Gallo."

Dennis: "Hello, Smelliot."

Elliot: "Ahh you can take the boy out of Brooklyn..."

Nina: "You know what the sad part is? I could have been an angel."

Elliot: "Well, it's been whacky... And lemon... Goodbye."

Jack: "I'm going to choose not to understand that remark."

Elliot:

Maya Gallo:
This competition is childish and immature, and I can't believe you would treat a woman like that.

Elliot DiMauro:
We did it to you when you first came here.

Maya Gallo:
You did? Thanks, you guys!

Elliot: "It's a toaster, Nina. You'd know that if you ate anything."

Nina: "Yes, that nine out of ten men preferred women with big boobs."

Dennis: "Hello, nobodies."

Crystal Bernard: (to Dennis)"Welll, you're not an astronaut."

Nina: "...I know what this is about; you just want to have the biggest breasts in the office."
Maya: (in British accent)"Curses! You've caught on to my evil plot, to use my bosoms to take over this magazine, and one day, the world."

Vicki & Jack:

Nina Van Horn:
You don't know the first thing about throwing a hissy fit. You should be flying off the handle. You should be breaking stuff. You should be waking up the next morning smelling of gasoline and saying, "What the hell did I do?"

Maya:

Elliot DiMauro:
Do I look racked with guilt? No. [cut to Elliot in bed with his date]

Co-star:
Has this ever happened before?

Elliot DiMauro:
No!

Dennis:

Jack Gallo: Carl is not a bad guy, but I just don't think he's the one.

Nina:

Dennis:

Nina Van Horn:
He's cute, he's muscular, he's all yours.

Maya Gallo:
But it's not going to go anywhere.

Nina Van Horn:
It only has to go one place.

Maya Gallo:
Nina!

Nina Van Horn:
Your heart. I'm kidding, I meant the other place.