Do you have any favorite Sanford and Son Quotes???
Here are some!!!


Mrs. Eckerd: Just what this place needs new blood
(Fred Makes A Face Like Hers)
Mrs. Eckerd: You know we're fully integrated here!!
Fred: I know you're fully something!!!
Mrs. Eckerd: And what have we in our bag???
Fred: I don't know what we have in our bag, I know what I have in MY bag!!!
Mrs. Eckerd: I mean, is it full of clothes and miscellaneous???
Fred: No, it's full of wine bottles and a cockscrew, didn't my son tell you I'm a wino!!!


Esther: I just came over here to bring Lamont some of my homemade preserves!! Now where do you want me to put them???
(Fred Gives Esther A Look)
Esther: Watch It!!!!!


Fred: I don't know where you're going,but I know where she's(Aunt Esther) going!!!
Esther: Gladly, I've had stomach cramps that I've enjoyed better than you!! I don't know why I stay in this house!!!:lol: :lol:

lol

I think my fave. quote is from the will episode. The whole episode is just hilarious to me. Fred is causing a commotion on the plane and he yells at the guy staring at him, "What the hell's wrong with you? Ain't you never seen a man having a heart attack before?" It went something like that. I die laughing everytime I hear it. lol

Me too!!!:) That's also one of my favorite episodes as well,where Fred has a whole bunch of jewelry to ward off bad luck and he makes up all kinds of excuses and everything and when they get to St. Louis they end up getting almost nothing except for the money for the plane trip back!!!

Here's some quotes from that episode!!!

Lamont: You have never been on a plane before
Fred: Or a plane crash either
Lamont: And you're 66 years old
Fred: And I'm going to live to be 67


Fred(On The Plane Talking To The Man Smoking): Hey, Man, do you see that sign that says "No Smoking",put your cigarette out???
Man(He's Taller Than Fred Showing Him Standing Up): You talking to me???
Fred: No No No!!(Talks To Other Guy Next To Him): Hey, Man,do you see that sign that says "No Smoking"??? You're a good guy, Moose!!!


Fred: I want an emergency window and an oxygen mask(Asks Lamont If He Wants One),make that two emergency windows and oxygen masks!!!

Lamont: There's a lot of good food on here like Lobster Cantonese, Chicken,a lot of good stuff!!
Fred: Then I won't be needing these chicken wings
Lamont: What did you bring them for???
Fred: They probably need some in the back!!(Lamont begs Fred not to yell)!!! Anybody here want some chicken wings??? Chicken wings,fool!!!

Lamont: You're disrupting this plane with your silly antics
Fred: I'm gonna put up your(engine makes lots of noise)...
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
Me too!!!:) That's also one of my favorite episodes as well,where Fred has a whole bunch of jewelry to ward off bad luck and he makes up all kinds of excuses and everything and when they get to St. Louis they end up getting almost nothing except for the money for the plane trip back!!!

Here's some quotes from that episode!!!

Lamont: You have never been on a plane before
Fred: Or a plane crash either
Lamont: And you're 66 years old
Fred: And I'm going to live to be 67


Fred(On The Plane Talking To The Man Smoking): Hey, Man, do you see that sign that says "No Smoking",put your cigarette out???
Man(He's Taller Than Fred Showing Him Standing Up): You talking to me???
Fred: No No No!!(Talks To Other Guy Next To Him): Hey, Man,do you see that sign that says "No Smoking"??? You're a good guy, Moose!!!


Fred: I want an emergency window and an oxygen mask(Asks Lamont If He Wants One),make that two emergency windows and oxygen masks!!!

Lamont: There's a lot of good food on here like Lobster Cantonese, Chicken,a lot of good stuff!!
Fred: Then I won't be needing these chicken wings
Lamont: What did you bring them for???
Fred: They probably need some in the back!!(Lamont begs Fred not to yell)!!! Anybody here want some chicken wings??? Chicken wings,fool!!!

Lamont: You're disrupting this plane with your silly antics
Fred: I'm gonna put up your(engine makes lots of noise)...
:lol: :lol: :lol:

:roflmao: I love all those quotes. My favorite one that you listed above has to be the chicken wing quote. :lol:

Here's another funny quote that Lamont used a lot in the early years


Lamont(Talking To Fred): You know,you're a dirty old man!!
Fred: And I'll be one till I'm a dead old man:lol: :lol: :lol:

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
Here's another funny quote that Lamont used a lot in the early years


Lamont(Talking To Fred): You know,you're a dirty old man!!
Fred: And I'll be one till I'm a dead old man:lol: :lol: :lol:

lol! I love that one too.

Originally posted by Jenny


lol! I love that one too.

Here is my favorite quote.

Grady: Fred I think I'm in love

Fred: How can you be sure Grady?

Grday: Fred I have this warm feeling around my heart

Fred: Grady that ain't love, that's GAS!-


LOL LOL I love this quote.

Originally posted by SOLOMON


Here is my favorite quote.

Grady: Fred I think I'm in love

Fred: How can you be sure Grady?

Grday: Fred I have this warm feeling around my heart

Fred: Grady that ain't love, that's GAS!-


LOL LOL I love this quote.

roflmao

I really need to get out my S & S tapes so I can watch them again. I can't even remember some of the quotes I liked. I'm enjoying reading the ones everybody else posts though. :)

Originally posted by Jenny


roflmao

I really need to get out my S & S tapes so I can watch them again. I can't even remember some of the quotes I liked. I'm enjoying reading the ones everybody else posts though. :)


Here is a quote from Fred on the spinoff "Sanford"-with Fred and the Heavy guy Cal trying to lose weight

Cal: Fred I need some grease, I need the some salt i can't take it ANYMORE!!

Fred: You know that saying you sure are beautiful when you get mad?

Cal: YEAH What About it?

Fred: That ain't go nothing to do with you

I think i may watch this episode tonight-LOL

Originally posted by SOLOMON



Here is a quote from Fred on the spinoff "Sanford"-with Fred and the Heavy guy Cal trying to lose weight

Cal: Fred I need some grease, I need the some salt i can't take it ANYMORE!!

Fred: You know that saying you sure are beautiful when you get mad?

Cal: YEAH What About it?

Fred: That ain't go nothing to do with you

I think i may watch this episode tonight-LOL

lol

Thanks for posting the quote Solomon. I've never seen the Sanford spinoff. You think that show will ever get on TVL?

Originally posted by Jenny


lol

Thanks for posting the quote Solomon. I've never seen the Sanford spinoff. You think that show will ever get on TVL?

It's a poosibilty it may be on TV LAND but not N@N or TBS. Most of the episodes I have are from BET which was shown in the early 90's.

Originally posted by SOLOMON


It's a poosibilty it may be on TV LAND but not N@N or TBS. Most of the episodes I have are from BET which was shown in the early 90's.

I see what you meant about N @ N and TBS. TBS seems to be acquiring the new shows that are still on the air and N @ N seems to be getting TBS' hand me downs. So I guess whatever shows up on TBS, we can expect to see on N @ N in the future. Ugh....

Here's some more quotes I have thought of:

This one comes from the episode where Fred meets Lena Horne!!!


Fred: You know I betcha you never guess who I met at the TV Station!!
Lamont: Johnny Carson
Fred: No No!! A she,the first lady of my dreams!!!
Lamont: Pat Nixon
Fred: No, if you're going to be kidding around,I'll tell you, I met Lena Horne
Lamont: You met Lena Horne,Pop,have you been in the apple jack again??
Fred: No, not only that, she's coming here tonight
Lamont: What did you say???
Fred: She's coming here tonight,you don't believe me,do you???
Lamont: Oh, I believe you, she's coming here accompanied by Duke Ellington's band, the Jackson Five,and Chubby Checker,"Hi, Remember Me"(Lamont does his imitation of the Twist)!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

Originally posted by Jenny


I see what you meant about N @ N and TBS. TBS seems to be acquiring the new shows that are still on the air and N @ N seems to be getting TBS' hand me downs. So I guess whatever shows up on TBS, we can expect to see on N @ N in the future. Ugh....

Here is another Classic Fred Sanford quote from Sanford.

Aunt Esther: Get the marriage license Fred because seeing is believing

Fred: No it ain't

Aunt Esther: Why you say that?

Fred: Because I have been seeing you for years and I still don't believe it


LOL LOL

Originally posted by SOLOMON


Here is another Classic Fred Sanford quote from Sanford.

Aunt Esther: Get the marriage license Fred because seeing is believing

Fred: No it ain't

Aunt Esther: Why you say that?

Fred: Because I have been seeing you for years and I still don't believe it


LOL LOL

lol

Fred and Aunt Esther had excellent chemistry together. Fred had the best insults for Esther and Esther always had the best comebacks. lol

All of my favorite quotes come from Fred's return from St. Louis episode (contract dispute). Lamont and the gang throws a surprise party for Fred.

Hachu (sp?): Surprise Fred!
Fred : Yea, like Pearl Harbor.

Rollo: Hey pops, what it is!?
Fred: ASk yo momma what it is! I bet she don't even know.
Rollo: Come on pops, cheers!
Fred: Is that what you want? Yippee yippee yae yae. Look who got out of jail today! What some more? Bim Bam Boom. Somebody get this ***** outta my room.

(while speaking to Donna and Esther)
Fred: Lookie here, this like my two favorite characters out of a fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast!


Fred later is handing out gifts and hands Esther hers
Esther: This is just a clear piece of plastic.
Fred: Naw it aint. Hold it up to your face. (She does) That's your Halloween mask!


:lol: :crazy: :lol:

Originally posted by bwalton
All of my favorite quotes come from Fred's return from St. Louis episode (contract dispute). Lamont and the gang throws a surprise party for Fred.

Hachu (sp?): Surprise Fred!
Fred : Yea, like Pearl Harbor.

Rollo: Hey pops, what it is!?
Fred: ASk yo momma what it is! I bet she don't even know.
Rollo: Come on pops, cheers!
Fred: Is that what you want? Yippee yippee yae yae. Look who got out of jail today! What some more? Bim Bam Boom. Somebody get this ***** outta my room.

(while speaking to Donna and Esther)
Fred: Lookie here, this like my two favorite characters out of a fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast!




Fred later is handing out gifts and hands Esther hers
Esther: This is just a clear piece of plastic.
Fred: Naw it aint. Hold it up to your face. (She does) That's your Halloween mask!


:lol: :crazy: :lol:

lol! Welcome to the boards! :)

Originally posted by bwalton
All of my favorite quotes come from Fred's return from St. Louis episode (contract dispute). Lamont and the gang throws a surprise party for Fred.

Hachu (sp?): Surprise Fred!
Fred : Yea, like Pearl Harbor.

Rollo: Hey pops, what it is!?
Fred: ASk yo momma what it is! I bet she don't even know.
Rollo: Come on pops, cheers!
Fred: Is that what you want? Yippee yippee yae yae. Look who got out of jail today! What some more? Bim Bam Boom. Somebody get this ***** outta my room.

(while speaking to Donna and Esther)
Fred: Lookie here, this like my two favorite characters out of a fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast!


Fred later is handing out gifts and hands Esther hers
Esther: This is just a clear piece of plastic.
Fred: Naw it aint. Hold it up to your face. (She does) That's your Halloween mask!


:lol: :crazy: :lol:


What is the episode title for that episode? I have to purchase that episode from someone because TV LAND won't show it until almost March-i can't wait that long.

check my sig
The last one might be offensive but I laughed like crazy. I can't wait till the second season comes out on DVD. Not to much longer and this means I don't have to tape the first two seasons. This was one of my favorites shows growing up I remember watching it before the Braves usually came on. Not a Braves fan but love to watch baseball .

What episode is the honky quote from? That's classic.

You're from my era. My dad and I would religiously pop in the blank cassette labeled Sanford at 7:00EST just in time to tape the 7:05 re-run. We ended up filling 3 tapes on the SLP speed! Needless to say, you can hardly make out the sound anymore.

I have no idea which episode this next quote came from since I haven't seen it for at least a decade. Fred and Lamont are in an E.R. of a hospital. Fred is fired up at the fact that the only folks that are waiting to be seen are blacks.

Lamont: Patients are seen on a first come, first serve basis. It makes no difference what color you are.
Fred: Oh no? Look at all these n**gas in here! (laughter) You got so many brothers and sisters in here, you could have a N.A.A.C.P. rally!

Happy Birthday Pop Episode #2 Season # 1

Here's another quote from the episode where Lamont is working at the men's shop and Fred comes in and checks up on Lamont!!!


Manager: May I help you???
Fred: I know how ties are supposed to be felt
Manager: They are not supposed to be felt
Fred: I know they're not felt, they're silk!! I felt silk and I felt felt I felt more silk than I felt felt!!!
Really Funny Exchange:lol: :lol: :lol:

Here's another funny exchange this time between Fred and Lamont:

Lamont: When was the last time you gave in to anybody???
Fred: 1942!! It was with your mama,and it was a big mistake!!!
Lamont: Why?? What happened???
Fred: You were born!!! You see, Lamont in French means "big mistake"!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

Here's one between fred and Esther.

Esther: The Lord says thou not be drunk with wine.
Fred: What he say 'bout scotch?
Esther: That's blasphemy, Fred Sanford, and I'm not gonna be
guilty be association.
Fred: Good. I didn't want to associate w/ you anyway!
:mrt:

Thisone is in the last part of the episode where Lamont has his sensativity group and the next day after the meeting Aunt Esther is over at the house cleaning up!!!

This is a laugh out loud riot here: Here we go!!!

Esther: You're my favorite nephew and if there's anything that I do for you let me know!!
Fred: Tell her to fix her face!!!
Lamont: Say, Pop, didn't you learn anything from the sensativity group last night about people??? Now, try and say something nice about Aunt Esther!!! OK!!!
(Fred trying to say something)
Esther: Watch It!!!
(Fred still trying to say something)
Esther: Careful!!!
Fred: You know, Esther, you're overly generaous!!!
(Esther Smiles)
Fred: Every time you open your mouth, you give away your ignorance!!!
Esther: Slams Sweeper Down On Floor: That Did It!!! (Esther and Fred swatting each other) (Here's The Funny Part): Fred pulls off Esther's wig and Fred goes out the door with it and Esther giving chase and Lamont laughing out loud!!!! Hilarious!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
Thisone is in the last part of the episode where Lamont has his sensativity group and the next day after the meeting Aunt Esther is over at the house cleaning up!!!

This is a laugh out loud riot here: Here we go!!!

Esther: You're my favorite nephew and if there's anything that I do for you let me know!!
Fred: Tell her to fix her face!!!
Lamont: Say, Pop, didn't you learn anything from the sensativity group last night about people??? Now, try and say something nice about Aunt Esther!!! OK!!!
(Fred trying to say something)
Esther: Watch It!!!
(Fred still trying to say something)
Esther: Careful!!!
Fred: You know, Esther, you're overly generaous!!!
(Esther Smiles)
Fred: Every time you open your mouth, you give away your ignorance!!!
Esther: Slams Sweeper Down On Floor: That Did It!!! (Esther and Fred swatting each other) (Here's The Funny Part): Fred pulls off Esther's wig and Fred goes out the door with it and Esther giving chase and Lamont laughing out loud!!!! Hilarious!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

I just taped the episode last week that was very unexpected at the end when Fred pulled Esther's wig off.

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
Thisone is in the last part of the episode where Lamont has his sensativity group and the next day after the meeting Aunt Esther is over at the house cleaning up!!!

This is a laugh out loud riot here: Here we go!!!

Esther: You're my favorite nephew and if there's anything that I do for you let me know!!
Fred: Tell her to fix her face!!!
Lamont: Say, Pop, didn't you learn anything from the sensativity group last night about people??? Now, try and say something nice about Aunt Esther!!! OK!!!
(Fred trying to say something)
Esther: Watch It!!!
(Fred still trying to say something)
Esther: Careful!!!
Fred: You know, Esther, you're overly generaous!!!
(Esther Smiles)
Fred: Every time you open your mouth, you give away your ignorance!!!
Esther: Slams Sweeper Down On Floor: That Did It!!! (Esther and Fred swatting each other) (Here's The Funny Part): Fred pulls off Esther's wig and Fred goes out the door with it and Esther giving chase and Lamont laughing out loud!!!! Hilarious!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

I love this ending. If you'll notice, Demond Wilson's reaction was totally spontaneous, making me think that Redd and La Wanda ad-libbed this bit on the spot!!:lol:

This is one is from the episode "Rated X" where Lamont, Rollo and Fred are in jail together!!!

This one is a funny one between Fred and Rollo:


Fred: Say, listen, where's the men's room in here???
Rollo: Just aim yourself in that direction over there,man!!!
(Shows The Toilet)
Fred: There???
Rollo: There!!!
Fred: I can't use that!!!
Rollo: What did you think it was??? A goldfish bowl!!!
Fred: It's all out in the open!!!
Rollo: I sure hope that you don't get a big sentence!!!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

This time this one's from Fred!!!


Fred: What a way of spending my last days,sitting between two dummies sucking on a Tootsie Roll Pop!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
This time this one's from Fred!!!


Fred: What a way of spending my last days,sitting between two dummies sucking on a Tootsie Roll Pop!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

Yeah that quote had me laughing so hard-I think i will look at that episode tonight.

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
This is one is from the episode "Rated X" where Lamont, Rollo and Fred are in jail together!!!

This one is a funny one between Fred and Rollo:


Fred: Say, listen, where's the men's room in here???
Rollo: Just aim yourself in that direction over there,man!!!
(Shows The Toilet)
Fred: There???
Rollo: There!!!
Fred: I can't use that!!!
Rollo: What did you think it was??? A goldfish bowl!!!
Fred: It's all out in the open!!!
Rollo: I sure hope that you don't get a big sentence!!!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol: :lol: I love that episode! Great quote.

Here's another exchange from the episode "Rated X" where Lamont calls Aunt Esther!!!


Rollo: Is everything all right???
Lamont: Yeah, everything's cool,I called Aunt Esther and she's coming to get us out!!!
Fred: Esther??? Now she's going to blab it all over town that we're in jail!!!
Rollo: Why??? Is she a talker or something???
Fred: Yeah, her mouth is so big you can put your head through there with your hat on!!!
Lamont: Pop, we need Aunt Esther,she's the one with the habeas corpus!!!
Fred: Yeah, and she has got a big one of those too!!!!
Lamont: I suppose you don't want Aunt Esther to get us out of here,you rather for us just to sit here!!!
Fred: Maybe, if we have a cell with a decent toilet!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
Here's another exchange from the episode "Rated X" where Lamont calls Aunt Esther!!!


Rollo: Is everything all right???
Lamont: Yeah, everything's cool,I called Aunt Esther and she's coming to get us out!!!
Fred: Esther??? Now she's going to blab it all over town that we're in jail!!!
Rollo: Why??? Is she a talker or something???
Fred: Yeah, her mouth is so big you can put your head through there with your hat on!!!
Lamont: Pop, we need Aunt Esther,she's the one with the habeas corpus!!!
Fred: Yeah, and she has got a big one of those too!!!!
Lamont: I suppose you don't want Aunt Esther to get us out of here,you rather for us just to sit here!!!
Fred: Maybe, if we have a cell with a decent toilet!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

ROFLMAO!

Here is Fred and Esther's first exchange from the "Rated X" episode!!! This is where they were in jail!!!


Lamont: Aunt Esther, I'm so glad to see you!!!
Esther: Well, I'm sure not glad to see you, at least not in here!!!
Fred: Esther, why don't you shut your face???
Esther: You just keep sucking on that sucker, sucker!!! And when I pull your chain, you bark!!! Otherwise, don't you speak to me???
(Esther Jumps On Lamont and Rollo before going back to Fred)
Esther: Fred Sanford,I'm so glad my sister isn't around to see all of this and the awful stain that you put on our family!!!
Fred: Stained??? Esther, your family was stained when I met you all!!!
Esther: Don't you talk about my family???
Fred: I'll talk about your family!!! Everytime a baby was born it had that ugly stain!!! That's right!!! That ug-gggggly stain!!! Even Ajax couldn't get rid of a stain like that!!!
Esther: How dare you talk about my family??? Why,you bead-eating bear-hugging donkey????
Fred: Don't call me names (Esther slams her purse on the bars and everyone's fighting):lol: :lol: :lol:

Here are some quotes from The Surprise Party episode:


Lamont to Fred: Why don't you ask Aunt Esther if she's wants a drink???
Fred: She wouldn't want one!!!
Esther: Why wouldn't I???
Fred: Because you are a drink!!! A Zombie!!!

Fred to Lamont: And I got you a quadphonic stereo system!!!
Lamont: All right, out of sight!!!
Fred: Here!!! (Hands Lamont a stephascope)
Grady: Wanna trade??? (Fred gave Grady bunion pads earlier)
Lamont: Say, man, you have to be on an airplane to hear these!!!
Fred: No, watch!! (Fred sings, "If I Didn't Care)
Lamont: What kind of present is that to give your own son???
Esther: That's Fred!!! Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap!!!!
Fred: Listen to that, a buzzard trying to imitate a chicken!!!
Esther and Fred start arguing

Here's a quote from the "The Big Party" episode from Esther and Fred!!! This is when she asks Fred to have her Sunday School meeting over at his house!!!


Esther: You know what the Good Book says, "He That Asketh, Receiveth and He Who Seeketh, Findeth!!! That's Matthew!!!
Fred: Well, you have asketh and have been turned downeth, and now go and findeth some place elseth!!! That's Fred!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

there are too many to list
one that sticks out --you can watch me have a heart attack moose
to be honest anything that came out of fred's mouth makes me laugh----he was a classic

Originally posted by sanford
to be honest anything that came out of fred's mouth makes me laugh----he was a classic

Oh, I agree. By the way, I see you are new. Welcome and I hope you have a fun time at the boards. :)

I like the Lena Horne ep. I first saw it when I was about 9 when N@N had an evening of black history shows like "Flip Wilson" and "Julia", so anyway I saw the episode and I saw it again on TV Land last night. Ever since then, I can recall when Fred is on the phone and calls nbc, in a funny way he says "Hello, NBC?!"

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Fred:''Esther,why don't you start by helping us out in the kitchen?''
Esther:'' Alright''.
Fred: ''Alright,you can start by sticking your face in the freezer
and making us some uglycicles!''

after lamont buys the toilet again, fred starts to explain lamonts mistake. he says, "you're just dumb son".

during the poker game fred said"throw them in joe"

"buy a pinball machine".

Originally posted by bry
after lamont buys the toilet again, fred starts to explain lamonts mistake. he says, "you're just dumb son".

during the poker game fred said"throw them in joe"

"buy a pinball machine".


Here is another one of my favorites
Fred is about to marry Donna and is walking up the steps singing-"It's Going to Be Donna and Me, and the Dummy makes Three"-LOL LOL LOL LOL

These are some quotes from the Piano Movers episode:


Guy With The Piano: Uh Uh Uh
Lamont: Oh yeah
Fred: What???
Guy With The Piano: What size shoe do you wear???
Lamont: Go On, tell him what size shoe you wear
Fred: I wear a 10, what are we going to do, dance???
Lamont: It's the carpet, it's antique
Guy With The Piano: You know with those heavy boots you wouldn't want to walk on an old Persian carpet would you???
Fred: With these heavy boots I'll walk on an old Persian
Guy With The Piano: Sorry, those are all I have in size 10(gives him those pointed toe slippers)
Fred: Who wore these last,the thief of Bagdad??? I don't know how you find these people
Guy With The Piano: Uh Uh Uh
Lamont: It's the chair
Guy With The Piano: It's a Chippendale, not for sitting
Fred: You oughta to get a Sears Roebuck they're made for sitting


Fred: This sure is a nice apartment, I wonder how much the rent is!!!
Lamont: You couldn't afford it
Fred: The Supreme Court says I could live anywhere I want to
Lamont: Well, you better get the Supreme Court to pay your rent


Lamont: Well, what do you think???(talks to Fred about the piano)
Fred: I ain't lifting this
Lamont: What do you mean you're not lifting this??
Fred: I ain't gonna rupture myself for no $10
Lamont: Pop, you don't understand, we are not just getting $10, the man is giving us a Steinway!!!
Fred: The man is giving us a hernia
:lol: :lol: :lol:

i also like the camping episode where fred sings his song:
"freddie, freddie sanford,
father of this dummy here..."

Originally posted by bry
i also like the camping episode where fred sings his song:
"freddie, freddie sanford,
father of this dummy here..."

I don't care for that episode-i decided to record over it because looking at just fred and lamont in the woods for 30 min was BORING

Originally posted by bry
i also like the camping episode where fred sings his song:
"freddie, freddie sanford,
father of this dummy here..."

lol- That episode has some funny scenes. I like the part when a spider gets on Fred and he picks it up and he yells "Get me out of here!" lol That scene went something like that. Hope you guys know the scene I'm talking about.

Lamont: I'm gonna go into shipbuilding like that Greek cat Onassis. He started out poor just like me.

Fred: Only one difference.

Lamont: What's that?

Fred: He started off a Greek.

I like the one liners that Fred says "Thats S-A-N-F-O-R-D period" They had a good episode on tonight (or was it last night) where Fred tells Esther that "she's so ugly, she should put her face in doe and make gorilla cookies." I was laughing so hard I was crying.

"I WANT MY DADDY'S RECORDS!"

Any time Fred faked a heart attack or when Esther used the word "sucker" in her sentences.

I love the episodes (when Fred would sing); especially,
"And would I be sure that this, is love, beyond compare........."; and than he would say, that's all for the dinner show..... or, on another episode where he was refusing to identify the robber's at Julio's house to the police, "what kind of fool am I?"

he was such a ham, but hysterical! :lol:

Originally posted by jimmiegirl48


Yeah, both of those...and any time Fred said "dummy."

Well the dummy phrase became stale so the writers did use the dummy phrase a different way sometimes. For example, fred was singing a song as Lamont was coming in the door and he sung "A latti da, A latti de, it's dummy" And then when fred was engaged to donna he was walking up the steps singing-"it's going to be donna and me, and the dummy makes three"-LOL

I have an exchange from the episode The Committee Man,where Fred sees Mrs. Channing!!!


Fred--when he looks at her--: Sheeesh!!! I can't believe it, a white Esther!!!
Mrs. Channing: Excuse me,perhaps I can give you some assistance the convention is down the hall
Fred: May I give you some assistance, the dogcatcher is on his way up!!!
Mrs. Channing: Well, I never!!!
Fred: Maybe if you wore a mask!!!

When They Are Voting For The Library To Be Open An Extra Hour
When Mrs Channing Says Nay:

Fred: Excuse me,what did you say again???
Mrs. Channing: Nay Nay Nay,and you better vote the same way, Nayyyy!!!
Fred: Don't count on it, Trigger!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

and don't forget one of her numerous chacters saying:

"well i never!"

and fred says :" i bet you did."

Here's a funny exchange from the episode A Little Extra Security where Grady gets an extra Social Security check and blows it in Las Vegas.

Grady: We went to Las Vegas and we saw two great shows.
Esther: Sodom and Gomorrah
Grady: No,no!! Nipsey Russell and Harry Belafonte:lol: :lol: :lol:

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
Here's a funny exchange from the episode A Little Extra Security where Grady gets an extra Social Security check and blows it in Las Vegas.

Grady: We went to Las Vegas and we saw two great shows.
Esther: Sodom and Gomorrah
Grady: No,no!! Nipsey Russell and Harry Belafonte:lol: :lol: :lol:

Here is a quote from the episode when Hulio's sister and nephew was living with the Sanfords. TV Land cut this scene out bu luckily i have the UPN version.


Fred: You know young fella that was nice of you to up the price for the lamp another 10 dollars. Give me five.

Hulio's Nephew: No give me ten

Fred: Ten?

Hulio's Newphew: Yes it my ten dollars I was the one who raised the price, It my ten dollars

Fred: You know you have a good head on your shoulders, WANT TO SEE ON THE FLOOR?_LOL LOL

I remember that one. That was hilarious!!!:lol: :lol: :lol: Again I haven't seen this one in a long time,and another one was that was omitted in the Columbia House Video Collection.

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
I remember that one. That was hilarious!!!:lol: :lol: :lol: Again I haven't seen this one in a long time,and another one was that was omitted in the Columbia House Video Collection.

Yeah it came on TV LAND lastnight. You said this episode is in Columbia House?

I meant that the episode wasn't in the collection of Sanford and Son videos that they put out. Others that are missing from the collection is the Beauty Contest with Esther episode,the Christmas episode,and the Hawaiian Connection episodes. Wondered why they didn't put those particular episodes out in the collection??? The Beauty Contest episode is the episode that I definitely want to see again,but I don't have TV Land,and the last time I saw those episodes was when they had them on TBS in the early 90's. Let's hope that they can get every episode out on DVD soon,I know that the second season of Sanford and Son is out(I have the first season on DVD), but Wal-Mart hasn't gotten it in yet!!! Columbia House released 29 videos of Sanford and Son which had 4 episodes to them,which means that they showed 116 episodes of them,why didn't they release the other 19 episodes in the collection,which meant 5 more videos,4 videos with 4 episodes on them,and the Hawaiian Connection episode,which was a 3 parter.

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
I meant that the episode wasn't in the collection of Sanford and Son videos that they put out. Others that are missing from the collection is the Beauty Contest with Esther episode,the Christmas episode,and the Hawaiian Connection episodes. Wondered why they didn't put those particular episodes out in the collection??? The Beauty Contest episode is the episode that I definitely want to see again,but I don't have TV Land,and the last time I saw those episodes was when they had them on TBS in the early 90's. Let's hope that they can get every episode out on DVD soon,I know that the second season of Sanford and Son is out(I have the first season on DVD), but Wal-Mart hasn't gotten it in yet!!! Columbia House released 29 videos of Sanford and Son which had 4 episodes to them,which means that they showed 116 episodes of them,why didn't they release the other 19 episodes in the collection,which meant 5 more videos,4 videos with 4 episodes on them,and the Hawaiian Connection episode,which was a 3 parter.

Yeah the Christmas episode was very good-TV LAND didn't show it but UPN in my local area did. Fred sings at the end at Donna's House and all the characters are there-Aunt Esther, Bubba, and Rollo. Grady wasn't there though. Correction it was Aunt Esther House.

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
I know that the second season of Sanford and Son is out(I have the first season on DVD), but Wal-Mart hasn't gotten it in yet!!!

We must have the same Walmart. Is the Walmart in your town a super store? We had a plain Walmart and they closed it down and built a Super Walmart store. I swear the plain Walmart was better. Believe me, this town doesn't have S & S dvds or AITF dvds. I'll have to buy them through Ebay when I get the chance.

I've been to two Wal-Marts (one plain, one superstore) in the past week and they both have the Sanford and Son DVD. That's weird.

Yes,Jenny,we have a Super Wal-Mart in our town which is 40 miles south of San Antonio, TX. And they don't keep their stock up to date very well,they have both the first season DVD of The Jeffersons,and the first season DVD of Sanford and Son,but not the second season of Sanford and Son on DVD,and the first and second season DVD's of All In The Family. Guess I'll either have to look for it in San Antonio or order it through mail order.:mad: Because Wal-Mart doesn't have it.

Originally posted by BravesFan712002
Yes,Jenny,we have a Super Wal-Mart in our town which is 40 miles south of San Antonio, TX. And they don't keep their stock up to date very well,they have both the first season DVD of The Jeffersons,and the first season DVD of Sanford and Son,but not the second season of Sanford and Son on DVD,and the first and second season DVD's of All In The Family. Guess I'll either have to look for it in San Antonio or order it through mail order.:mad: Because Wal-Mart doesn't have it.

It's absolutely pitiful if you ask me. Super Walmart is supposed to have so much more than a regular Walmart, but the one here doesn't keep their stock up either. It doesn't keep up good supplies with anything.

I'm kind of pissed they built the Super Walmart here. They had this park area and it was a beautiful piece of land. It was absolutely beautiful. They destroyed that park to make some crappy Super Walmart store. The regular Walmart was just as good, even better than the Super store.

This is a very hilarious exchange at the end of Superflyer when they are on the plane home from St. Louis and Fred still has those chicken wings and Lamont calls for the stewardess to throw them away and where they finally meet Jackie.

Fred: Is Jackie on this flight???
Stewardess: Yes, sir, she is,want to me to bring her over here???
Fred: I don't believe it, I finally get to meet Jackie
Jackie: Hi, I'm Jackie. ---Fred makes his face like when he sees Aunt Esther--
Fred: I'm going to the toilet!
:lol: :lol: :lol:

when fred whent to the doctor, fred tells lamont about the haves and the have nots. "say the halfs give the half nots half of what they have. then the halfs would still be the halfs ,and the half nots would be the half somethings."

when fred builds his junk tower, he tells esther "evert time i look at you, it makes me wish birth control was retro-active"

In episode "My Fair Esther" .....Fred says..."for $500 i can turn Yule Gibbons into a meatloaf freak!!"

On "The Shootout", Fred's messing around with that gun and when it goes off, he tells Lamont, "why didn't you tell me that damn gun was loaded?" For some reason, I think that's hilarious!

Originally posted by walkthisway06
On "The Shootout", Fred's messing around with that gun and when it goes off, he tells Lamont, "why didn't you tell me that damn gun was loaded?" For some reason, I think that's hilarious!

:lol: I do too.

That reminds me of another one of my favorite quotes from that ep: When Lamont says the gun is called a Brown Bess, Fred's like, "Well, they sold it to a brown dummy!" I crack up every time I hear that line. Don't know why.

In the episode where Fred builds his junk sculpture,Aunt Esther asks Fred when she sees the sculpture up close and asks, What do you call that ugly mess,and Fred tells her, "I call it...Esther."

Another episode is the one where Big Money Grip comes to visit and says that Lamont is his son and Fred calls Aunt Esther to come over and straighten things out and Esther tells Fred that she didn't like being alone with an unmarried man and Fred tells her I would be married to an octopus than to be married to a donkey. And then when Fred asks Esther about Elizabeth and Grip being together and dilly-dallying around. Here's some of the exchange between them.

Fred: Did you know of Elizabeth and Grip dilly-dallying around???
Esther: What's a dilly dally???
Fred: I mean did she and Grip you know fool around???
Esther: Fred Sanford,you ought to be ashamed of yourself thinking of things like that,my sister was pure as the driven snow.
Fred: Yeah, but who was doing the driving???:lol:

Originally posted by Sitcom Analyzer
Here is a quote from Fred on the spinoff "Sanford"-with Fred and the Heavy guy Cal trying to lose weight

Cal: Fred I need some grease, I need the some salt i can't take it ANYMORE!!

Fred: You know that saying you sure are beautiful when you get mad?

Cal: YEAH What About it?

Fred: That ain't go nothing to do with you

I think i may watch this episode tonight-LOL
i dont get the humor in this one.

Aunt Esther: "Sodom and Gomorrah." Grady: "No, no. Nipsey Russell and Harry Belafonte."

Gus: I'm going, but just you remember, I'll never contribute to the NAACP!
Fred: Good, and I'll never contribute to the KKK!

"I'm gonna stick you face in some dough, and make some gorilla cookies".

Mr. Wilcox: well it has an interesting aroma...nice and fruity
Fred: Lamont did you wash the jelly out these glasses?

Mr. Wilcox: sherry must be drunk young
Fred: I was drunk when I was young

Mr. Wilcox: mr. Sanford, im a black belt.
Fred: I can see that!

Fred: did you see that?
Mr. Wilcox: did I see what?
Fred: how she took my hand
Mr. Wilcox: she took mine too
Fred: yeah, but she squeezed mine. She took your pulse.

Fred: you ever hear of jess willard? Im the one who softened him up for Dempsey
Mr. Wilcox: tommy rot
Fred: fought him too:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Re Ester and Woody adopting Daniel.

Ester: We're not gonna have him like you had Lamont.
Fred; Oh, you going to have him on purpose?

.

Fred: That is impossible. That don't let criminals adopt.
Ester: Who you call'n criminal!?
Fred: If you are to adopt, you have to take a physical. You have to take your clothes off when you take a physical. And if you take your clothes off, that's criminal.

Of course, all Fred's quotes are much better with Fred's delivery.

Fred Sanford: "I was so poor if I was a girl, I'd have nothing to play with"

Fred: "Look at the family, buncha jive *****s"

(To Juanita in the Sanford and Sister Makes Three Episode)
Fred: "You can GO, and take this faggoty looking jacket with you"

(To Rollo in Surprise Party Episode)
Fred: "Yippy Yippy Yay Look who got of jail TODAY"

Fred: "Bim Bang Boom, Somebody get this ***** out my room"

Fred to Lamont --

If your hair is short and nappy... Conkaline will make it happy

Marvin: "You can't use this place as a tax shelter."
Fred: "Why not?"
Marvin: "Because it's an animal shelter."
(Marvin exits.)
Lamont: "Why you..."

Fred: "...and his broad's gonna be jumped."
Donna: "Fred!"

Fred: "Let him among us - who is without sin, cast the first brick at Esther's face."
Aunt Esther: "Watch it, sucka."

Daniel: "Right, Dad."
Uncle Woody: "'Dad'...Hot damn."
Aunt Esther: "Woodrow!...Like father, like son."

Aunt Esther: "When I was born, my body was blessed by Mother Nature, honey."
Fred: "And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time."

Hoppy: (to Betty) "...I'm of the Caucasion persuasion."
(Betty turns to Smitty.)
Smitty: "He's a white dude."

Fred: "The fungus is among us!"
Esther: "You can say that again."

Fred Sanford: Who is it?

Aunt Esther: It's Esther!

Fred Sanford: Esther who?

Aunt Esther: You know Esther who! Open this door fool!

Fred Sanford: I can't open the door!

Aunt Esther: Why not?

Fred Sanford: You too ugly

M.C.: "Hey, hey! What's happenin'?"
Skillet: "Everything!"
Leroy: "Whatchoo want to happen?"
M.C.: "Right on, brother, right on."

Skillet: (to Kurt Taylor)"Yo mama!"

Leroy: (to Kurt)"You ain't Mr. Comedy, you Mr. Tragedy."
Kurt: "You guys tryin' to tell me somethin'?"
Fred: "Yeah. You stink!"

Bouncer: "...that's it! All of you, out!"
Fred: "Whatchoo talking about?"
Bouncer: (grabs Fred)"This is what I'm talking about."
Skillet: "That's what he's talking about."
Leroy: "Sho' is."

Aunt Esther: Woodrow and I are going to have a baby.

Fred Sanford: Well somebody better call the zoo

Fred: (on telephone)"Yeah? Well you another one. (pause) Yo' mama."

Fred Sanford: Who is it?

Lamont Sanford: It's the phone company. They say that if we don't pay the bill, they're gonna cut it off.

Fred Sanford: Gimmie that. Hello? Yes, this is Fred Sanford. Yeah, the phone is listed in my name. Say listen, what makes you folks think you can call me and cut somebody's phone off just because they're a little behind in their bill? Listen, I need my phone for my place of business. That's right, I wish one of you would come over here and try to cut my phone off. I'd put my foot in your - Hello?

Lamont: "For every man, there's a woman."
Fred: "And for every dummy, there's a dummy. (pause)Dummy."

Fred: (sarcastically)"Isn't that romantic? Two dummy taco-stuffers."

Lamont: "I'll think of somethin' to call her."

Aunt Esther: (to Donna)"My sister had class. Our whole family's got class."
(Esther sticks out her tongue.)

Aunt Esther: "Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down."
Fred: "This Louisville Slugger will knock you out."

Grady Wilson: Fred told me to keep you out of this garden.

Aunt Esther: Oh he did huh?

Grady Wilson: Yea, Fred said just because he planted a garden of Eden, there was no reason to let the serpent in.

Grady Wilson: Fred told me to keep you out of this garden.

Aunt Esther: Oh he did huh?

Grady Wilson: Yea, Fred said just because he planted a garden of Eden, there was no reason to let the serpent in.

Fred: "You sure act nutty, Grady. I should call you 'Nutty Grady'."

Lamont: "But what what I do care about is you, Pop. Because you my Pop, man, and I love ya....But heyy man, this is my father. The only Pop I've ever known. Now all my life it's been Sanford and Son. As far as I'm concerned, that's the way it's gon' always be."

Grip: (to Esther)"You?"
Lamont: "Her?"

Grip: "Me? And her?" (Grip shudders and leaves.)

Fred: (to Lamont)"...I like you. And you a good kid."
Lamont: "Heyyy, it's heriditary. Come on let's go. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Aunt Esther?"
Fred: "And Grip."

Fred Sanford: All you got to do is enlist Esther in the Navy. And that way, you can have her face buried at sea!

Bubba: "Fear not, Fred. We still have our ace in the hole. Esther's on her way."
(Knocking is heard.)
Fred: "There's our ace in the hole, who should have her face in a hole."

(Fred suggesting a name for Lamont & Julio's side business)

Fred: "I'll tell you what you should call it, Julio and da*n Foolio."

Lamont: "...'cause once you talk English good, can't nobody change it."

(Two thieves are ransacking Julio's place.)
Fred: "You don't scare me....I'll come over there and teach you guys somethin'."
Thief #2: (o.s.)"I got somethin' pointed right at you that says youuu can't."
Fred: "Class dismissed."

Hoppy: "...you'd give them the ability to be rehabilitated."
Fred: "And you'd give me the ability to be decapitated."

Lamont Sanford: She's gonna be competing with her own peers.
Fred Sanford: Her Peers?
Lamont Sanford: Yes.
Fred Sanford: You mean Godzilla is in the contest?

Fred: Who is it?
Aunt Esther: It's Esther!
Fred: Esther who?
Aunt Esther: You know Esther who! Open this door fool!
Fred: I can't open the door!
Aunt Esther: Why not?
Fred: You too ugly!

Fred Sanford: That's what they do. Them welfare people look under your bed, down your throat and up your mattress. And while they're prowling, your stomach's growling.

Fred: (sarcastically)"I never thought a black man could be this happy."

Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: We better get down to the Nifty Grifty.

Fred: (to Lamont)"If you don't shut up, you're gonna feel my shoe size."

Doctor: "This is most remarkable. A total body acupuncture cure."
Fred: "That's right, Doc. And by a cactus, not you."
Doctor: "So?"
Fred: "I suggest you acupuncture yo' bill."
Doctor: "I don't understand."
Fred: "Stick it."

Grady: "When you think of Fred Sanford - you think of junk!"
Aunt Esther: "You ain't never lie."

Fred G. Sanford: I don't understand you kids today. If I had talked to my father the way you talk to me, you know what he'd have done?

Mrs. Fuentes: Buenas dias, Mr. Sanford!

Old man: (to Fred)"Hey old timer. What's happening?"
Fred: "What do you mean, 'old timer'? I'm havin' a fit, that's what's happenin.' (puts up fist)You want me to fit this upside your nose?"
Old man: "Would you like to try it?"
Fred: "Yeah I'd like to try it..."

Fred Sanford: If you wanna be down here with that girl, that's your business. I mean, if you wanna be hugging and kissing all night, that's your business.

Thief: (o.s.) "Like they say in Washington, you don't know, and you don't wanna know."

Fred Sanford: I came up with an idea for a new show.
Rollo Larson: What?
Fred Sanford: Rollo Derby... I'm gonna skate all over your face!

Donna: "Why Fred. I do believe you're jealous."

Osgood: (to Fred)"Would you like me to translate?"
Fred: "Would you like one across yo' lips?"

Aunt Esther: "They very talented, Lamont."

Esther: "There's a whole story in the Bible, all about me."
Fred: "Oh, yeah, I remember now. Samson slew the Phillistine(s) with your jawbone."
Esther: "That did it."

Julio: Buenos Dias, Mr. Sanford.
Fred Sanford: And beans and disease to you, too.

Lamont: "Now Julio's a nice guy. He don't want no trouble."

Fred: "Julio? That his name."

Lamont: "That's right. Julio Fuentes."

Fred: "Julio Fuentes. That don't sound like no name, that sounds like somethin' you get from drinkin' their water."

Desk Lady: Address?
Fred Sanford: 9114 South Central.
Desk Lady: Oh, that's in Watts?
Fred Sanford: It sure ain't Beverly Hills.

Fred Sanford: Grady, why are you my friend?
Grady: I don't know
Fred Sanford: I don't know either.

Fred: "What are they assaying?"
Mr. Aram: "I don't know; they are a-whispering. (starts laughing)That used to kill them down on the oasis!"

Lamont Sanford:
They're predicting a massive earthquake on November 6.

Fred Sanford:
November 6? That's only five days away!

Lamont Sanford:
Don't worry about a thing, Pop, it's not possible.

Grady Wilson:
Oh I beg to differ with you, Lamont. Today is November 1, and it's extremely possible that November 6 is only five days away.

Smitty: "That's some mellow Ripple, Jack."

Grady:
[sarcastically] Your too hard on yourself Bubba.

Fred's way of saying how he couldn't get Donna out of his mind.

Fred to Donna: "Every time I looked at a piece of junk, I could see your face."

https://i.pinimg.com/236x/92/04/bc/9204bc70ccd2189b0f0081c280cbea63.jpg

Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down.
Fred: And this Louisville slugger will knock you out.

Lamont telling Fred how they could make end tables if they didn't sell the coffins he bought.

Fred to Lamont: "You don't sound like son of mine. You sound like son of Frankenstein" :D

Esther, warn me before you come in so I have a chance to cover all of the mirrors!.

- Fred Sanford

Dolly extending her hand so Fred could kiss it.

Fred: "I see you do laundry"

http://www.iloveoldschoolmusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/grady-and-girlfriend-and-fred-1.jpg

Fred telling the white officer::" Just take a look around. We got enough black people in this courtroom to make a Tarzan movie"

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/CoSrKLTx_ao/hqdefault.jpg

Fred Sanford:
Bufford never waited that long.

Fred describing monster movie he is going to watch: "'Gork eats New York, and gets a thank you note from President Ford'.

Aunt Esther:
Fred Sanford, you just a messy fool.

Fred opening up a bottle of champagne for Grady's girlfriend Dolly.

Fred:" Cold Duck....'59"
Dolly:" Was that a good year?"
Fred:" No. That's a good price" :rotflmao:

Fred G. Sanford:
The full name is King Frederick G. Sanford, and the G stands for gefilte fish.

Bubble:"I want my daddy's record".

https://chubbyafro.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/tumblr_ll19yajfbb1qjiagzo1_400.jpg

Fred G. Sanford:
He wouldn't take the money if he knew I'd borrowed it.

Fred:"Your driver license picture sure looks ugly"
New helper:"Oh yeah, thats because that picture was taken in the morning"
Fred:"When you look that ugly in the morning, you look that ugly at night."

https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.7tECTcdPaaUIzyV3dQWz1gHaFj&pid=Api&rs=1&p=0

Fred G. Sanford:
You paid fifty bucks for this?

Officer Hoppy asking Fred how to spell honky

Fred:"Y T"
Hoppy:"Y T??"
Fred:" Yes, say it again...Y T....Y T...whitey!"

Only from Fred :D

https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.BfOcvjHAw5DJzjNu6sQ7jQAAAA&pid=Api&rs=1&p=0

Lamont Sanford:
Is this gonna be one of those conversations about the facts of life?

Robbers at Julio telling Fred:"Like they say in Watts, 'You Don't Know, And You Don't Want To Know!'"

Lamont Sanford:
Don't be ridiculous, Pop, you can't fight a traffic ticket.

Lamont: "We ain't gonna make it."

Fred: (to Lamont) "Shut yo mouth. Fred Sanford on relief? Never! I may be broke but I got my pride."

Aunt Esther: "That's enough of that small talk."
Fred: "Then shut yo big mouth."

Esther: "Lord have mercy. Is there no hope at all?"
Fred: "Not for yo face."

Fred: "Shut yo mouth, Bubba, you killin all the flies."

Lamont Sanford:
When I was a kid, you was the one that always told me to "Love thy neighbor."

Fred G. Sanford:
I didn't know the neighborhood was gonna change this fast.

Fred: "Great day of the morning!"

Gunman: "Right on."
Fred:"Hey, that's ours."
Gunman: "SHUT UP!"

Julio Fuentes:
[Frustrated with Fred's unwillingness to help him] You know, my Bible says, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

Fred G. Sanford:
And my Bible says, "Don't do unto others if they ain't done unto you, because you might get done in doing it."

Mrs. Channing: (to Fred) "Ohhh, rude, rude, rude!"
Fred: "Prude, prude, prude."

Senor Rodrigruez: "I didn't know that."
Fred: "Well, I did."

Fred G. Sanford:
[after Lamont tells Fred he should make their guest feel at home] Rollo, feel at home.

Rollo Larson:
I do.

Fred G. Sanford:
Well, would you do me a favor?

Rollo Larson:
Certainly.

Fred G. Sanford:
Would you take the garbage out?

Bubba: "I want my daddy's records."

Fred: "Gin.... Brandy and gin, that ain't no sin."

Fred: (to Lamont)"You cheaper than chitlins were in 1932."

Aunt Esther: "Fred Sanford you somethin' else."
Fred: "And so are you, Esther. I just can't figure out what."

Fred: (to Doris)"All except Esther. To catch her by surpri' you need a net."

Lamont: (to Fred)"Where did you learn that? Perry Mason?"
Fred: "No. Watergate."

Lamont commenting on Fred's especial dinner "Spaghetti and Bean sauce".

Lamont: "When it comes to his sauce, the more water the better."

Esther: (to Fred) "Where you goin' you gon' wish you had a block of ice."

Lamont: "That's the way I like to hear my old man talk."

Fred Sanford:
A pool table like this in a store would cost you two hundred bucks.

Otis:
Well how much do you want for it?

Fred Sanford:
Two hundred bucks.

Otis:
I thought that's what you said it would cost in a store.

Fred Sanford:
Well, wha'choo think I'm runnin' here? A taco stand?

Fred Sanford:
Are you really a lawyer?

Lamont: "Just like that cat that married Jacqueline Kennedy."

Fred: "...and not one lousy piece of brass."

Lamont: "...a thing of beauty. Class. I am porcelain."

Aunt Esther:
My body was blessed by Mother Nature, honey.

Fred Sanford:
And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time.

Lamont: (to Fred)"All I know is, he's the dude with the dame, and you're the chump with the rump."

Fred: (to Lamont)"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."

Aunt Esther Anderson:
You don't know nothin' about babies!

Hoppy: "You know, that soul food smells like hammerhocks and black-eyed rice."
Smitty: "That's 'ham hocks and black-eyed peas.'"

Fred G. Sanford:
Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Lamont Sanford:
No, it certainly wasn't, considering this is the first time Janet's been over here for a meal catered by Melvin's Menudo Manor.

Janet Lawson:
I never thought I'd like soul enchiladas.

Rollo: (to Smitty) "Hi, fuzz. Bye, fuzz."

Aunt Esther: "Fred's not a sexy nothin'."

Esther: (to Fred)"Watch it, sucka... You gettin' on my nerve."
Fred: "It would take Muhammed Ali, Rosey Grier with an assist from King Kong to get me on any part of ya."
Esther: "That did it."
Fred: "That's right."

Lamont: "I've never been insulted, in all of my life."

Donna: "It certainly was an interesting interpretation."
Bubba: "Well, I felt it lacked authenticity."

Fred: (to Lamont) You'll help me get those five bills, or you'll have to take (shakes fist) these five pills."

Fast Fanny: "Of all the jive turkeys, these buzzards take the cake!"

Lamont: (singing)
"The old gray dudes, they ain't what they used to be.
Ain't what they used to be. Ain't what..."

Lena Horne:
I didn't mean to startle you, but what are you doing in my dressing room?

Fred G. Sanford:
Right now I'm having a heart attack.

Fred showing Lamont pictures in family album....

Fred to Lamont:"This is picture of your uncle Toot. He was a chef on Titanic, but he never got a chance to cook nothing".

Fred Sanford:
On behalf of Elizabeth, would you care for something to eat?

Aunt Esther:
Oh I wouldn't mind a little snack.

Fred Sanford:
Son, go in the kitchen and fix your Aunt Esther a fish-head sandwich!

After hearing Lamont's new african name Kolonda...

Fred: If you think I'm going to change the front sign from Sanford&Son to Sanford&Kolonda you're crazy :lol:

https://img.youtube.com/vi/n3sKsIBIOC0/0.jpg

Aunt Esther Anderson:
You don't know nothin' about babies!

Fred G. Sanford:
Who, Fred G. Sanford? The G stands for goo-goo, gah-gah and gynecologist.

Lamont and Melvin discuss lack of black actors in Godzilla movies.........

Lamont:I guess because not too many black people live in Japan.
Melvin: That's ok, send one over there! Send Sammy Davis Jr. He works everywhere.

https://th.bing.com/th/id/OIP.UBoEI-TIlwRGO8KIIa_cYgAAAA?pid=Api&rs=1

Fred G. Sanford:
I'm cookin' my science-fiction special.

Lamont Sanford:
What's a "science-fiction special"?

Fred G. Sanford:
[Holding up a shriveled link on a fork] The Incredible Shrinking Sausage!

TV repairman: "I don't worry about that; I'm bonded."
Fred: "And that's where they'll find you; bonded and gagged."

Fred G. Sanford:
[after Lamont tells Fred he should make their guest feel at home] Rollo, feel at home.

Rollo Larson:
I do.

Fred G. Sanford:
Well, would you do me a favor?

Rollo Larson:
Certainly.

Fred G. Sanford:
Would you take the garbage out?

Rollo Larson:
Of course. Where is it?

Fred G. Sanford:
In your shoes.

Fred Sanford:
My name's Fred Sanford. That's S-A-N-F-O-R-D period.

Fred: "I vote... I vote... 'Yes'."
Mrs. Channing: "May I say you have the morals of a jackyl?"
Fred: "Certainly. And may I say you have the face of a jackass?"

Officer Hopkins:
I'm sure everything is cold.

Officer Smith:
Cool.

Officer Hopkins:
Cool.

Lamont Sanford:
Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long.

Fred Sanford:
That's real super king sized ain't it?

Lamont Sanford:
41 miles. That's like you smoked a cigarette from here to Disneyland.

Lamont: "You're a dirty old man, you know that?"
Fred: "And I'm gonna be one 'til I'm a dead old man."

Aunt Esther: "I have the feelin' of Christmas."
Fred: "And the face of Halloween."

Aunt Esther: (to Lamont) " Yo father is getting on my nerves."
Fred: "I wouldn't get on no part of you."

Esther: (to Fred) "Who you calling ugly, sucka?"
Fred: "You. I could throw some tracing paper over yo head, and make me a moose face."

Fred: "I can live without a lot of things, but I can't live without ribs."

Aunt Esther: "Eight-day-old collard greens wouldn't agree with Superman."

Aunt Esther:

Smitty: "That's 'nitty gritty'."

Fred G. Sanford:
There's somethin' on TV I really want to see tonight, Son. It's a very sad episode of "The Six Million Dollar Man."

Lamont Sanford:
Aw, Pop.

Fred G. Sanford:
But it is, Son. Y'see, the Six Million Dollar Man becomes outdated, so they donate his vital organs to a used car lot in El Segundo.

Miss Funai:
Sayonara.

Fred G. Sanford:
Yeah, and Frank Sinatra to you.

Astrologer: "Jive turkey."

Fred: "White woman?"
Lamont: "Yeah."
Fred: "Ugly?"
Lamont: "Yeah."

Fred: "I knew it, I knew it."

Fred: "...and a dummy too."

Lamont: "I'm not a member."

Fred: (to Lamont) "This is Sanford and Son, not Shakedown and Son."

Fred: "Yeah. He's a regular Jerk Benny."

Fred: "Yeah, I get off a good one every now and then."

Fred: "I mean, you just dumb, son."

Skillet: "Just what we need to cheer us up."
Aunt Esther: "You mean to tear you up."

Esther: "I won't be bothered with y'all in Heaven."

Fred: "We ain't here long enough to enjoy ourselves."

Fred: "We want to have a party, not a side show."

Kurt Taylor: "Hey, hey, hey, hey, old dude. Why don't you leave me alone, man? Now, how would you like it if I came over to the old folks' home tomorrow and knocked over yo checker board?"
Man: (o.s.) "That wasn't funny at all."
Fred: (stands up)"How would you like it if I came up there tonight and (raises fist) give you some of these across yo lips?"

Fred: (to Lamont) "If you wasn't 37 years old, I've take off my belt and teach you a lesson."

Fred G. Sanford:
[Fred and Grady discussing a possible mate for Lamont] This magazine is about Cicely Tyson, and that's the kind of girl Lamont likes.

Grady Wilson:
[Skeptically] You really think so, huh?

Fred G. Sanford:
Absolutely.

Grady Wilson:
Yeah, y'know, Fred, I saw her on TV and she was 105 years old.

Fred G. Sanford:
Oh, you dumb - that was a role she was playing! She must be 30ish.

Grady Wilson:
Thirtyish? Boy, she sure let herself go.

Fred G. Sanford:
I'm cookin' my science-fiction special.

Lamont Sanford:
What's a "science-fiction special"?

Fred G. Sanford:
[Holding up a shriveled link on a fork] The Incredible Shrinking Sausage!

Fred: "Uuugly woman."
Lamont: "How ugly is she?"

Fred: "Uuugly woman."
Lamont: "How ugly is she?"

Fred: "she is so ugly that if Moses seen her, he would have parted her face too" :)

Elroy:
Godzilla and George Foreman.

Fred G. Sanford:
Now that would be a fight.

Elroy:
Godzilla would knock him out.

Fred G. Sanford:
No way. George would win blindfolded.

Elroy:
Oh, yeah? How about King Kong?

Fred G. Sanford:
Blindfolded!

Elroy:
Esther?

Fred G. Sanford:
[Wincing] The only way he could beat Esther is blindfolded.

Bubba Bexley:
I want my Daddy's records.

Fred G. Sanford:
What are you doing, Bubba?

Bubba Bexley:
I'm just practicing, in case you want to get them back from this place too.

Rollo and Lamont coming out of a gay bar

Lamont: "Thats the first time I ever been to a bar where all the brothers were sisters"

Fred G. Sanford:
[Starstruck Fred to Steve & Eydie] Listen, if you're ever in Los Angeles, feel free to call on me.

Steve Lawrence:
Thanks, but I'd rather use a phone.

Fred: (to Lamont)"Now, look. You get a ticket from a white cop in a blue uniform in a black neighborhood. And yet you so mad that you see red.

And you ain't gonna fight it 'cause you too yellow. Now, what are you? What are you, a man or a box of crayons?"

Fred: (to Lamont)"You were supposed to stop, dummy."

Fred: "And a dummy in the middle."

(In traffic court)
Mr. Lopez: "I didn't know that."
(Lopez talks in Spanish.)
Judge: "What did you say?"
Mr. Lopez: "I didn't know that."
Judge: "Well, ignorance of the law is no excuse."

Judge: "I'm black."
Fred: "Well, you the judge. That don't count."

Ah Chew: "Mr. Sanford, you're a hopeless case."

Lamont: "I'll send you a check."

Fred: "Yeah, and some roaches, fleas, and a tropical disease."

Fred: "...over at the Cockaroacha Hilton."

Aunt Esther: "Watch yo mouth, Fred Sanford. I didn't come here to be insulted."
Fred: "Tell me where you go and I'll follow you there."

Esther: (to Fred) "You may think yo face is a prize, but it look just like a Brillo pad with eyes."

Fred: "I don't know what's goin' on, but I know what's goin' out."

Fred: "Maybe I'll just stick around as an observer."

Fred: (to Francine)"Get back, fat stuff."

Lamont: "That's one thing about the group, man, it wears you out."

Fred:
"Call me this, and call me that.
But I still say that broad was fat."

Fred: "Esther, what I'm tryin' to say is that-that you are overly generous."
(Esther smiles.)
Fred: "Every time you open up yo mouth, you give away yo ignorance."
Esther: "That did it."

Fred: "He don't know a dove from a blizzard."

Fred: "I told Grady the truth, and set him free."

Fred: "...now that he's busted up with Deppity Dog."

Fred: "See, love conquers all... Even fat."

Fred: "Why don't you go back to Puerto Rico?"
Julio: "Mr. Sanford, I told you I come from New York City. And I can live in any of the 50 states I want."
Fred: "How about Alaska? That's a state!"

Fred: "I think they should punish everyone in the capital."

Osgood Wilcox: "Harvey's?"
Fred: "No, Thrifty's."

Donna: "He's quite a wine expert."
Fred: "Oh, like my cousin T.J."
Osgood: "Oh, is he a connoisseur?"
Fred and Lamont: (in unison)"No, he's a wino."

Osgood: "...one finds the best sherry in Spain."
Fred: "Yeah, but Thrifty's is closer."

Fred: (to Lamont)"I don't know who she thinks she is, but I know what she is... a barracuda."
Lamont: "Riiiight."

Fred: "You mean Minnie the Moocher and Jake the Jackass?"

Fred: "You must be crazy, Grady... They oughtta call you 'Crazy Grady'."

Al: "Hey, what do you say, Redd?"

Lamont: "Hey, Bowlegs. What it is?"

Bowlegs: "What a meal, Fred, what a meal."

Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down!
Fred Sanford: And this Louisville slugger will knock you out!

Lamont Sanford:
[as the Ghost of Christmas] This is your future, Fred Sanford.

Fred G. Sanford:
That's me? All alone, no son, no friends?

Lamont Sanford:
And do you know why?

Fred G. Sanford:
No deodorant?

Fred: "That may be today, but damned if it's gonna be tomorrow."

Fred: (to Aunt Esther)"Back in yo cave, you old bat."

Fred Sanford:
Oooo... Its the Big One... You hear that Elizabeth... I'm comin' to you, I'm comin' home to Georgia

Lamont: "Whatever you say, Scrooge."

Hoppy: (laughing)"Heeerrrre's Johnny!"
Fred: (shakes fist) "Heeerrre's knuckles!"

Bubba:
The characters on that show are a lot like you. There's the grouchy father, the dumb son, the ugly sister in-law and the stupid, bungling friend

[looks at Grady]

Grady:
[sarcastically] Your too hard on yourself Bubba.

Lamont Sanford:
Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long.

Fred Sanford:
That's real super king sized ain't it?

Lamont Sanford:
41 miles. That's like you smoked a cigarette from here to Disneyland.

Fred: "How does that feel, Johnathan Livingston Seagull?"

Lamont Sanford:
These two Russian seismologists said they've discovered a new fault.

Fred Sanford:
Well what was wrong with the old one?

Aunt Esther:

Aunt Esther:

Lamont telling Fred that they are now official member of Watts Business Association......

Fred:"We are already belong to association. United Junkmen of America."
Lamont:"There is no such thing. You just made that up."
Fred:"No I didn't. I get letters every month saying 'Give to UJA'. I send them a check every year."
Lamont:"Pop, UJA stand for United Jewish Appeal."
Fred:"No wonder all the receipts are signed by Sammy Davis JR." https://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/images/smilies/lol.gif

Fred: (to Esther)"That's yo' Halloween mask!"

Bernie Taub: ""Sanford and Son'? It would never make it."
(Fred looks at camera.)

Fred:

Fred: "That's it, son. Now you only got six months to live."

Bubba: "I love that show, Fred. It's just like it was a direct copy from your life."
Fred: "Yeah."
Bubba: "Yeah; meean, grouchy old father."
Fred: "Wait a minute."
Bubba: "The dumb son."
Lamont: "(Hey), Bubba!"
Bubba: "The ugly sister-in-law."
Aunt Esther: "Watch it sucka."
Bubba: "And the stupid, bumbling frie -- " (Bubba laughs.)
Grady: (sarcastically) "You too hard on yourself Bubba."

Esther: "...I'll sit down when I get to my seat."

Fred: "Where's my million dollars?"

Lamont: "Is that dude supposed to be me?"

Max Steinberg: (to Murray Steinberg)"Listen to how you're talkin'. It's amazing. A boy who couldn't graduate high school, has such a college stupidity."

Max: "Look at her face, Gaby. She looks like an Arab ran over her face with a tank."

NBC Attorney: "Now, are you really trying to tell us, that you are those two nothings?"

Lamont: "Hey, Pop, did you really have to hit that guy?"
Albert Brock: "The head legal council at NBC."

Rollo: "Right on, homeboy."

Rollo: "I'll see you later, homes."

Fred: "They ghetto's almost as bad as ours."

Aunt Esther:

Aunt Esther (one-liner):

Hoppy: "When we're finished, people will be able to walk down the streets safely in Los Angeles."
Fred: "Yeah, they can walk in Los Angeles, but they'll still be running in Watts."

Lamont Sanford:
She's gonna be competing with her own peers.

Fred Sanford:
Her Peers?

Lamont Sanford:
Yes.

Fred Sanford:
You mean Godzilla is in the contest?

Esther:

Fred: "My two favorite ladies, out of a fairy tale."
Aunt Esther: "Well!"
Fred: "Beauty, and the beast."

Esther: "Why you want to insult me, Fred Sanford? I didn't insult you."

Fred: (to Rollo)"Ask yo mama what it is. I'll bet she don't even know."

Fred: "Yippy Yippy, yay yay. Look who got out of jail today."

Lamont: "Hey, Pop, would you leave Aunt Esther alone?""
Fred: "It would be a pleasure."

Fred: "Oh, she wouldn't want a drink."
Esther: "Why wouldn't I want a drink?"
Fred: "Because you are a drink: A zombie."
Esther: "That did it."

Esther: "That's him. Cheap! Cheap! Cheap! Cheap! Cheap!"
Fred: "Listen to that! The voice of a chicken, comin' out of a buzzard."

Fred: "Wait a minute! Wait a minute!"
(He snaps Esther's party hat. They resume fighting.)

Fred: "She looks like Mighty Joe Young's sister. Mighty ugly."

Esther: (to Fred)"...you just a messy fool."
Fred: "And you just a cessy pool."

Fred G. Sanford:
[Lamont lays down the law to his lazy father] We gonna get some oojima in this house starting today.

Fred G. Sanford:
[Puzzled] Some who?

Lamont Sanford:
Some oojima.

Fred G. Sanford:
[Turning to his friend] Bubba, you ever hear of oojima?

Bubba Bexley:
No, but I know Big Jima.

Fred G. Sanford:
Yeah, she's the stripper over at that topless joint.

Bubba Bexley:
[Both men clap their hands and laugh] Yeah!

Carol Rhodes:
I ain't had a steady job since this Depression came. And I was unemployed three years before that.

Bubba: "Fred, you're an honest man, in honest junk!"

Bubba: (to Fred)"You also have sex."
Fred: "It's been a lot of years, Bubba. It's been a lot of years."
Bubba: "Yeahhh."

Fred: (to Aunt Esther)"Be patient; incomin' junk should be seen and not heard."

Fred: "Have you eyes but see not? (pause)Which would come in handy if you lookin' at Esther."

Aunt Esther: "I don't understand how the wisest of men beget the biggest turkey in Watts."
Lamont: "Kosher turkey. That's the biggest kosher turkey."

Lamont: "Whatever you say, Scrooge."

Melvin:
Did you listen to your father?

Fred Sanford:
Every time he raised that strap, he had my complete attention.

Fred Sanford:
On behalf of Elizabeth, would you care for something to eat?

Aunt Esther:
Oh I wouldn't mind a little snack.

Fred Sanford:
Son, go in the kitchen and fix your Aunt Esther a fish-head sandwich!

Julio & Fred:

Fred: "...a giant in the pool hall. In the billiard industry."

Grady Wilson:
Don't you go in my room by mistake, cause if I pull back them covers and see you I might have a stroke and die.