Frank Gannucci
04-12-2014, 05:42 PM
A Honeymooners Income Tax Day:
(Ralph & Ed are at the Raccoon Lodge Meeting.)
Ralph: “How about our wives?”
Ed: “Yeah.”
Ralph: “This was one year that we did our taxes correctly and they criticized us for waiting until the last day to deliver them to the IRS.”
Ed: “Yeah. We said that we had a Raccoon Lodge meeting tonight. It would be easier for us to deliver them on our way home.”
Ralph: “Boy. Those wives of ours are so dumb.”
Ed: “They are not as smart as we are.”
Ralph: “Yes. After all, this meeting is going to end at 10. After that, we will deliver our taxes to the IRS.”
Ed: “And afterward, maybe we can celebrate by having some pizzas.”
Ralph: “I sure can eat one pizza pie tonight.”
Ed: “Only ONE?”
Ralph: “Don’t you start Norton. Don’t you start.”
(They go to the Raccoon meeting…that ends at 11:25p. They exit looking like madmen.)
Ralph: “Haminahamina. Haminahamina. WE GOT TO GO TO THE IRS OFFICE.”
Ed: “Don’t sweat it Ralph.”
Ralph: “What do you mean don’t sweat it? It will take us forever to get there with all the traffic.”
Ed: “Don’t worry. We will go the rest of the way by sewer. I know of the manhole that pops up right in front of the IRS.”
Ralph: “All right. We will go. That is the only way.”
(They go via the sewer.)
(Inside the sewer.)
Ed: “Ralph, THE TIDE IS COMING.”
(The tide comes and both of them get soaked.)
Ralph (yells): “NORTON, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS. THIS WAS YORU FAULT FOR TALKING ME INTO DELIVERING THE TAXES AT THE LAST MINUTE.”
Ed (yells): “YEEEESH! WHAT A GROUCH!”
(They finally arrive at the IRS office with only a minute to spare. Ed gets out first. Ralph tries to get out but gets stuck.)
Ralph (yells): “NORTON! I AM STUCK! THROW THE TAXES INSIDE.”
Ed (yells): “I WILL. I WILL THROW THEM INSIDE LIKE LEBRON JAMES THROWS A BASKETBALL.”
(Ed “warms up.” Ralph notices.)
Ralph (yells): “WILL YOU THROW THEM IN?”
(Ed does.)
Ralph (yells): “NOW HELP ME.”
(Help arrives. Alice gets told of this and comes by.)
Alice: “Ralph, look at you. You are all wet and…hahahahahaha.”
Ralph (yells): “WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?...HAHAHAHAHAHA! BOY, I REALLY GOT INTO A JAM THIS TIME. HAHAHAHA.”
(The sketch ends. Jackie Gleason comes out. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT.”
(Audience cheers.)
(Ralph & Ed are at the Raccoon Lodge Meeting.)
Ralph: “How about our wives?”
Ed: “Yeah.”
Ralph: “This was one year that we did our taxes correctly and they criticized us for waiting until the last day to deliver them to the IRS.”
Ed: “Yeah. We said that we had a Raccoon Lodge meeting tonight. It would be easier for us to deliver them on our way home.”
Ralph: “Boy. Those wives of ours are so dumb.”
Ed: “They are not as smart as we are.”
Ralph: “Yes. After all, this meeting is going to end at 10. After that, we will deliver our taxes to the IRS.”
Ed: “And afterward, maybe we can celebrate by having some pizzas.”
Ralph: “I sure can eat one pizza pie tonight.”
Ed: “Only ONE?”
Ralph: “Don’t you start Norton. Don’t you start.”
(They go to the Raccoon meeting…that ends at 11:25p. They exit looking like madmen.)
Ralph: “Haminahamina. Haminahamina. WE GOT TO GO TO THE IRS OFFICE.”
Ed: “Don’t sweat it Ralph.”
Ralph: “What do you mean don’t sweat it? It will take us forever to get there with all the traffic.”
Ed: “Don’t worry. We will go the rest of the way by sewer. I know of the manhole that pops up right in front of the IRS.”
Ralph: “All right. We will go. That is the only way.”
(They go via the sewer.)
(Inside the sewer.)
Ed: “Ralph, THE TIDE IS COMING.”
(The tide comes and both of them get soaked.)
Ralph (yells): “NORTON, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS. THIS WAS YORU FAULT FOR TALKING ME INTO DELIVERING THE TAXES AT THE LAST MINUTE.”
Ed (yells): “YEEEESH! WHAT A GROUCH!”
(They finally arrive at the IRS office with only a minute to spare. Ed gets out first. Ralph tries to get out but gets stuck.)
Ralph (yells): “NORTON! I AM STUCK! THROW THE TAXES INSIDE.”
Ed (yells): “I WILL. I WILL THROW THEM INSIDE LIKE LEBRON JAMES THROWS A BASKETBALL.”
(Ed “warms up.” Ralph notices.)
Ralph (yells): “WILL YOU THROW THEM IN?”
(Ed does.)
Ralph (yells): “NOW HELP ME.”
(Help arrives. Alice gets told of this and comes by.)
Alice: “Ralph, look at you. You are all wet and…hahahahahaha.”
Ralph (yells): “WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?...HAHAHAHAHAHA! BOY, I REALLY GOT INTO A JAM THIS TIME. HAHAHAHA.”
(The sketch ends. Jackie Gleason comes out. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT.”
(Audience cheers.)