Bull (to Harry): "Sir!...1987's just escaped." Dan (sarcastic): "Where does the time go?"

"I have stood next to death, and people liked him better. " -Dan

"You robbed an international house of pancakes. How waffle!" -Harry

Mr. Blum: "I saw the whole thing...unclothed bodies writhing around in the grass...contorted dances of lust. Screams of sexual delight."

I always loved it when Russian immigrant Yakov Korolenko (Yakov Smirnoff) would utter "Jail? No jail!" whenever Harry mentioned the word "jail" in front of Yakov.

Mac: "Bull has got himself a girlfriend."
Dan: "Really? Animal, mineral or vegetable?"

I think Bull (Richard Moll) had some of the most memorable lines in the pilot episode ("All You Need Is Love"), wouldn't you agree? Here are three of my favorites:

"I think that's mercurial."
"Does a bear extravasate in the forest?"
"Let's put a lid on this assiduousness."

Enjoy!

Harry: "Bull, where did that baby come from?"

Bull: "You don't know where babies come from, sir?"

The late, great Phil Leeds--best known for his brief but memorable role alongside Patrick Swayze in "Ghost"--had a memorable line (playing a nameless defendant claiming to be God) in season one's "Death Threat":

"Some people I give wisdom. Some people I give talent. Pia Zadora I gave nothing."

Oscar: Get your hands off my girlfriend. What are you a creep?

Dan saying something to Oscar about him being a pipsqueak.

In my opinion, those are some funny lines along with Dan's monologue as "The Phantom Of The Courthouse".

Dan: Objection!
Harry: Overruled.
Dan: Exception!
Harry: Noted.
Dan: Frustration!
Harry: Vented.

You robbed an international house of pancakes. How waffle - Harry T. Stone.

Dan: [about his parents] "Those people represent everything I have fought to
get away from my entire life."

Harry: "Dan, they can't be that bad."

Dan: "God, Harry! They're Democrats!"

Harry: "I stand corrected."

Art Fensterman: "It's probably not that important, sir, but remember the fourth floor?"
Harry Stone: "Yeah?"
Art Fensterman: "It's not there anymore"

Art Fensterman: "It's probably not that important, sir, but remember the fourth floor?"
Harry Stone: "Yeah?"
Art Fensterman: "It's not there anymore"

What's your favorite episode of the show?

What's your favorite episode of the show?

I have several favorites. I like "Dan's Boss" episode and I also like "The Apartment" and "Walk Away Renee". Plus several others.

(From Dan's Boss episode)

Vincent Daniels: "Oh, uh, Fielding? Got any spare change for the vending machine? I'm a little... short right now."
[Dan trembles, on the verge of an explosion]

Vincent Daniels: "Did you hear me, Fielding? I said, I'm a little... *short* right now. Anything you'd care to say?"
[Dan tears off a piece of paper and wads it into his mouth, screams around it, then rushes out of the room]

I'm trying to figure out the exact words that Dan said to Oscar in the "A Guy Named Phantom" episode.

Dan: "I'll tell you one thing I do NOT want to be, and that is one of those old, pathetic, eccentric bachelors living in some sleazy apartment with a dozen cats."

Harry: "You can have more than that!"

Dan: "Alright, TWO dozen cats!"

Mac Robinson: Bull has got himself a girlfriend.

Dan Fielding: Really? Animal, mineral or vegetable?

Dan's monologue in Harry's darkened office as the "Phantom of the Courthouse".

(chuckles) Ah yes, poor Dan. Most of his friends think he's guilty. (Evil Laugh, suddenly stops) What am I laughing at? I'm Dan. No, I'm not. (starts wandering around the room waving his hands) Now, I am the Phantom of the Courthouse. And no, Inspector Pepitone, you will not bring Dan Fielding to justice because there is no (billow cape) jus-tice in this buil-ding (Evil Laugh). Not yet anyway. But soon I will remedy that, (raises cape with both hands) I will vanquish the guilty! I will punish the wick-ed! (rushes to the desk) I will take this stapler because I need one. And, I will raid the refrigerator, (laugh) because the Phantom's lair is short on half and half! Now I must prepare, because my time is near. The time of... the Phantom! (Evil Laugh, runs into the couch) Ouch! (sad voice) The Phantom banged his shin. (waves hands) I'll have to take that out... on someone. (Sting, Dan climbs out the window)

Dan: "You can have your principles AND get lucky!"

Harry Stone: [to a defendant] Well, I'm gonna find the defendant guilty of assault and battery, and Mr. Gunther, I am gonna give you two days in the slammer. Because you've got to learn, that this is not funny, no matter what you think of the man's musical talent!

[we see the victim who has a harmonica stuffed in his mouth]

Dan Fielding: Be grateful it was your mouth.

Harry: "...in a democracy where the leaders are not elected by the rich and powerful, but by the will of the common people."

Christine: "Am I any good?"
Dan: "Only one way to find out."

Dan: (to Christine)"What body parts are we talkin' about?"

Mandy: "I'm the gift that keeps on givin'."

Bull Shannon: [approaches the cafeteria table where everyone is sitting. He is wearing boxers and a t-shirt] Hi, guys.

Harry Stone: Bull?

Bull Shannon: Oh, don't worry, Your Honor. I'm just having one of those dreams where you show up to work in your underwear.

Harry Stone: Bull, this isn't a dream.

Bull Shannon: It's not?

[everyone shakes their heads]

Bull Shannon: Yikes!

[Bull runs out]

[during a Christmas episode, Harry happens to look outside of his chambers, and sees a reindeer in the hallway]

Harry Stone: [running back into chambers] Everyone, come quick, you have to see this!

[everyone runs out into the hallway. Selma is standing where the reindeer was]

Bull Shannon: It's Selma!

Harry Stone: Selma, did you see that?

Selma Hacker: I saw it, all right.

[she begins to walk away. Everyone runs to where she was standing]

Selma Hacker: If you think I'm cleaning that up, you're out of your mind.

Dan: (to Mac)"Big deal; you just put tab A in slot B. Who can't do that?"
Hooker: "You'd be surprised."

Art: "You bang her in just the right spots, she puts out...heat."

[after Christine makes a joke]

Harry Stone: She is to comedy what Roy Rogers is... to comedy.

Phil Sanders: That's the kind of failure I can only dream about.

Christine: "Daddy, what happened?"

Jack Sullivan: "I got caught with a hooker."

Flo: "Parents say the darnedest things, don't they?"

Yakov Korolenko: Go, Yankees! Lou Piniella!

Harry Stone: Bull, this isn't a dream.

Selma Hacker: If you think I'm cleaning that up, you're out of your mind.

Harry: "I told 'em the truth and they fell for it."

Public Defender Liz Williams: They're breaking the law, alright.

Judge Harold 'Harry' T. Stone: Of gravity.

Dan: "Harry, do you know how many women I have slept with?"

Harry: "Dan, it doesn't matter how many women you've slept with!" [he pauses] "A hundred?"

Dan: "You ever see the signs over the golden arches that say, "over 4 billion served"? Let's just say I'm competitive."

Dan: How did you get appointed to the bench?

Harry: You know Dan, that's a funny story. It was the mayor's last day in office and it was a Sunday and my name was at the bottom of the list of a 1,000 candidates. So they start calling folks starting at the top of the list. You see it's Sunday and no one's home. So they keep calling down the list, name by name. No one answers. Finally they get down to the bottom of the list and voila.

Lana: You mean you were appointed a judge because…Harry: I was home.

Dan: How did you get appointed to the bench?

Harry: You know Dan, that's a funny story. It was the mayor's last day in office and it was a Sunday and my name was at the bottom of the list of a 1,000 candidates. So they start calling folks starting at the top of the list. You see it's Sunday and no one's home. So they keep calling down the list, name by name. No one answers. Finally they get down to the bottom of the list and voila.

Lana: You mean you were appointed a judge because…Harry: I was home.

One of my favorite lines of dialogue from the pilot episode ("All You Need Is Love")! Thanks for sharing, MikaelaArsenault!

One of my favorite lines of dialogue from the pilot episode ("All You Need Is Love")! Thanks for sharing, MikaelaArsenault!

You are very welcome EccentricGenius!

Dan: "I am depressed."

Liz: "Who wouldn't be? International crises threaten us with the possibility of nuclear holocaust and the increase in violent crime has raised the odds that one of us is gonna be murdered in our sleep tonight."

Selma: "That ought to perk him right up."

Bull: [about the Soviet Union] Is it really that bad over there?

Yakov Korolenko: You ever been to Milwaukee?

You are very welcome EccentricGenius!

Anytime!

[Gary Fenton awakens after being knocked out. The first thing he sees is Bull's face, closely observing him.]
Bull: [creepy voice] We've been waiting for you, Mr. Fenton.
[Fenton cries out and faints. Bull looks up, puzzled.]
Bull: [normal voice] Boy, he looks like he just saw a ghost.

Ralph Kremsky: "Do not take His name in vain, and do not lay down with beasts."
Dan: "We only had drinks!"

Harry: What’s next, Mac?
Mac: Do the words “chow down” ring a bell, sir?
Dan: Your honor, we are starving. Please call a dinner break.
Bull: Sir, you can’t ignore your dinner date forever.
Harry: Hey, one more case. We’ll work up an appetite.

Dan: Objection!
Harry: Overruled.
Dan: Exception!
Harry: Noted.
Dan: Frustration!
Harry: Vented.

Jack Sullivan: Hey, judge!

Harry: Yeah?

Jack Sullivan: You're scum!

Dan: Mr. Hubbell was on his way to a seminar on subway hospitality, when he was mugged outside of City Hall.

Arthur Hubble: They took everything. My wallet, my keys, my cash...

Billie: And after pleading with several passer-bys for bus fare, Mr. Hubbell attempted to panhandle from a group of Japanese tourists. They turned him down.

Harry: And?

Dan: He mugged them. Your Honor, the state wishes to submit evidence. We have affidavits from the victims, some shredded yen, and over seventy action-packed photographs of the incident.

Liz: Hi Selma, how did it go?

Selma: How did what go?

Liz: Oh, come on, Selma. Don't keep us all in suspense. How did the date go with Bernie?

Selma: Oh, that.

Liz: Selma, you don't have to give us all the details. What time did you get home?

Selma: Well, if you must know, very early.

Bull: You didn't have a good time?

Selma: I didn't say that.

Harry: You said you got home early.

Selma: I got home around midnight. Bernie got home around noon.

Judge Harry T. Stone: [to courier] Sorry I don't tip. Besides, how do I know you're not the type to go out and spend it on a Barry Manilow album?

Dan (talking to his date), "Now remember, no matter how much you sweat, hold on to the handlebars."

[during a Christmas episode, Harry happens to look outside of his chambers, and sees a reindeer in the hallway]

Harry Stone: [running back into chambers] Everyone, come quick, you have to see this!

[everyone runs out into the hallway. Selma is standing where the reindeer was]

Bull Shannon: It's Selma!

Harry Stone: Selma, did you see that?

Selma Hacker: I saw it, all right.

[she begins to walk away. Everyone runs to where she was standing]

Selma Hacker: If you think I'm cleaning that up, you're out of your mind.

Christine & Harry:

Mr. Fengler: Please, let me go! Let me out of here!
Bull: Sir, please calm down. You're among friends. Friends who wear badges, and search your body cavities, but friends nonetheless.

Bull: "Can I keep her, Harry?"

Dan: "It's called 'blind faith in the big greedy guys'."

Lana: Strange day, huh? I'm sure there must be an explanation for everything.
Harry: I'm sure there must be.
Lana: Like what?
Liz: He overheard some policemen talking perhaps.
Bull: Yeah or he picked up the phone when we weren't looking, disguised his voice, took down the information, replaced the receiver without us noticing and we were none the wiser.
Dan: You will already be none the wiser.

Dan: So Craven prints it, now what's the worst that can happen?
Harry: Well I'd be publicly disgraced, making it impossible for me to function effectively as a judge. I'd have to step down.
Dan: Right, but you've still got your health. I'm sorry. I've never tried to cheer up anybody before.

Dan:

Christine: Your Honor, my client was merely trying to get in to see the mayor.
Harry: Why was that?
VHK-937: [in a heroic pose] I'm here to save the world from the forces of evil!
Dan: [mocking VHK's pose] Well you can't, so there!

Dan

Lana: You mean you were appointed a judge because…

Harry: I was home.

Lana:

[Harry grins on hearing the storm named "Hurricane Mel."]

Bailiff Florence Kleiner:
The truth, Your Honor: you rooting for humanity or the storm?

Judge Harry T. Stone:
Come on, Flo, get serious! That's a devastating hurricane out there. It's got a hundred-fifty mile an hour winds!

[pause]

Judge Harry T. Stone:
[grins] Betcha Manilow never even had a stiff gust named after him!

Miles Seaver: No! You can't put a price on love!
Selma: [to Bull] He must be from out of town.

Miles Seaver: When I found Velma, she was an emotional wreck!
Harry: Sudden fame, instant money. We've seen it a thousand times before, haven't we, Mr. Blair?
Roger Blair: It killed Morris.

Dan: Objection!
Harry: Overruled.
Dan: Exception!
Harry: Noted.
Dan: Frustration!
Harry: Vented.

Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon:
[sees Harry crying] What happened?

Bailiff Florence Kleiner:
Harry's crushed that Manilow and Torme did an album together.

Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon:
I felt the same way when Alvin and the Chipmunks broke up.

Roz: [deadpan] Quite a day today.
Mac: [deadpan] Yep, quite a day. We almost had a wedding here.
Roz: Yep, almost. But we didn't.
[They sit impassively for a moment, then make Harry's "crazy" face at each other.]

Harry: (to cheerleaders who pled guilty)
"Three, five, seven, nine. Fifty dollars is your fine."

Dan Fielding:
Excuse me, anything for me?

Joy Buscaglia:
Yeah, your doctor phoned and said your tests came out negative.

Dan Fielding:
Are you sure?

Joy Buscaglia:
Hey, it's a poor musician who blames his instrument.

Mac: Hey! Dan, did you burn my assembly instructions?
Dan: What's the big deal? You stick Tab A into Slot B, who can't do that?
Mandy Davis: You'd be surprised.

Dan: "How many times must people be told? The right tool for the right job."

Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone:
Honest, Abe?

Lincoln:
Look, I don't have to take this. I'm a major talent in this town.

Francine La Rue:
Wanna bet?

Shelia and Dan:

Bull: "Quite a story, huh?"
Selma: "I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me."

[after Buddy sends off the Chinese acrobats]

Roz Russell:
Hey, Buddy. I didn't know you spoke Chinese.

Buddy Ryan:
[surprised] Was that Chinese? Wow! You know, that would explain that picture of me bowling with Chiang Kai-Shek!

Dan: "Dan Fielding, a sucker for a woman in uniform."

Bull: "Thank youuu."

Bull: "Some brass, huh?"

Dirk: "Real aluminum."

Dan: "Defense? She approached an undercover officer and said 'Give me a hundred dollars and I'll make your teeth sweat.'"

Bull: "Meet the gang."

Dirk: (to Harry)"He's lucky to have a friend like you."

Bull: "Good God, I am tall."

Bull: "Why did Selma have to die, Harry?...I WANT SOME ANSWERS, AND I WANT 'EM NOW!!!"

Bull: (to Dan)"Move, or I will invent the human pretzel."

Dan: "Don't just stand there; untie me."

Mac: "He looks like one of those damn Picassos."

Mac: "I'll send for some burgers."

Dan: "It'd be a shame to let her die without experiencin' me."

Christine: "Just like a woman, right?"
Harry: "No. Just like a scared human being."

Bull: "What's life all about, Harry?"
Harry: "I don't know, Bull."

Harry Stone: [to a defendant] Well, I'm gonna find the defendant guilty of assault and battery, and Mr. Gunther, I am gonna give you two days in the slammer. Because you've got to learn, that this is not funny, no matter what you think of the man's musical talent!

Trekkie & Bull:

Arthur Thursby: You're insane!
Harry Stone: They called me mad at the university!

Harry:

Bull: What is it, Dirk?
Dirk: Prisoner's manifest. Oh, I took Grayson down to Women's detention.
Bull: WOMEN'S detention?
Harry: Dirk, Grayson's a man.
Dirk: No. There was a dress.
Bull: It was a man wearing a dress.
Harry: Didn't you notice the mustache, and three day's growth?
Dirk: Well, I thought she was rather...severe looking.
Bull: Where is he now?
Dirk: Right below us, room 1706.
Harry: 1706? Isn't that where they do the...
Woman: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Bull: Strip search.

Man: "Invading people's privacy, that's what's indecent."

Dan: (to Angela)"You're with them?"
Angela: ("Yes".)
Dan: "You don't wear..."
Angela: "A thing."

Phil Sanders:
[suggesting a slogan for Dan's mayoral campaign] The Big Apple needs a worm like Fielding!

Harry: "Memories are all I have of my mom..."

Harry: "It's a wrap... Court adjourned."

(Last lines of the series.)
Norm: (to Bull)"So, will you come?"
Bull: "Ohh-kay."
(Bull and the two aliens vanish).

Dan: "Well, wounds of the heart take time to heal."

Harry: "...I never should've taken this job!"

Harry: "Life would have been a lot better if I had not come here."

Alt. Harry: "I have a guardian angel?"

Alt. Dan: "God, I love this job."

Herb: "This is Fielding's court."

Alt. Roz: "Your Honor, I live in an apartment building filled with good, hardworking people. People who take pride in themselves and their home."

Alt. Harry: "I want to go back!"

Harry: "Life is good."

[during a Christmas episode, Harry happens to look outside of his chambers, and sees a reindeer in the hallway]
Harry Stone: [running back into chambers] Everyone, come quick, you have to see this!
[everyone runs out into the hallway. Selma is standing where the reindeer was]
Bull Shannon: It's Selma!
Harry Stone: Selma, did you see that?
Selma Hacker: I saw it, all right.
[she begins to walk away. Everyone runs to where she was standing]
Selma Hacker: If you think I'm cleaning that up, you're out of your mind.