Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: "Don't Step on the Ducks."

So they enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity
chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly man. He chains them together for eternity as well.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks. Then one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid her eyes on ... very tan, muscular and sexy. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

Thought you all would get a kick out of that one :) :lol:

**moo, who doesn't step on ducks**

LOL :rotflmao:

would you look at that? A DUCK! (By the way, go to Washington DC, they have tons of them! :D)

http://www.jonh.net/~jonh/photos/small/saf-duck-duck-duck.jpg

:lol: LOL!

:lol: I have a joke too!!

There was this kid who saw a green mountain bike in the store. He wanted it SO bad, but is mother wouldn't get it for him. When they got home from the store, the kid began to cry. His mom said "Go upstairs and write a letter to God".

The kid said "Ok" and marched upstairs still crying. He started a letter to God saying

"Dear God.........if you get me that bike I will be good for a year"

Then he said "wait I can't be good for that long.." and he ripped up the letter. He started another one saying "Dear God.. if you get me the bike, I will be good for a 6 months" He ripped up his letter and said "I can't do that either"

So what he did was he snatched up his statue of the Mother Mary and tied it in a box and buried it in his closet. His next letter stated-

"Dear God...if you ever want to see your mother again, you'll get me that bike!!!" :D

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

WOW!:eek: Moo, that joke was going around my school when I was back in the fourth grade and I haven't heard it since. It's gets funnier every time! I think I'll tell it at school tomorrow;):lol:

Karli, :lol: :happyface :lol:





ks

LOL! :lol: :lol: I never heard either of those!!!! ahahaha

Funny! :lol: :lol: :lol:

here's one
A nun was waiting on a bus to take her back to the convent.
3 men were in line ahead of her. One man said I'm going to town A there are only 5 Christians there. A second man said I'm going to town B there are only 3 Christians there. The third man said I
going to town C there is only 1 Christian there.
The nun replied,"You all should go to Hell there is 0 Christians there."

:rotflmao: :lol: :rotflmao: :lol: :rotflmao: :lol:

LOL These are great!:lol: :lol: :happyface

Originally posted by julian bozo
here's one
A nun was waiting on a bus to take her back to the convent.
3 men were in line ahead of her. One man said I'm going to town A there are only 5 Christians there. A second man said I'm going to town B there are only 3 Christians there. The third man said I
going to town C there is only 1 Christian there.
The nun replied,"You all should go to Hell there is 0 Christians there." LOL! that one is funny! :lol:

____________________________________________

Here's one...(another duck one)

The Duck

A man walks into a bar with a metal box under one arm and a duck under the other. The man walks up to the bar and asks the bar tender "if you give me a free bottle of beer I'll show you my dancing duck". The barman is surprised, but gives the guy a bud and asks the bloke to show him the duck dancing. So the guy puts the metal box on the bar, and stands the duck on top of it. A few seconds later the duck starts to jump around, as if he's doing an Irish jig.

Everyone in the bar is now watching this duck dancing, and the barman offers the guy $50 for the duck and the box. The bloke accepts, and the pub is filled day and night for 3 days with people watching the amazing dancing duck.

So 3 days after he sold the barman the duck, the guy walks back in to the pub and sees his duck dancing on the box on top of the bar. The barman sees the guy and offers him a bottle of bud on the house. As he gives the guy the bud, the barman asks, "could you tell me how you stop the duck from dancing on top of the box?" The man replies, "Oh that's easy, you just take the hot coals out."

LOL! :lol:

Heres another 1

This kid had to memorize the first four letters of the alphabet for homework. When he got home he asked his mom what the first letter was. She didn't hear him cause she was talking on the phone and she said "Shut up!" Then he went to his sister and she had headphones on listening to music. He asked her what the second letter of the alphabet was and she sang "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Then he went to his brother and he was watching Superman on TV. He asked him what the third letter of the alphabet was and he said "Superman!" Then he went to his dad who was taking the trash out and he asked him what the fourth letter of the was. He said "In the garbage, in the garbage....."

The next day at school his teacher asked him what the first letter of the alphabet was and he's like "Shut up" and the teacher's like "Do you want to be sent to the pricipal's office?" and he's like "Yeah, yeah, yeah" so he's sent to the principal's office. The principal says "What's your name?" and he's like "Superman!" and the principal's like "Where's your homework?" and he's like "In the garbage, in the garbage."

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
LOL! that one is funny! :lol:

____________________________________________

Here's one...(another duck one)

The Duck

A man walks into a bar with a metal box under one arm and a duck under the other. The man walks up to the bar and asks the bar tender "if you give me a free bottle of beer I'll show you my dancing duck". The barman is surprised, but gives the guy a bud and asks the bloke to show him the duck dancing. So the guy puts the metal box on the bar, and stands the duck on top of it. A few seconds later the duck starts to jump around, as if he's doing an Irish jig.

Everyone in the bar is now watching this duck dancing, and the barman offers the guy $50 for the duck and the box. The bloke accepts, and the pub is filled day and night for 3 days with people watching the amazing dancing duck.

So 3 days after he sold the barman the duck, the guy walks back in to the pub and sees his duck dancing on the box on top of the bar. The barman sees the guy and offers him a bottle of bud on the house. As he gives the guy the bud, the barman asks, "could you tell me how you stop the duck from dancing on top of the box?" The man replies, "Oh that's easy, you just take the hot coals out."
:rotflmao:

Originally posted by goddess936
Heres another 1

This kid had to memorize the first four letters of the alphabet for homework. When he got home he asked his mom what the first letter was. She didn't hear him cause she was talking on the phone and she said "Shut up!" Then he went to his sister and she had headphones on listening to music. He asked her what the second letter of the alphabet was and she sang "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Then he went to his brother and he was watching Superman on TV. He asked him what the third letter of the alphabet was and he said "Superman!" Then he went to his dad who was taking the trash out and he asked him what the fourth letter of the was. He said "In the garbage, in the garbage....."

The next day at school his teacher asked him what the first letter of the alphabet was and he's like "Shut up" and the teacher's like "Do you want to be sent to the pricipal's office?" and he's like "Yeah, yeah, yeah" so he's sent to the principal's office. The principal says "What's your name?" and he's like "Superman!" and the principal's like "Where's your homework?" and he's like "In the garbage, in the garbage." Oh geez! I haven't heard that joke since the third grade! LOL! :rotflmao:

SUPERMAN! SHUT UP! YEAH YEAH YEAH......haha!

:lol: :rotflmao: :lol: :rotflmao: i love these!!! :lol:

:lol: :rotflmao: :lol: :lol: :rotflmao: I am Loving all of these!!!
OK, I got another one.


Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

LOL these are funnay...

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
Oh geez! I haven't heard that joke since the third grade! LOL! :rotflmao:

ME EITHER!!!! :rotflmao:

Originally posted by EricMatthews
:lol: :rotflmao: :lol: :lol: :rotflmao: I am Loving all of these!!!
OK, I got another one.


Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," said his mom, "Of course not."

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" LOL! :lol:

A game.... is that what you call it? I've always thought it was.....

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
A game.... is that what you call it? I've always thought it was.....

:lol:

:rotflmao: O god...these r HILARIOUS!! Ok...I would post one here...but it is rather...um...foul, so...if u want it...e-mail or IM me. Some of u might have already heard it...from me in a chat room...it is pretty nastay...u have been warned...